The night rolled in as comfortably as all her relatives drew the day to a close in their big rooms, behind their pretty magical doors. She grimaced at the bad taste forming in her mouth as she approached her bedroom door -well -the nursery. This was meant to simply be a pitstop, not permanent residence.
Her mother had tried to make the best of a bad situation, upon returning to the nursery on that night, Julieta declared that a redecoration was in order, the walls could have been any colour Mirabel wished, and she would have the final say in what furniture would be moved in. Looking back, Julieta was merely trying to stay afloat. Abuela had argued that it made no sense, Julieta would counteract that this room would be Mirabel's gift, something good needed to come of the day, Mirabel deserved to experience just a fraction of what she had been promised - in this case - it would be in the form of her own space.
Antonio's arrival had been a guttural punch to her heart. It was no longer her sanctuary of solitude, she didn't get that privilege anymore. She had decided his moving in was painful, but she would be lying if she said she didn't enjoy his company. Antonio's endless questions and childlike curiosity kept her mind straying to the bad stuff, nurturing him and watching him grow in confidence, it felt like she was making progress, even if it was not her progress to make.
That was, until he left. The room was quiet, and the vibrant colours all over her room no longer seemed so bright. She was alone - Casita had made that clear.
The nursery, that was the second small fire that was burning in the home. The candle was a given, and everyone was in awe of it. But this one, this fire nobody was aware of. It was the mile high flames that blocked the exit and kept her inside. It was the smoke that fogged her mind and blurred her vision, its capacity was so small yet so threatening. It never spread - nothing of course would ever touch her relatives.
She longed for the clear skies her family so enjoyed. What she would give to be able to see a future, to know her place. This smoke, this fire, it arrested her. Stuck in the same place as her 5 year old self.
"Mirabel?" A voice hissed behind the door, accompanied by a gentle knock. Mirabel shot up, and stayed sat on the bed. 2am, why would anyone be knocking at this hour?
She stayed quiet, hoping that for whatever it was, might not require her. She carefully listened for distancing footsteps, but had no such luck.
"Mirabel?" The voice hissed again. "I can hear you rolling your eyes." Mirabel grumbled, dragging her feet to open the door.
"Dolores." She said matter-of-factly, the woman was in her pyjamas, her eyes wide with interest - it was at this moment that Mirabel decided, nothing in the world should ever require this kind of alertness at 2am. "What'chya doing?" Narrowing her eyes a little, she joked, "Tryna hear my thoughts?"
"Of sorts" The joke fell flat. Dolores invited herself in, leaving Mirabel bewildered at the door.
"Well by all means, come in Dolores!" She exclaimed in a hush tone sarcastically.
"You're not speaking to Julieta?" She asked concernedly. The mood dropped instantly.
"I-" Mirabel stammered "We had a conversation this morning.."
"But you didn't tell her what was bothering you?" Dolores frowned.
"There isn't anyt-"
"Don't lie to me, Mirabel Madrigal" Dolores urged. "I hear you crying in your room, the things you say to yourself, how you go up and down the staircase every single-"
"Okay!" Mirabel surrendered, waving her hands frantically in Dolores' face. "Okay I get it."
They fell into a silence, one that Mirabel was in no rush to dig themselves out of. Her eyes darted around her room, taking a small enjoyment in how grainy objects looked in the dark. She was grateful, though. The little bit of light the nursery currently offered was more than enough for Mirabel to make out the worry in Dolores face. Seeing it clearly, well, the nursery would implode and there would be no trace of her but scorch marks. Her heart was suffering enough as it was. This, whatever this was, was easier to deal with when confined to just her. Yes, Mirabel was envious of her family, and at times, she resented them. Still, she made it a personal goal to minimise the casualties. Just as she belonged in the nursery, her feelings belonged to her.
Hearing a sharp intake of breath, Mirabel cringed inwardly as she readied herself for whatever Dolores would say next. A soft voice was carried through the flames that was engulfing Mirabel.
"I'm worried, Mirabel. I minded my business, I thought you'd confide in your parents." She sighed heavily, struggling to find words "After today... well I need to be here."
"Okay." Mirabel's eyes dropped to the floor. Guilty knowledge has this effect, from this moment on Dolores was essentially her accomplice. "There's nothing to tell, I just get a little sad." She shrugged. It was a poor attempt - granted - but she had to try.
Dolores stared back at her, dismayed. "Julieta would want to know how you spend almost every night."
"She wouldn't" Mirabel shook her head adamantly, a certainty present in her tone that had not existed in the conversation until now.
"Why?" Dolores tilted her head slightly, and stepped closer to Mirabel. "She loves you more than anything-"
"- I know. " Mirabel interrupted. "It would break her heart"
Dolores looked at Mirabel sadly, she pondered over telling Mirabel what she knew - that being, the full extent to Julieta's recent anxiety over her daughters wellbeing. She decided against it, she feared it would only push Mirabel further from her mother.
"You can talk to me." Dolores offered. Mirabel stayed silent, her brows furrowed as she mulled over the proposal.
"Thanks, you know maybe I'll take you up on that sometime, it's really late..." She had endured this for as long as she could muster, now she wanted out.
"Right.." Dolores hesitated. "Of course. I'll leave you be." She headed to the door, and gave a small smile to her younger cousin. "We can talk to tomorrow, get some sleep."