(AN: I worked on this chapter for a long time, and I truly feel like it's some of the best writing I've done for this story. Hope you all enjoy!)
'Small Remus Lupin walked along another long passage way, desperately hoping he was going the right way to the astronomy tower.
Trudging along in silence.
He thought he had passed the transfiguration courtyard like he knew he was supposed to. But, now as he took in his surroundings, he was beginning to worry he had gone too far.
"This darn castle" he thought. Of course, the three weeks he had been there hadn't helped him learn the way around yet. He was one of the first years struggling the most to find his way around and, he hated it. There was just too much to remember. To much to notice.
But, when he found himself going through the trophy room, he really started to worry he had went the wrong way. Then he came to a long staircase at the end of the hall. Then, he definitely knew he had gone the wrong way. He sighed, kicking the wall, hard. He had meant to speak with his Astronomy teacher. He would unfortunately be missing the classes first ever night time class because of the full moon. He had been instructed to ask for any work he might be missing that night, and to let her know he'd be missing the class. But of course, he'd gotten lost yet again. He went to turn back, when a familiar voice called to him.
"Remus" Albus Dumbledore called after him.
"Were you coming to find me?" The headmaster called, his long gray hair flowing behind him as he descended the stairs.
"Oh, I had meant to sir, I know we had agreed upon that. It's just- I got lost on the way to find Professor Sinistra." Remus admitted, shamefully.
Dumbledore nodded fondly.
"Ah yes, I could see how one may of confused this tower for the Astronomy tower. I've known many pupils who've done the exact same thing." He chuckled.
Remus smiled coyly, fearing that wasn't exactly true.
"Nevermind, Ive already gone ahead and let professor Sinistra know that you would not be able to attend this nights lesson, but I've assured her that you will work extra hard to make up for your absence." He said kindly.
Remus sighed. Thank you, sir. I appreciate it."
But deep down Remus worried the headmaster thought he couldn't handle himself.
"Well, it's about time for us to go meet Madame Pomfrey." Dumbledore explained.
Remus nodded curtly. Feeling very nervous.
Following after the Headmaster, Remus sighed.
This was the first full moon away from his parents. They had always been such a comfort to him.
Now, he'd have to cope without them there. It was certainly daunting.
He took some deep breaths trying to steady himself as they walked closer and closer to the hospital wing.
"We can wait outside here." Dumbledore instructed when they approached the hospital doors.
Which relieved Remus. He was concerned that other students would see him in the hospital wing and ask questions, and he wasn't quite sure he had the answers to those questions yet.
Remus nodded. "That's fine, sir." Remus replied. Trying not to sound as terrified as he really was.
"Do you need anything before I leave you, Remus?" Dumbledore asked concerned.
"Oh, thank you, sir. But I think I will be alright. You said Madame Pomfrey would take me to the house?" Remus asked.
"Yes. Our healer here is very good at her job and very kind. You'll be in very capable hands. I promise." Dumbledore said.
Remus nodded. "I appreciate it. Sir."
"The other students, they won't find out, right?" He asked, worried.
"Ah, yes. We spoke about that at the start of term. We will certainly do our best to avoid anyone else finding out. And I know that's important to you.
So, no need to worry about that. You and Madame Pomfrey will go out to the Whomping Willow soon once its a little darker. She will leave you there tonight, and she will come back in the morning at first light."
Remus nodded. "And, it's safe there? I cannot get out of the house, and no one else can come in, right?" he asked, as anxious thoughts filled his mind.
He hadn't wanted to ask, but the ideas in his head were too much to ignore.
"I've put in place every manner of magical precaution to prevent that. No muggle will be able to see the shack, and no one else will want to go near it. Hopefully. That was my goal."
Dumbledore explained further.
"You see, I've also let a little rumor slip out." He explained patting Remus on the shoulder, with a twinkle in his eye.
Remus looked at him expectantly.
"I've let it be known that, perhaps the newest dwelling in Hogsmeade could potentially be home to some terribly foul ghosts. Very nasty entities. I myself won't even go near the shack." Dumbledore explained, smiling fondly.
Remus sighed a small sigh of relief waft over him.
"Okay, that's good."
"Besides." Said Dumbledore. "I love a good tall tale, myself."
Remus smiled.
"Especially if it benefits such a fine young man." Dumbledore explained.
Remus felt a bit abashed at the compliment.
"Thank you sir." He told him.
"I'm going to leave you now, Remus." He said, as Madame Pomfrey exited the Hospital doors.
"I'll be back to visit you first thing tomorrow once you're back at school. And I can update you're parents tonight and tomorrow morning. I'm sure they are feeling nervous too. Your mother has been very helpful, and I was able to put some key items inside the house for you that you'll likely find helpful."
Remus was lost for what to say. The headmaster had done more than Remus could have ever expected.
"Sir, Ah. Thank you." Remus said, nodding at him. Trying not to get choked up.
Dumbledore seemed to understand, and patted him on the shoulder kindly again.
"I'll leave you, to relax until you go." Dumbledore said,
before walking out of sight.
Remus was so glad for the reassurance. He had certainty needed it. He felt calmer knowing his parents were being kept informed and that he knew exactly what the timeline would look like that night.
He figured that he was as calm as he'd ever be, as he and Madame Pomfrey set off.
Remus and Madame Pomfrey, walked mostly in silence to the entrance to the Whomping Willow, which, in someways Remus was grateful for. As small talk really wasn't going to help calm his nerves at this point.
After he was settled in the shack and Madame Pomfrey left and he automatically felt calmer. He knew what would come next very well. It had became somewhat of a routine.
He looked around to take in his surroundings.
There was some cushions in the corner next to a large lockable chest. Remus was instantly relieved that he had somehow where safe to store his belongs while transformed. He had worried about that. And the small home comforts were everything. He knew he'd likely destroy most of the stuff in the house. But he was grateful for it none the less.
He was grateful for Dumbledore.'
~
Remus sighed, coming back to present day, as he thought back to his most vulnerable moments at Hogwarts, while sitting on the stone steps of the ancient school.
It had been an hour since Tonks had yelled at him. And, it had been two minutes since she had walked down those same crooked stone steps out into the night. The castle had been searched, the bodies of the fallen had been moved, and now, they had to learn to move on somehow. Some way.
As Remus sat on the old stone steps, he sighed heavily and looked up to the sky, there was almost no moon at all, only the smallest sliver of it was shinning. He liked it best like this.
It was a very dark night. For more than one reason.
Dumbledore. The man who single-handedly had made sure he'd gotten a fair chance in this life. A fine education, at a beautiful and marvelous school. Gone.
All Remus could keep thinking was 'How'.
How was it possible for him to have died.
Remus was brought back once again to the first time he'd ever been at Hogwarts on a full moon. The then headmaster had been so kind to him.
He had consoled him, reassured him.
How could that man be dead? How was that possible?
That encounter never use to seem that long ago for some reason. But, of course it had actually been decades since that day.
Lives had been lived and lost, friends had come and gone, and empires had risen and fallen since then.
But, now. After tonight, It seemed like it was scene from another lifetime. It seemed so distant for some reason. And, in some ways maybe it was.
Remus' mind wandered back to that day again.
So many decades before. When Albus Dumbledore had reassured him, while he felt most clouded in doubt. He desperately wished for that now.
He wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. Willing himself not to breakdown.
In many ways, Remus was still in quiet disbelief.
He couldn't help shake all the thoughts in his head. He kept having the juvenile wish that this was all a dream and that he'd wake up tomorrow in his childhood bedroom, unbitten, unbroken, undamaged.
But, he knew that would never happen. Too much time had happened since then.
Tomorrow he'd wake up just like always, and Dumbledore would still be dead. And he, would still be a werewolf.
But, He still didn't want it to be true.
But alas, he'd seen his body. Frail and broken. He was certainly dead.
Remus put his face in his hands briefly, before looking to the sky, and addressing the night.
"Albus." He said, gravelly. Almost in a begging sort of way. The way one might pray to the divine.
"Please lead us the right way. Show us the light." He preached to the sky, like a sermon to his God.
Just then, a small light turned on in Hagrid's still smoldering hut. It had happened the exact moment he had asked for a sign.
Remus drew a quick breath, staring at the light.
Standing up, he threw caution to the wind and swiftly made his way to Hagrids front door.
Remus was surprised that the hut had been so quickly fixed.
Remus knocked.
He could hear Hagrid bumping into things on his way over to open the door.
Hagrid swung the door open, blotting his face with a dirty rag.
"Oh, Lupin! It's you. I thought some'tin else might'iv been wrong, ya see." Hagrid said shakily.
"Well, I saw your light on. Figured I'd wish you my condolences before I go." Remus told the half giant gravely, before he watched him collapse in one of his overly large chairs. Drunk with grief.
"Well, it aught to be me offering the condolences." Hagrid mumbled before wiping his eyes.
He sniffed before continuing. "Dumbledore he meant so much tere so many peoples. It's such a ruddy shame. Ruddy Shame." Hagrid mumbled and sighed, pouring himself a tall drink.
"I know. It's horrible." Remus agreed.
"Well, we'll meet him in a different life I suppose." Hagrid sniffled.
Remus paused for a moment. Taking the statement in.
"That's a very beautiful sentiment, one Dumbledore would appreciate, I think." Remus told him, kindly.
Remus and Hagrid talked and told each other their very favorite Dumbledore memories.
Then, Hagrid brought up the two topics he himself had been agonizing over most of that night.
"And, Snape, and Bill and Oh-" Hagrid blew his nose loudly, resembling a trumpet.
"There's so much sadness, so much betrayal." He said, as he tried to console Hagrid.
Hagrid nodded sadly.
"it's like before. We dont know how we can trust anymore." Remus said.
Remus couldn't bare to talk about Snape or Bill Weasley right then. He figured a general statement would suffice.
Hagrid blew his nose loudly at this comment.
"And, I'm sorry. I didn't know bout you and Tonks. It's so so orrible. Hagrid continued crying.
"Can't even be with the person you love. Since when's that all right." Hagrid grumbled.
"Oh- Ah." Remus didn't know what to say to this.
"Yes, it's been difficult." Remus said. Not knowing what else to say. He couldn't help but think Hagrid had made a fair point.
"Hell Lupin. You should go after her!" Hagrid exclaimed.
"Oh Hagrid I can't do that." Remus said, feeling sad.
"Well why not? What's stopping you? Other then your own fear?" Hagrid asked. "P-professor Dumbledore said that to me once, I've used it as a guideline in me life ever since." Hagrid continued.
Remus sat there shocked. Perhaps the thing stopping him was his own fear.
"And, professor McGonagall was right when she said that Dumbledore, more than anybody, would want more love in the world." He continued.
Remus thought about what he had told him. He couldn't particularly find fault in anything he'd said.
"I would cast a shadow over her life though, Hagrid. You know how horrible some people are about our kind. She would forever face prejudice because of me." Remus explained sadly.
"I can't subject her to that. She deserves freedom from things like that."
Hagrid nodded.
"You know, I use to really worry about stuff like that too. But, I try to always remember, that there will always be people who'll judge us, but their not worth our time. At least in my opinion. The people that really care, don't care that we are what we are." Hagrid said.
Remus nodded. Hagrid wasn't wrong. He sighed sitting back in his chair. He thought back to all the things people had said to him about his relationship with Tonks over the last year.
Everyone they knew were resolute in their belief that he and Tonks were supposed to be together, despite their differences, despite everything.
Perhaps his father and friends, and Tonks all saw something in him that he couldn't see. Dumbledore certainly did while he was alive. Perhaps they saw someone worth fighting for. No matter what it looked like.
Maybe it was something that he was blinded to, due to his own self hatred. Then, he considered something for the first time ever. Something he never had before.
If the situation were reversed and Tonks was the one who was a werewolf. What would he do?
In that exact moment, he knew deep down that nothing anyone could do or say would ever make him regret loving Tonks, or make him not want to be with her. Any consequence that could come from loving her wouldn't be any where as close to the hell that not being able to have her would be.
Everyone he knew, saw a good and decent man who deserved to be with the woman he loved. Against all odds. Against the world.
They also saw a woman who equally deserved to be able to love him in return.
Maybe he was the one who'd been wrong this whole time? He wondered.
Remus looked up, and realized that Hagrid had fallen asleep while he was perseverating over his life.
Remus got up quickly, deciding what he was going to do, as he did.
He strode purposely towards the door, leaving Hagrid's hut behind in the night.
When he reached the wrought iron gates, on the outskirts of the grounds, He turned, and gazed back up at the castle one more time.
Thinking once more of Albus Dumbledore as he did. And, a small half smile just parted his lips.
Perhaps, they'd meet in a different life.