"I told you, I'm not staying here any longer" Tonks sneered at Mad Eye, as she threw items into her bag.
She hadn't see Remus since two days prior when he had told her Sirius had died. She was extremely worried about him. His best friend had just died after all.
"Look kid." Mad eye started. "I won't stop you. But, I don't think Remus wants any visitors right now." He explained.
"What do you mean? Have you spoken to him?" Tonk's asked.
Mad eye looked uncomfortable. Clearly not liking being in the middle. "He came by earlier while you were sleeping, he suggested he didn't want to see anyone, but he's clearly worried about you. He didn't want you to know he came by." Mad eye admitted.
Tonk's felt hurt by this. But, tried to hide it from Mad eye.
"Why wouldn't he want me to know he came by?" Tonk's asked quietly.
"Not sure, kid." Mad eye admitted, awkwardly.
Tonks sighed and kept packing her bags to leave. Tonks silently hoped that Remus was just in shock.
Tonks threw the remaining items she had in her bag and promptly left with Mad Eye.
Tonks walked up the stone steps of Grimmauld Place, trying to keep her nerve about her.
Tonk's quietly made her way downstairs to the basement kitchen, looking for Remus. For a few minutes she worried that he wasn't there, but then just as she was about to go into the kitchen, Tonks heard a small noise from the other side of the door.
Tonks was suprised when she opened the door though.
Remus was there. But, he was packing a suitcase.
"Remus." She said. and he turned around to see her. Looking slightly guilty.
"A-are you going somewhere?" She asked, concerned.
"Ah, yes. Soon." Remus told her.
"What? W-where are you going?" Tonks asked concern, and confused.
She had been concerned that something was off, but this practically confirmed it.
"I have to go do some things for Dumbledore, it's important." Remus explained.
"You need all your belongings to do that?" She asked, eyeing his packed suitcase.
Remus looked even more guilty at this question.
"I'll be gone for awhile, I'm going to live among the werewolves." Remus admitted.
Tonks felt like she had been smacked.
"Remus, is this because of what happened to Siri-" he cut her off before she could finish her sentence.
"No, it's not about that. Sounds was considering this before that."
"I just don't understand, were you just going to leave without saying goodbye." Tonk's asked, feeling even more hurt than before.
Remus looked over at her sadly. "I thought saying goodbye might be too hard. For both of us."
"Ha." Tonk's scoffed. "Why are you leaving then?" Tonks asked in complete disbelief.
"Because!" Remus practically shouted at her.
"Don't you understand? Don't you get that this war won't win itself. The longer this war goes on the more people we loose. And, if I can do something to make sure that doesn't happen I'm going to."
"Remus." Her voice broke slightly. "I want to end the war too, but I'm not about to leave everyone I care about to make it happen." Tonks pleaded with him.
"Look, I've enjoyed the time we've spent together, but it wasn't like this was ever going to be more than it was. You deserve to be with someone who you can have a future with. A real future."
"And, why couldn't we have a real future, remind me?" She sneered at him, walking around the table to be closer to him.
Remus gave her a pitying look that made her blood boil.
"Because, everyone I care about dies. And, I dishonor my friends and family by being how I am. I'm a burden. We've talked about this before. Werewolves don't make good husbands, Tonks."
"Tonks?" She thought, why was he calling her by her surname?
Moreover, she couldn't believe that he thought he dishonored anyone.
"So, that's it then? Your leaving and that's it?" She asked.
"Yes." He said, coldly.
Tonks scoffed closing the distance between them.
He smelled like alcohol. He had been drinking.
"Remus, you've been drinking. At least clear your head before you make a decision like this!" She pleaded.
"My heads perfectly clear, thank you very much." He told her.
He turned away from her, and kept packing. Appearing indifferent. It wasn't like him, it drive Tonks mad.
"Your friend just died, I doubt your clear headed at all!" Tonks argued with him.
Remus didn't say anything. But seemed to ponder her statement.
"Please Remus, we can fight this war together. Don't leave just because something bad happened. Don't hide from me." She begged. Grabbing his hand.
Her hand felt nice in his, it made his next choice even harder.
"You're wonderful Tonks, and you'll find someone to be really happy with one day. I'm sure if it. Our relationship is unrealistic, I'm sorry I don't want to hurt you." he said sadly. The idea of her with another man was brutal. It caused him physical pain to imagine it. But, if they couldn't be happy together, at least she'd be happy with someone else.
Tonks was momentarily speechless. She couldn't believe he had said that to her, after all that had happened.
Remus walked away from her, trying to distract himself with packing, when Tonks did something that floored him.
Tonks wasn't even sure what had possessed her to say it. It wasn't something she could of ever envisioned herself saying. But, she was desperate to get Remus to see reason.
"If I told you I loved you, would you stay?" Tonks blurted out, in desperation.
Remus didn't turn around at first, he just stared at the wall. When he turned around he had a terrified look on his face. He walked quickly over to Tonks and kissed her hard on the mouth, before quickly pulling away.
"I-I love you too. But. That's why I have to leave. So you can have a safe life." Remus whispered.
Tonks was speechless. She couldn't believe that Remus had told her he'd loved her. She had expected that. Most people didn't profess their love for you while also breaking up with you.
Before she could say anything else, Remus left the room and went into the back hallway.
Tonks was left in the kitchen bewildered and devastated. For a few seconds she just stood there in shock. Then she couldn't breathe, she needed to get out of that house. Out of the house where she and Remus had fallen in love with each other.
She quickly ran up the front steps through the front hallway and out into the street. She made it about three blocks before she broke down crying. She sat on a park bench wiping tears off her face, and the whole time she couldn't help but worry for Remus. The man who had just broken both their hearts.
The journey he was about to embark on was to be a dangerous one. And, she couldn't go with him this time.
Tonks had hoped, that after their last conversation that eventually Remus would come to his senses, and change his mind, and end up standing on her front door. But after a week had passed and she still hadn't heard from Remus at all, it began to sink in that this was her new reality.
He wouldn't hold her again, they would never do the crossword together again, curled up on the sofa. Never again, would Remus tell her stories in bed, or make her tea in the morning. It all felt wrong.
Tonks kept going over all the things she wish she had said to Remus the last time they've spoken. She wished she had told him that his happiness mattered too, that he mattered in general. all he had talked about was what he had wanted for her. She desperately wished she had told him that what he wanted was important too.
Tonks woke up one week after she had last seen Remus, and she could no longer keep her morphed form. She'd change her hair and it would just go right back to her normal hair.
"Shit." She said, looking in the mirror.
This was bad.