As soon as the sun rises in the morning, I head out. Before I leave, I take one last sip from the river and one last look at the lake. My duck companions never returned after the crabs attacked, and now I'm the last to leave this place.
I left here once before already, and when we left the river that first time, Damien killed a boy. I hope I won't be forced to do the same. I sigh, turning away from the lake and heading out into the Arena.
I have no idea where I'm going, but I know what I need to do: find Sienna, whatever it takes. The problem is, I have no idea where she could possibly be.
My best bet is to check by our old camp, but my fear of the Careers keeps me from that direction. Plus, I justify to myself, Sienna probably left that old site just like I did if she actually was around there. Maybe she left the river; I decide to head away from the river and deeper into the grove.
I trek through the grove all morning, but I see no signs of my friend; after three hours, I step on a thorn and fall to the ground. Cursing, I rip the thorn from my foot, and I decide that I need to take a break.
I lean against a tree, sweat trickling down my neck as the sun shines down on me. I try to think from Sienna's perspective - if I was Sienna, where would I be - but I come up with nothing. Sienna could be anywhere in this Arena. It's been days since I last saw her. Searching for her in this massive grove is like searching for a needle in a haystack.
My bleeding foot throbs as I hold it, and I wince from the pain. If only I had brought my shoes with me all those nights ago... I know I couldn't have had time to grab anything, but I still wish I would have kept something. I've been left with nothing, and I'm starting to lose the hope that I just managed to build.
If I can't find Sienna, there's no way I can survive in this Arena. That much is certain. I can't keep doing this alone; sure, I've survived this long on my own, but I can only last so long before the Careers find me. Sienna will know what to do; there has to be some way that we can outlast the Careers. I just can't think of it on my own.
I sniff, pushing the pain from my foot away. I stand, limping a bit as I make my way through the grove once again. I scan through the trees for Sienna's signature brown hair, but my friend is nowhere to be seen. This is completely pointless. I'm more likely to run into Colby or the Careers than I am to see Sienna again.
What little hope I had left trickles away as the day begins to fade in its last few hours. I don't know what I was thinking before, but there is no way I can survive these Games. I've been so distracted over the last few days simply trying to survive that I didn't see the bigger picture; with the exception of twelve-year-old Russell, I'm probably the weakest person in this Arena. Even with Sienna by my side, I have no shot. When it comes down to it, I can't fight to save my life, and I'm barely able to survive on my own as it is.
Just thinking about the other tributes is draining. What am I even doing all of this for? I'm stuck here in the middle of the forest, suffering every day while I'm watched by a million cameras, and for what? For the Capitol's entertainment? They don't think I'm going to win this, I know they don't. I'm starting to believe it too. It's over.
If only I had been able to save Damien... he'd know what to do. Despite all of our fighting, all of the differences between us that made it so difficult to overcome, Damien is still my brother, and he was always the one with the answers. If only he had been the one to live and not me... at least one of us would have had a chance of making it out of here. Now, it's set in stone: one of the Careers will return home a hero, and the rest of us will be left behind forever.
My face burns at the prospect. Around me, light begins to fade from the Arena. I can't believe that after all this time, after Damien fought so hard to put Midas in his place, that these Games will end so predictably, as if nothing that led up to it even mattered. It didn't matter how much Clay or Damien trained, or how close my friendship was with Sienna. It was always bound to end this way... it was all for nothing.
Maybe I should have just died in the Bloodbath and gotten it over with. All the suffering I've endured for days is nothing compared to the painful realization that all of it was for nothing. I would've been better off just dying on that first day... At least I wouldn't have had to watch my own brother be stabbed to death.
Finally, darkness takes hold over the Arena, and silence surrounds me. By now, the silence feels comforting in a way. In the silence of the night, there's nothing for me to do but hide in the treetops. I don't have to worry about finding Sienna in the night, because that would be practically impossible. I don't have to worry about this mess that I've found myself in.
The Arena closes around me for the night; I crawl into a tree, bracing myself for another hellish day in this prison.
A/N - This chapter is a bit of a mess but so is Luna at this point in the Games so I hope it fits the tone lol better stuff is coming soon I promise!
Also, a little something I learned in psychology that may apply to Luna:
Learned Helplessness - The passive resignation produced by repeated exposure to negative events that are perceived to be unavoidable; people with learned helplessness believe that failure is inevitable even if a solution is present, because they have failed repeatedly in the past. Something to think about ;)