Tick, tick, tick... the clock in the corner of my room seems to get louder and louder by the second. I know I should get up and turn it off - of course, it's not a real clock, and I can turn it off if I find the remote - but part of me just can't get up. I think I'm trying to convince myself that the ticking of the clock is keeping my thoughts at bay. That's a lie, though. My mind is moving at a million miles an hour, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
I can still hear Damien's words from the interview. The words that sealed our fates. If he weren't making eyes at my sister, his younger brother would be... Damien has set the two strongest tributes in the Arena after us, and Simon won't be there to protect us anymore. We're on our own now.
I bury my face in my pillow. How could Damien have done something so stupid? After everything I did to give us every possible advantage, he's squandered it all. I burned bridges with Casper and Colby just so Sienna could stay with our group, just so Clay wouldn't leave and so Damien would have another ally. I worked to appease Simon so that he would forgive Damien for everything he's done, and I did everything I could to prop him up to the audience in our interview. And it was all for nothing.
Is there anything else I can do? No, I'm trapped... If only I hadn't tried to turn Sienna against Colby. We could have jumped ship and joined them. Now, we're trapped with our brothers; if Sienna and I abandon them now, there's no way we can survive in the Arena on our own. For a split second, I consider the possibility of joining forces with Lindsay, but I know that it's far too late for that, not to mention that our problem of surviving the Arena still wouldn't be solved.
I feel trapped in indecision. In my heart, I know that I need to get as far away from Damien as possible, and yet I can't. If I leave Damien's side, he could do something impulsive and get himself killed. He's my brother; I can't just leave him behind, even if it'll cost my own life. I just can't.
The urge to talk to Damien takes over me. For a second, I hesitate - Damien may be sleeping, and tomorrow is a big day. Still, my legs carry me to the edge of my room. It doesn't matter if Damien is asleep. This is my last chance to talk to him and put everything between us to rest. If I don't act now, it could be too late.
The carpeted hallways muffle my footsteps as I sneak down the hallway to Damien's room. He's just on the other side of the hall, but I hesitate outside his door. Will Simon hear if I try to knock on Damien's door? I decide to try the handle, and the door slides open.
"Damien," I hiss into the dark room. Damien's body is lying flat in the bed, but he sits up with a jump at the sound of my voice.
"Luna?" my brother whispers. "What the hell are you doing in here?"
"We need to talk," I say, closing the door behind me and flicking the lights on. Damien groans, shielding his eyes and flopping back into bed.
"This can't wait?" Damien sighs. "You're acting crazy."
"No, it can't," I insist, sitting in a chair by the door. "We're going into the Arena tomorrow, Damien. This is the last chance we're gonna get to talk before everything goes down."
"Okay," Damien sighs. "Well, make it quick. We need to sleep, Luna, come on."
"Oh, so now we're following Simon's advice," I say, raising my eyebrows.
"Shut up, Luna," Damien snaps, more offended than I was expecting. "Is that what you came here to say? To rub it in my face?"
"No," I sigh. "We need to talk about everything between us. We've been putting it off, but I think we both just need to get everything out in the open. Unless you want all of our personal drama aired out for the nation to see."
"Oh," Damien says, finally sitting up to face me. "Well, there's not much to say, Luna. We were mistreated in that house, and I couldn't take it so I left. You just let dad walk all over you like you were nothing, and I don't respect that. What else is there to say?"
"You don't see the full consequences of your actions," I tell him. "Everything you do, everything you have done, reflects on me. Because of what you pulled tonight, Simon isn't going to be supporting me in the Arena either. When you left us behind, I was fourteen, Damien. How was I supposed to know what to do with my future? Dad needed our help, and you left him. I had no choice but to stay."
"Dad didn't need shit," Damien scoffs. "He's a liar, Luna. Do you really think that he was so depressed for two years that he couldn't work to feed us? We got him the meds he needed - I had to put in extra tesserae for it - and still nothing."
I can't stop tears from spilling from my eyes; all of this is bringing back memories that I wish i could leave behind forever. "What was I going to do? Tell him he was lying?" I cry.
"No, but you could've left like I did. Dad needed a wake-up call, and he never got it because you enabled him."
"Don't tell me that working at that power plant for three years was enabling him, Damien..." I growl.
"It was," Damien says with a shrug. "And that's why I won't forgive you for what you did. I left, and I gave us a chance to start fresh, Luna. You had to drop out of school because of what happened, and I had my name in the Reaping bowl so many times that it should've been no surprise that we ended up here. All for what? We could've started all over again, and you chose him over me."
I can feel my face getting hot. He's right. Have I just been enabling my father this time? Have I been living a miserable life for the last two years when I could've had the relationship with my brother that I craved the whole time?
Tears start to stream down my face. "All you do is think of yourself," I choke out. "You left us, and now you're making it seem like it's my fault."
"You let me leave you," my brother corrects me with a shrug. "And you're the one who brought it up."
I don't see Damien at all in the morning. I'm woken up bright and early by Laurentia, but Damien doesn't show up for breakfast. Who knows if he's even welcome there with Simon at the head of the table. Simon accompanies me to the stylists while Laurentia retrieves Damien from his room.
"This is it, Luna," Simon says matter-of-factly. "I'm not going to see you after this, so don't forget everything I've told you. I'm only allowed to accompany one of you to the Arena... it's too late to switch now."
I already know what Simon means - we already discussed the fact that he would be leading Damien to the entrance of the Arena instead of me. Damien needs all the time with Simon he can get. The only issue is that Simon hates Damien now, and the feeling is probably mutual.
"Lavinia will be with you right before you enter the Arena," Simon informs me, leading me down another long hallway.
I sigh at this news. My passive-aggressive stylist is the last person I want to bring me to the Arena. She couldn't care less about me, that much is obvious.
"Simon, I can't-" I say, peering into his eyes as he turns around to face me. "Please, send me with anybody else," I beg him before I have time to stop myself. "Can't Laurentia be with me?"
Simon pauses for a moment. "I'll see what I can do," he sighs. "No promises."
"Thank you," I say, making the impulsive decision to wrap my arms around the older man in a hug. "And I'm sorry about everything with Damien. I tried my hardest to keep him under control, really."
"It's alright, Luna," Simon says, the whisper of a smile on his face. "I know that you tried. I can't hold everything he does against you... if this is the last time we speak, just know that I'll be rooting for both of you, all of that other stuff aside. It's my job. I let my emotions get the best of me yesterday and I said some things I regret, but you are both still my tributes. Still, I'm sure you know that if Damien continues his behavior, I will be cutting ties with him. My life is on the line here."
"Understood," I nod. Tears well up in my eyes - I thought that we would be on our own in the Arena, but Simon hasn't given up on us yet. "I won't let you down."
"Good," Simon says with a small smile. "Now get in there. I'll have a talk with Laurentia."
I wave goodbye to my mentor as I enter Lavinia's studio.
"Oh, Luna," Lavinia calls from across the room. "Have a seat, dear. We have some work to do..."
Lavinia sets her assistants upon me to do my hair, but only a few minutes later, she sends them away, unhappy with their work.
"People can't seem to do anything around here," she sighs, twisting a few strands of my hair into a small braid. It doesn't seem like Lavinia's doing much either, but I don't tell her this - all she does is leave a small braid at the front of my hair, and she doesn't touch much else. I slip into my outfit for the Arena, which I'm pretty sure is the same for everybody; Lavinia watches me proudly as if I'm putting on one of her finest designs.
The outfit I'm put in is pretty simple. I'm dressed in a short-sleeved shirt with a gray rain jacket; the jacket has a large number 5 on the back. I slip into hiking boots and some thin pants with pockets running all down the sides. Nothing about the outfit indicates anything special about the Arena - who knows what could be waiting for me.
Lavinia leads me to the door of the studio. "Alright, off to the hovercraft," she says, placing a hand on my back. "Marco, keep the studio from burning down while we're gone!"
Lavinia opens the door to the studio, and we're met by a woman dressed in neon pink.
Lavinia stops in her tracks at the sight of my escort, and I almost walk into her.
"Lavinia," Laurentia says with a curtsy.
Lavinia's face drops a bit, but I can tell that she's faking excitement. "Oh, Laurentia," she says. "A pleasure. Shouldn't you be off with the other escorts?"
"Simon's orders," Laurentia says, matching Lavinia's fake smile. "I'll be taking Luna to the hovercraft."
Lavinia stares at Laurentia; for a minute, I think that she's going to snap at her. Instead, she lifts her hand from my back. "Well," she says airily. "If Simon says so, then that's final. Good luck, Luna."
Lavinia retreats back into her studio, and Laurentia grabs my elbow with a chuckle.
"Oh, that girl," she sighs. "Still the same after all these years."
Laurentia leads me down a long, winding hallway. A metal door sits at the end of the hall, and it leads outside to a launchpad. Laurentia steers me to the entrance of a hovercraft, where some of the other tributes are waiting.
"I'll meet you when we arrive," Laurentia says, kissing me on the cheek and patting me on the shoulder.
A man dressed in white leads me through the small hovercraft to my seat, which is labeled "5F".
"Hold out your arm," he orders, and he sticks a long needle into my arm. I pull my arm back at the sharp pain, but then he's gone, moving on to the next tribute.
Only about half the tributes are here - the others must be on their way. Damien's seat across from me is empty; the "5M" engraved in the seat stares back at me.
Most of the other seats are still empty around me. Not all of them, though. Four rows down from me, I see a boy with striking red hair pulled away from his face. Casper.
I want to call out to Casper so badly; I haven't talked to him since the Individual Assessments, and there's so much I want to ask him. I have to hold myself back, though. I can't speak to Casper now, not here in the open. But will I ever be able to have closure with him? How can I be certain that everything is going according to plan, that Sienna and Colby are an alliance of the past?
Casper glances over at me; he's sitting further into the craft than I am, and the shadows of the hovercraft cover part of his face. I can still make out enough to tell that something's wrong, but there's no way for me to ask. Or is there?
"What?" I mouth to the boy, tilting my head slightly. Casper looks upset, but he just shakes his head at me, turning his gaze to stare at his brother, who's sitting across from him.
A pit starts to form in my stomach. If Casper has something to tell me, I can only assume that it's bad news. Has something gone wrong that I'm unaware of? Does Sienna know that I tried to turn her against Colby?
I clench my fists. We're about to be sent to our deaths; this is the last thing I need right now. Right now, I want to feel like my allies are one hundred percent set, but between Sienna and my brother, I feel the exact opposite.
As if called by my thoughts, Sienna steps into the hovercraft. She follows the man in white for a few painstaking moments... and then, finally, she glances at me. She offers me a smile before being seated two seats away.
"This is it," she whispers to me, wincing as the man injects something into her arm.
"Good luck," I exhale, my fears leaving my body. Everything is going to be alright.
I shake the thought of panic out of my mind; I need to stay focused on what's ahead of us. Whatever Casper wants to tell me, it'll have to wait.
Damien is next to arrive; the last few tributes filter in behind him. He doesn't meet my gaze, instead staring at the ceiling. He has bags under his eyes; he must've not slept. Maybe the conversation we had last night weighed as heavily on him as it did on me...
The hovercraft begins to move with a jump, and then we're off. It seems like only a few minutes before we land, and the hovercraft opens. A swarm of Peacekeepers fills the vehicle, and two of them take each of us from the hovercraft.
Laurentia's waiting for me when the Peacekeepers lead me into my designated room. "Oh, Luna," she sighs, embracing me as the Peacekeepers slam the door. She looks incredibly out of place in this depressing room. It feels like we're in a jail cell.
"This is it, darling," Laurentia sighs. I'm so glad to see her; who knew I would say such a thing about the girl from the Capitol, but she's grown on me. Laurentia is the only one who knows my secret, and she's the only one who really understands me here.
"Now, I'm supposed to give you this," Laurentia says, pressing a small piece of metal into my palm. "You didn't bring anything with you from Five, so this is the standard token."
I look at the gift - it's a small pin in the shape of a lightning bolt. How many people here genuinely think that the power in Five comes from lightning?!
"Thanks, Laurentia," I say, wrapping the woman in another hug. I'm so tightly wound right now that even the neon pink of Laurentia's dress is overwhelming me; I feel like I need to vomit.
"Fifteen seconds," a voice chirps from the corner of the room. I glance up to see a speaker on the wall.
"I'm going to go," I mutter, turning away from Laurentia and her bright colors. I press my hand against the glass tube in front of me, and it automatically slides open.
"Luna," Laurentia calls, and I turn around to face the woman one last time.
"Put on a show," my escort says, wiping tears from her eyes. "Make them remember you. Everyone wants to be entertained, remember that."
"I will," I say, squeezing my eyes shut to stop myself from crying. "Thank you for everything."
The glass tube slides shut around me, and I'm left alone with my thoughts. Somewhere nearby, twenty-three other children are locked away in tubes just like mine.
Damien, Clay, and Sienna. Midas and Trent, Calista and Amanda. Lindsay and Jax from Three. Lily and little Russell from Four. Colby and Casper and all the rest...
The floor begins to rise below me, and a hatch above my head opens, revealing the open sky. This is it... let the Games begin...
A/N - You guys, I had my LAST FINAL EXAM today! I'm a free man!
Hope you enjoy this extra long chapter :) the games will be starting next chapter!
Now that I'm on summer break I'll probably return to my signature posting schedule of three chapters per week, but I'll stick with 2 for now until I've prepared enough of this story to make that possible. Stay tuneddd
~S