Remus emerged through thick dense fog that enveloped the surrounding grounds of Hogwarts. It was so thick, it made everything it touched damp to the touch.
He soon discovered that he couldn't disapperate till he reached the high street.
He almost worried that the solitary walk would make him loose his nerve.
But, he was resolute in his choice. He was going after her.
Within a few minutes, Remus was staring up at Tonks' third floor walk up from the street below.
He took a breath to steady himself, before walking over to the front door.
Remus walked up to the third floor apartment and knocked on the door quickly.
A few moments later, Remus heard someone approaching the door.
"Hello?" She questioned.
"It's-it's Remus."
"How do I know it's you." She asked quietly.
"I'm sorry. I-I want to talk to you. P-please let me in." He told her through the door.
Tonks paused for a second.
"Well, now I really don't think it's you." Tonks told him.
"I'm serious." He said, in a way that made her know he meant it.
Nothing happened for a few seconds and Remus worried perhaps she wouldn't let him in.
Then he heard the latch release. And Tonks peered out the door.
"Wotcher" She said quietly.
"Hey." He said, smiling slightly.
Tonks just looked at him.
"Remus, what are you doing here?" She asked.
"A lot hap-happened today. I just want to talk."
Tonks sighed heavily but let him in. She wouldn't say but she didn't really want to be alone. She was glad for company.
"Here, come in." She said, moving aside.
She moved, aside. Allowing Remus to come inside.
Tonks looked fresh and clean and had clearly showed since the battle. and Remus could smell a sweet scent coming off of her. It was very distracting.
Her flat was as unruly as ever and was quintessentially her.
Deep down, Tonks really wasn't sure why Remus was there. If she was completely honest with herself, she wast all that sure that she even cared why he was there either.
She craved to be close to someone she lovedand trusted, and those people were few and far between now.
she was actually quite relieved that he had showed up on her doorstep when he did.
"Ah- did you Ah-. Do you want a drink, I was about to have one?" Tonks asked, trying to sound casual.
Remus nodded.
"Yeah." He agreed.
He felt a pang of sadness for her. She had planned to drink alone.
That had been his original plan after all. But seeing her do it was just too heartbreaking.
He sat down next to her as she grabbed him a glass.
She sat and poured him a glass of whiskey along with some in her own glass.
"You said you wanted to talk?" She questioned him.
"Mmm." Remus murmured
"I feel I need to apologize after everything that's happened." Remus said hesitantly.
"Oh. I feel like I should be apologizing. I mean, I did kinda yell at you."
"Well, it was justified. Honestly." He admitted.
"But." He quickly interjected. Worrying they were getting off topic.
"I know I've been difficult about us being together. Ive allowed my fears to get the best of me." Remus admitted.
"That's true." Tonks said quietly. Trying to be honest.
"Well, what I'm saying is that, I don't want to do that anymore. Not after tonight."
Tonks looked at him for a few seconds, before closing her eyes.
She signed loudly. She worried this was all just because they almost died.
Remus' heart sank and he feared that perhaps now after all this time she wouldn't take him back. That she had decided that it would go against her better judgment. He wouldn't really blame her.
"I'm sorry." He continued quickly, "I thought I had good reasons for us not being together. And in some ways I still do. But, I'm realizing none of them are more important than being able to love you."
He reached out to touch her foot with his hand.
Tonks sighed heavily, it had been what she had wanted to hear for so long. It was hard to believe that it was actually happening.
But, she was mad. Mad it had taken so long for him to come to this decision. Mad, that they had lost so much time because of his actions.
"So, your just changing your mind now, then? That's what your saying?" She asked in an accusatory way.
"Well, Ah. Yes." He said. Trying to be honest.
"And, all the stuff you said before?" She angrily questioned him.
"Those things, the reasons I had, they still are all true. And that still scares me. But not as much as not being able to love you before I die does." He told her.
"And, it took you this long to come up with that?" She asked, standing up, and putting her hands on her head.
"Well, you know. I have reasons we shouldn't be together too." She suddenly yelled and raged at him.
He just looked back at her. Knowing he likely deserved what was coming. He stood up, fearing she would run away from him.
"You're-you've-you-you." She stammered, trying to get out what she desired.
"You're impossible." She sneered, straining so much her face was red.
She had waited so long for this, she really just wanted to throw herself at him and take him back, but the other part of her wanted to range and scream at him even more. But couldn't bring herself to.
Remus just waited for more to come but after a few seconds nothing had happened. she just looked at him.
"Are you going to say anything?" She glared at him, as if he were some broken toy she was about to ship back to the factory.
Remus was surprised.
"To be honest, I thought you'd have more complaints. It would certainly be fair."
"Well, surprisingly you're difficult to be angry with!" She yelled. But she didn't run away or leave. She just stood there, looking at him.
She still had the burning desire to scream that none of it mattered, and instantly let him back into her life. But, now she was the one who was scared.
"I'm sorry." He said again. "Really"
"I know that Remus! And, for the love of Merlin, stop saying you're sorry." Her voice broke.
They stood there stared at each other.
"Pp-please just come sit with me." Remus asked her, with desperation in his voice. He was still afraid that she'd change her mind after all the time they had spent apart.
She eventually nodded though. Coming to sit next to him.
"Thank you." He said.
she softly hugged him, when she sat down next to him.
Slightly terrified and not really knowing what it meant, he hugged her back. Hard.
They held on to each other for awhile. Just breathing in the scent of each other.
Tonks presence was so soothing for Remus. He felt when he was holding her, just for a short time, his was cleansed and absolved of his demons.
She looked at him.
"I'm still mad at you." She said.
Remus chuckled.
"I understand. It's alright. I suppose I'm mad at me too."
Tonks sighed as he spoke.
"You understand I'm not saying no. Right?" She asked.
"I-I just need a little time to digest everything, I guess." Tonks added,
"Yes, I do understand. It's alright if you need more time." Remus said, trying to be understanding.
Tonks nodded.
Deep down Remus worried that this was still a rejection.
He was pretty sure Tonks could sense this.
"Do you want to stay here, tonight? It's late." She asked him. Hoping he'd say yes.
Remus was surprised, but glad.
Her asking for time hadn't been a rejection after all.
"Yes, I'd like that." Remus said.
Tonks nodded. She looked completely exhausted.
"Come on, let's sleep." Tonks said, holding her hand out to him. She had considered making him sleep on the sofa, but she didn't want to be away from him.
He was a little surprised at this, but he took her hand as she lead him into her bedroom. Remus took in his surroundings.
He had been in Tonks flat before but never as an overnight guest.
He'd even seen her bedroom before but had never slept in her bed with her. Suddenly, Remus was hyper aware of how dirty he was.
He hadn't had a proper shower since before the battle and still was covered in dirt.
"Do you mind if I use your shower?" Remus asked her, as she sat down on her purple and cream bed spread.
She nodded. "Yeah, that's alright. There's towels you can use on the rack in there." She said.
Tonks laid on her back on her bed, as she listened to the sounds of Remus in the bathroom.
She heard the water turn on, and the clatter of his belt buckle on the bathroom floor. She squirmed a little at the sound, imagining him naked just a few feet away.
The idea was exciting.
But, Tonks just laid there, despite the exciting possibilities running through her mind.
listening to the sounds of him showering in the next room.
The sounds were soothing, it was comforting to know he was so close.
Tonks found herself starting to doze off to sleep waiting for Remus.
Meanwhile, Remus was standing in the shower, with his back again the cold shower wall. Letting the hot steamy water and soap run down his hurting form.
he was still surprised she hadn't flat out rejected him despite her telling him she wouldn't for the better part of two years.
Remus sighed. He could think back on other occasions where he thought he'd be abandoned or rejected and he wasn't.
He thought back to when his friends had discovered his secret while he was at school.
He had been afraid, that they would abandon him when they discovered his secret. But, he had been wrong then as well.
He remembered that day so clearly.
' Remus was laying on his side in the hospital wing with a white blanket covered in bright red blood streaks draped over him.
He stared at the cream colored canvas curtains that hid his bed from the sight of other students and teachers coming and going from the hospital.
He sighed, wondering how long he'd have to stay there this time. he always had to stay at least a night there, which he hated. it only made it harder to come up with excuses later on.
And, his friends were already very suspicious of where he went each month.
Suddenly a small noise from behind the curtain drew his attention.
He thought, perhaps it was the matron, Madame Pomfrey coming back to fuss over him. He quickly pretended to be sleeping. Hoping she'd leave him be.
But he heard a small gasp, from a person he knew.
He turned around quickly.
It was James Potter. Staring at him in shock.
Temus sat up. Looking back at his friend.
"Sirius kept saying he thought you were sick. I just couldn't believe it." James gasped.
Remus went to speak,to defend himself, to lie. He'd try anything to keep the friends he'd made.
"I-I I'm sor-" he tried to speak, but his voice cracked slightly when an angry voice came from behind the curtain.
"What is this? Why are you here? You shouldn't be here!" Madame Pomfrey yelled at James causing him to jump.
Remus eyes widened in shock. They were both about to get in trouble. No one was supposed to know his secret.
"Get out of here now." Madame Pomfrey yelled.
And James ran quickly from the hospital wing, before he could say anything else.
"I didn't tell him to come here. I don't know why he came here." Remus immediately tried to defend himself.
"I'll have to tell the headmaster about this." Madame Pomfrey said sternly, before for i g more healing drafts at Remus.
Remus sighed, "damn" he thought.
Later on when Remus returned to his dormitory his heart literally felt like it was in his stomach. He was terrified that his friends would hate him. He was certain he couldn't lie anymore. After today, they would know.
Remus was certain they would abandon him. Ask to be moved to a different dormitory at the very least. Or, perhaps they'd never want to speak with him again.
Remus took a deep breath as he walked into his dormitory.
His friends were sitting on his bed, and all three of them looked up at him.
Remus mouth went totally dry, he wasn't sure he'd be able to speak even if he had wanted to.
James once again broke the silence. "Did you get in trouble?" He asked.
Remus couldn't help but feel that this was a bit of an odd question to ask out of all of the things he assumed his friends would ask. This was not one of them.
" aah." Remus started. "Ah-no." He managed to get out. Putting his bag down next to him on the floor.
"Look, we know. Okay." Sirius said. "So you might as well just come clean about it."
"I-I'm not supposed to say anything, I could get expelled!" Remus exclaimed.
"So. You are then?" Peter squeaked.
Remus didn't say anything.
"Yeah, he's a werewolf." Sirius said.
Remus could feel the blood draining from his face. He needed to sit down.
He went to sit down in the bed opposite of his three friends.
He just nodded.
Peter gasped. But James and Sirius just stared at him.
"Are-are we like allowed to ask questions?" James asked hesitantly. While Sirius nodded along.
Again, this was not a question that Remus had been anticipating. He wasn't even sure what to say.
"I guess, it can't really hurt now." Remus
Eventually said.
"How-how long have you been-Ah this way?" Sirius asked, clearly trying to be nice about it.
'Great they just pity you now.' he thought.
"I've been this way for awhile. Since I was four."
His friends look entirely freaked out at this statement.
"What?" James asked. As if he hadn't heard. "How-what?" He kept trying to get it out but couldn't.
"I don't understand how that happens?" He finally asked.
"Oh!" Sirius interrupted him, "you really don't know how people become Werewolves, James?"
"No. I just don't understand how a child becomes one?" James said.
"The same way an adult becomes one!" Sirius said.
James looked taken aback by this.
Sirius sneered at him. "You've lived such a sheltered life, kid."
"You too," he glared at the clearly nervous Peter.
James looked mad. He was about to argue. But, Remus stopped them.
"Look. Don't fight. I was bitten when I was little. I've been this way ever since." Remus explained plainly.
"It was an accident, I think." He continued. Trying to get them to understand.
But suddenly, a voice from the doorway grab their attention. "Hello gentlemen." albus Dumbledore said, causing all four of them to spin around, turning to look at the headmaster.
Remus was really terrified now.
no one was supposed to know about his secret and now three people knew.
Remus went to speak but Sirius stood up first.
"Remus didn't tell us anything. We found out on our own. He shouldn't be in trouble, if anyone should be in trouble it's us." He said gesturing to the three of them.
James nodded in agreement. Peter looked a little less on board with this statement but still nodded in agreement too.
Remus was shocked. If he'd been standing he'd probably have fallen over.
His friends were defending him.
They still cared.
"Well, then I'll make this short. You have received very privileged information today.
Information very few have. However, Whether you broke any school rules in the process, will have to be determined at a later time." Dumbledore said, looking at each of them as he did.
"And it is extremely important that no one else find out as it could put Remus at risk. If other students were to find out, he may have to potentially leave the school. He could be in danger as well. Werewolves, as I'm sure you are aware have often faced ridicule, slander and even bodily harm from others."
The three of them nodded. They understood.
Remus was just left sitting there in shock after the Headmaster left.
He hadn't expected them to take the news as well as they had.
"So, you're all okay with keeping the secret?" Remus asked. Unsure what to say.
"Of course." James said. "It's not like this is your fault or anything.
Sirius and even Peter nodded too.
Remus sighed a small sigh of relief. They still cared.
Remus knew they would have questions and he hoped to answer them in time. But, for the time, He was exhausted.
"I'm going to go to sleep. Is it okay if we talk more about this tomorrow?" He asked, eyeing his four poster bed.
His friends nodded.'
Back in the present day. Remus found himself continuing to ruminate over the past as he dried himself off with one of Tonks furry blue bath towels.
He was constantly surprised by the people he loved, that was for sure.
Remus got dressed and went back out to Tonks' bedroom. He found her asleep on her side.
She looked beautiful.,
He laid down next to her, looking at her. He wasn't sure what she'd say when she woke up, but it hoped that it would be good.
Soon, Remus felt himself dozing off as well. He fell asleep with thoughts of the future dancing in his head.
(AN: Hope you guys like the flashbacks I've been including in this series! As always I would love to hear feedback and to hear how you are enjoying the story so far. I have about 50 chapters outlined/left so there's much more to come!)