The sun sank behind the half-barren treetops, leaving the sky anmic shades of orange and pink, and a chilly wind blew through the boughs, rustling them and sweeping dead leaves across the pavement like the burnt husks of a defeated insect army risen from the grave. Grinning jack o'lanterns flickered with heckish light and wisps of fake spider silk billowed ghost-like in the breeze. The first wave of trick-or-treaters toddled up and down the sidewalks, two and three year olds clutching their parents' hands and not quite understanding why people kept giving them candy. One day, when they were older, they would, and they would love Halloween just as much as Johnny did. For now, they were too little so they couldn't enjoy it.

Poor suckers.

What was it about the fall season in general, and Halloween specifically, that was so freaking great? Was it the way the leaves blazed torch-like in the golden sunlight? Was it the tangy smell of wood smoke that seemed to hang ever in the chilly air? Was it pumpkin picking, hot apple cider, corn mazes, and costumes? All of those things were awesome, but it wasn't any one of them alone. Taken piece by piece, they were just things, but together, they formed a rich mosaic of sights, sounds, and smells that enchanted the soul and delighted the senses. Johnny loved summer because it was warm and you didn't have to go to that prison called school, but if someone held a rubber band gun to his head and told him to pick his absolute favorite season, he'd be hard pressed not to pick fall.

He didn't know what day fall "officially" started, but to him, it was mid-September, when the heat of summer lessened and the sunlight took on that gilded cast that seemed to only exist in autumn. Slowly, the leaves bled dry, going yellow then red, and the nights became longer, cooler. Fall was a time of magic and beauty, a season of rust and fire, an age, if age it could be called, of gradual death as the earth's yearly cycle neared its end, but also its beginning.

When you looked at it like that, it made perfect sense that fall would stand out as the Spooky Season. Pagans in the British Isles believed that the veil between our world and the world of the dead wore thin during autumn, and Hunter Spectre: Specter Hunter agreed. "Spirit activity is waaay off the charts in fall," he said on an episode of ARGGH! Maybe those pagans were onto something. Maybe the curtain separating life and death really did get thin during autumn. Maybe haints, spirits, ghosts, and boogens did walk the blustery, midnight hills. Johnny was skeptical about the supernatural, but when the icy night-wind roared in the eaves and all the trees shed their leaves to look like twisted gray hands reached up from shallow graves, he believed just as adamantly as that dude in The Monkees - you know, the ones who sang that song "I'm a Believer"?

Johnny kinda liked spooky stuff period, so Halloween was right up his alley. For that glorious one month leading up to the big day, no one looked at you like you were a weirdo for enjoying horror movies or talking about that sick Freddy kill from Nightmare on Elm Street 20: Freddy Murks Some Punk Teenagers. In Ocober, all manner of ooky, dooky, Snooki, spooky stuff was both acceptable and encouraged. That alone made Halloween the bomb.

Then there was the candy.

Johnny and his brother Lincoln both had a whole mouth full of sweet tooths (sweet teeth?). They each had a stash of sugary treats hidden under their beds, a virtual cornucopia of cookies, cupcakes, chocolate, and other mouth rotting goodness. Together, they ran a number of small businesses, like installing their own vending machines in high traffic areas around town, and sometimes, they made B-A-N-K BANK. They bought video games, clothes, things like that, but they peed most of their profit away on candy and snacks. Halloween was great because they could get their fix for free. Free! Free was Johnny's favorite price.

It wouldn't last forever, though. Lincoln and Johnny were getting up there in years and one day, they'd have to retire. Not because they wanted to, of course, but because people trip about teenageers trick-or-treeating. Already, there were houses they had to skip because the old people who lived there thought eleven was "too old" for trick or treating and wouldn't give them anything. Like, ok boomer, go burn your draft card some more. Really, where do you get off talking to me about maturity when at twenty, you were rolling around naked in the mud at Woodstock so freaked on acid that you could smell the music? Wow, so mature.

Whether they wanted to or not, Johnny and Lincoln would have to give up the game.

But not this year.

He wasn't sure about next, though. Maybe they'd have a growth spurt and pop some hair on their upper lips.

That meant that this year could very well be their last.

And because of that reason, they hatched a plan to milk it for everything it was worth.

On October 10, Johnny and Lincoln went over to the Loud house across the street and sweet-talked Leni into making them some costumes - this wasn't part of their plan, per se. They just didn't want to pay an arm and a leg at Spirit of Halloween. What is it with those places, anyway? They always pop up in abandoned buildings at the beginning of the month, then they're gone on November 1. Creepy. Maybe they were run by vampires seeking to capitalize on all the empty real estate left over from the financial crisis and the only time they could move into a town without being invited was October, since the veil was so thin.

Or maybe not.

Anyway, they found Leni chained to her sewing machine fixing a pair of shorts that Lori's big ol' butt ripped through. "I, like, have a lot to do," Leni said with a sigh. "I don't know if I can."

Johnny and Lincoln looked at each other and nodded. Johnny whipped out a crisp one dollar bill. "Not even for this bad boy?"

Leni's jaw dropped. "That's totes more than my allowance. Give it here." She lunged at it, but Lincoln shot out his hand and held her back.

"Are you going to make our costumes?"

"Duh," Leni said, "right away."

"Perfect," Johnny grinned. He gave her the bill and that was that.

In his eleven, almost twelve, years on earth, Johnny had learned that the best plans were usually the most simple. Look at war and football. They use the same plays and strategies over and over and over again. Why? Because they work. If something gives you a win time after time after time, you stick with it. Johnny's plan to get as much candy as humanly possible was a work of simplicity: They'd use the Loud girls.

Well, let's back it up first.

The foundation of the plan rested upon careful and meticulous planning. See, there are two types of people in this world: Those who give you a single piece of candy, and those who load you up. After years of trial and error, Lincoln and Johnny had figured out which areas - indeed, which houses - yielded the highest payoff. The richy parts of town (North Brentwood, Oak Dale, Lawnwood) collectively gave out roughly 250,000 pieces of candy every year. That's a lot. Lincoln figured that they could each walk away with several thousand pieces. He sat down and plotted a list of routes that would ensure they hit every house and neighborhood that gave out the most. There were five. "Too bad there aren't more of us," Johnny said, "we could -"

He blinked.

That's it.

And that's where the Loud girls came in.

Lincoln and Johnny picked up their costumes on the 25th. While there, they called all of the Loud girls into the living room for a meeting. Lincoln explained their plan and beamed with pride because it was awesome. Way to go, bro.

Lola was the first one to speak up. "What's in it for us?"

A chatter of agreement went through the Louds.

"Well," Lincoln said, "we figure this. We'll split the total yield fifty-fifty. You guys get half...we get half.'

Johnny wasn't thrilled about sharing their candy with the Louds, but if they did fair work, they deserved a fair cut.

"Yeah," Lynn said, "but if we do that, we won't have enough for ourselves. We have to split it ten ways."

Lincoln nodded. "Yes, you will, but you will each get ten times more candy than you would otherwise. What do you say?"

They mulled over his proposition for a long time, then whispered amongst themselves. "Alright," Lynn said, "we'll do it."

Now the big day was here. The sun had just set and the older trick-or-treaters were coming out of their burrows. Johnny sat at the kitchen table having a Chcoolate Cherry Cola with Lincoln while Mom bustled around making treats - bat shaped brownies, frosted spider cookies, things like that. She wore a pair of yoga pants and fur-lined Uggs, a cup of pumpkin spice coffee waiting by the sink to be needed. Every fall, she went full BWG (basic white girl). Dad went full SWM: Stupid wrestling mark - but he did that every day. He was currently sitting in the darkened living room and watching Halloween Havoc 1997, WCW's yearly Halloween pay per view before being bought out by WWF. Hogan and Roddy Piper clashed in a steel cage.

Lame.

"You about ready?" Johnny asked Lincoln.

Lincoln was dressed as Shazam (the hero from the 2019 movie, not the genie from the 90s movie Shazam, which, by the way, doesn't even exist even though people think it does). He wore a red Spandex suit with a yellow lightning bolt on the chest, gold wrist pieces, and a cape. Johnny was dressed as Spider-Man, his mask currently sitting in his lap.

"Yeah," Lincoln said, "I guess we better get going,"

Outside, Johnny put on his mask. It was dark and chilly now and porch lights up and down the street beckoned candy-hungry children to come and get theirs. He and Lincoln crossed the street and met the Loud girls in the yard. Lori was too cool to trick or treat and went to a party with Bobby but everyone else was present. Standout costumes included Lola's (she was a queen complete with crown and royal scepter) and Lynn's (she wore a football jersey and helmet but was made up like a zombie). Lily was dressed as a pumpkin, her face and limbs sticking out. Lucy wore a black dress, pointed black shoes, a black vest of some kind, and a spiked choker around her neck. "Who are you supposed to be?" Johnny asked.

"Nancy Downs."

Lincoln furrowed his brow. "Sid VIcious's girlfriend?"

Lucy opened her mouth but Johnny cut her off. "No, that chick from The Craft."

Lincoln looked at him. "The one who looks like a male eighties metal singer?"

"Yeah, her."

"That girl was crazy."

"Right?"

"I'm not alone," Lucy said. "The spirit of Grandma Harriet is with me."

A random gust of cold wind washed over them.

"Cool," Johnny said. She was just messing around and being Lucy, right? Heh. "Anyway, gang, we gotta split up. Lucy, Lana, Lisa, Lily, come with me. Gold team: Lynn, Lincoln, Lola. Silver team: Leni, Luan, Luna. Any questions?"

For a moment, no one said anything, then Lynn pumped her fist. "Gold team rules!"

"Right, then," Johnny said, "lets go."

Each group had a hand drawn map, and each was to hit the best route first, then the second best if they had time. Lincoln and Johnny, expecting a huge haul, strategically placed wheel barrows along the routes in case they were needed. Alpha Team - Johnny's - was to hit sector one, which encompassed Pine Street all the way into the heart of North Brentwood. Gold Team was to take Oak Avenue, Oak Dale's main drag. Oak Ave was probably the best stretch in Royal Woods. It was lined with upscale shops and restaurants that catered to wealthy clients, and every Halloween, all the business owners stood outside with huge buckets of candy and gave every kid who came by a mega butt ton.

From Franklin Avenue, Alpha Team headed north and crossed Main Street to get to Pine. Big groups of kids dressed as superheroes, vampires, and ninjas shuffled along the sidewalk and light up decorations blinked from lawns and front porches. "Grandma Harriet hopes we get butter tarts," Lucy said, "she loves butter tarts."

That cold wind sprang up again.

On their way north, they split up and hit every house that didn't have a huge line of trick or treaters. Johnny got three full sized candy bars, a caramel apple wrapped in a paper towel, and a can of caffeine free Pepsi. He met the others at the end of the street. Lamps spaced evenly apart formed a tunnel all the way up Pine and into the ritzy neighborhoods surrounding it. "Okay, guys," he said, "this is when stuff gets real."

"Let's go," Lisa said gamely.

"Poo-Poo," said Lily from Lisa's arms.

The houses gradually got bigger and the lawns more spacious. The cars in the driveway became nicer and nicer, Hondas and Buicks giving away to Bentleys and Jaguars. The people here didn't go all out for decorations like the poor folk on the other side of Main, but that didn't matter, as long as they gave out the good stuff, Johnny didn't give a frick.

"Okay," he said, "we have to split up to cover more ground. Lisa, you and Lana take Lily and hit the right side of the street, Lucy and I will take the left. Use Lily's cuteness to get more candy. Lil, let me see your cute face."

Lily tilted her head to one side and folded her hands to her cheeks. Her eyes got big and shimmery and her mouth puckered up in a little smile. Some teenage girl dressed as a hippie stopped. "Awww, she's so cute. Here, take my bag."

She handed her bag to Lisa, then snatched a bulging pillowcase from a little boy dressed as a mummy. "Hey!"

"Here, take his too."

Johnny grinned.

This was gonna be easy.

Across town, Lincoln slung his bag over his shoulder, stumbled, and almost fell. He and the Louds had hit all of the businesses on Oak Ave and a bunch of houses in the surrounding neighborhoods, and they were each loaded down with candy. Borrowing Johnny's approach, Lincoln put his best foot forward in Lola - she was an adorable little girl and boomers love adorable little girls. The moment their latest mark opened the door and saw her, they melted and gave her all the candy. It was sweet.

"My back in breaking," Lola grunted. She had shoved the scepter through her belt and carried two overflowing bags of candy. Lynn held three.

"There's a wheelbarrow up here," Lincoln said.

They were on a street corner west of Oak. All of the houses had a bland, upperclass sameness about them that was exacerbated by the lack of light. The streetlamps were far apart and the only source of illumination came from the skeletal face of the moon. Lincoln looked around, got his barings, and nodded to the left. "This way."

He and Johnny stowed the wheelbarrow in a stand of bushes behind a fire hydrant. Lincoln sat his bag down, went in, and felt around for it.

It was gone.

What the?

He whipped out his phone and turned on the flashlight.

Yep, it was gone.

Darn it!

Heaving a dejected sigh, Lincoln crawled out and stood before Lynn and Lola, both bent and stooped under the weight of their candy; the former's arms shook and the latter's legs wobbled like they were going to snap.

"Okay, guys," Lincoln said gently, "I have a little bit of bad news."

"What?" Lynn grunted.

"Someone jacked my wheelbarrow."

Lola and Lynn looked at him, sweating and trembling.

Then fell over.

Eight blocks to the north and west, Leni led her sisters down the sidewalk, her shoulders thrown back and her mouth running a mile a minute. Luna and the others had turned her out and she didn't notice when one ducked away to hit one of the big houses overlooking the street.

"...so I was like totes no, and she said like, just do it. I said as if."

Luan and Luna looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Luan held up her hand and opened and closed it in the international sign for talk, talk, talk. Luna swallowed a laugh and nodded. Lori had nicknames for all of her sisters. Luna's was Shagg for The Shaggs, a rock group notorious for sucking; Luan's was Chucklehead; and Leni's was Motormouth. Sometimes Leni would start talking and just...not...stop. It's like she got stuck in talking mode and when she ran out of things to say, she would bring up random stuff. Luan leaned into Luna's ear. "We should ditch her."

"Right behind you, bro," Luna said.

They both stopped and tiptoed backwards. When they were far enough away that Leni couldn't hear them, they turned around and hurried off. Leni continued on, none the wiser. "But, like, I thought that was dumb so I didn't do it." She looked left and right. "That's a big house. You should go there, Luan. I bet they have lots of candy."

Luan didn't reply.

"Luan?"

Stopping, Leni turned around.

Luna and Luan were gone.

Gasp!

That meant…

She, Leni Loud, was alone.

"Guys?" she called. Her arms crossed slowly and protectively over her chest. "Guys? Where are you?"

Most of the trick or treaters were a block and a half back. Here, the sidewalks were empty and the houses dark. Getting scared, Leni backed into someone's front yard and bumped into something. Her eyes widened and her blood turned to ice water. "L-L-Luan?"

She turned around.

A witch with an ugly green face stared down at her, ten feet tall, no twenty, Its eyes lit up and it moved from side to side with mechanical stiffness. "I'll get you, my pretty."

Leni let out an earth shattering scream and turned to run, but tripped over her own feet and landed face first in the grass with a breathless oof. She pushed herself up to her hands and knees and froze.

A giant spider crouched next to her, its eight black eyes fixed and staring and its crushing pinchers inches from Len's face.

"SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

Like a frightened cat, Leni leapt into the air and hit the ground running. She didn't dare look back lest the witch and her pet spider get her.

When Luna and Luan found her half an hour later, she was curled up on the sidewalk and hugging herself. "Dude, you okay?" Luna asked worriedly.

"Sp-Sp-Sp-Sp take me home!"

Luna sighed and helped her up. "Alright, Motormouth, let's go."

Leni hated Halloween.

Christmas was better.

You get to drink hot cocoa and no spiders are even alive because of the cold.

Holding their older sister between them, Luna and Luan started home.

It was a long, hard journey but Lincoln, Lynn, and Lola reached one of the other wheelbarrows. They dumped their bags in and continued on, going to every house they possibly could, skipping ones where the porch light wasn't on. Pretty soon, they needed another wheelbarrow. Kids and parents looked at them funny, and if they didn't hide the wheelbarrow before going up to one of the houses, the people giving out candy would comment on it and only give them one piece of candy each.

At 9, just as everything was beginning to wind down, Lincoln and Lynn parked their wheelbarrows next to each other and Lincoln called Johnny. "We're at the corner of Mitchell and Alvarez."

"Be there in a jiff," Johnny said.

Lincoln shoved his phone into his pocket and leaned against a tree trunk. Lynn plucked a Caramello from the wheelbarrow, ripped it open, and shoved it into her mouth. "You guys were right," she said, spraying soggy bits of chocolate. "This is a crazy amount of candy."

Before Lincoln could reply, a low rumble rose in the west. He looked up just as a dump truck sailed into view. Johnny sat in the passenger seat, Lucy and the others next to him. A shining chrome-bot sat behind the wheel, Lisa in its lap. "Whoa," Lynn marveled.

The truck came to a stop and Johnny grinned. "Anyone need a ride?"

"Where did you get this?" Lincoln asked.

"Lisa threw it together," Johnny said, "an AI's driving. We got sick and tired of holding out candy."

"You mean she…? Never mind. Help us with this."

Johnny jumped out to help Lincoln and Lynn load the candy into the back while Lana, Lola, Lucy, and Lisa went to hit a few last houses. The bed of the truck was piled high with candy, and Lincoln couldn't help a breathless, "Wow."

"We really made out this year," Johnny said and slapped the side of the truck with a metallic clang. "Even after we split it up, we'll have enough to last all year."

Lincoln opened his mouth but a high, warbling, "STOOOOOP!" cut him off.

"That sounded like Lola," Johnny said.

He and Lincoln ran around the side of the truck. Lola, Lana, Lucy, and Lisa stood on the sidewalk in a tight cluster, quivering in fear. Hank and Hawk, the biggest dudes in Royal Woods Middle, loomed over them with evil grins on their faces. They were dressed like the Road Warriors (one of Dad's favorite AWA tag teams) complete with spiked shoulder pads, face paint, and mohawks. "Hand it over, little girl," Hawk said and reached for Lola's bag. She threw her head back and let out an ear piercing wail that made everyone in a 400 yard radius wince.

They were trying to steal the Loud girls' candy!

Lincoln and Johnny looked at each other. "Not on our watch," Johnny said.

They sprang into action. Johnny did a sick and perfect backflip and landed on Hank's shoulders. Hank stumbled and wheeled around, Johnny holding onto his mohawk with one hand and pounding his head with the other. Lincoln rushed Hawk and speared his legs, knocking him down. He scrambled onto Hank's back and twisted his arm up between his shoulder blades. Hank screeched like a kicked cat and tried to buck Lincoln off. Johnny slipped his arms through Hawk's from behind and laced his hands across the back of the Road Warrior's beefy neck. "Masterlock!" Johnny cried.

"You like to steal little girls' candy?" Lincoln yelled, spittle flying. "You like to pick on kids, jabronie?"

Hank started to cry. "Please stop hurting me."

"I haven't even begun to hurt you," Lincoln promised.

He and Johnny tied both boys into literal human pretzels and tossed them into a dumpster that just happened to be there, waiting for them. They brushed their hands and stood back to back like superheroes. "You saved us!" Lola cried. The Loud girls crowded around them and jumped up and down.

It felt good to save the day.

"Grandma Harriet says thank you," Lucy said.

A cold wind sprang up and chilled Johnny to the bone.

"Luce," he said, "stop doing that."

Lucy hung her head. "Sorry."