A Mother's Thoughts

Summary: Lily watches Harry sleep the night after his birthday and reminisces. Set right after Harry's Birthday.

The night was quiet. The cool nights of August came a day early. There was only an hour left on the last day of July. The only sounds in the house were James snoring, the fan running, and the water dripping in the bathroom. While everyone in the house was sleeping, Lily lay awake. She couldn't think of why she wasn't able to sleep.

They celebrated Harry's sixteenth birthday that day. In a year, he would be seventeen, an adult in the wizarding world. She wasn't ready to let go of her son. If it were up to her, she would keep Harry with her. Lily knew the day was coming when Harry would spread his wings and fly. She would have two more years with Harry at home. Harry was going to wait until he was eighteen to move out.

Harry was already a little independent. He would go wandering off on his own when they went out. He never left the house without taking an emergency portkey with him. Even though Harry was testing his independence, he wanted his mother.

Even at sixteen, he still allowed her hugs and kisses. When he was sick, he wanted her. All he wanted was her comfort, no matter what was wrong. He was still a Mama's boy, and Lily enjoyed every minute of it. Harry used to cling to her, not wanting to let go of her. He would hold her hand like a lifeline. Now, Harry only was clingy to her when he was sick. He will sit with her on the couch.

He still lays his head on her shoulder or in her lap. She would run her fingers through his hair or scratch his back.

Lily sat up, gazing out the window that gave a view of the back of the house.

The sky was clear. The stars were shining brightly, twinkling in the night sky. She could see the Quidditch pitch that James installed the summer after they moved into the house. The tree with Harry's tree house stood tall and proud in the corner of the yard, not cutting off the view of the pitch from an upstairs window. Harry still went up there thanks to some charms James added to hold the weight of the now sixteen-year-old.

Without thinking, she pushed the quilt back and stood up, pulling on her dressing gown and toeing on her slippers. She quietly walked out of her bedroom and down the corridor to Harry's bedroom.

Harry's bedroom door was cracked open. Lily gently pushed open the door, smiling at the sight of her sleeping son. The moonlight shined through the window. The light cast a glow making Harry look paler than he already was.

Harry was lying on his back. His head turned to the side, facing the wall.

Lily watched as his nose twitched. He let out a puff of air, turning his head towards the door. His right arm was slung across his torso. His left hand was slung over his head. The T-shirt rode up, showing a small patch of his belly.

The quilt he slept under was bunched at his waist. Lily knew there was no use in fixing it. At some point in the night, it would be on the floor. This wasn't the first time Lily came into Harry's room in the middle of the night and watched him sleep. Last summer, she watched him sleep until James came and carried her back to bed.

Harry never knew she was there, watching him sleep.

Quietly, Lily pulled out the chair from the desk to the side of Harry's bed and sat down in the chair. She leaned forward, pushing back the stray hair off his forehead.

Her mind wandered back to the day she found out she was pregnant. She was working the dayshift at St. Mungo's when she was over come with nausea. Realizing how active she and James had been, she took a pregnancy test.

Her heart soared when the potion turned pink.

She wanted a baby. They decided to wait until the war was over to start a family. They never decided how many children they wanted to have.

James's reaction was nothing like Lily had imagined. He was excited he was going to be a father. He nearly shouted it from the rooftops. Sirius told her he had announced it big and loud at the Auror office the following morning. He received pats on the back and hearty congratulations.

Lily was lucky that the pregnancy was smooth, but then when the baby started moving and all comfort Lily had in the early months of pregnancy was out the window. James waited on her hand and foot, getting her ice cream at two in the morning, rubbing her feet, and keeping enough treacle tart in the house for her to eat one each hour.

Lily's mind wandered to Harry's birth. He was three days overdue. Lily was ready to pull James's head off. She was a trooper during ten of the twenty hours of labor. For the remaining ten, she sobbed in frustration and whimpered to James that she couldn't take it anymore and couldn't do it. But one hour before he was born, Lily was ready to push. She only pushed for an hour until Harry made his appearance.

The look of pure joy on James's face when the healer announced it's a boy will be forever in her memory.

Her heart swelled when she was handed their baby.

A nine-pound, twenty-two inches long healthy baby boy, he was pink, screaming at the top of his lungs, and the most precious thing Lily laid eyes on.

She will never forget the moment when they handed her Harry. His eyes were open and wide. He looked around at this new world he had just entered. Then he settled on his mother.

James counted ten fingers and ten toes. He was holding him when he inhaled sharply, turning Harry towards Lily.

"He's got your eyes," he breathed. Lily laughed.

"He's got your hair!" pointing to the mop of black hair on his head.

There was a surge of panic as she realized this baby in her arms was her baby. No one will come and get him at the end of the day. He was hers.

Then suddenly, Harry started to cry. Her motherly instincts came to her like second nature. She immediately latched him onto a breast. James watched as Lily went from panic-stricken to knowing what to do.

Many different Order members stopped by to see Lily and Harry the next day. Frank had wheeled down Alice, holding Neville to visit. The boys were a day apart. Alice joked they would be best friends one day. Remus took a picture of James holding Harry and Frank holding Neville. Lily needed to find that picture.

After a while, it was just Remus and Sirius. Even though he had taken pictures the night before, Remus took a few more. He got one of Sirius holding Harry. This time he was looking at the camera instead of down at the baby. Remus even managed to get James attempting to change Harry's nappy. When Lily had the pictures developed, the picture of James and the nappy change quickly became one of her favorites.

James took a few pictures himself. He got one of Remus holding Harry, looking down at the baby and the camera. Of course, there were dozens of pictures of just Harry.

The nappy-changing picture and other pictures Harry deemed embarrassing were missing. Lily knew Harry had hidden the pictures but didn't know where.

She knew she was lucky that Harry was a good baby. He ate well and slept well. In general, he was a happy baby. When they went into hiding and were stuck in the house was when things got rough for James and Lily. Cabin fever settled in. Eventually, they had the yard warded so they could at least go outside for some fresh air.

Sirius would come over to visit when he could. He would chase Harry as Padfoot in the backyard and let Harry chase him. The yard at the house in Godric's Hollow was a postage stamp compared to the size of the one that had now. Harry could build a house back there someday, and there would still be room for more.

Then Halloween came, and Voldemort found them. They still couldn't understand how they survived. Dumbledore provided many theories, but they never concluded anything. Lily would never forget the ten months they spent in St. Mungo's. When they woke up, the first thing they did was get in touch with Dumbledore. They told him Peter was their secret keeper, not Sirius. Then they wanted to know who had Harry.

They were relieved that Sirius had him. During their first visit with Harry, Sirius told them he fought to get guardianship of Harry.

Even though she missed eleven months of Harry's life, she was grateful Harry had someone like Sirius to take care of him. They visited every day when they were in St. Mungo's.

When they went home was when reality came crashing down. They now had Harry back. Sirius lived with them until he found a better place to live. He found a place in one of London's better neighborhoods and moved into the flat the summer Harry turned three.

Lily watched as Harry slept, having shifted to lie on his stomach while her mind was in the past.

She knew she was one of the lucky ones. She had a teenager who didn't cause a lot of trouble. The few neighbors commented on what a sweet, polite, and caring young man Harry was. Lily felt that she and James were doing a great job. Sirius and Remus assured Lily and James that they had done a great job raising Harry.

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

"What are you doing?"

Lily jumped at the voice and turned to find James leaning against the door frame of Harry's door.

"Have a nightmare that Harry moved out or something?" James asked, whispering.

"No, nothing like that," Lily assured him. "Just." She paused for a second before she said, "I can't believe he's sixteen already. Where did the time go?"

James pulled Lily out of the chair. He sat in the armchair in the corner of Harry's room, settling her on his lap.

"I know you are having a hard time with this Lily Flower. But it's not like Harry's leaving the nest tomorrow. He told you many times that he's."

"I'm not moving out until I'm eighteen. I don't think you two would kick me out when I turn seventeen," Harry stated, sitting up.

"How long have you been awake?" Lily demanded.

"Five minutes. I need to use the loo. Be right back."

Harry shuffled sleepily to the bathroom door connected to his room and went in, closing the door behind him.

"He's right, Lily. We wouldn't be that mean and kick him out because he turned seventeen."

Lily silently nodded, knowing that she was just being silly. She knew that there would come a day when Harry moved out of the house permanently. For now, she would enjoy having Harry home with her.

When Harry returned to his bedroom, he asked, "Mum, how long have you been sitting there watching me sleep?"

"Forty-five minutes," Lily answered. "I've spent many nights sitting here watching you sleep when we first moved here."

"I remember you sitting there watching me sleep. That was not too long ago."

"That was last summer," James reminded his son.

"Well, I think we should be getting to bed. It's late."

Before leaving the room, Lily leaned over and kissed Harry's forehead. "Good night, sweetheart."

"Good night, Mum."

James ruffled Harry's bedhead. "Get some sleep, son."

"Good night, Dad."

Returning to their bedroom, Lily crawled into her and James's bed. She laid down, allowing James to pull her close. He wrapped his arms around his wife.

"What are you thinking about, Lily Flower?" he whispered.

"I was thinking about something my mother said when I was growing up. No matter how old you are, you're still your mother's child. It doesn't matter how old Harry gets. He'll still be my baby."

"I know," James said, hoping Lily would go back to sleep.

But Lily lay there for a few minutes, long after James went back to sleep.

"A mother's thoughts can keep you up at night," was the last thing on Lily's mind as she dozed off to sleep.