Chapter 35

Trying to Understand

Kelsey

The drama has kicked into high gear. Bella, the emotionally manipulative bitch she is managed to see Jacob as he was convalescing from his injuries. I refuse to feel bad about them, by the way. And then she broke his heart again for the hundredth or so time. Or so that's what Paul tells me when he picks me up that Tuesday.

"He's driving me crazy."

"I'm sorry." I take his hand, smoothing my thumb over his knuckles. He smiles as he turns to me.

"Thanks. What do you want to do today?"

"We could go to the beach."

"Sounds good to me."

Paul watches me disconnect from my pump, a strange look on his face. I raise my eyebrow, prepping to quiz him on it, but he just shakes his head and smiles at me. Weird.

"Does that hurt?" he asks as I reconnect it an hour later to take a quick spurt of insulin.

"What? Connecting and disconnecting the pump?"

"Yeah."

"No, not really. The needle that connects the tubing to the site isn't in the skin."

Paul surprises me on Wednesday by taking me up to Port Angeles, to a bowling alley. I laugh as soon as I see where we are. I am not good at bowling. Like, at all.

"I'm just warning you, I suck at this."

"You're not the only one. But it's fun, right?"

"Yeah." I lean over the console to kiss his cheek.

We grab food and talk and laugh like normal teenagers while we eat. I still can't help but be amazed at just how many soft pretzels Paul manages to eat. He smirks at me, looking extremely cute with cinnamon sugar on his nose.

"You have a little something..." I lean forward, wiping the cinnamon off with a finger and then replace the finger with my lips.

"Thanks." he smiles at me, his whole face lighting up.

Bowling with Paul is really fun. He's much better at me, easily winning both matches, but we laugh at each other when we fail. Paul is an aggressive bowler, cursing occasionally at the pins if they refuse to fall. It's hilarious to watch.

I wake on Thursday with a pounding headache, thanks to my pump site getting ripped out while I slept. I hadn't noticed until now. I change the site, then text Paul, canceling the plans we'd made. Squeezing my eyes tightly closed, I try to work up the energy to go get some Ibuprofen. Damn diabetes.

The headache doesn't abate throughout the morning. Dad does come downstairs to check on me before going to work; thankfully bringing the painkillers with him. He offers to stay home, but I tell him I'll be fine. He hesitates, deliberating, then nods and leaves.

I'm surprised by a call from Paul. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay." I know he can tell I'm lying; my voice is tight with pain.

"I'm coming over. Do you have a spare key somewhere?"

"No. I can let you in. But I won't be good company."

"I don't care about that. I'm on my way. Do you want me to get anything?"

"I'm okay."

"Okay. Be there in twenty."

He arrives in ten. As soon as he sees me, he pulls me into a tight embrace, running his fingers through my hair. "Hey, baby. How are you feeling?"

"Like someone's driving a knife into my head." I moan, letting my eyes close.

"Why don't we get you back to bed?" He picks me up, letting my head rest against his shoulder.

"Thank you." I whisper as he heads down the stairs.

"Don't thank me." He presses his lips to my hair.

He lowers me gently to the bed, stroking my hair back from my forehead. He presses his lips to my forehead, and seemingly satisfied, he stands back up. I reach out to him.

"Stay?"

"Of course, baby."

He squeezes into the bed next to me, allowing me to roll into his embrace. "Sleep. I'll be here when you wake."

Dad arrives sometime later. I'm surprised when he doesn't immediately lay into Paul. Instead, he moves to my side.

"How are you feeling, Kels?"

"Better. What time is it?"

"Almost seven. You eaten today?"

"Yeah." Paul had made me eat a sandwich and drink juice a couple times when my sugar dipped. I don't remember these episodes clearly, but I do remember him kissing my forehead periodically. Presumably to check for fever.

"Do you want some toast or something?" I feel for Dad. Even after living with me for over a year now, he doesn't deal well with sickness.

"Please."

"Okay. Paul, a word?"

Paul kisses my forehead again, then gently shifts me, careful not to jar my head, until he can climb out from next to me. He adjusts the blankets, smoothing them over me before following Dad out of the room.

Paul returns a few minutes later carrying a plate with two pieces of toast. He sits on the bed next to me and I lean into his shoulder.

"You want me to dose you?" he asks, turning to press his lips to my forehead.

"Yeah. 37 carbs."

Paul hits the required buttons on the pump before turning it towards me to double check. I nod and he hits the button to deliver the bolus.

"What did Dad want?"

"To warn me that if I ever hurt you, he can make me disappear." Paul smirks, pressing his lips to my temple again. "I told him he didn't have to worry."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I could never hurt you." He smiles softly. "Now eat before you go low."

I finish up the toast and the glass of water Paul insists I drink, then lay back down, burying my face into his neck.

"Still don't feel well?"

"I'm better."

"Glad to hear it." He presses his lips to the top of my head.

"Hey, Paul?"

"Yeah, Kelsey?"

"I love you."

"I love you too." I fall asleep to the soothing feeling of Paul running his fingers through my hair.

I feel better when I wake the next morning. Paul has left, and I feel a rush of disappointment. It was nice to lay there in his arms.

I take a long shower, and when I get out, I see a text from Paul. "Hey, baby. How are you feeling this morning?"

I smile as I type back. "Hey, Paul. I'm feeling good this morning. Wanna try to have a picnic while it's not raining?"

"Sounds good. I'll see you soon. Love you."

Paul surprises me with Subway and a caramel apple latte. We eat at a park about half a mile from my house. Paul had forgone the picnic table in favor of the old-fashioned blanket in the grass. We eat and laugh and enjoy being in each other's company.

"Whatcha staring at?" I follow Paul's gaze to the swing set.

"When Paige and I were little, we used to beg Mom and my father to take us up here to play. We used to have swinging contests. You know, who could swing higher, who could jump the farthest, that kind of thing."

"Wanna try?" I grin, hopping to my feet. "I used to do those with some friends from elementary school."

"Why not? Though not the jumping off the swing thing."

"Agreed. Last time I tried that, I broke my arm in two places."

"Okay, then definitely no jumping off the swings."

Paul and I play like little kids. We try to outswing each other, then Paul does his best to impress me by sliding down the slide forward, backward and on his stomach. I manage to impress him on the monkey bars.

"This was fun." I say on the walk back to my house.

"Yeah. It was." Paul tucks me into his side.

I glance up to the starry sky. "The sky is beautiful tonight."

"Yes, it is." When I look over, Paul is staring at me. I laugh, then lean my head against his arm. "You know, we could never see the stars in Phoenix. I love looking at them now."

"Yeah?" Paul takes my hand, squeezing lightly.

"Yeah. Billy Black taught me some of the constellations."

"Which ones?"

"The basics. Cassiopeia, the Big and Little Dipper, Hercules. Those."

"You and Billy close?"

"Yeah. Growing up, he was the only diabetic role model I had. When I was thirteen, I went through this phase where all I wanted was to be normal. I didn't want to take insulin or check my blood sugar or count carbs. Billy set me straight real quick." I smile at the memory. "He actually showed up in Phoenix to yell at me."

"I didn't know Billy was diabetic."

"Yeah. That's why he's in the wheelchair. Diabetic neuropathy. He can't feel his legs anymore. He had constant high blood sugar as a kid. By the time he got serious about his diabetes in his thirties, it was too late. And then Mrs. Black died, which pushed diabetes to the backseat for Billy. He got a handle on it when he was about 45. He once told me that it's easier to keep tight control than to lose control and try to regain it."

"Wise words." I can see that Paul's already going to the worst-case scenarios regarding my diabetes.

"Yeah. Paul, I'm not saying that complications can't happen to me. But I have tools that Billy didn't have as a kid. I have a pump and the Dexcom. Insulins work quicker now. If I do get complications, they won't set in for another twenty years or so. They may not even set in at all; I have pretty good control. Google the Joselyn fifty-year diabetes study."

"The what now?"

"The Joselyn Diabetes Center did a study over fifty years. They monitored patients with type 1 diabetes for complications. Those who had tight control were either complication free or had significantly less complications."

"I'm gonna do some more Googling." Paul pulls me tight into his chest. "I want to understand this."

"You're doing a good job at it." I press my lips to his cheek. "I appreciate that you're willing to learn this stuff."

"Of course." He tightens his grip on me. It hits me suddenly; a way to hopefully ease some of Paul's worry.

"Paul, would you like to follow my Dexcom? Would that help?"

"Yeah. I'd like that."

We set it up before I go inside. I've done this before with Dad, so it's easy for me to set it up for Paul. Once we have that done, I stretch up to kiss him before heading into the house. "I love you." I call over my shoulder, pulling the door closed behind me.

A/n: I'm baaaack! School has prevented me from writing, but I'm on break now, so hopefully I can crank out several chapters. So, I have a question for y'all. I'm considering writing a fic where one of the wolves imprints on a girl in a wheelchair. What do you think? Also, I'm thinking of changing the story title. Any suggesttions? Thanks! If I get to 133 reviews, I'll update for Christmas. Promise this time. Later!

Lauren.

Replies to Reviews:

Twilightfanjm: I'm glad you liked the fluff. That's fun for me to write, and I'm glad it's fun to read. I hope you like this chapter, too. Please review and let me know.

SakuraMix743: I did the same thing when I read the books for the first time. The whole Renesmee thing was definitely a cop out. I'm glad you're liking the story. I hope you like this chapter too. Please review and let me know.

Royan Granger-Nott: I'm so sorry I didn't update. My first semester turned out to be way busier than I thought it would. I'll have to try out that book you recommended. I hope you like this chapter, too; please review and let me know.

Mysteryfan4ever: You're right that Bella and Edward deserve each other. I'm planning on following the plot carefully until after Breaking Dawn. You'll have to wait and see what happens though, LOL. I hope you like this chapter. Please review and let me know.

Tweetz22: If I were you, I'd talk to your doctor about it. OCD is a very misunderstood illness. My room looks like a bomb went off in it most of the time, yet my sympoms are very real. I hope you don't have it, but if you do, there are several resources that can help. Thanks for reading this story. I hope you like this chapter. Please review and let me know.