Where Did My Little Boy Go?

Summary: Lily realizes that Harry is no longer her little boy. Where did her little boy go? He grew up.

There were moments that Lily realized that her son was growing up. To her, time seemed to be flying past her. She felt that life was passing her by and with each passing year, Harry got older and so she. A part of her wanted time to slow down, but Father Time wasn't listening to her. Instead, it seemed that time was going by quickly. She felt that she had blinked and Harry was a baby in her arms, a newborn, and then she blinked and Harry was grown up, almost a man.

She had asked James if he felt that time had passed them and to Lily's surprise, James said it had. It didn't seem possible that they were the parents of a fifteen in a half-year-old. All of her friends had commented on what a good job she and James had done, raising Harry.

"You've raised a wonderful boy," her friend Janice, whom she worked with at St. Mungo's, had told her one day when Harry showed up in the lunch room to bring Lily the lunch she had forgotten.

Another friend of hers, Marcy, who worked alongside her in the potion's lab, told her when Harry had dropped off a change of clothes that she had forgotten to bring with her as she had gone to work in her Healer scrubs and needed clean clothes to change into when she left as she was meeting James for an overnight stay in a London hotel.

"He's such a sweet boy," Marcy had told her when Lily returned from walking with Harry to the floo, giving him last minute instructions as she and James were trusting him to stay home by himself.

Hestia, an old friend who reappeared in Lily's life two years ago, told her within twenty minutes of meeting Harry, "You and James have raised an amazing son."

Molly couldn't help but brag on Harry when she saw Lily. It made her smile to think that she had done a good job raising Harry, despite the difficult times they might have had.

Their neighbor, Mrs. Winston had told Lily one day when she was working in the front garden and the older lady walked over to talk to Lily for a moment told her that Harry was a sweet young man and the kindest teenager she had ever come across.

"Now, if my grandson was anything like Harry…" Lily never did find out what Mrs. Winston had meant by that.

Lily even remembers a time she had visited James at work and someone was bragging on Harry to James.

They turned to James, not realizing Lily was there and said, "You must be so proud of your son."

Lily and James had the same reply to that question. She had mouthed it as James replied, "More than words could say."

That was true. Lily had said that they couldn't have been more proud of Harry.

Even though Lily wished he was going to do something else besides being an Auror, she had promised James she would support Harry's decision.

Some of her friends, who knew Harry's plans, asked her if she was okay with it.

"I'm trying to be okay with it. This is what he wants to do and I'll support him."

Others asked her how she was handling the idea that Harry was turning sixteen.

In a matter of a year, he would be of age, seventeen, in the eyes of the wizarding world, he would be an adult. She didn't want to think about it.

On the eve of Harry's sixteenth birthday found Lily sitting in the armchair watching her son sleep. As she did, scenes from the past few years flashed in her eyes. She said that she wished time would slow down before Harry turned thirteen. How did those three years pass, her so quickly?

More importantly, how did she survive living with a teenager?

Thirteen

Her friends warned of her the wild ride she had in front of her. Raising a teenager was hard, but raising a teenage son was harder. The amount of food they consumed was astonishing, but not so much as the sudden carelessness of whether or not their room was clean. The sudden change in personalities was also surprising, as well as how can one sleep the day away when there were many things that they could be doing.

Lily felt that she was prepared for the teen years, but was she truly ready. Is anyone truly ready?

She thought back to how she was when she turned thirteen. Nothing changed majorly for her. But James…..she felt like she was paying for his raising. Not hers.

Harry had been thirteen for over a month and slowly, but surely, everything her friends warned her about happened. Harry's room looked like a bomb went off, he would sleep all day if Lily would let him, but she makes him get up at nine and he would eat until he is almost sick or was sick.

Even though she was warned about it, it was still a shock.

Harry had just gone up to his room and the house still shook where he slammed the door so hard. Lily didn't think it would be this hard. She sighed and picked up her cup of tea.

"That went well," James commented.

"James," Lily sighed.

"Lily, I thought we agreed to sign his permission slip for Hogsmeade. There will be Aurors patrolling the village and a few of them agreed to keep an eye on Harry. Then suddenly you change your mind and said no he's not going."

"James, it's just that I'm afraid something will happen to him."

"Nothing will happen Lily. Fifty-five Aurors, including myself, will be in the village every Hogsmeade weekend. Everyone knows what Peter looks like as well as his animagus form. Every Auror that will be present will protect our son. They gave me their word. Sirius even agreed to follow Harry in his animagus form if that's what it takes."

Lily nodded mutely. James approached her, wrapping his arms around her.

"He'll be okay. He's been looking forward to this since he found out that he can go to the village in third year."

Lily was quiet for a moment before she asked, "Do you think I should let him go?"

"Yes. We've discussed this. I want Harry to have a normal life as much as we can provide," James whispered, reminding Lily of the main reason James was pushing for Lily to agree to allow Harry to go the Hogsmeade.

James let go of Lily and returned to the table where the Hogsmeade permission form still laid. Lily walked towards the door to the hallway and then turned suddenly. A part of her was still in shock over what Harry said.

"Why don't you lock me in the attic?! Wrap me in wool? I'm sick and tired of being treated differently from everyone else. Sometimes I wished I didn't have an overprotective mother like you!"

"Sign the form," she said. "I'm going to go and talk to Harry."

James nodded and picked up the form, following Lily to the stairs, but heading to his study for a quill. Lily walked upstairs and towards her son's closed door. She knocked once.

"Harry? It's Mum. Can I come in?" she called.

The door opened and Harry walked back to his bed, sitting down on it and watching his mother closely. Lily realized that Harry was sitting on this bed with knees pulled up to his chest and his arms wrapped around them, his chin resting on his knee. It was a tell-tale sign that Harry was upset.

"I'm sorry for what I said to you," Harry said, softly. "I'm just tired of being different from everybody else."

Lily sat down beside him. "Apology is accepted. I know you got angry, but that doesn't excuse the way you talked to me, young man."

She sighed. "I think I also owe you an apology. Your father and I agreed to allow you to go to Hogsmeade."

"Really? I can go?" Harry asked, surprised.

"Yes, you may," Lily said. "Keep in mind that Hogsmeade is a privilege and like your broom, which is staying on the ground for the next three days for the way you talked to me, I can take it away."

"Yes, Ma'am. I'm sorry, Mum."

"You're a teenager now, I was expecting it."

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

That was the first of few arguments she and Harry had had. Some of her friends didn't believe her, but those who truly knew her and Harry did.

She smiled as she watched Harry turn over pushing the blanket he slept under off of him. Lily noticed that like many nights since he turned thirteen, Harry slept shirtless and often in the summer. Lily glanced down her son's body, noticing the changes that have occurred not just over the last three years, but the last few weeks.

She reached out and softly let her finger trail along a light scar on Harry's lower right abdomen. At first, she didn't remember where it had come from, but then it hit her.

Harry had appendicitis when he was fourteen.

The one thing during that time that stood out to her was one day when Harry was recovering in his bedroom in her quarters. She had just moved him there from the hospital wing, not ready to let him move back to Gryffindor tower. She wanted to keep a closer eye on him and figured Harry would be more comfortable in his bed in her quarters.

She had realized she hadn't asked Harry why he didn't tell her he was sick and to apologize.

When she saw him in the Great Hall that morning when this all began and noticed that he wasn't eating, she let her frustrations she was having with a few of her potions out on Harry.

She shouldn't have let her frustrations out on her son. He didn't deserve that.

She had him a plate of toast and a banana. Her words to Harry still echoed in her head.

"Eat that, I don't want to hear any argument, young man."

She wouldn't have been so stern with Harry if she only knew what was going on.

Fourteen

Lily walked into Harry's bedroom in her quarters, noticing he was reading one of the books that Remus had given him for his birthday. He was sitting on the bed, above the covers, a stack of books on either side of him. The difference between the two stacks was one stack, was chapter books and the other was his textbooks as he had been reading what he had missed in class since his absence.

Glancing at the desk for a second, Lily noted that Harry had been working on his catch up work.

"Do you want me to read over anything?" She asked, picking up the stack of Charms essays.

"You can read over any of them if you want," Harry said, his eyes never leaving the page.

Lily smiled softly. Harry was a closeted bookworm, something he kept a secret from most of his friends. Ron and Hermione were the only one who knew of Harry's, for the lack of a better term, love affair with books. It was nothing for Harry to be found in some corner of the house with a book in his hand.

Sometimes, Lily had to force the book from Harry and make him go outside. Of course, Harry would take the book outside with him and only when Harry promised 'one more chapter' she would leave the matter alone.

"What book are you reading?" she asked, as she came in the room.

"The Two Towers," Harry replied. It was the second book in the Lord of the Rings series and Harry had read the first book Lord of the Rings. He had also reread the first two Sherlock Holmes books. James must have brought them when he came to check on Harry the previous weekend.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Lily inquired.

"Sure." Harry placed a bookmark in the book to mark where he had left off and sat the book on the nightstand.

"First, why didn't you tell me you were sick?"

Harry sighed, taking a deep breath, gently as his side and stomach were still tender.

"Because I thought I'd feel better later," Harry replied. "It wasn't until it only got worst that I realized something what wrong."

"Okay," Lily murmured.

"I didn't tell you because I didn't want to worry you," Harry added.

Lily reached over and hooked her hand under his chin, lifting it so her green eyes met his.

"I want you to listen very closely," Lily said. "I'm your mother, its part of the job description to worry about you. Actually, I think I owe you an apology."

"Huh?" Harry was surprised to hear that.

"I'm sorry for making you eat when you probably didn't feel like. I should have asked what was wrong when I saw you in the Great Hall, but instead, I tell you to eat and not to argue with me."

"I managed the toast, and then I got a glance at Ron's eggs and felt my stomach churn. I wished I had told you when I was sitting on the floor of the bathroom after I had thrown up."

Lily reached over and pushed back some stray hair away from her son's face.

"Is it a weakness to tell your mother that you're sick? Is that part of the reason why you didn't tell me?" She asked.

"I think so," Harry replied.

"It's not a weakness," Lily whispered. "To be honest, I should have been more worried about you, but with everything that had been going on in the hospital wing, I should have noticed you were sick and asked you if you were alright. Instead, I tell you to eat and left you be. I'm sorry about that, Harry. I wish I can make it up to you."

"You have, Mum," Harry said, softly.

"How have I?" Lily inquired.

"By taking care of me and helping me recover."

Lily smiled. She had worried it would tarnish her relationship with her son, but instead, it didn't do any damage to it at all. Luckily for her, Harry was more understanding than he was given credit for. Sometimes it amazed Lily just how forgiving her son could be.

"Has anyone ever told you that you are a sweet boy?" Lily asked.

"Actually, I've heard that a lot from different people."

Lily smiled and reached over, pressing a kiss on his forehead.

"Do you want to try something else besides soup for supper?"

"Sure," Harry said, already liking the idea of having something that wasn't soup or porridge.

"Alright, then. Bring your book and you can read in the sitting room and after dinner, I'll look over your Charms essays."

Slowly, Harry got up from the bed with some help from Lily, picked up his book and Charms textbook and followed Lily out of his bedroom.

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

There were times that Lily felt she had Harry's forgiveness when she didn't deserve it. James told her she was being hard on herself. But Lily, ever the mother, wanted to be sure that all of her boys (Remus and Sirius included) were taken care of. When she told James about it one night not long after Harry had moved back to the tower, he told her she was beating herself up over nothing. He reminded her that everyone makes a mistake once in a while.

Of course, she knew that. She felt that she had made plenty of them raising Harry. But somehow, Harry still loved her. She could remember her mother telling her there is no such thing as a perfect mother. Lily didn't call herself perfect, by no stretch of the imagination.

She had been known to send Harry to primary school when she should have kept him home because he was sick. She accidentally washed his hair once with dish soap instead of shampoo. In her defense, it was the first time since that horrible Halloween night she had bathed Harry and she was slightly sleep deprived due to her study schedule, she was keeping for the Healer School, she was trying to finish.

James had to take over and Lily never forgave herself and felt that Harry would hate her because she got dish soap in his eyes. Instead, the next morning when she went to get him out of the cot, he reached for her and let her feed him breakfast.

She could write a book on the mistakes she made as a mother, but it didn't change her and Harry's relationship.

As Harry got older, she wondered if he still needed her. Of course, he did. She was his mother. Molly had told her when she asked this very question to the veteran mother, that Harry would need her, even when he was thirty years old with a family of his own. But Harry still came to her, even though he was approaching sixteen. If needed advice, needed a hug, or if he just wanted to be close to her, he came to her.

He especially came to her, when he didn't feel good or if he was sick. It didn't matter the ailment, headache, stomachache, or the flu, all Harry was looking for was some comfort.

Fifteen

If there was anything that Lily was still waiting for, it was the day that Harry didn't need her anymore. A part of her hoped it would never come. She knew the day would never come Molly had told her that Harry would always need her, not in the same ways. She knew there would come a day when Harry would move out of the house and would be living on his own. But she knew that day was far away.

She ran her fingers through Harry's hair, as his head rested on a pillow in her lap. His hair was thick and soft under her fingers.

Lily moved her free hand down and under Harry's T-shirt, lightly rubbing his stomach in soothing slow circles. She paused for Harry to turn to lie on his back and then resumed her stomach rub.

She had just helped move Harry from the floor of the bathroom to the couch in the sitting area in her private quarters. He had come down to her quarters because he was starting to feel sick from an eating contest, Fred and George had dared him and Ron to that afternoon.

Helga the nurse, whose portrait guarded Lily's quarters, took pity on him and let him in without the password.

"What's wrong, Sweetheart?" Lily asked, upon seeing her son.

"Mum, I don't feel good." That was all Harry got out when he slapped a hand to his mouth and rushed to the bathroom, where he vomited heavily into the toilet.

After Harry finished, he leaned back against her as she kneeled beside him on the floor. He told her his stomach still hurt, despite all the contents it had returned. She rubbed soothing circles on her son's back, feeling the tension left him. His head never left her shoulder, a tale tell sign that Harry wasn't feeling well.

She gave Harry a little bit before she asked him if he wanted to move back to the couch or if he wanted to move to his bed.

"Where do you want to move to? Your bed or back to the couch?"

Without hesitation, Harry said, "The couch."

After she had moved Harry back to the couch, she summoned a stomach soother. She uncorked it and broken the seal, handing it to him. Harry swallowed it and then laid down on the couch. He raised up long enough to let Lily sit down and lay his head in her lap.

"Do you feel any better?" Lily asked after a significant amount of time had passed.

"A little," Harry replied, softly.

Lily hummed in response, her hand continuing the slow soothing circles.

"Does the potion feel like its working?" She inquired.

"Yeah, a little bit."

As she comforted her son, she thought back to the times that she had comforted her son while he was sick. She would hold him close when he was little, no matter what the ailment was. He clung to her as if he would let go, she'd disappear. As he got older, he still wanted her when he was sick. She never questioned him why he came to her. She was just glad he did.

Once she had admitted to James that she wondered when Harry wouldn't come to her when he was sick, and James told you that he will until he's married.

All he really was looking for was comfort and as a friend once told her, no one can provide comfort better than a mother.

"Mum?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Are you mad at me?"

Lily looked down at her son, her hand on his stomach pausing its movement. Her own green eyes looking right back at her.

"No, I'm not mad, Sweetheart. Why would you think I was?" She inquired.

"Well, you've been working on a potion to help the after-effects of the Cruciatus Curse and I thought…"

"Harry," Lily said, cutting him off. "Nothing is more important than you are, especially a potion."

She kissed him on the forehead, resuming her massage on his stomach.

"You needed me more than the potion did. I can work on it tomorrow," She said, softly.

Glancing down at her son, she noticed he had fallen asleep. She smiled softly, watching him sleep. She knew he hadn't been sleeping much due to the stress of OWLs and nightmares. She leaned over and kissed his forehead once more before she gently lifted him up and then laid him down again once she got up.

She got the blanket that was thrown over the armchair and covered him with. She took off his glasses, sitting them down on the table beside the couch. She kissed his cheek and moved to sit in the armchair, watching her son sleep, wanting to be close if he needed her.

She felt that she was needed and that provided her with more comfort of knowing that Harry will still come to her, even with something as simple as a stomach ache from eating too many pastries.

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

Lily sighed, as she watched Harry sleep. She had sat in that very chair, watching her son sleep, many a night as Harry grew up, more so over the last two years. The only time she didn't check in on Harry while he was asleep was when he was in Gryffindor tower. She didn't imagine Harry would like to wake up and find his mother at his bedside.

She was grateful that Harry still welcomed her hugs, sometimes not caring where they were and, her kisses, which she sometimes had to hide the fact she kissed his head, forehead, or cheek. While Harry claimed he could manage on his own, he still came to her when he needed help from the littlest thing, helping tie the tie the Hogwarts uniform called for, to the potions help. He sought her comfort when he felt the weight of the world on his shoulders or if he wasn't feeling well.

Then, Harry was good for her as much as she was good for him. Her friends who also had teenage sons told Lily how lucky she was. Harry would often stay downstairs and asked, "Need help cleaning up, Mum?" It didn't matter what it was, Harry helped her do it. On her birthday that year, Harry had sent her a box of her favorite Honeydukes chocolate, an assortment of all her favorite candy. She appreciated the gift, but at the same time wondered just much of Harry's pocket money did that cost?

He helped her in the lab, no matter the job he was given and didn't complain.

One time she said that she was lucky to have a son like Harry. He had overheard her say that and returned with a hug from behind, "I'm lucky to have a Mum like you?"

She smiled and kissed his cheeked, whispering "I love you."

Glancing at the clock, Lily noted the time. It was half past midnight. Harry had been sixteen for thirty minutes.

She smiled and watched her son sleep for a minute more before she got up, returned the chair to Harry's desk and then leaned over Harry's bed, kissing his cheek.

"Happy birthday, Sweetheart," she whispered.

She left the room quietly and returned to her bedroom. As she sat down on the edge of the bed, her eyes caught a cluster of pictures sitting on the table in between the two armchairs in her and James's room.

In one picture, was of her and James with a baby Harry just after he had been born. The one beside was a picture of James and Harry, with Harry on James's shoulders. It was taken while they were at the coast when Harry was four. The one beside it was a double picture, both taken on the first day of school, both of which were just of Harry. The first one was taken on Harry's first day of primary school and the second on the first day of Hogwarts.

The final picture was taken during Easter. It was of James, Harry, Sirius, and Remus.

As Lily looked at the pictures, she thought "Where did my little boy go?"

Happy Mother's Day!

AN: I hope you enjoyed reading this fic. I hadn't had one planned for Mother's Day and this came a few weeks ago and it bloomed from there.

Just a little FYI: I'm skipping the whole Department of Mysteries scenario. I will have the part where Harry has the vision, but with a different outcome. Though I'd throw that out there before someone asks if I'm going to do the Battle of DOM and here is your answer.

I just can't bring myself to write about it. Hope everyone understands. The sequel to HLWP should be up soon, it will go straight to After the Battle for those of you who are just finding out about a sequel.