If We Didn't Have You
Summary: What was should have been a simple field mission check for James ends with him in a coma in St. Mungo's, making Harry, Lily, Sirius, and Remus think about a life without James. Will James come out the coma?
The job of an Auror was one of, if not, the most dangerous job a witch or wizard could choose. Only the strongest survived the training. Many quit after only two years. The horrors of the job and the things they had seen haunted the veteran Aurors, some even need to use sleeping potions just to get a good night's sleep.
While it was a dangerous job, Aurors was also a well-respected field of work and were well respected by those in the wizarding community, both in and outside the ministry. They were not just dark wizard catchers; they are the wizarding world equivalent of police officers and military.
The decision isn't one to become an Auror isn't taken lightly and should be well thought through.
For the families of Aurors, depending on their job title, there was underlining fear that their loved one may never return home.
Tonight, Lily had that fear.
Even though James was a Deputy Head Auror and wasn't called out for missions like he used to, he still had to go out and check on their progress. It was the one part of his job Lily hated.
She and Harry had come home for the night to spend time with James before he left to go on this field assignment check. They would see him off at the Auror office the next morning.
"Lily Flower?"
Lily turned from looking at her reflection in the mirror to her husband, standing in the bathroom doorway, a bottle of body wash and a bar of soap in his hands.
"I'll only be gone a week," he assured her. "I've done this before and nothing happened."
"I know," Lily whispered, sitting down her hairbrush. While James had done a field assignment check like this, it wasn't as risky as this one was.
James put the clothes Lily laid out in his bag, along with his wash bag now that he had his body wash and soap with him. He turned towards his wife as she approached him, letting her embrace him with a tight and loving hug.
"James," She whispered.
"Yes," He said, softly.
Looking up at him, meeting his brown eyes, she said, "Come back to me. Harry and I still need you."
"I promise I will," James whispered
They repeated this conversation the next morning when Lily and Harry accompanied James to the Auror office where they would be catching a Portkey to head to Wales. James spoke with Kingsley before he joined Harry and Lily where the other Aurors were saying their goodbyes or 'see you later' to their family.
Approaching his son first, James pulled Harry into an embrace, not surprised when Harry returned the hug.
"Look after your Mum," he whispered.
Harry nodded. "I will Dad. Be careful."
"I will," James murmured. "I love you, Son."
"I love you too, Dad," Harry returned.
When Harry and James broke apart, Harry stepped back to allow Lily to have a turn. While this wasn't Lily's first time doing this, she had a hard time holding in her emotions. She tried to smile at him despite the tears running down her cheeks. James wiped them away.
"Come back to me," She said, repeating her words from the night before.
"Always," James promised. "I love you, Lily."
"I love you too, James," She said, her breath hitching.
Then, Lily threw herself into James's arms. He caught himself before he fell over, taking Lily with him. He knew this was hard for her. They weren't expecting him to go on a field assignment check this soon. James had only been deputy head less than a year.
"I love you," he murmured, kissing her hair. He looked up seeing his son looking at them, his arms folded in front of him. Opening his other arm, James invited Harry into the embrace, pulling him with his other arm before wrapping it around him. He pressed a kiss to the top of Lily's head and to the side of Harry's.
"I love you, I love you both," he murmured.
They paused when the announcement came for the portkey, then slowly breaking apart. Once more, James kissed Lily, then Harry before he picked up his bag.
"I love you," he said.
"Love you, James," Lily murmured while Harry added, "Love you, Dad."
James went to find a place on the portkey as Harry stood beside Lily, wrapping his arm around her shoulders while hers went around his waist. They watched as James looked back at them, blew a kiss at Lily and waved. Harry and Lily waved back, the tears returning to Lily's face.
Then with a flash, he was gone.
"Do you think Dad will be okay, Mum?" Harry whispered.
"I think so," Lily replied, softly.
The only thing wrong with that statement was Lily didn't know what was about to happen.
OoOoOoOoOoOoO
James had been gone for three days. It was after dinner when Harry looked up and instantly the color drained from his face.
"Oh, God."
"What is it?" Ginny asked, following his gaze.
Walking down the aisle between the Hufflepuff and Slytherin tables was Kingsley Shacklebolt, the head Auror. He was approaching the head table.
Sirius, Remus, and Lily were on their feet before Kingsley reached the table. Lily was the first to reach him.
"Can we talk in private?" Kingsley asked.
"My quarters," Lily said, tightly.
Harry watched as they head towards the door. Sirius glanced his way and tapped Lily on the shoulder. When she looked at him, he tilted his head towards Harry.
She nodded.
Sirius motioned for Harry to follow them. Without a second thought, Harry jumped up.
"Hope everything's okay, mate," Ron whispered as Ginny squeezed his hand
"Let me know what's going on," Neville said. Harry heard him, nodding. Then he approached the double doors where Sirius was waiting for him.
When Harry was out of sight, Hermione asked, "What was that about?
Ron, Ginny, and Neville shared a look.
"You wasn't there when Harry told us," Ron sighed. "One job of the Head Auror is to notify the family in the event that an Auror is either hurt or killed in the line of duty."
Hermione gasped, covering her mouth. She and Harry both had talked, both being from only child families about their concerns of losing one or both parents. Harry was lucky as he had Sirius who would take him in in a heartbeat if something happened to James and Lily. Harry had told her, Ginny, and Ron that it was Sirius who took care of him while James and Lily recovered from the attack that awful Halloween night.
"Do you think we'll find out what happened," She pondered.
"Harry will tell us," Ron assured her.
"Because the one thing the child of an Auror needs is the support of their friends," Neville added. "If Harry tells me anything I'll be sure to pass it to you guys for him."
"And he'll need you the most Ginny," Ron said to his sister.
Ginny nodded. "I wonder if this will change his mind on being an Auror," she wondered.
"Or give him more determination to be one," Hermione added, softly.
They paused at the sight of Remus reentering the Great Hall. He met eyes with Professor McGonagall and motioned for her to come. The Transfiguration professor stood up and quickly walked around the table and down the middle of the Great Hall meeting Remus, her robes billowing in her wake.
"We're going to St. Mungo's," He explained. "We were wondering two things: one if you would like to come with us and two…"
"I'm coming," She said, cutting him off. Remus nodded and moved to let her lead. "Of course, you can take Harry."
He glanced towards Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Neville. With a jerk of his head, he motioned for them to follow. Quickly, they got up and followed Remus out of the Great Hall.
"How bad it is?" Neville asked.
"Bad," Remus replied. "Really bad."
OoOoOoOoOoOoO
To Harry, the walk to Lily's quarters took too long as it normally did. When they reached the portrait of Helga the Nurse, Lily couldn't even say the password.
"James," Sirius said his voice soft.
Slowly the portrait opened and Lily led them inside. Once Harry and Sirius were inside, the portrait closed behind them.
"Tell me what happened," Lily said to Kingsley. It wasn't a request.
"James was attacked while he was on his field assignment check with the team that we had in Wales," Kingsley explained. Lily gasped, covering her mouth with her hand. She felt Harry's arm wrap around her shoulder. "He was immediately portkeyed to St. Mungo's."
"How was he attacked?" Harry asked when he found his voice.
"He was hit with a curse," Kingsley explained. "Nobody knows what the curse was because nobody heard it. It knocked him unconscious. He has a cracked skull, a dislocated shoulder and he's also in a coma."
Harry guided Lily to a nearby armchair when her knees gave out. Kingsley kneeled in front of her.
"Lily, he's strong, he'll come out of this. Healers have told us that he could wake up soon or it could be a few weeks. They aren't sure," Kingsley assured her, looking from her to Harry as he spoke.
Lily nodded, and let the tears fall from her face. Remus sat down on the arm of the armchair and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, while Sirius went over to Harry's side, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Lily gripped Harry's hand that he had placed on her shoulder.
"However, there is a chance that James may not come out of the coma, but its slim chance," Kingsley added.
Lily nodded, leaning against Remus as Sirius tightened his hold on Harry.
"We'll go to St. Mungo's by floo," Kingsley said. "We can leave in when you're ready."
"Minerva," Lily murmured. "Someone needs to…"
"I will," Remus volunteered. As he walked by Harry he whispered, "What should I tell Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Neville?"
"I'll tell them," Harry decided. He shared a look with Lily before continuing, "Can you tell them to come down here?"
Remus nodded, leaving the room through the portrait hole and left the room.
"Sirius, will you stay with Harry?" Lily inquired. "I'll go on to the hospital."
Sirius nodded. Lily stood up, approached her son, giving him a tight hug.
"I love you," she whispered.
"I love you too Mum," Harry returned.
He and Sirius watched as Kingsley and Lily flooed to St. Mungo's. They weren't gone too long until the portrait hole opened and Minerva entered first, with Remus behind her, followed by Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Neville.
"What happened?" Minerva asked.
"James has been injured," Sirius explained.
"Guys, we'll go to my room," Harry said, leading his friends and Ginny to his room in Lily's quarters.
"What happened?" Hermione repeated.
"Dad went to check on a group of Aurors they had in Wales," Harry began. "He was hit with a curse. Nobody knows what the curse was. He was knocked unconscious and they don't know when or if he'll wake up because he's in a coma."
Ginny and Hermione gasped, covering their mouth. Ron wrapped his arm around Hermione and Neville approached Harry, pulling his godbrother into a hug.
"I'm sorry," He murmured.
"When are you leaving for St. Mungo's?" Ginny asked, approaching her boyfriend.
"In a little bit," Harry answered. "Mum wanted Aunt Minnie to know."
At Hermione confused expression, Harry explained, "Professor McGonagall has known Dad's family since Dad was a child. Because of that, when Dad and Mum graduated, they kept in contact, were involved with the Order, and since I was little I've called her Aunt Minnie, the only person who can call her Minnie without being hexed. Only when I started school here, I had to remember to only call her Aunt Minnie when we were alone."
"Need anything, mate, just say the word," Ron said.
"Can you take over practice for me?" Harry asked. Ron nodded.
"I'll make copies of my notes for you," Hermione added, as she hugged him.
"Keep me in the loop and tell me what's going on," Neville requested. "James is more than just my godfather, he's…"
Harry pulled him into an embrace. "I know Neville. I promise I'll keep you in the loop. Mum might even work her magic on your grandmother and allow you to come to visit once Dad is awake."
"Thanks," He murmured.
Ginny was the only one left. "If you need me, use the mirror. I don't care what time of the day it is. Call me if you need me."
"I will," Harry promised.
They walked back out to the sitting area and Harry walked them to the door. As they left, they hugged Harry. Ginny went last, kissing his cheek. The portrait closed behind her.
"Harry?"
At the sound of his name, he turned to the woman he considered an aunt, more than his actual aunt.
"If you ever want to go to St. Mungo's, while your father is in the hospital you may. As long as you tell someone when you do."
"Thank you, Aunt Minnie."
Minerva approached Harry, embracing him in a loving hug. "He'll be okay," she whispered.
Harry nodded, returning the hug. When Minerva left to go to St. Mungo's, Harry thought of something.
"I'm going to get some things together for Mum," Harry explained to Sirius. "She's not going to leave the hospital until he's awake."
"Alright," Sirius whispered and pulled Harry into an embrace. "He'll be okay, Prongslet."
OoOoOoOoOoOoO
Harry tumbled out of the floo at St. Mungo's, almost falling if it wasn't for Tonks who seemed to be waiting for them by the floos.
"Wotcher, Harry," she greeted.
"Hi Tonks," he returned.
Sirius came through the floo. "Are you taking us to the room?" He asked.
Tonks nodded. "Because of his rank in the Aurors, Proudfoot and Savage are standing guard tonight."
Sirius nodded, motioning for her to lead them on.
Harry followed the Metamorphmagus down the corridor. Aurors were standing outside one room on the right. They both nodded to Harry.
"Go on, Harry," Proudfoot told the teen, checking his name off the list.
Turning to look at Minerva, Sirius, and Remus, he was about to ask if they were coming in too when Remus answered his unasked question.
"Go on in, Cub," Remus said. "We'll give you and your Mum a moment just you two."
Harry nodded and walked in the room, stopping a few steps in allowing the door to close behind him. James was laying the bed, looking paler than Harry had seen him. The fears he had of losing his parents came back to him full force. He forced himself to be strong around his mother and walked over to her side.
Harry laid a hand on his mother's shoulder. "Mum?"
Lily looked up at her son and smiled softly, "He'll be alright, Sweetheart."
The only thing wrong with that statement was that Lily didn't know that herself.
OoOoOoOoOoOoO
Lily wearily laid down on the cot in James's room, inhaling his scent from the pillow she had Sirius bring from home. She laid on her side, watching James's breath as the cot was at level with the hospital bed. Sirius had volunteered to take the night shift, but Lily refused and said she would take the first watch. A cot was brought for her to sleep on, though she doubted she would get any sleep.
Sirius and Remus had returned to Hogwarts to prepare for class the next day, while Sirius would return to the hospital in the morning. They decided to keep life as normal as they can with them rotating who went to the hospital to be with Lily. Harry had argued with Lily until she gave in and allowed him to stay as he didn't feel comfortable leaving Lily completely on her own.
Janice, Lily's friend who worked on the Children's ward, agreed to fill in for her in the hospital wing during her absence. Harry also said he would floo back and forth, making Lily promise to not keep things from him.
"I rather know what's going on, Mum and not kept in the dark," he explained.
Suddenly, Lily felt the cot dip. She looked up to find Harry crawling in beside her. While some would think sixteen years old is too old to be sleeping with their parents, Lily didn't care. Harry was only looking for comfort. He would sleep above the duvet with a blanket.
Wordlessly, she wrapped an arm around him as he leaned against her shoulder.
"Mum?"
"Hm?" Lily hummed.
"Is Dad going to be okay?" Harry whispered.
Lily paused before she replied, "He will be, Sweetheart." She pressed a kiss to his forehead, soon hearing his soft snores telling her he had fallen asleep.
OoOoOoOoOoOoO
Rain pelted against the windows of the Great Hall that were looking out at grey clouds and an overcast sky outside. Harry snorted. The weather sure fit his mood.
James's accident had been two days ago and Harry was back at Hogwarts for classes. Even though he'd rather be with Lily, he didn't want to cause an argument with his mother. He had spent the day before, counting James's breaths and watching Lily twist James's wedding ring around her thumb, slightly distracted.
He picked at his breakfast, listening to the mindless chatter around him. Last night, Hermione handed him copies of notes from classes he had missed and the homework. He had stayed up half the night working on his homework that when Ron came down to check on Harry around three he found him asleep
"Harry, you need to eat," Ginny said, sitting across from him.
"I'm not hungry," Harry murmured.
"You need to eat something, Harry," Hermione informed him, having paused her and Ron's conversation when Ginny told Harry he needed to eat.
"I'm…"
"Don't say the f word Harry," Ginny cut him off. "We've talked about that word."
Harry sighed. "I'm tired. I'm stressed. I'm worried about Dad, worried about Mum. Can I handle all this on top of the craziness that is my life?!" He exclaimed.
"With help, you can," Ginny assured him. "You're going to make yourself sick if you keep this up, Babe. Your Mum has enough to worry about. Do you want her to worry about you too?"
Harry sighed. He wanted to take away some of Lily's worries, not add to it.
"Ron, can you pass me the eggs, please," Harry said.
Ron handed Harry the platter of eggs, followed by the sausage as he knew that would be next. Hermione handed him toast and a pot of strawberry jam as Ginny poured him some orange juice in his goblet.
"You're going to need this," Neville said, passing the teapot and a cup.
"Definitely," Harry agreed.
Professor McGonagall approached the Gryffindor table, stopping by Harry.
"You're not in trouble," she assured him. "I just want a word with you. I've told Professor Babbling you would be late. After you finish breakfast, come to my office."
"Yes, Professor," Harry replied.
Once the Transfiguration professor left, the conversation switched to happier topics like the upcoming Hogsmeade weekend. When Harry finished his breakfast, he gathered his rucksack and headed to Professor McGonagall's office.
When Sirius walked by the Gryffindor table after Harry left, he stopped by Ginny, Neville, Hermione, and Ron.
"Thank you," he said to Ginny. "I don't know what you said, but it made a difference."
"I told him Lily didn't need any more worries, including him," Ginny informed him.
"You're right. Keep an eye on him for us," He asked them. "Remus and I are concerned about how he's handling this. We haven't told Lily our concerns. She doesn't need more to worry about right now."
"We will," Ron promised while Hermione, Ginny, and Neville nodded.
As Sirius left, Ginny made a promise she was going to look after Harry, making him eat if she had too. She made a promise to Lily that she would take care of Harry. She wasn't going to break that promise.
OoOoOoOoOoOoO
Harry knocked on Professor McGonagall's office door.
"Come in," she called.
Harry pushed the door open, entering the office he knew so well. He closed the door behind him and approached the chair in front of the desk.
"You wanted to see me?" He asked.
"Just wanted to find out how you're doing, Harry," Minerva explained. "How's your Dad?"
"About the same," Harry answered. "The only good change is he's on fewer potions. The crack in his skull has healed and we'll have to wait until he wakes up to see if it damaged his brain. His shoulder is back in place and he's in a sling for the time being. The wound on his opposite shoulder isn't showing signs of infection, but its closing. Taking its sweet time, but it's closing."
Minerva smiled softly, hearing Harry's frustration in his voice. "How are you?" She asked.
"I'm okay, just I…." He trailed off. "How can you be in places at once, Aunt Minnie?"
Minerva chuckled softly. "Without the use of a time turner, it's impossible." Leaning forward she continued, "I've notified your professors. They're aware of the situation and will give you an extension on all assignments. Professor Slughorn will give you the potions he'll cover in class and you're welcome to use the student lab. Though, I think you know your way around your mother's lab better."
"I do," Harry confirmed. "I just need to get her okay to use it. She's never allowed me to use it without her supervision."
"Very well," Professor McGonagall murmured. "They also understand if you need to miss class. And I'm going to add here: you can miss and be excused even if you need to miss to catch up on sleep or homework. Take my advice: take care of yourself. You can't be a help to anyone, including your Mum if you don't, even if you have to miss a class to sleep."
"Thank you," Harry said, gratefully.
"Ron and Hermione will get your assignments and Hermione will share copies of her class notes. If you need help with anything or an extension on assignments let me know," Professor McGonagall added.
"Thank you," Harry repeated. "I will."
Minerva stood up from her desk and walked around to Harry. She opened her arms as an invitation for a hug. Harry didn't need any persuading. He jumped up out of his chair and let the woman who he thought of as his aunt embrace him.
"It will be okay," she whispered, hoping against hope she wasn't wrong.
OoOoOoOoOoOoO
Three days later found Harry bent over his father's hospital bed, applying balm to his chapped lips. He had just finished shaving James's facial hair to keep it from growing, cleaning off the shaving form. Lily had just given James a sponge bath and since Harry told her he would help her, she gave him the task of shaving.
"I think that should do it," Harry murmured to himself, as he stood up he noticed the kink in his back and neck.
Lily entered the room from talking with the healer in charge of James's care. Things were starting to look up if only James would wake up.
She approached her son, wrapping an arm around Harry's waist.
"Sirius is waiting for you in the waiting room and he'll take you back to Hogwarts. Get some sleep and eat something," she ordered, poking his side.
"I will, Mum," Harry promised. He kissed her cheek and collected his rucksack with his Lily approved homework and left the room.
"See you tomorrow, Mum. Love you," he said.
"I love you too, Sweetheart," Lily returned.
As Sirius popped into the restroom before the returned to Hogwarts, Harry dumped his stuff into a chair. He stretched, wincing at the sounds of the multiple pops in his back, before collapsing into the chair beside the one he had dumped his rucksack. Then he rolled his head slowly around, sighing blissfully as his neck popped several times.
"That sounded like it hurt."
Harry looked up, finding Sirius standing next to his chair, his rucksack on his shoulder and holding Harry's jacket out to him.
"Felt great though."
"Come on, Kiddo," Sirius murmured as he pulled Harry up and out of the chair. "Let's get some food in you and then get you to bed."
Harry yawned and nodded, agreeing.
They flooed to Remus and Sirius's shared quarters where Remus had dinner for three prepare and waiting for them when they arrived.
"How is he?" Remus asked when Harry and Sirius entered the kitchen area.
"The healer said he should wake up any day now," Sirius explained. "I think that's an improvement from a week ago when they weren't sure if James would come of out of the coma."
Harry yawned loudly.
"Did anyone ever tell you that yawns are contagious?" Sirius asked as he yawned.
"No," Harry mumbled. He headed to the bathroom to wash up for dinner and to splash cold water in his face. He gratefully accepted the plate Remus handed him and began to eat the chicken with steamed tomatoes, carrots, and roasted potatoes. Neither Sirius nor Remus said anything when Harry helped himself to a second helping.
"Are you sleeping here tonight?" Remus asked.
"I thought I would go back to the dorm. Don't worry, Ron has threatened to throw me over his shoulder and carry me up to bed."
Sirius and Remus chuckled as they imagined that very scene in their head. They were grateful for the efforts Ginny, Ron, Hermione, and Neville were doing to keep Harry from completely losing it. Hermione had helped him keep up with school work. Ron helped him with the Quidditch team, taking over practice if Harry was at St. Mungo's thought he only had to twice. Neville helped in any way he could and was mainly a listening ear when Harry needed to vent. Ginny did it all. She was the one who made sure he ate, making him eat a few times, and feeding him once.
"I'm going back to the dorm," Harry announced when he finished dessert. "Thanks for dinner, Remus."
"Anytime, Cub," Remus said, hugging the boy he thought as his own son.
"If your Mum calls us about your Dad, we'll come to get you," Sirius promised, hugging him as well.
"Thanks. Good night." Harry left Remus and Sirius's quarters, heading to Gryffindor tower.
Luckily for Harry, it wasn't curfew yet.
When he turned the corner to go up the staircase towards the Fat Lady's portrait, he saw Ron and Hermione in front of him, heading in the same direction. He followed them until Ron stopped to say the password and to allow the portrait to open. He moved to allow Hermione to enter first when he saw Harry was behind him.
"No offense, mate, but you look like hell," Ron stated, making Hermione turn around.
"Are you okay Harry?" Hermione asked, concerned.
"I'm okay, just tired," Harry replied, yawning. "I'm going on up to bed."
"Alright. Good night, Harry," Hermione said, watching him climb the steps. She snapped at her fingers at Ron to get his attention. When he looked at her, she motioned for him to follow Harry to make sure he made it to the dorm alright. As he climbed the stairs, he took it as a good sign that Harry hadn't fallen over on his way to the dorm.
When he entered the sixth year boys' dorm, he found that Harry had made to it to the dorm.
"He just went into the bathroom," Neville informed him. "He looks exhausted."
"He does," Ron agreed. "We'll let him sleep in the morning. Hermione said that Professor Babbling had canceled class tomorrow and Remus and Sirius would rather he get caught up on sleep then attend class."
Neville agreed.
They watched in silence when Harry came out of the bathroom, hair damp from his shower and dressed in his pajama bottoms and t-shirt. He managed to turn down the duvet and then collapse in the bed.
Neville and Ron shared a look between them and approached their friend's bed. Since Harry was lying on his stomach, they each took a foot, slipping it under the duvet and then pulled it up to his shoulders. Ron pulled out his wand and flicked it at Harry's damp hair, checking it to make sure it was dry. For an added measure, he also used the same spell to dry the damp spot on his pillow.
"Should we mention this tomorrow?" Neville asked.
"If the roles were reversed, he'd do the same for us," Ron said, shaking his head. "No, we'll not mention it unless he asks."
They headed down to the common room, telling Dean and Seamus that Harry was already asleep. They nodded, agreeing to keep quiet when they entered their dorm to head to bed.
The portrait hole opened and Professor McGonagall entered with Sirius behind her. Ron paled slightly at the sight. Sirius noticed it and approached the two boys.
"Nothing's wrong, I just want to make sure Harry made it to the tower alright," Sirius assured them. "Is he asleep?"
Ron and Neville nodded. "He was when we left him in the dorm. We're going to let him sleep in tomorrow," Ron added.
Sirius nodded, telling the boys good night, and left the common room. As he walked back to his own quarters he hoped it wouldn't be too much longer until James woke up.
To Be Continued…..
AN: This is the accident I mentioned in HLWP Chapter 18 Happy Birthday James.
There will be fic coming soon explaining how Neville finds out that James and Lily are his godparents.