I quickly clip Simon's gift on the left side of my chest, mirroring the lightning bolt already fastened on the other side. The cold metal of the pin brushes against my skin, and I can feel the presence of my mentor with me. Simon is out there somewhere watching me in this tree, and he's rooting for me. Somewhere, Laurentia is watching me cry, hoping that I'll be able to make it through this. I have to do this for her.
Still, despite this new burst of determination, I can't convince myself to leave the tree that I've attached myself to. Hunger gnaws at me, but even that isn't enough to get me up. I still haven't seen the Careers today, but I just know that they're out there, waiting for me to take one step away from my hideout before they kill me... just the thought of Trent's arrows makes my heart rate spike.
Above me, the moon flashes red, and I flinch as the world turns crimson around me. I know it's coming: I'm going to have to face my brother again. Not just that, but I'm about to find out if Sienna is really gone for good. I squeeze my fingers into my palms tightly as silence wraps its stifling arms around me.
The sky lights up, and the dreaded words appear. THE FALLEN. It fades slowly, as if taunting me. And then there he is. Damien.
Damien's face flickers in the sky, and his eyes stare down at me. I savor this moment, taking in every detail of his face as he slowly fades away. This might be the last time I ever see his face.
Damien's face slowly dissipates from the sky, and he's replaced by another boy. Clay. Seeing my ally's face feels like a punch in the gut, and I squeeze my eyes shut. What does this mean - did Clay actually betray us, or did the Careers kill him before they reached Damien and me? I don't have any time to think about it before Clay's face fades away. I feel the world slow around me as I prepare to see the face of my best friend. Clay fades away... and the sky darkens. That's the show for tonight.
All the tension leaves my body, and I collapse against my treetop perch, a jumbled mess of nerves. Sienna is okay.
The fact that Sienna is alive raises more questions than it answers. If she survived the night, how was Clay killed?
Only one scenario makes sense in my head, and I force myself to accept it. Clay told me before I went to sleep that he had something to tell Sienna. He must have gone into the woods to tell her - maybe he didn't want to disturb Damien and me as we slept. Sienna and Clay must've been found in the woods by Midas and Trent; the Careers must've killed Clay, and Sienna escaped. That was when the Careers found Damien and me. One question still remains, though: if Sienna escaped from the Careers, why didn't she come back to our camp to warn me?
Who knows. Whatever the case was, Sienna is alive, and she's out there somewhere. I know that somehow, I'll find her eventually. We will be reunited, and we can tackle this Arena together. We have to.
The news of Sienna's survival lifts my spirits, but Damien's face still lingers in my mind. He's really gone for good now. It's been twenty-four hours since he died, and it feels like all of this is going so fast. Damien only died yesterday, and I have no choice but to move on without him.
Night seeps into the grove around me, and my memories of Damien stay with me. Now that he's gone, I regret how I went about everything... I feel like in the end, Damien and I overcame our differences, but I still feel like I never really got the chance to reconcile with my brother. Or, rather, Damien never quite reconciled with me about everything that happened between us.
I don't know. I'm always afraid of doing the wrong thing, and I somehow end up doing the wrong thing every time anyway. Maybe Damien was right about everything - maybe I should have left with him all of those years ago. He was only looking out for me, after all. Regret washes over me as I think of my dead brother. I could have handled everything so differently over all these years, and now there's nothing I can do to make it better. My brother is gone, and there are so many things I wish I said to him.
Somehow, everything always comes back to Damien. Damien, who always had the confidence that I wanted. Damien, who wasn't afraid to speak his mind and didn't care what anyone else thought.
Thinking about my brother makes me realize one important fact: my brother is gone, but I'm still here. Somewhere, I'm sure Damien is watching me, rolling his eyes about the fact that I'm so helpless without him. I did survive two years without him, after all.
What would Damien do if he was in this situation?
He would move forward with a new fire that would carry him all the way to the end of these Games. That's what he would do, because Damien never let anything get in the way of what he wanted to do. And if I want to win these Games, that's what I'll have to do as well.
If Damien isn't able to win these Games, I know that I have to give everything I have to try and do it for him. I need to change my attitude right now if I want to get anywhere in here; already, I've wasted a whole day in this tree when I could be collecting food.
Damien always knew what he wanted, and he did whatever it took to get there. When he wanted to put himself in the spotlight, he quarreled with the most dangerous tributes to get himself there; if I want to make it out of here, I have to borrow from my brother's confidence. I know that I have to convince myself that I can do this. Equipped with that power, I'll be unstoppable.