"Milord, you can go to sleep now. I will be here and watch her ladyship." O'Brien said.
Robert looked up from his book. He was sitting next to Cora, who was finally sleeping peacefully. Her fever had broken, she was still wheezing, but it seemed as it was easier for her to breath. "Thank you, O'Brien, but I will stay with her tonight. I will ring when we need something. Can you ask Bates to bring my pyjama?"
He knew he could get them himself, but he did not want to leave Cora alone and this way Bates would see, he was trying. He had not said it with that many words, but Robert knew he was disappointed in him. God, he was disappointed in himself too, he did not understand why he let it go that far. He looked at Cora, he was so lucky she said yes, all these years back. She gave him three beautiful daughters, but most off all she gave him unconditional love. From day one, she had loved him with everything she had. He shivered thinking of the day he had to tell her what happened, he had promised Bates he was going to tell her. Bates had said: "She will, for sure, never forgive you, if she finds it out herself." Robert knew he was right, although he was not sure if Cora was going to forgive him at all.
Too many people knew. He could trust Anna and Bates, but he did not know if Jane told other members of the staff. Mrs. Hughes knew, although, Bates was not going to tell her why Jane needed to be let go, he knew Mrs. Hughes was a smart woman. But also Mrs. Hughes would never tell a soul about this. Not even to Carson. He flinched; Carson would hand in his notice if he would ever find out. The moment Cora was well enough he would tell her, he had too.
There was a soft knock and Bates stepped inside, with his pyjama and robe. "Mrs. Patmore gave this for her ladyship and there is also a cup for you. It is ginger tea for her ladyship and earl grey for you. But I think I will take her ladyships cup down again." He looked over at the sleeping figure of Cora. It was a relief he could report downstairs that she was a lot calmer.
"Just leave them both, thank you." Robert took the tray and put it down. "I will see you in the morning."
Bates said goodnight and left the room. Robert changed into his pyjama. Cora stirred, but only turned on her side. Robert decided to let her sleep, he drank his own tea and read some more in his book.
"We should tell lady Sybil not to go into her mother's room tomorrow morning." Bates started when he met Anna downstairs.
"Why? What happened?"
"His lordship is spending the night in her ladyships' room." Bates said.
"Ah, I see. And they really need alone time. Is her ladyship better?"
Bates shook his head. "She is breathing easier, I think she is not critical anymore, but she has a long way to go, I am afraid."
Anna raised her hand to his cheek. "You worry about her, do you?"
Bates rested his hand on Anna's. Her warm skin against his skin was nice.
"Do you think he will tell her?" Anna looked around, to see if they were still alone.
Bates now kissed Anna's hand. "He has too, there is no other option. Can you imagine living with that guilt?"
"Do not let this get to you to much, it is not your responsibility. I will go up to Lady Mary and tell her that his lordship is staying with her ladyship tonight."
'You made a mistake by staying with Cora. You could have had this.' Jane opened her blouse. Robert saw her bare skin underneath. Her body was that of a young woman still. 'No, no, no I cannot do this. No, No, No.'
"Robert?" sounded exceptionally soft in the dark room. The fire had gone out long ago. "Robert?" Sounded again. Soft fingers stroking his hair. A familiar feeling. The fingers lowered to his neck. "Robert." Once again, his name was spoken. This time Robert recognized his name. He moved, but his neck and back were stiff and hurt him. Slowly he got up. He was still in Cora's room, but he had fallen asleep with his upper body on the bed. Lying in a very strange position.
"Come lay next to me, this is not comfortable for you." Cora's voice sounded again.
Robert shook his head, why was Jane still in his dreams.
"Do not be foolish, please lay next to me."
It was only now that Robert noticed that Cora was speaking a full sentence without gasping for air. "Are you sure?" Should he tell her now? Was this the right moment? Would there ever be a 'right' moment?
Cora pulled the duvet down on his side of the bed and padded the matrass. "Before you lay down, can you bring me some water?"
"I can go down and make some tea?"
"Water is fine." She gave him a soft smile.
Robert noticed Cora's eyes were closing again, he saw her fighting to keep them open. He got up quickly and got back with a glass of water. He helped her up to drink. Her slender figure was easy for him to lift up. He laid her back down and got in on his side of the bed. He scooted closer to Cora, who immediately turned on her side and laid against his chest. The familiar feeling of her little puffs of air against his chest was soothing. The unruly feeling, he had over the last days calmed down. His Cora was going to survive this horrible sickness. This was not the moment to tell her, tomorrow, maybe tomorrow, were the last thoughts he had before falling in a peaceful sleep.