A/N: Even though this is a direct sequel to my other fic "Us", I chose to split this part off into its own fic because it will have a slightly different feel to it than the previous one (less action, more family focus). That's not to say there won't be any challenges for the characters to overcome.
Hera glanced at the holo image mapping out the terrain surrounding the Ghost. Superimposed on this were first drafts of planting configurations. Hera had been reading up on Myrkr's flora from the data Ahsoka had left her. After sampling some potential crops that grew wild just outside the Ghost and estimating how many seeds there were, she and Chopper made preliminary plans for their farm fields.
Many adjustments later, they finally had three good options. Hera called the rest of the team to weigh in with their thoughts. Several changes later, they finally agreed on the best field layout for their needs.
Then the hard work began.
The first day, everyone helped plow the main field. They used tools that Sabine and Ezra had created days ago out of scrap metal bound to whatever the forest had to offer as handles. They quickly discovered plowing required much more physical strength than anticipated.
Hera was soon banned from taking part, as Kanan was worried she would overexert herself. This led to an argument between her and Kanan about pregnancy, safety, and ability. Kanan offered to take her share of the work, but found that plowing also required the hand-eye coordination that he currently lacked. A few minor injuries later, he reluctantly admitted defeat and went to sit on the cargo bay's ramp as Hera brought a small medpac to him.
Ezra was doing ok, but his progress was slow.
Sabine's was slower.
With a simple hoe tied to him, Chopper proved to be the best at it, just as he said he'd be. Then he stopped suddenly and tipped over. Worried, the Spectres went over to check on the droid. His wheels were clogged with long meadow grasses. He had tripped on a root.
They cleared out his wheels as Sabine stopped to rethink their strategy with Hera. A few innovations later, Sabine and the team had constructed a large rake of hoes with a harness for Chopper. After placing the harness on him, she asked Chopper if he was ready. The droid gave an optimistic affirmative. Sabine stood back as Chopper fired his jet. He aimed to fly just above the ground, parallel to it, while pulling the rake along the soil behind him. The rest of the team cheered him on. It was looking like they could finish the first field by the end of the day after all. Their cheers were cut short when the wood on the harness suddenly lit up in flames from Chopper's jet. With a snap, the harness broke, flinging the droid across the meadow, just barely missing Ezra and Sabine as he crash landed into the ground.
After helping him out of the crater, and putting out the small fire, the Spectres rethought their strategy again.
Deciding that some progress was better than none, Hera had Ezra and Chopper continue to plow the slow way while she and Sabine came up with better tools.
Kanan sat nearby and lifted some of the rough tool designs, feeling along their edges to get a better understanding. He tried to keep up with Sabine's brainstorming, but he didn't have enough of an engineering background to contribute anything useful.
From the field, Chopper grumbled a string of expletives.
Kanan took the opportunity and rose up.
Hera turned to him, "Where are you going?"
"Chopper's tangled in the grass again. I'm going to help."
He felt her hand on his shoulder, "You can help by keeping that scrape on your leg clean. We need to ration our bacta until Zeb comes with a new supply."
"But-"
"I'll free Chopper," Hera told him in a tone that said the matter was finalized.
Kanan sighed and sat back down.
After Hera returned, Sabine and her continued their tool brainstorming session.
Kanan remained seated near the wall of the cargo bay. He hated being useless.
By nightfall, the team still hadn't finished the field. But at least a fair amount of progress had been made by Chopper and Ezra's steady work. A couple more of Sabine's inventions had helped as well.
Hera called everyone inside for the evening.
Kanan followed the group in last. A day of mentally banging his head around ways he could help out had exhausted him. Still, he wasn't about to give in to defeat just yet.
Expecting Hera to be in the galley, Kanan began to head there. Upon hearing her footsteps making their way towards the cockpit instead, Kanan reversed his own direction. When he entered, the pirates' weather broadcast was playing on the comm.
"Still checking on the sky?"
"Can't hurt," she replied, and by her tone Kanan surmised that he had guessed right. She had likely been checking every morning and evening. Kanan had only caught her a couple of times. Even so, she seemed far less obsessed with the activity than when they had first landed here. He took that as a good sign.
"Did you need something, love?"
"Actually, I was wondering if there was something I could do to help you."
At first, Hera assumed this was the start of another overly-protective argument concerning her pregnancy. But then she realized how solemn he had been today, as the rest of them worked. He needed something to do.
Standing up from her chair, Hera turned to him, "I'm going to start on dinner. I could use help with the dishes."
Kanan gave a small smile and followed her out.
The dishes proved to be more of a challenge than he originally thought.
While the bits of dirt and grease could be felt to scrub away, Kanan struggled to find available countertop space in their cramped galley. He accidentally put a clean bowl on top of a plate of raw meat that Hera had sitting next to the stove.
He had trouble judging the angle and flow of water off of the plates. The resulting splashes soaked his shirt and flooded the floor. Hera called for Sabine's help. Kanan protested, insisting he could do it alone.
The final straw came when he placed a clean mug too far along the edge of the countertop. The ceramic tipped and fell, shattering on the ground.
He swore.
Hera banished him from the galley before he could hurt himself on the sharp shards.
Sabine made her way into the galley just as Kanan lumbered out. He entered the lounge where Ezra and Chopper were sitting.
"What happened?" Ezra asked, "We heard a crash."
Kanan took an empty seat and sat down, resting his forehead into his palm, "I broke a mug."
Ezra's preferred brown cup came to mind, "Which one?"
"Hera's favorite one," Kanan said wearily.
Ezra made a wincing face out of sympathy. With Zeb as their only connection to the markets, they were unlikely to get a replacement anytime soon.
Scanning Kanan, Chopper inquired as to why his shirt was wet.
"... I don't want to talk about it."
After remaining awkwardly quiet throughout dinner, Kanan finished early, excused himself, and began to head down the corridor to the cabins.
Hera knew him well enough to know what was coming next. She left her plate half finished and pursued him.
"Hey," she called out, concerned. He didn't respond. Just before he entered his cabin, Hera grabbed his arm, "Kanan," she warned gently, "don't do this again."
He froze but did not turn around. Finally he grumbled, keeping his voice low to prevent the others from hearing, "Hera, I'm useless to you-"
"Stop." She positioned herself to stand in front of him, "You're a part of this family, Kanan. We're not going to throw you out because you can't do certain tasks. Just don't isolate yourself again. Don't create the divide between us again." She placed a warm palm on his chest, "I know you. You're resourceful. You'll find a way to live here even without the Force."
Kanan was at a loss for words. Hera was right on all accounts. Still, he couldn't shake the feeling that he would forever be a burden to her, to them all. He realized he had to do his best not to make that into a self-fulfilling prophecy again. That meant he would need to stay optimistic. Especially now. Even if he currently felt anything but that.
"You know, back then ... " he started, trying to weave in some humor into the conversation to reassure her, "... back before I met you ... had I known that this place and the ysalamiri existed, I would have bought a one way ticket here and lived out my days as a drunken pirate."
Hera smiled, some relief evident in her tone, "I'm glad you didn't." She reached up to kiss him, "I love you. You can have some time to yourself tonight, if you want. But don't let yourself regress."
Kanan nodded.
Accepting his unspoken promise, Hera moved out of his way so he could enter his quarters for the night.
Alone in his room, Kanan's thoughts spun as he continued to search for something useful that he could do. Something within his abilities to help out the team, instead of just leaching food and supplies. Nothing came to his weary mind. Sleep eventually overtook him and carried his worries into his dreams.
From where they sat at the lounge's table, Ezra and Sabine had leaned far to the side to watch Hera catch up with Kanan down the hallway. Chopper discretely rolled to get a better view of the couple as well.
They could hear them talking in low voices, but from this distance, it was hard to make out what was being said.
"Hey, Chop..." Sabine started hesitantly.
Already on it, Chopper warbled, adjusting his audio sensor to hone in on the argument down the hall. Chopper gave a couple of surprised reactions to what he heard, but provided his cohorts no explanation.
Finally Ezra couldn't take it anymore, "Chop, tell us! What are they saying?"
Chopper replied with a vague, dry summary.
Ezra grumbled.
Sabine leaned closer to the droid, keeping her voice low, "Tell us exactly what they're saying."
Chopper complained but finally cooperated with a word-for-word sample; Hera, I'm useless to you.
This tugged at their heartstrings. Ezra and Sabine shared a sympathetic glance.
"I wonder if he'll isolate himself again," Sabine said.
"Hope not." Ezra cringed inwardly at the dark memories. His guilt over Kanan's blindness renewed.
Sabine noticed his reaction, "Hey, don't beat yourself up again. You know it's not your fault," she placed a hand on his shoulder.
Ezra flinched at her touch, "Ow!"
"Wha-?" she removed her hand immediately, bewildered.
He lightly touched the spot on his shoulder, "Sorry ... muscles just sore from today."
Sabine nodded, "Sorry."
Chopper quickly pointed out how Ezra only did a fraction of the work. The droid had accomplished far more than any of them.
"Yeah, I know, but we're not talking about that, Chop."
Oh ... Well, if injuries count towards the current topic's sympathy points ..., Chopper tallied his own, including clogged wheels, partially catching on fire, and the dent to his top from the crater he created. After this, he demanded an apology from Sabine.
The Mandalorian rolled her eyes instead. Then she turned her attention back to the drama down the hall. Spying Kanan entering his room alone, she thought back to their original dilemma, "... I think I have another idea for a tool design that may help."
Chopper and Ezra gave an appreciative "Thanks" to her at the same time.
Sabine looked between them, "Not you. I meant for Kanan."
The conversation had ended as soon as Hera rejoined the three. From there, the topic changed several times throughout the night. Hera's mind was elsewhere through most of it as she ate the rest of her meal methodically, preoccupied with Kanan's well being. She turned in early to her own cabin, leaving the rest to gossip. They finally called it when Ezra began nodding off.
Sabine awoke the next morning thinking about her and Ezra's conversations. As she donned her day clothes, she glanced up at her top bunk. It had been days since he moved out, but she still missed having him as a roommate. Not that their late night lounge chats didn't suffice. In fact, they had been the perfect replacement after he had moved back into his old room.
It was nice, having a friend to talk things over with.
The only drag was that Chopper usually hung out with them now, causing Sabine to limit the amount of personal past experiences she shared. She got the feeling Ezra was doing the same to avoid being ridiculed by the droid. They mostly discussed farming techniques and plow designs instead. Ezra was quickly picking up a few engineering concepts with her guidance. Sabine was learning more about the Force through his experience with it. And how much he missed it.
Though he hadn't explicitly said so, Sabine was beginning to suspect that his bouts of moodiness were mostly due to being cut off from the Force.
Turning to glance at her door, Sabine imagined where Ezra was at this moment.
She got up and donned on her day clothes. Perhaps a morning spar would cheer him up. He always seemed to be in the mood to try to best her. And even though he never won, his attitude over his losses had improved over the last couple of days. Maybe the excitement of exploring their small corner of this new planet and seeing Hera's plans come to life had invigorated him as much as it had her.
Sabine exited her cabin and knocked on his door, thinking up a witty introduction to the day while she waited for him to answer. When there were no hints that he was on his way, she knocked on the door a little louder and called to him to wake up.
Still no answer.
Annoyance began to turn into worry. She banged on the door as loud as she could.
Chopper rolled by, asking what her problem was.
She turned to the droid, "Chop, has Ezra already gotten up for the day?"
The droid confirmed that he hadn't seen nor heard Ezra exit his room yet.
Sabine mentally ran through her options as she tried to assess whether Ezra was in danger. Destroying the lock with her blaster would likely be overkill. Especially if it wasn't an emergency.
"Go get Hera." she heard herself telling the droid.
Chopper obeyed and soon Hera appeared, "What's the matter?"
Sabine felt a little silly under Hera's concerned gaze. If her real mother had been here, she would have surely chided her daughter for overreacting. Still, Sabine couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, "Ezra's not answering."
Hera held her chin in contemplation, then offered, "He could still be asleep."
Chopper took the opportunity to insert a sassy comment about her method of trying to wake him.
Sabine ran with it, "Chopper's right, I don't think Ezra can sleep through that much noise."
Just then, a sleepy Kanan exited his own cabin, "What's going on?"
"See? Not even Kanan can sleep through that much noise."
Hera sighed, "Alright, I'll override the lock." she entered her code into the door. A click later, it opened.
The room was dark and quiet. Sabine could just barely make out a lump in the covers on the top bunk.
"Ezra," Hera called out. When he didn't answer, she called louder, "Ezra!"
Suddenly the young Jedi sat up, confused and alarmed. "Wha-?" He fought to regain consciousness. Turning towards the bright light outside his door, Ezra made out the dark fuzzy images of his 4 friends. "What?" He asked again, more coherently.
Hera strode over, and placed a hand on his forehead, "You don't feel sick." she assessed, "Are you alright?"
Ezra took a moment to process this, glancing curiously at Kanan, Chopper, Sabine, and Hera in his room, "... yeah ... just tired."
Sabine felt relief, and more than a little foolish for thinking he was in danger.
With his worn out arms supporting him, Ezra tried to adjust to a more comfortable position. But the action caused him to find more stiffness instead, "Ow!"
"What's wrong?" Hera asked.
Ezra held his arm, "just sore."
Hera nodded, understanding, "I think you overworked yourself yesterday. Take it easy today. Sleep in."
"Mmm," Ezra agreed, already laying back down.
Hera felt his forehead again. Still no sign of a fever, but she decided it might be best to keep him hydrated anyway, "I'll get you some water."
"I'll get it," Sabine volunteered, feeling obligated to make it up to her and Ezra. She brought him some breakfast as well.
"Thanks," he said sleepily to her as he sat up and ate.
Once they were satisfied that he wasn't in danger, Hera and the others left to start their day.
Sabine stayed with him, attempting to continue their conversations from last night. But it quickly became apparent that Ezra was not awake enough for chit chat. After he was done with his meal, Sabine offered to take his bowl to the galley and let him rest.
Ezra was already laying down as he thanked her. He fell back asleep before she was out the door.
Finding the others gathered in the cargo bay, Sabine realized, disappointingly, there would be no spar for her today.
Breathing in the fresh morning air wafting from the open cargo bay door, she realized that at least she could implement some of her new ideas today. Starting with the tool that might help Kanan dig alongside the others.
Once she had the basic frame built, it was time for a fitting. Kanan was very open and even grateful to the idea at first. But after a few fittings, and refittings, his optimism waned. And so did Sabine's. The frame was meant to prevent him from falling as he went along the uneven terrain. Instead it hindered his movements, and made plowing even more infeasible.
Eventually, they both decided to give up and announce it a bust.
Kanan thanked her for her thoughtfulness, and went to sit back down by the cargo bay's entrance.
Sabine was frustrated it didn't pan out. But there was no use in continuing. The design was obviously flawed. She'd have to start from the ground up, and currently, she was out of ideas.
Chopper plowed on by them and contributed with a snide solution of his own: Just replace his legs with droid wheels and a sensor chassis.
Sabine shook her head.
Kanan listened to Hera and Sabine discuss what to do next. With the newest cultivation invention on Chopper, the field was almost completely plowed. Sabine offered to take over Ezra's part, while Hera tended to tapping the olbio trees for sap to feed their indoor ysalamiri.
Once again, there was nothing Kanan could help with. He felt the tug of hopelessness spawn from his uselessness. It started to drag him down to a place he had been before. One he knew better than to go down again. Last night had been filled with dark dreams. The same ones that had plagued him shortly after he first became blind. He had promised Hera that he wouldn't retreat into isolation again. That had truly made him a burden. He would find a way to contribute. But with the Force being available his whole life up until now, it was hard to see how he would overcome this handicap.
Suddenly his hand felt hot. He lifted it up from where it rested on the edge of the cargo bay ramp. It immediately felt cooler. Cautiously placing his hand back where it was, he experimented, feeling the hidden edge where heated metal abruptly met cold at an odd angle on the flat ramp.
The sunlight and a shadow.
Holding his hand out again, he felt it warm in the sunshine. Kanan stood up, off the ramp, and wandered down a ways until he could feel his head and chest heated by the invisible rays.
When he felt warm all the way down to his boots, he sat down in the meadow grasses, head lifted towards the sun. Kanan breathed in the fresh air, and began his meditation routine. It was different, without the Force, but he went through the steps anyway. The familiar practice still comforted him.
Surrounded by the peaceful sounds of the forest and warmed by the sun, his dark thoughts slowly faded.
Sometime much later, a whoop and yell from his teammates woke him out of his daydreams and broke his concentration on his idle grass blade weaving. Kanan stood and strained to hear whether Hera and the others were in danger or cheering.
"We did it!" he heard Hera say.
Sabine laughed with her.
Chopper corrected them, I did most of it.
Kanan carefully made his way closer to them. When he sensed he was near enough for them to hear him, he asked, "Is it finished?"
"Yes, love," Hera's wonderful, joy-filled voice replied, "The plowing is done!"
Kanan was more engaged at dinner than he had been the day before. Hera was pleased and a little relieved.
Ezra joined them, having finally woken up sometime around lunch. The younger Jedi had spent the day in his night clothes, massaging sore muscles, and satisfying his rumbling stomach with whatever he could find in the galley. He was still hungry by dinner time. Sabine teased him about eating more than a pregnant lady.
Chopper teased him for being human, complete with a flawed muscular system. Then the droid recounted how many more square meters he finished today while Ezra was slowly recharging.
Ezra jokingly challenged back that he'd do twice as much planting once his muscles healed.
Even Kanan joined in with a light jab of his own. This made Hera smile.
After the cleanup of dinner, Hera found that Kanan had disappeared from the lounge. A brief search found him sitting alone in the dark cargo bay. The large door was open, letting in the fresh air and symphony of Myrkr's night creatures. Kanan was seated in his usual meditation pose.
Hera quietly released her breath. She realized he wasn't completely back to normal. It would take time for him to accept his disability again. Plus the loss of the Force. But at least he was making progress.
In the darkness, her eye caught the twin shadows of the oblong fruit that she had been inspecting earlier that afternoon. Hesitating only for a moment, she snatched the uncut one from where it rested on top of a container. As much as she hated interrupting Kanan's meditation, she didn't want to leave him alone for another night. This had to end at some point, or else it might turn into what it did last time.
She sat down next to him as he acknowledged her presence with a turn of his head.
"I have something to show you," she told him, "Here, hold out your hand."
He did so and she placed the fruit into his palm. Kanan rolled the rounded spear-shaped fruit in his hands, feeling its texture.
"This feels like a larger version of that ... whatever that plant was called."
Hera nodded, "I've learned that the original samples I picked for us to try were under ripe. This is the size of the fruit once it has properly ripened. I've washed this one. Go ahead, give it a try."
Remembering that the tough skin didn't taste that great, Kanan took a bite to remove the rind, then tried the seedy fruit. He raised his eyebrows, "It's much sweeter. Almost tastes like a meiloorun fruit."
Hera chuckled, "Nothing's as good as meiloorun. But it is much better than the first samples I collected."
Kanan hummed an agreement, "So, we're going to plant enough of these to feed us for a year?"
"Actually, a bit more than that. Quite a bit more."
Kanan raised an eyebrow, "Do we have enough storage to do that?"
The change in her breathing told him she was embarrassed to admit this next part, "I've been thinking ... if Zeb is going to meet with us every month or so, then he could carry back some of the harvest."
"To the rebellion," Kanan realized.
"Yes."
He smiled proudly, "I knew you'd find some way to help out."
"It's only a small part."
"Feeding a rebellion is just as important as helping to lead one," he reassured before she could belittle the idea further. He took another bite of the fruit before holding it up in the way he used to examine something closely, "What is this called again?"
Hera smirked, "Chopper can pronounce the official name. Since I trip over my tongue trying to say it, I've decided to rename this plant red verbaska, after the Ryloth fruit that's similar in taste and texture."
"Let me guess what color this one is."
"The ripe pods in the middle are red. The outer leaves are green. And of course, it looks nothing like the real verbaska on Ryloth."
"I like the name. You're good with naming things. Maybe you should be the one to name our child."
Hera's eyebrow raised along with a wry smile, "You're not getting out of helping me with that. I haven't a clue what to name him or her."
The truth was, neither did Kanan. He knew it was common to name children after great mentors and ancestors. Kanan never knew his parents' names. He had plenty of Jedi masters, but naming their child after one of those fallen members did not sit easy with him. "Well, we can always ask Zeb for ideas."
Hera smiled and shook her head, "I appreciate Zeb's offer, but my first preference is to not name my child after Lasat historical figures."
Kanan had to agree, and he took the opportunity to jokingly try to get out of the responsibility, "See? I knew you'd be great at naming."
Hera chuckled and took a bite of the fruit herself after he handed it back to her.
They sat in comfortable silence for a moment, listening to the night creatures chirp and sing.
"So, when are you going to bed?" Hera asked him.
"In a bit. I wanted to breath in the fresh air a little more."
Hera hummed an acknowledgment, hiding her disappointment. She had planned on walking hand-in-hand with him back to their bunk. But he needed more time. Realizing that her presence was interrupting his meditation and healing, she rose up and began to head towards the ladder instead.
"Make sure to leave the door unlocked for me," Kanan said over his shoulder.
Hera stopped suddenly and turned back around. A small smile formed on her face, "Will do, love."
Ezra, Sabine, and Chopper were chatting in the lounge long after Kanan and Hera left.
"So, with all that sleep, are you going to stay awake all night now?" Sabine teased.
Ezra mulled it over for a second, "Mmm, no. Although I do feel more refreshed, the idea of even more sleep still sounds appealing."
"Wow, you must have really over-exerted yourself yesterday."
"Yeah," Ezra sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. It turned into kneading out the stiffness there, "And most of my muscles could still use a massage."
Sabine huffed and took a long sip of her water, trying to wash away that image.
Ezra was innocently unaware of how his idle comment was interpreted by her. He continued onto another topic, "So, how'd that new frame idea work out for Kanan today?"
Chopper cut in with a response before Sabine finished her sip.
"Yeah," Sabine agreed with the droid, "It was a total flop."
"I'm sorry." Ezra commiserated, "I was really hoping that would work for him."
"Me too. But it doesn't really matter now. We're done with the field. Now the planting begins."
The young Jedi hummed an acknowledgment, "Right, and how many are we planting again?"
Chopper recounted exactly how many seeds they'd be sowing.
Ezra tried to do the rough math in his head, "That seems like ... way more than we'd need."
"It is," Sabine was pleased that his math skills had improved considerably, "Hera's planning on giving the surplus to support the rebellion."
"Oh? How is she going to get it to them?"
"Using Zeb and the Phantom."
Ezra tried to picture Zeb squished in the Phantom II with plants on all sides. He grinned, "Does Zeb know he's going to be the courier of a whole bunch of fruit?"
Sabine smiled mischievously, "If he doesn't yet, he will the next time he visits."
Chopper added a sassy remark.
All three of them snickered at Zeb's expense.
Ezra drank the last of his water and poked disinterestedly at the last morsel of food on his plate, "I can't wait to eat more fruit than meat."
"Hey," Sabine mocked punching his shoulder, "I thought you were finally warming up to slimy deer."
Ezra groaned at the memory of his crash course in butchering, "Can we please stop calling it that?"
"Nope."
A/N: Life is becoming a bit more time-consuming than I anticipated. Updates will be slow as I take care of things irl, working on this fic as I can. I really do want to finish this, as I've got some great ideas on where to go from here. But you know, real life takes priority. Thanks for all your comments and support.