Thank you for all the reviews. To the kind guest reviewer who left a long suggestion for how things ought to be managed, Mr. Darcy's main concern is that the troublesome ones of the Bennets be kept away from him and Elizabeth and not be in want, not that they be reformed or have a happy life. He wants it to be not his problem so if any of this is to be done, it will be up to the aunts and uncles to suggest it. I agree that Darcy hasn't really reformed all that much in that his love is of a selfish kind.

Note, I messed up several chapters ago by Gardiner stating it was Saturday. It is actually still Friday.

BTW, I never promised that this Darcy was a nice person. He is a lot of things, but nice he is not.

39. Protecting What is Mine

Mr. Gardiner agreed as I knew he would, and we made arrangements for me to meet further with him and his wife on the morrow. Perhaps feeling some belated prick to his conscience, just as we were standing near the door into the family parlor, preparing to rejoin our wives, Mr. Gardiner stopped, turned to me and said "You shall treat our Lizzy well, shall you not? Although I shall never speak a word against you to her or anyone else, I shall certainly have something to say to you in private if you do not."

What a silly and toothless threat that was! But I humored him with words of reassurance. "Do not worry, I take good care of what is mine." Apparently unwilling to question me further, he nodded and we sought the ladies.

We found them not in the family parlor but outside in the garden, walking together, arm in arm. I felt annoyance as I had wanted to show Lizzy the garden myself, but that opportunity was gone. I would never see for myself her first reaction; that had been stolen from me.

In looking back upon it, I imagine my face must have shown annoyance, a certain gruffness. Lizzy looked over at me when I greeted them from perhaps ten paces away, whispered to her aunt and then made her way toward me, the smile that had been on her lips before she had heard my greeting had faded away. Likely I caused her more somber mood by my own expression, but that did not occur to me then.

Seeing how Lizzy preferred the company of her aunt to my own, well I did not like that at all. I wanted the source of her happiness to be in me alone. I wanted her smile directed at me the way a parched plant longs for the rain; it was necessary to me.

Mr. Gardiner hurried toward his wife and niece as I hung back, willing Elizabeth to simply come towards me, as a dog runs to greet his master, all enthusiasm and warmth. But of course women are infinitely more complex than dogs.

I heard Mr. Gardiner say to my wife, "I am sorry for not acting as I should, that you took on the burden of caring for you family. But Mr. Darcy is a good man, a fine man, a generous man. You could not have done better if you tried and I am sure you shall be very happy."

"Oh, Uncle Gardiner, I know you did not mean to hurt us, simply feared for your children. It is no foul deed to value one's own children above other things." And just like that she forgave him the unforgivable.

But she was not done, and I quickly learned about her generosity of spirit, one that was far more extensive than my own. "But I am sure that Mr. Darcy will not leave you in distress."

"Indeed, he did not." Mr. Gardiner replied.

I stepped forward before he could provide any details. My wife was not to worry her head about such things. I explained as succinctly as I could, "Yes, your uncle's family and your own shall be well, it is all arranged."

My announcement must have made her happy, but rather than thanking me, she beamed at the author of her previous deprivation and his wife. "I am so glad."

"We must return to the children," Mrs. Gardiner said with some regret. "And we have been terribly rude to come without an invitation, to burst in with the knocker off the door when I am certain that as newlyweds you have been longing for privacy."

Yes, I was correct. She was the one with sense. If only I could remove Elizabeth from any interaction with the husband and not the wife.

"The cause was more than sufficient," I replied, "and I thank you for bringing it to my attention." I gave a nod of my head, acknowledging her and not him.

"We must all strive to do what it right." She replied, then taking her husband's arm, she urged him forward when the fool would have lingered unnecessarily.

If only Mrs. Gardiner were a widow and my wife could simply interact with her and not him! But given their current married state, both would have to go. I resolved once again that I should encourage Elizabeth's separation from these people by means both foul and fair. Her introduction to more suitable members of society, hopefully favorable acceptance by them, and then our removal to Pemberley with Georgiana could not come soon enough. Still, I tried to be polite as I did my best to hasten their departure from my door.

To my dismay, on the threshold the women hugged for far longer than I had ever seen done and when they broke apart, Lizzy said "I long to see the children and you and uncle should come to dinner, as soon as we have enough staff." The last thing I wanted to do was associate with Mr. Gardiner by hosting him to dinner in my home; we were to have a business relationship, his business seeing to the Bennets and leaving me in peace. I looked over at him and subtly shook my head; he nodded his understanding.

"That is very kind of you," Mrs. Gardiner rejoined. "You are welcome to call on us anytime, Lizzy, and your husband of course, too." Mrs. Gardiner offered a fond look to my wife and then glanced toward me with a more polite expression before returning her gaze to her niece. "I should like to know your husband Mr. Darcy better. Growing up in Lambton, I knew the Darcys by reputation, but being the daughter of a draper I only knew the family by reputation. Mr. Darcy was known as a desirable master, to be quite generous to the poor."

"We thank you for the invitation," Mr. Gardiner responded, "but Mrs. Gardiner should be remaining at home as her lying in approaches. I am sure you must have many other obligations, also."

Lizzy laughed. "Our knocker is still off the door and you came today. Surely a dinner or two can be arranged."

"No, Lizzy, it cannot." Mr. Gardiner rejoined.

Mrs. Gardiner added, "As Mrs. Darcy you shall need to become accustomed to your new station in life. We move in very different circles and any association with us can only serve to hurt you now. As much as we love you, the world would see our further association as a degradation. Think of your new family's reputation. There is already enough danger to it from Lydia, and we would not add to your burdens."

I saw when my wife's cheerful expression faltered. I had half a mind to dispute what Mr. Gardiner had said then (for I did not wish to see Lizzy unhappy) but I did not. Far better for her to accept their separation from her uncle's and aunt's lips. Lady Henrietta would certainly be of a similar mind and better a little pain now as Lizzy learned about what it truly was to be a Darcy. I was her family now, if not exclusively than in precedence.

"Fitz?" She turned toward me, addressing me by that appellation and looking at me with her soft, deer-like eyes. I had a half a moment's hesitation before hardening my heart. Mrs. Gardiner might be an improvement over Mrs. Bennet, but she was still unsuitable to be a boon companion to the wife of Fitzwilliam Darcy, grandson to an earl with a myriad if other noble relations. As for Mr. Gardiner . . . .

I rejoined, "I am afraid they are right. Our behavior must be impeccable right now."

My wife clung to Mrs. Gardiner again. "Dear Aunt Gardiner, we shall exchange many letters, shall we not?"

I inclined my head slightly. This I could allow.

Once the Gardiners had left, we returned to the family parlor and Lizzy began to question me. "Fitz, what arrangements did you reach with my uncle?"

I considered telling her a few details, but women were not to worry themselves about business matters and I most definitely did not want to encourage my wife to act in any mannish way. I did not want her involvement. As her husband and superior in understanding, these were to be my worries and not hers. I told her the minimum that I could. "I have provided for them, and if any of your sisters, save the youngest, wish to live with them, they may."

"Oh how marvelous," said she, and to my surprise threw her arms about me. "Thank you for taking care of me and mine." I savored her embrace but when she broke it, she requested "Tell me more about the arrangement."

"All is arranged, you need not think any further about it. I shall tell you if and when they come to live with the Gardiners."

Her smile faded, but she said nothing. I felt I had failed some sort of test, but quickly determined to put it out of my mind. I was only doing what was required of a husband and I would not have her questioning my choices, which were mine and not hers to make.

Lizzy asked then, in a smaller voice, "Would it really be so improper to associate with the Gardiners? They are my family, are good people."

"Be that as it may . . ." I privately disagreed with her that they were both good people, but saw no need to argue with her about it. I admired her generosity of spirit, imagined there were times when I would need it turned toward me. ". . . they themselves told you how it must be, and for them such a connection could only benefit them. We must think of Georgiana. In choosing to marry you, I have cost her dearly. Let us not make things more difficult for her than they must be."

Elizabeth nodded, but her eyes were sad. She wrapped her arms about her as if cold, or perhaps in a sort of self-embrace. I was all solicitude, calling for hot tea, summoning her maid to fetch her a wrap. She swallowed thickly, but sought no comfort from me. I wished to hold her, but wanted it to be her idea and not mine.

She sipped at the tea, rejected the wrap, ate a couple of bites of a biscuit at my urging, but still seemed pale.

"Should you wish to nap, dear wife?" I asked.

Elizabeth shrugged.

"I know how I can warm you up." I suggested, lasciviously.

She shook her head listlessly. "I . . . if you should not mind, I need to speak with Mrs. Johnson and then should like some time alone."

I did not quite understand it, but if she was determined to be in a snit, after I had done all I had, well I decided to indeed remove for perhaps it was better to be away from her until her mood improved. I certainly had many business matters that required my attention, and told her so.

"Well, you had best attend to your duties," she responded, "and me to mine. I should plan some menus, should I not? Have flowers arranged at my direction, perhaps? That is my role her as mistress, after all. Then I must dress for dinner, look my best with my shabby gowns until I can dress more properly." Her tone should have alerted me to the fact that she was unhappy with me, with the role I had placed her in, but at the time I was simply relieved that she seemed to be accepting what it meant to be Mrs. Darcy.

I let her be after summoning Mrs. Johnson for her.

I was indeed able to attend to some few items on my ever growing list, before I decided to attempt rejoining her later. I sought her first in the family parlor, and as I approached, I heard voices within. I could tell from my wife's tones that she was happier than before, and I felt a lightness in my steps, was more than ready to bask in her happiness, a contented fat cat in a beam of sunlight.

I opened the door and the sight that greeted me narrowed my vision to a tunnel focused on just one thing. Elizabeth, my Elizabeth, had her hand, her ungloved hand on my cousin Colonel Fitzwilliam's arm as they laughed about something. She was touching my cousin, sitting near to him, and acting far happier with him than she had with me earlier in the day. The thoughts that went screaming through my head were irrational: she prefers him to me, she's alone with him, they plan to cuckold you, she wishes she were married to him and not you. I can own now that I had come to wild conclusions based on very little evidence, that I should have simply greeted them and joined in some lively conversation.

I had not even so much as glanced around. If I had, I would have seen that Georgiana and Mrs. Annesley were in the room, too. But as I have said, my thoughts were irrational. I was not thinking clearly at the moment and could not cause myself to do what I ought. I am sure that part of it was the fact that I knew I had forced Elizabeth to marry me, and could well recall her anger when she learned she could have married my cousin.

My rationality was so overcome, that I cannot even remember exactly how I removed her from that room. I said something, something I could only roughly recreate later based on something my sister said the next time I saw her. Fortunately, in my sister's innocence, she did not understand my true meaning in whatever I did say, but as for Richard, he must have understood my frame of mind all too well, but perhaps realizing he would have been confronting a poked bear, acted with discretion rather than valor to let me do what I would with my wife.

Rather than just removing Elizabeth from the room with my words, I also must have grabbed her by the arm and hard, tugged her away from him, for later I saw a faint bruise on her arm, which was evidence of my guilt.

But I was too overcome to comprehend what I was doing at that moment. I must have been acting in pure animal instinct, in rage, in some sort of mating drive that stems from the beast that dwells within each seemingly rational man. We try to ignore this beast, dress with care, cover up the flesh with cravats and coats, use soap and cologne to remove our normal scents, play that we are something more, but in the end the desire to claim a mate to the exclusion of all else is at the heart of what it is to be mankind.

I do remember tugging Lizzy up the stairs into my chambers, flinging her onto my bed and then crawling up over her. By then I had regained some rationality, even if my rage still colored all I did. I held her down by her wrists and demanded as I leaned over her, my knees to either side of her skirted legs as she trembled beneath me, "Just what game do you think you are playing at, wife, with my cousin in my own home? I shall not share you with him! You are mine and mine alone. I told you, do you not recall, that I would make you forget all about him. I must redouble my efforts, I see." Then I leaned over her and kissed with all the passion that my ire and jealousy had raised.

A/N: Sorry, not sorry, to leave it there. You know how it is. If I leave it on a cliffie, I am more likely to get back to it all the sooner. Now what do you think Darcy will do next.