Ch 1: A Rude Awakening
Alex had woken up earlier than usual that morning and could instantly tell that things were off. Maybe it was the way the cool breeze blew through the room despite him shutting his windows the night before, or the way the hot sun shone on his skin when it was supposed to be the middle of winter. Or maybe it was the way his bed creaked underneath him when he could've sworn he'd swapped out his shitty mattress for one without springs.
Normally, he wouldn't have noticed small details like that, but his mattress had also been unusually hard that morning, keeping him from dozing off again. He shifted in place, trying to find a more comfortable position, cringing as each little movement triggered another creak.
Eventually, he sat up in bed, sighing in defeat, blinking softly as his eyes slowly adjusted to the light.
Uh… what?
He rubbed his eyes, making sure it wasn't his blurry vision playing tricks on him, then looked again.
Nothing changed.
Whereas he'd been expecting to find the familiar faded grey walls of his room, he instead found himself in what looked to be some sort of run-down shack. One he definitely would have remembered crashing out in the night before.
Alex became fully alert. Had he been kidnapped? He'd promised himself he'd never touch alcohol again, not after the potato party incident, so there was no way this was the result of some drunken one-night stand. Not that he'd ever had any luck with girls anyway.
"What the hell?" he said, then paused, raising a hand to his throat. His voice sounded different. Sorta raspy, like his throat was dry, but he didn't feel thirsty. Shit, shit, shit! He'd definitely been drugged, hadn't he?
Panicking, he threw off the bed sheets, rushing to get to his feet. As he did, something pulled tight around his legs— Chains!— causing him to awkwardly smack into a nearby clothes drawer before crashing face-first to the floor.
"Guh!" he groaned, more from shock than actual pain. The fall hadn't actually hurt, surprisingly. He pushed himself up and found, thankfully, that he wasn't chained down, and his legs had just gotten tangled up in some sort of fuzzy rope. He sighed in relief.
Then he realized the rope was sticking out of his ass.
What? It almost looked like... a tail? Just what the hell was going on?
He looked himself over, eyes widening further. He was… shorter. No, not just short. Midget-sized, with stubby little arms and legs. His clothing was different too, consisting of a stained blue gi, red wrist and ankle bands, a fading white belt, and worn-out shoes with his toes sticking out from under the toe cap, all of which looked like it hadn't been washed in months.
As his brain struggled to keep up, a nearby plink rang out before something rolled into view. A small orb a brilliant shade of orange and about the size of one too, with four red shimmering stars adorning its surface.
No way. That's…
A dragon ball. There was no way he wouldn't recognize it. The dragon balls were some of the most iconic objects in all of fiction. Even people who didn't watch anime would be likely to recognize one. However, recognizing and believing were two different things.
Most shocking of all though, was the face staring back at him in the ball's reflection.
Childish features, black eyes, and stupidly spiky hair.
A face that wasn't his, but still very familiar.
"G-Goku!?" he gasped in that same altered voice from earlier. Goku's voice. Or that of his kid version anyway(1).
And just like that, everything clicked.
His shoulders slumped, and he let out an incredulous chuckle.
You cannot be fucking serious…
He… he'd been… isek—
He smothered the thought.
Hah, as if. This is all just some really weird dream, he told himself. A weirdly realistic dream. One where he was more self-aware than he ever remembered being in one. Dreams, even the craziest ones, always felt natural at the time. It wasn't until the dream was over that you realized just how strange it really was. Maybe this is what they call lucid dreaming?
Anxiety gnawed at him. His mind— the filthy traitor— whispered that he was just fooling himself, hiding away from the obvious to preserve his own peace of mind.
Well, his mind could be pretty unreliable at times. Still…
Only one way to know for sure. He stood and dusted himself off, raised one arm, and slapped himself.
"Yowch!" Alex yelped, cradling his now throbbing cheek. Yeesh. He'd been expecting some pain, but it felt like he'd nearly torn his own face off. He hadn't even slapped himself that hard.
Then he realized. He was in pain. Very real pain. And the shock hadn't woken him up. Which meant… this wasn't a dream. It was real. All of it. He suddenly felt cold.
Despite all logic, as insane as it sounded, Alex had somehow ended up in the Dragon Ball universe, and as Goku no less.
He wanted to scream. How? And why him? This sort of thing only happened in anime and fanfiction of mildly questionable quality! It wasn't supposed to happen to real people!
He felt the room spin.
Calm down, Alex, he told himself, taking a deep breath and leaning back against the bed to settle his trembling knees. Panicking isn't going to help. Think.
He massaged his temples and wracked his brain, trying to remember something, anything that could give him some clues about how he ended up in this situation. His memories of the previous day were a bit fuzzy, but he couldn't remember anything out of the ordinary happening. He'd gotten up, gone to school, then returned home to play video games for the rest of the afternoon before calling it a night. A pretty standard day for him, all things considered.
And definitely nothing supernatural had occured. No magical portals opening up. No mystical deity telling him he was the chosen one. Not even some random truck spawning out of nowhere and hitting him. Nothing. He'd just gone to sleep then woken up here.
At least I didn't have to die to get here, he thought, wryly. Unless I died in my sleep?
He surveyed his surroundings. Just like the clothing he— Goku, was wearing, the small shack hadn't been very well-maintained. Dust coated every surface and cobwebs clung to corners. The property was pretty sparse too when it came to belongings and furniture. Aside from the bed, the only other things in the room were a small wooden table, a drawer, some cushions, and a pile of cleaning supplies that clearly hadn't seen much use.
Alright, so, and I can't believe I'm actually having this train of thought, but if I really am in Goku's body, then this place can only be his and Grandpa Gohan's shared home on Mt. Paozu. Or what was left of it, anyway. Given the shack's state, it was obvious that Goku's adoptive grandfather had been dead for some time now. It would explain why Goku's clothes were so dirty too. Alex seriously doubted the saiyan was the type to help out around the house.
Well, at least he knew where he was now. The problem was figuring out when. Given that Goku was still living here and that he still had the four-star ball in his possession, Alex had clearly ended up at some point before the start of the series. Aside from that, he had nothing to go on. He had no clue how long it would take for Bulma to show up looking for the ball. It could be today or it could be three weeks from now. Or longer. Which meant that for the time being, he would be left to fend for himself.
He rubbed his arms, staring out into the empty room. Through the large open windows at the sides of the shack he could see miles and miles of forested mountains all around, but no signs of any other human life, and it finally sank in just how alone he really was in this situation.
Maybe it would have been better if Grandpa Gohan was still kicking. Alex wasn't sure how their meeting would have gone, what with his sudden personality shift and obvious lack of fighting skills, but at least there would have been someone Alex could rely on.
His stomach growled, and he placed a hand on it, just now noticing how hungry he was. It felt like he hadn't eaten in days. If this was what a normal saiyan appetite was like then it was no wonder they loved eating so much! He groaned pitifully. Alone, confused, and hungry. Could this get any worse?
"What do I do?" he whispered, slumping down onto the mattress. He felt overwhelmed. The initial shock had mostly faded by now, leaving behind a cold pit of helplessness.
His stomach growled again. And the hunger.
The dragon ball still lay on the floor, near the foot of the drawer, which had a small purple cushion laid on top. Must've rolled off when I smacked into it, he thought.
Alex stared into the ball dejectedly. Goku stared back, just as morose. That face was a representation of his entire predicament, and yet, Alex found himself feeling nostalgic. Old memories resurfaced. Memories from an easier, simpler time. Memories of sitting in front of the TV every Saturday morning, glued to the edge of his seat as he watched a fully-grown Goku battle to defend the Earth, always triumphing over seemingly impossible odds.
Alex felt resolve stir within him. That's right! It wasn't like he'd been dumped here as just anybody. He was Son Goku of all people now. One of the strongest characters in all of fiction! Even as a child, he'd already been a monster. And all that potential belonged to Alex now. So why the hell was he wasting time moping and feeling sorry for himself? He clenched a childish fist, one that held more power than he'd ever had in his life. He wasn't helpless.
Standing up straight, a burning sense of determination coursed through him, something he hadn't felt for a long time, even before his current situation. He scooped up the four-star ball and placed it back on the cushion, the expression reflecting in the ball now a lot more confident.
He turned towards the entrance of the hut. Two blue wooden doors stood there, serving as the only barrier between him and the dangers of the Dragon Ball world. They were also the only barrier between him and something to eat. If he was going to survive out here, then his first order of business would be finding something to fill his stomach. Everything else he would worry about after.
He made his way over to the doors, then stopped. In the corner of his eye, hidden between brooms and other cleaning supplies, lay a long wooden sheath. And sticking out from the top of the sheath was a sliver of red.
He grinned. No, he wasn't helpless. He even had a weapon now too, and when it came to weapons in Dragon Ball you couldn't do much better than the power pole.
A few minutes later, Alex was sprinting down the mountainside, the power pole slung firmly across his back. He'd headed off the main road, and was now leaping over whatever rocks and logs were in his way as he enjoyed the feeling of his new body.
Hah! This is actually pretty neat, he thought. He'd never been the outdoorsy type. In his previous life, he had spent most of his free time cooped up in his room, watching anime and playing video games. If he'd known just how addicting the rush of wind blowing against his face could be, maybe he would've put more effort into staying in shape. He vaulted over another log, easily crossing several feet before landing again, laughing. This new body was quick and powerful, and he felt like he could do anything. Even as he ran barefoot across the rough terrain— the poor condition of his shoes had made running in them awkward— he hardly even felt the pinpricks of sharp twigs and rocks against his tough saiyan skin.
His tail was wrapped around his waist, copying the belt-like fashion of other saiyans. When he'd first left the hut, the limb had dragged limply behind him, refusing to work with him. The most he'd managed to get out of it were a few twitches. In the end, he'd tried wrapping it around his waist, and surprisingly, it held, almost as if on instinct. Well, whatever. He'd have plenty of time to get used to the quirks of this new body.
Alex dashed through a row of trees, coming up onto a river. He crouched down near the bank and peered over the edge. Once again, he was met with Goku's face as he stared into the crystal-clear water. Now that was something he'd probably never get used to.
He frowned. Running water's safe to drink, right? The river looked clean enough, but it wasn't like he was some sort of survival expert. Should he worry about parasites or something?
Nearby, a deer emerged from the treeline. Alex watched silently as it approached the edge of the riverbank, bending its neck down low to drink.
Alex shrugged. Screw it, he thought, and began scooping water to his lips.
His stomach grumbled again. The deer perked up in alarm, its beady eyes snapping toward him before it quickly scampered back into the forest. Alex briefly considered chasing after it, but decided it wouldn't be worth the effort. Sure, his newfound speed and power should have made chasing it down and subduing it easy enough, but then what? He didn't know jack about skinning and preparing animal meat, or even how to start a fire. And there was no way in hell he was eating raw meat. He wasn't that desperate yet. Plus, and he knew it sounded stupid, but he really didn't think he had the stomach to kill anything bigger than an insect, fictional world or not.
He stood, wiping his lips. Guess I'm sticking with fruit then. He'd spotted a few bushes during his run, but even with his lack of basic survival knowhow, he knew better than to eat wild berries. He doubted anything out here would be lethal to a saiyan, but he'd rather not add a terrible stomach ache to his troubles. He'd settle for eating something he recognized, like bananas or oranges.
…Or apples, he thought, noticing a large tree with glistening red fruits sitting on a cliff overlooking the river. Bingo.
After searching for a way to get around the river, he quickly made his way to the top of the cliff. He whistled, craning his head up as he took in the sheer size of the tree. It had looked pretty big from afar, but up close it was easily thirty feet tall at least, with a thick trunk and long spindly branches. Definitely a lot bigger than any tree he'd seen back home.
The apples themselves were pretty high up, but some of the lower hanging ones looked like they could be reached if he jumped high enough. He crouched down, tensing his leg muscles, then launched himself up as high as he could, aiming for one of the fruits. Unfortunately, he fell a few feet short of his target and came back down to the ground. His footing was awkward as he landed, and he fell onto his back.
He rubbed his butt and clicked his tongue, looking up the fruits. Thought for sure I'd go a bit higher than that.
He got up and tried again. Then again. And again. Each try ended with him crashing back down empty-handed. He grimaced. For all of its power and speed, this body sure could use some more height.
…Or reach, he realized. Well, now's as good an excuse as any.
Reaching behind himself, he grabbed the protruding end of the power pole and pulled it from its sheath. The lacquered wood felt strong and sturdy given how light it was, and showed no signs of wear despite being who knows how old. That's a magical artifact for ya.
Alex pointed it towards the lowest hanging fruit and licked his lips, clearing his throat. He'd purposefully avoided talking out loud up to this point. The sound of his words coming out in someone else's voice was still unnerving, but he'd be an idiot if he let something as simple as that stop him. So with a confident voice, and a bit of excitement, he shouted, "Power pole, extend!"
Alex waited a few moments, then blinked in confusion. The power pole remained firm in his hands, but had kept its original length. He would have blushed if anyone else was around.
Maybe it doesn't respond to dubisms? Let's try that again. What was it called? …Oh yeah! "Nyoibō, extend!"
Again, nothing happened.
"Alright, what the fuck?" he said. The sound of a prepubescent Goku swearing was strange, and if Alex had been in any other situation he probably would have laughed at the sheer absurdity of it, but for the moment he pushed the thought aside.
He stared at the power pole in frustration. All you had to do was point it in whatever direction and shout a command, right? Was there some other criteria he was missing?
It couldn't be that he had to say the entire phrase in Japanese, right? For a moment he worried about the possibility that everyone in this world only spoke Japanese, and that he wouldn't be able to communicate with people even if he found any.
No, no. It can't be that, he reassured himself. Remember, there were times when Goku used the power pole without even saying anything. It has to be something else.
He pushed the fear to the back of his mind, but it remained there.
With a disappointed sigh, he slid the pole back into its sheath– just another thing he'd have to figure out later– then gazed back toward the tree, thinking about how to get to those apples. Most of them looked ripe and ready to drop. They just needed a little push.
He hummed. Just a push, huh?
He placed his hands against the trunk and began to forcefully shake it back and forth. The tree shook violently and a few apples dropped, thudding as they hit the soft grass. He grinned in victory.
Honestly, I should've just done that from the start, he thought, continuing his actions, as more and more fruits fell around him. Did I ever mention that super strength is amazing?
Eventually, he stepped back, observing his handiwork. The tree had almost been stripped bare of fruit. Considering the fact that Goku was capable of crushing boulders as a kid, it was pretty impressive that the tree hadn't toppled over. Were trees in the Dragon Ball universe just naturally stronger? Meh, anime logic.
He gathered the fruit into a small pile. With his saiyan appetite, he wasn't sure how long they'd keep him satiated, but it was a good start. Satisfied, he slipped the power pole off his back, sheath and all, then leaned back against the tree and began to dig into his little bounty.
As he crunched into the first apple, Alex looked out over the cliff, enjoying his first relative moment of peace since arriving in this new world. He didn't worry about the fact that he was alone out in the wilderness, miles away from civilization or about the uncertainty of the future. All he focused on was the feeling of the soft grass beneath his fingers and the wind whistling in his ears. In the distance, he made out large expanses of mountain and forest, gushing streams, and even what looked like dinosaurs flying in the distant sky. Huh. With all the focus on world-shaking battles, evil aliens, time travel, and whatever the fuck Buu was, he'd forgotten just how weird and wacky normal Earth could be.
Alex tossed away a finished apple core and reached for another fruit.
Alright, enough stalling, he told himself after a short while of tranquility. I need to decide what my next move will be. He hummed in thought. Even if I was able to last on my own out here until Bulma shows, which is already a big if, am I really just gonna let her drag me along on her journey? Did he even have a choice, though? Without Alex's, or rather Goku's strength to help her, Bulma would likely end up getting herself killed on her quest, probably by that blue-imp thing and his henchmen. What was his name again? Pito or something?
Maybe if he had woken up as some lesser side character like Yamcha or Krillin or— he snorted— Hercule, going off and doing his own thing would've been a viable option. But no. Alex just had to replace the most important character in the story, the one guy who would be almost single-handedly responsible for defeating the countless foes that would threaten Earth in the future.
I was a nobody before, and now you're telling me I'm the one who has to save the planet?
Could he do it? Could he really be the savior they needed?
Could he really replace Goku?
He wasn't sure.
A low growl broke him out of his thoughts, and it wasn't his stomach this time. A large tiger-like creature with matted orange fur stalked out from a patch of bushes to his left. Sunlight glinted off two elongated gleaming canines as it prowled toward him, hunched low and ready to pounce.
Alex felt the hair on his body raise in alarm, and he gulped, a half-eaten apple in hand. His instincts screamed at him to run, but the sabertooth was blocking the way down the cliff. The power pole lay sheathed a few feet to his side. He was tempted to dive for it, but was afraid any sudden movements would provoke the beast.
He slowly held his hands up in what he hoped was a calming gesture. It didn't seem to do much as the sabertooth growled, stepping closer. He chuckled nervously. "H-Hey, big guy. Look, I get that you're hungry and all, I really do, but you don't want to eat me. I'm all hardened muscle and sinew, a-and small. Not exactly the most filling meal. You're better off looking elsewhere. I saw a big juicy deer not too long ago you could—"
The beast pounced. Acting on impulse, Alex chucked the half-eaten apple square at the tiger's face, knocking its head to the side. He threw himself to the side as the beast crashed into the tree, grabbing the power pole as he rolled to his feet, then darted down the cliff, but not before throwing a single longing glance toward the barely touched pile of fruit.
He ran through coarse terrain and underbrush, and it wasn't long before he heard a snarl from behind. He risked a backwards glance to see the sabertooth racing after him. He led it through a stretch of forest, hoping the maze of trees would help throw it off his trail. Hopefully, he wouldn't get lost along the way too.
Wait a minute! he realized. Why the hell are you running away? You have super strength, dumbass!
The stretch of forest turned out to be smaller than he'd first thought as he soon emerged onto a small dirt road. He ran along the path for a bit before grinding to a halt, his body thundering with adrenaline as he pulled the power pole from its sheath. He might not be able to use it to its full ability, but a weapon was a weapon. Even with superpowers, he'd prefer to avoid getting up close and personal if he could help it.
A few moments later, the sabertooth burst from the trees. It roared at him, and Alex raised the power pole in challenge. "Alright then, you ugly bastard! If you wanna eat me that badly, then fine! But I'm gonna make you work for it!"
Even as he stood his ground, a bead of sweat ran down his brow. Those were some pretty big teeth, afterall. He shook his head. It'll be fine. You're Goku now.
It lunged at him. Alex raised the staff somewhat awkwardly, holding it like he would a wooden bat, and tanked a swipe against the wood, feeling the power behind the strike even with his enhanced strength. He grit his teeth. If he had been in his old body, the strike would've disarmed him for sure.
The tiger circled around him, trying to find an opening around the staff. Alex blocked another strike and managed a swing into the beast's side, sending it rolling through the dirt with a strangled yelp. It got up, staggering slightly, and growled. Alex could almost sense its frustration. It probably hadn't expected him to put up much of a challenge.
He blocked another swipe, but this time Alex fumbled the angle of his block. The claws slid against the wood, raking his knuckles. He dropped the staff with a hiss, and the beast pounced, one arm outstretched.
Alex's eyes widened in panic before something, maybe instinct, forced him to move. He lifted an arm up, deflecting his opponent's limb in a sad— but effective— imitation of a parry, then forced his palm into the sabertooth's chest, shoving it away before flipping backwards out of reach.
"Woah!" he yelled, then started flailing in the air as he lost his sense of direction. He struck the ground hard, sliding along the road, before getting to his feet, staring at his bloodied knuckles in awe. What the—? I haven't been able to do a flip since elementary. And yet the movement had felt completely natural in the moment. He laughed. That's right. I may not have any proper training, but this body sure as hell does. It must have retained some of Goku's reflexes.
The sabertooth snarled, using one of its hind legs to kick the power pole away, and Alex could see murder in its eyes. This was no longer just about a meal. Now it was personal.
His ears twitched, picking up a slight hum in the distance, but another lunge snapped his attention back to the fight. With a start, he ducked low, pressing his hands into the beast's gut and hoisting it over, but suffered a kick to the face. He tasted blood, and raised a hand to his cheek. Just like with his knuckles, the cuts were shallow, more grazes than anything else, but the fact that he was bleeding at all bothered him. Hadn't Goku already been capable of tanking bullets at this point? He cursed his fuzzy memories of early DB.
He didn't have any time to think before the sabertooth was on him again. What's it going to take for this thing to call it quits and scram? He dove out of the way from another pounce, haphazardly kicked the sabertooth in the leg, then half-scrambled half-dashed for the power pole.
The humming grew louder.
Just as he wrapped his fingers around the pole, the sabertooth crashed into him, pinning him against one of the trees lining the road. However, before it could sink its canines into his neck, Alex managed to lodge the staff between its jaws, under the canines. Saliva dribbled onto his face; he could feel the sabertooth's hot breath as it pushed forward, trying to snap the staff. Claws dug into his shoulder, pressing him against the bark. In turn, Alex pressed a leg into the beast's stomach, pushing it back.
What gives? He thought, struggling to force the tiger back. I should be able to overpower this thing easily.
The humming was almost on top of them now. It sounded like… a car? It was speeding down the road and a few seconds later screeched to a stop. Then, what sounded like a door clicking open and—
BANG!
Something cracked against the tree, ricocheting off and sending a spray of wood chips falling around Alex. Another loud bang, then another before the sabertooth jumped away from Alex, releasing the staff and letting out a pained yowl, fresh blood oozing from its shoulder and thigh. Alex used the opening to swing a heavy fist into its side, feeling bones give under the blow as he sent it tumbling through the dirt, then took a few short hops away. The sabertooth lurched to its feet, staggering from side to side, before another loud bang sent it scurrying away into the forest with a limp.
Alex let out a heavy sigh, his shoulders slumping slightly as he took a few sharp breaths through his nose.
"Hey! Hey, kid!" someone yelled, and he already had a strong idea as to who. "Are you alright?"
Hands landed on his shoulders, spinning him around, and Alex suddenly found himself starting up at Bulma Briefs herself.
"Can you hear me?" she said, her vibrant blue eyes shone with concern as she shook him slightly by the shoulders.
His still thundering heart combined with the overall rollercoaster of emotions he'd gone through that day had him struggling to form words. "I… uh… um…"
Bulma curled a finger to her lips. "Hmm, his injuries seem minor, but he seems to be in shock" she muttered to herself. "He should be fine with some rest, but what's a kid like him doing out here all on his own?"
His stomach growled suddenly, startling her. Alex sucked in a deep breath, preparing to speak. Bulma moved away slightly to give him some space, wearing a reassuring smile.
"Sorry, but, uh… you got any food? I'm starving."
That was the first time Alex had seen someone perform an anime face fault up close.
(1) The voice I'm referring to is Stephanie Nadolny from the funimation dub in case anyone was wondering.
Well, here's my new project, and quite an interesting little idea if I do say so myself! If you're new here, welcome! And if you're coming over from Guardian Angel, then I hope I can continue to keep your interest.
Self-inserts are a dime a dozen with fanfiction. Stories where an established character is replaced are less common, but can still be found. However, I've only ever come across one or two stories where the protagonist themself is replaced. Combine that with a franchise like Dragon Ball where practically every victory hinges on the protagonist's raw power, and replace them with a nerfed version, and I think we've got real potential for some interesting conflict here.
As far as self-inserts go personality-wise, I think I did a good job of characterizing Alex as something more than a hollow shell. I tried to make him somewhat snarky without just being the sarcastic funny man incapable of taking situaitions seriously like I've seen so many other self insert protags fall into. I've got some development planned too, both strength-wise and character-wise.
I also want to apologize in advance for any feat/scaling issues in this story. I'll try my best to stay consistent, but I am by no means an expert powerscaler. I'm writing this under the assumption that Kid Goku canonically used ki to enhance his physical attributes. So while saiyan biology would still make Alex quite a bit stronger than the average adult human, without ki usage he's not going to be crushing boulders or outrunning gunfire right from the get go, and I hope his first taste of combat did a good job of showcasing that.
It's only going to get more difficult from here(for Alex combat-wise and me writing-wise), so why not leave some favs, follows, and reviews to keep us motivated?