Author's Note: Since this adaptation is half-way finished, I've decided to start up another vote poll for the next film. I'm planning to make it another action film. Make sure to vote when you get the chance.
Review Responses
Cooldude101011: I can't believe I didn't realize that. Good point. I added that. Thanks for pointing that out for me.
MarioCatjr: I figured it would. Same for poor Nora and Adrien.
CrimsonSylvan: My thoughts exactly. It'll definitely scar the audience.
Inspiration: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit story for entertainment purposes only. "RWBY" is the property of director and animator Monty Oum (RIP) and production company Rooster Teeth, and "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" is the property of director Robert Zemeckis and production companies Touchstone Pictures, Amblin Entertainment, and Silver Screen Partners and distributed by Buena Vista Pictures.
Qrow arrived at the trolley bar with Ozpin hidden underneath his trench coat, as indicated by the bulge.
"Will you stop kicking me? Stop kicking, will ya!" Qrow whispered angrily to Ozpin.
"Putting on some weight there, Qrow?" Taiyang joked, prompting Yang and Ruby to giggle.
"Hardy har har" Qrow deadpanned.
The bar was bustling with evening customers. Qrow spotted Winter serving a few on the far side of the bar.
"Winter. Winter!" Qrow called, but the passing streetcar muted out his voice.
One of Ozpin's ears peaked out from Qrow's collar.
"WINTER!" Qrow shouted loud enough, causing everyone to turn to him.
Winter stared at Qrow, hands on her hips in annoyance.
"Thanks for embarrassing me in front of my customers," Winter said sarcastically.
"Hey, I didn't build a bar right next to a streetcar track," Qrow retorted.
One of the bar patrons handed Qrow a newspaper. "Hey, Qrow. You made the front page today," he informed.
"Yeah. I guess I made some ink," Qrow agreed jokingly.
"What ink!" the soldier exclaimed.
Ozpin's head poked out. "Jeepers, Qrow. That com-"
Qrow quickly cut off Ozpin's babbling as he the rabbit was stuffed back under his coat forming a big bulge before anyone could notice except for Winter.
"He's gotta be careful. If anyone spots him, he and Qrow are screwed," Taiyang noted as he sipped a bottle of beer.
"Hopefully, Winter will be willing to help them out," Ruby added.
Winter approached Qrow. "So, tell me Qrow. Is that a rabbit in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" she snarked.
"As if I'm ever happy to see you," Qrow muttered.
"What was that?" Winter asked sternly.
"Oh, nothing," Qrow replied with a wave.
Qrow grabbed Winter by the arm. "Cut the comedy, Winter. I've had a very hard day. I've gotta get outta these cuffs."
"Oh, swell," Winter said sarcastically.
Winter led Qrow through a secret door into a hidden room.
"Whooo! Jeepers Qrow! That almost killed me!"
Qrow bumped his head on an overhanging light. "Ow!"
"Boy. What is this? Some kind of a secret room?"
Winter switched on the light, illuminating a small room full of. Qrow removed his coat while holding Ozpin by his ears.
"It's a rough gut room. A hold over for probation," Winter explained.
"Did those really exist, Maria?" Oscar asked.
"Yes, although I never saw any personally," Maria answered as she sipped a glass of wine.
"Good place for Ozpin to hide," Jaune remarked.
"Oh I get it. A speakeasy, a gin mill, a hooch parlor," Ozpin said.
Winter pointed to a corner. "The tools are up here, Qrow."
Ozpin suddenly ran across the room dragging Qrow with with him and knocking Winter over.
"Hey, be careful," Winter scolded Ozpin onscreen.
"Look at this. It's a fire hose. Jeepers, Qrow. This would be a great place to hide."
Ozpin's eyes poked out of the peephole and knocked over a beer bottle on a table. Luckily the patron sitting there didn't notice.
"Only if you stay hidden," Qrow grounded out.
"Something tells me he won't be able to stay hidden for long," Blake commented, judging from Ozpin's tooniness.
Qrow pulled Ozpin away from the peephole and carried him across the room.
"Crazy Toon," Qrow grumbled.
Qrow bumped his head on the lamp again.
"Watch your head," Ozpin joked.
"He's right, Qrow," Taiyang said with a smirk. "You gotta keep your head in the game."
Everyone but Yang groaned at the pun while Qrow glared at Taiyang with a scoff.
Winter closed the hatch. "I thought you said you'd never take another toon case," she questioned. "What, did you have a change of heart?"
"Not yet, but I hope he does," Ruby said.
"It's not like I have a choice anyway," Qrow groused.
Qrow grabbed a hacksaw. "Nothing's changed. Somebody made a Patsy outta me and I'm going to find out why!" he said before hitting his head on the lamp once more.
"You're going to knock yourself out at this rate," Yang said cautiously.
Qrow sat down on a cot, using crate as a makeshift table as he began to saw the cuffs. The crate wobbled from the effort.
"Hold still, will ya?!" Qrow growled at Ozpin.
"He is holding still," Saphron pointed out, peeved by Qrows attitude.
"He's probably fed up with all the crap Ozpin's put him through," Taiyang defended.
"Even so, he could be a little nicer," Terra said, while Adrien pouted at Qrow's counterpart.
Ozpin then slipped out of the handcuffs and held down the crate.
"Does this help," Ozpin asked.
"Yeah, thanks," Qrow replied, then stopped sawing in dumbfounded realization.
There was a short pause throughout the theater.
"Wait... what?" Weiss said incredulously.
Qrow blinked in befuddlement. "Are you kidding me?!" he asked angrily.
And just like that, everyone else laughed uproariously at Ozpin's shenanigans.
Ozpin nervously put his hand back in the cuff as Qrow glared furiously at him.
Qrow slammed down the hacksaw. "You mean to tell me you could have taken your hand outta that cuff at any time?!" he asked.
"No, not at any time," Ozpin. "Only when it was funny."
"He's right. That was hilarious!" Yang agreed as she held her sides.
"Even so, you'd think he'd stop goofing off if he's wanted for murder?" Weiss said as she recovered from laughing.
"He's a Toon, he can't help it," Nora defended.
Ozpin did his signature sputter while Qrow threateningly picked up the hacksaw again.
Ozpin zipped across the room and into a spinning chair next to Winter.
"Come on, Qrow. Where's your sense of humor?" Ozpin asked joyfully.
"It probably died the same day Raven did," Blake said grimly.
"Don't be all doom and gloom, honey," Kali scolded her daughter.
"Is he always this funny? Or only on days when he's wanted for murder," Winter asked as she stopped the light from swaying.
Ozpin leaned forward. "Listen. My philosophy is this. If you don't have a good sense of humor, you're better off dead," he stated.
"He's right. Just imagine a life without laughter," Ruby said fearfully.
Nora shivered. "That sounds like no life at all," she whispered.
"You just make it your wish unless I figure out what happened to this," Qrow said as he took out a picture and tossed it to Winter.
Winter unfolded the picture. It showed Port playing patty-cake with Glynda. The will was circled in red.
"What is it, Qrow?" asked.
"Just look at it."
Ozpin put a hand on his chin "Mr. Port's will," he identified.
"Yeah, and I think Schnee played the part of sound mind and your wife the sound body," Qrow theorized.
"He thinks Schnee is behind all of this?" Qrow questioned.
"It wouldn't surprise me," Weiss said in agreement.
"I resent that innuendo," Ozpin stated, waving a hammer around.
Winter snatched the hammer from Ozpin.
"Good call. Monty only knows what he'd do with a hammer," Glynda praised Winter's counterpart.
"What's the scheme, Qrow?" Winter asked.
"I don't think they got to the will," Qrow replied.
"But how do you know?" Winter asked while Ozpin spun from a ceiling fan.
"Because they were still looking for it after they killed him," Qrow answered.
"In other words, Qrow still has a chance to solve this case," Taiyang said hopefully.
"But he has to be quick in finding that will before Jacques gets his money-grubbing hands on it," Yang added while sipping a soda.
Winter sat down next to Qrow. "Anything I can do?"
"Maybe you could go down and check the probate," Qrow suggested.
"Yeah! Check the probate! Why. My Uncle Thumper had a problem with his probate and he had to take these big pills and drink lots of water,"
Most of the audience burst out laughing. A few others simply looked disgusted.
Oscar shook his head. "Oh Ozpin," he chuckled.
Ozpin just sighed internally with a mix of amusement and embarrassment.
Qrow and Winter shot Ozpin a bemused look.
"Not prostate, you idiot! Probate!" Qrow
"Let me get this straight! You think my boss, Jacques Schnee, dropped a safe on Peter Port's head so he could get his hands on Toontown?!"
"Yep. That's definitely something Jacques would do," Weiss agreed with a nod.
"Indeed. Since Toons make up a significant part of Vale's economy, taking over Toontown would be a lucrative business opportunity," Winter elaborated.
"So any greedy executive will be after that will," Maria concluded.
The cuffs finally broke. "Yep! That's my hunch. Now, could he stay here for a couple of days?"
Qrow picked up his coat while Winter stood up.
"He's not going to do anything crazy, is he?" Winter asked with concern.
Ozpin was humming as he slid a file knife through his ears, laughing as he did so.
The audience laughed as well.
"That's like asking Qrow if he's going to drink," Taiyang chuckled.
"Yeah. It's a moot point," Qrow agreed, taking a sip from his flask.
Winter looked at Qrow. "Where are you going?" she asked.
"Back to the office," Qrow replied.
Back at Qrow's office, Glynda Rabbit's curvy silhouette appeared behind the frosted glass of the front door as she entered.
"Mr. Branwen. Mr. Branwen?" Glynda beckoned softly.
"What's she doing there?" Ruby wondered aloud.
"Maybe to apologize for slapping me earlier," Qrow said hopefully.
"She doesn't have to apologize for that," Winter sneered under her breath.
There was the sound of a flushing toilet and Branwen emerged shirtless from his bathroom. Soft jazz music began to play as Qrow scanned the room curiously, and spotted Glynda standing nearby. She was holding up a mirror while applying lipstick.
"You've got the wrong idea about me, Mr. Branwen. I'm a pawn in this just like Ozpin," Glynda explained. "Can you help me find him? Just name your price, and I'll pay it."
"A pawn? Does that mean Ozpin was right?" Terra asked aloud.
Saphron shrugged. "Maybe. We'll see," she replied.
"Yeah, I bet you will. You've got to have the rabbit to make this scam work," Qrow replied accusingly.
"No, no, no! I love my husband. You've got me all wrong," Glynda claimed as she set the mirror down.
Glynda perked her eyebrow. "Hmm," she hummed curiously.
Glynda sauntered across the room. "You don't know how hard it is being a woman looking the way I do," she said as she struck a voluptuous pose.
The male audience members, sans Ghira, all admired Glynda's figure.
"I know what she means," Yang lamented. "Being beautiful can be a curse at times."
"Indeed. Shallow people just see you as objects. Nothing more," Weiss agreed.
Glynda toyed with the idea of trying on a dress similar to her counterpart's out of curiosity.
"Yeah, well... you don't know how hard it is, being a man, looking at a woman looking the way you do," Qrow responded in a soft, lustful tone.
A few people snickered at the double innuendo while others looked disgusted at Qrow's remark.
"Ugh. You pig," Winter sneered.
Qrow just shrugged. "Can you blame me?" he asked.
Glynda stared dangerously at Qrow that screamed "Don't even think of laying a finger on me!"
Qrow quivered slightly from Glynda's death glare.
"I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way," Glynda defended.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Ruby asked.
"It means her appearance doesn't reflect on her true self," Maria answered.
"Or her true colors," Yang joked, prompting groans from the audience.
Qrow blinked as he snapped out of his entrancement. He approached a nearby chair to retrieve his shirt.
"Weren't you the one I caught playing patty-cake for old man Port?" Qrow asked.
Glynda smirked in amusement. "You didn't catch me, Mr. Branwen. You were set up to take those pictures."
Qrow blinked. "Set up?" he said questioningly.
"So, Ozpin was right. She was forced to do it," Saphron pointed out.
"Unless she's lying," Blake theorized.
"What are you talking about?" Qrow asked.
"Schnee wanted to blackmail Port. I didn't want anything to do with it, but he said that if I didn't pose for those patty cake pictures, Ozpin would never work in this town again," Glynda explained.
"And she only went along with it to protect her husband's career," Terra added, touched by Glynda's loyalty.
"I guess she's not a gold-digging whore after all," Qrow said then did a double take in realization of what he said.
"Excuse me?!" Glynda snarled, making Qrow shrink back in his chair.
"I couldn't let that happen. I'd do anything for my husband Mr. Branwen," Glynda proclaimed as she approached Qrow, her large chest compressing against his. "Anything."
"What a wife," Qrow whispered.
Qrow gulped and crossed his legs to hide his "excitement". A few other male audience members bashfully did the same.
Glynda began to blush in embarrassment at the implication of her counterpart floozing around, even if it was for Ozpin's sake.
Yang smirked, having used the same trick on a few boys.
Glynda began to put her arms around Qrow, but he gently pushed them away.
"I'm desperate, Mr. Branwen. Can't you see how much I need you?"
Qrow's trousers fell to the floor.
Glynda blushed even deeper with anger and embarrassment.
Qrow sweated nervously, but still felt his counterpart had hit the jackpot.
"Oooooh!" a few audience droned in a sultry tone.
"So she's willing to sleep with another man for her husbands sake?" Kali asked with disapproval.
"That's... actually kind of touching," Ghira said.
Just then, Winter entered the office. "Ahem! Dabbling in watercolors Qrow?" Winter asked angrily.
"Uh-oh," Saphron and Terra said in unison.
"Busted!" Yang said in a low, singsong voice.
"But...I didn't...she," Qrow sputtered.
Qrow looked down then back at Winter, chuckling nervously at the precarious situation he was caught in. He quickly pulled up his pants and then bumped his head on Glynda's ample bust as he stood up.
"Sorry," Qrow timidly apologized to Glynda.
"Oops..." Qrow said sheepishly.
"You lucky dog," Taiyang whispered, playfully elbowing Qrow.
Winter glared at Glynda with her arms crossed while the Toon bombshell began to stroll out.
"Goodbye Qrow. My offer stands firm. Think about it."
As Glynda left, she blew a kiss at Qrow which fluttered across the room and smacked onto his cheek.
"I'll definitely think about it," Qrow said absent-mindedly, then slapped his hands over his mouth.
"What?!" Glynda shrieked furiously, standing up abruptly, her purple aura surrounding her.
"Ms. Goodwitch, please! Control yourself! I don't want any fights breaking out in my theater," Gold-Sith implored.
Glynda's aura vanished as he calmed down, but didn't take her glare off Qrow's frightened face as she slowly sat back down.
"Well!" Winter hissed as soon as Glynda departed.
Winter stormed over to Qrow and ripped off the kiss. "Do you want to tell me what she was doing with her arms around you?!" she demanded.
"Ask her yourself. She came onto me!" Qrow defended.
Yang rolled her eyes. "That's what they all say," she said.
"Probably looking for a good place to stick a knife!" Qrow shouted defensively.
"Oh, come on, Qrow. I caught you with your pants down!" Winter said, sounding on the verge of tears.
"Oh no. This is only going to complicate things," Weiss predicted while shaking her head.
"Indeed. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," Winter agreed as she sipped a glass of water.
Winter ran out of the office.
"Yeah, well I didn't...Winter, come..." Qrow sputtered.
"That was the worst timing imaginable," Kali commented.
"Caught with his pants down. Literally," Ghira added with a frown.
"Now he's got a case to solve, and probably a relationship to salvage," Blake noted.
Qrow hurriedly followed after Winter, catching her on the street outside his office.
"Come on, Winter. You don't believe a painted hussy like that could turn my head?" Qrow protested. "She's just trying to get her hands on the rabbit."
"That's not all she's trying to get her hands on," Winter shot back.
Glynda scoffed. "Hussy?" she said while glaring at Qrow.
"It's not me," Qrow defended. "Besides, you were
In a parked car nearby, Glynda peaked out and smirked at the arguing couple.
"I don't like the way she's smirking at them," Ruby said cautiously.
"You think she was laying a honey trap?" Nora wondered.
"Maybe. Only time will tell," Yang said with a shrug.
Winter tried to walk away again but Qrow grabbed Winter by the wrist. "Now look, Winter, listen. Listen to me," he pleaded.
Winter wrenched her hand free but stopped to listen anyway.
"This had better be good," Winter said.
"I want you to go out and buy yourself a new swimsuit. Because you and me are going to Patch again," Qrow offered.
Winter rolled her eyes with a pout.
Winter just shook her head at the screen. "It'll take more than that," she said flatly.
"It wouldn't be the same without Raven, anyway," Qrow lamented with a downward gaze.
"That's true," Taiyang agreed sadly.
"I'm on the verge of wrapping up this case!" Qrow insisted.
"No, you're not, Qrow. That's what I came to tell you," Winter began as she adjusted Qrow's collar. "I stopped by probate. Schnee's not after Toontown like you thought. It's Cloverleaf that want to get their hands on Toontown. They put in the highest bid, and unless Mr. Port's will shows up by midnight tonight, Cloverleaf is going to own Toontown.
Winter gestured to a nearby 'Cloverleaf' sign.
"Cloverleaf? And not Schnee Cartoons?" Ghira said in confusion.
"Apparently so," Kali confirmed.
"What? By midnight tonight?" Qrow asked in puzzlement.
"That's right," Winter confirmed.
Ruby scratched her head. "This is getting confusing. If Jacque isn't after Toontown, who is?" she asked the big question.
"And how am I supposed to solve this case?" Qrow wondered, realizing his counterpart hit a dead end.
"First they buy the red car. Then they want to get their hands on Toontown. I don't get it," Qrow said in puzzlement.
The sound of zany Toon music could be heard, along with Ozpin singing.
"Is that Ozpin signing?" Oscar asked.
"At a time like this?" Weiss said incredulously.
Glynda sighed. "Should have known," she said
"Sshhhh," Winter shushed, overhearing the noise.
Qrow paused and listened. "Ozpin!" he said in realization.
Qrow took Winter's hand and ran towards the bar.
Unbeknownst to them, a manhole in the road lifted up to reveal the eavesdropping weasels.
"The rabbit! Get the Judge," Smart-Ass ordered his goons.
"Uh-oh," Ruby fretted.
"They better get out of there fast," Maria said.
Qrow and Winter walked into the bar and saw Ozpin dancing atop the counter complete with wacky music from a record player. The bar patrons were all gathered around, smiling and clapping delightedly.
"He's putting on a show while he's wanted for murder?" Ghira asked incredulously.
"I understand he's a Toon, but can't he at least try to keep a low profile," Kali added in agreement.
Ozpin sang wacky lyrics to the music.
"Oh, Ozpin is my name, and laughter is my game!"
"Come on, cowpoke, it's just a joke!"
"Don't sit there on your brain!"
Most of the audience laughed or smiled at Ozpin's act, despite it being reckless.
"My counterpart truly knows how to draw a crowd," Ozpin said internally with pride.
Even Glynda couldn't stifle a giggle, understanding how Ozpin won her counterpart's heart with his strong sense of humor.
"Woo hoo hoo! Nice shirt. Who's your tailor? Quasimodo? Woo hoo!" Ozpin joked to a patron.
Qrow stared deadpan at Ozpin while Winter actually smiled in amusement and elbowed him lightly.
"Even Winter thinks he's a riot," Nora pointed out with a smile.
"Well, he is an A-List Toon after all," Ren reminded.
"Yeah. Nobody makes people laugh like Ozpin," Jaune said.
Ozpin continued his performance.
"My buddy is Qrow B. A sourpuss you'll see."
"But when I'm done. He'll need no gun."
"Cause a joker he will be."
Everyone but Qrow laughed and began clapping or bobbing their heads to the performance.
Adrien probably enjoyed it the most as he laughed and clapped his little hands to the beat, much to Terra and Saprhons adoration.
"Why did I have to get stuck with this clown?" Qrow groaned deeply.
Winter smirked at Qrow. "Well, now you know how the General felt during the last viewing," she said, referring to "James Ironwood and the Holy Grail".
"C, D, E, F, G, H, I!" Ozpin continued to sing as he reached over and spun Cardin's hair, which turned out to be a toupee.
Ozpin slid across the bar. "I-I-I-I love to raise some cain. Believe me it's no strain."
"It feels so great. To smash a plate."
"And look, there's no pain," Ozpin finished by smashing a plate on his head.
"One of the perks of being a Toon. Nothing can hurt him during performances," Maria noted before frowning after remembering the Dip.
Unfortunately, the record player began to skip, so Ozpin kept repeating: "No pain! No pain! No pain! No pain!" while smashing a plate on his head each time.
"No!" Winter cried at her dishes being shattered.
"Hey! Stop smashing my plates, you loon!" Winter shouted.
Now Qrow was smirking at Winter.
Anxious to silence the rabbit, Qrow turned off the record player and grabbed a dazed Ozpin by the ears, accidentally knocking over a pile of dishes in the process, much to Winter's horror.
Winter sighed and buried her face in her hands while Qrow laughed loudly.
"Now you know how I feel," Qrow said smugly.
"Quiet, you drunk!" Winter hissed.
and tosses him inside the back room.
Qrow angrily dragged Ozpin to the secret room and tossed him in. Ozpin landed headfirst into a bucket.
"Hey! Who turned out the lights?" Ozpin babbled.
"Whoa, man. Take it easy," Taiyang reprimanded Qrow.
Qrow shut the door behind him while Ozpin struggled to remove the bucket stuck on his head.
"You crazy rabbit! I'm out there risking my neck for you and what are you doing? Singing and dancing?!" Qrow reprimanded as Ozpin struggled to get the bucket off.
"He's right. If he gets caught, Tyrian will Dip him," Weiss reasoned.
"And I'll go down for harboring a fugitive," Qrow added with worry.
Ozpin finally got the bucket off with his feet. Qrow caught it and tossed it aside angrily.
"But I'm a toon. Toons are supposed to make people laugh," Ozpin defended.
"Sit down!" Qrow bellowed.
"Whoa. He's not messing around anymore," Yang said, taken aback by Qrow's anger.
"Hell no, I'm not," Qrow said, almost as mad as his counterpart.
"I'm sure most of us would be irritated if we were in Qrow's shoes," Glynda defended.
Ozpin sat on a soap box. "You don't understand. Those people needed to laugh," he explained.
"Yeah. And when they're done laughing, they're gonna call the cops. That guy Cardin would rat on you for a lien," Qrow shot back.
"He won't have to," Maria said grimly. "The weasels already sniffed Ozpin out."
"Oh, crap. That's right," Yang said, having forgotten about the Toon patrol.
"They have to get out of there," Ruby said urgently.
Ozpin waved his hand. "Not Cardin. He'd never turn me in."
Qrow got in Ozpin's face. "Why? Just because you made him laugh?"
"That's right! A laugh can be a very powerful thing," Ozpin claimed.
"That's true. They say laughter is the best medicine," Jaune agreed with Ozpin.
"Why, sometimes in life, it's the only weapon we have. Laughter is the most important-"
"Sssh!" Qrow shushed Ozpin as a red light started to flash on a wall.
Back at the bar, Winter was pressing a button under counter. "Ix-nay, ix-nay," she muttered.
Judge Tyrian had just ascended the stairs and entered the bar.
Everyone went rigid at the sight of Judge Tyrian.
Adrien whined and hugged Terra for comfort.
Zwei growled at the screen while Taiyang patted his head to calm him down.
"Oh Monty. Not him again," Ruby whispered in fear.
"I'm looking for a murderer," Tyrian announced.
Behind him was the toon patrol, chuckling menacingly.
"Then look in a mirror, you bastard!" Nora spat with hate in her eyes.
"You said it, Nora," Ren agreed with his partner.
Qrow and Ozpin peered out of the and spotted Tyrian.
"A rabbit!" Tyrian said, prompting two patrons to leave in a hurry while Tyrian shoved a short customer down to shin level. "About yay-big."
"Look, there's no rabbit here so stop harassing my customers," Winter demanded.
"I didn't come here to harass. I came here to reward," Tyrian
Tyrian approached the one-armed soldier, grabbed his empty sleeve, and used it to wipe off a nearby chalkboard. He then wrote 5,000 lien on it.
The chalk screeched, much to everyone's discomfort, especially Ozpin as his teeth chattered.
"After inflation, that could equal 50,000 lien," Maria informed.
Qrow scratched his chin. "Huh. That's not bad," he admitted.
"Uncle Qrow!" Ruby scolded.
"Not cool, man," Taiyang agreed with his daughter.
Cardin whistled at the reward. Winter shot him a concerned look.
"Hey…I seen the rabbit," Cardin said to Tyrian.
Tyrian leaned in inquisitively. "Where?"
The entire audience gasped at Cardin's apparent treachery.
"I can't believe it!" Saphron said with outrage.
"After putting on that performance, he's gonna sell him out?!" Terra added while Adrien blew a raspberry at the screen.
"That backstabbing bastard!" Jaune shouted as he slammed his fist on his armrest.
Ozpin gasped in disbelief.
"You see?" Qrow said.
Ozpin shrugged and gulped nervously.
Tyrian approached Cardin menacingly, broken dishes cracked beneath his shoes. "Where?"
"Please no..." Nora whispered, knowing Ozpin was doomed if Tyrian caught him.
Ren put his hand over Nora's for comfort.
"He's right here in the bar," Cardin informed.
The other patrons looked tentatively at Cardin. Then Cardin looped his arm around thin air next to him with a cheeky grin.
"Say hello, Harvey," Cardin said with a laugh.
The other patrons laughed as well.
The audience sighed with relief as well.
"Ozpin was right. Laughter is a powerful thing," Oscar said as he ate some popcorn.
"My show saved my life," Ozpin said happily.
Ozpin sighed with relief. "I told you so," he smugly told Qrow as he walked away.
Tyrian smiled humorlessly and the laughter stopped. Feint record scratching could be heard. Tyrian whirled towards the sound.
Tyrian clicked off the record player and removed the record to examine it.
"He's not about to give up," Ghira noted with a frown
"As long as he doesn't discover the secret room, Ozpin will be all right," Kali reminded hopefully.
"Merry go round-broken down," he read the record's label and grinned. "Quite a loony selection for a group of reprobates."
Everyone looked away nervously while Tyrian sniffed the record.
"He's here!" he declared.
"Damn. He's good at detecting Toons," Taiyang admitted begrudgingly.
Tyrian tossed the record. It spun through the air like a frisbee and lodged itself into Stupid's mouth. The other weasels began to crack up.
"Stop that laughing!" Tyrian ordered his goons.
The weasels didn't listen, so Tyrian backhanded Smart-Ass into a table with a crash.
"Have you forgotten what happened last time?!" Tyrian reprimanded. "If you don't stop this laughing, you're gonna end up dead. Just like your idiot Hyena cousins!"
"Oh. So, Toons can die from laughing," Oscar realized.
"No surprise in the case of those Hyenas Tyrian mentioned," Blake added.
"Ironic, considering Toons exist to make people laugh," Ren noted as he ate a handful of popcorn.
Qrow continued to observe the scene through the peephole.
"Say, boss. You want we should "disresemble" the place?" Smart-Ass suggested.
"No, sergeant. Disassembling the place won't be necessary," Tyrion declined. "The rabbit is going to come right to me."
"He's got another trick up his sleeve," Ozpin fretted.
Tyrian approached the bar and tapped a short tune on it with his cane.
"That sounds familiar," Ruby said as she recognized the rhythm Tyrian tapped.
"Shave and a haircut, two bits," Maria identified from her past. "Only he left out the last two notes."
"How is that going to help him catch Ozpin?" Weiss wondered aloud.
Qrow scoffed at Tyrian's little stunt.
"No Toon can resist the old 'Shave and a Haircut' routine," Tyrian said as he looked behind a nearby curtain then tapped again on a fire extinguisher.
Nora blinked. "What does that mean?" she wondered with a hint of worry.
"It can't be good, whatever it is," Ren answered.
"I don't know who's toonier. You or Tyrian," Qrow said as he looked back at Ozpin
Ozpin shivered uncontrollably, his ears twisted and teeth chattering. Struggling not to give in to Tyrian's lure.
"Oh no...I see what he's doing now," Taiyang whispered
"He's going to lure him in to finish the rythm," Oscar said with worry.
"Then I have to resist it somehow," Ozpin said.
Qrow tried to rush over and silence Ozpin, but his sleeve snagged on the peephole.
"Ozpin," Qrow whispered.
Tyrian tapped again on a picture frame.
Ozpin strained even more, the rhythmic temptation becoming harder to resist.
"Ozpin, no!" Qrow whispered urgently.
"It's working!" Ruby fretted.
"Come on, Ozpin. Fight it!" Saphron urged.
"I don't know if he can," Terra said with a frown.
Tyrian tapped on wall right beneath the peephole. He smiled as he felt he was getting warmer.
The camera zoomed in on Ozpin's eyes as they turned to swirling spirals, as if hypnotized by the baiting rhythm.
"No!" Adrien cried, realizing what was happening.
"Don't do it, Ozpin!" Nora cried.
Tyrian tapped one last time on the wall the two fugitives were hiding behind.
"Shave and a haircut-" Tyrian sang softly.
Suddenly, Ozpin burst through the wall right next to Tyrian.
"Two bits!" Ozpin finished the tune.
Tyrian grabbed Ozpin by the neck and lifted him up.
Glynda facepalmed. "Oh no," she groaned.
"Welp, he's dead," Qrow said simply.
"Uncle Qrow!" Ruby and Yang scolded.
Meanwhile, Smart-Ass and Greasy held Qrow at knifepoint as he stood with his hands in the air through the hole in the wall.
"Hey Judge. What shall we do with the wall flower?" Smart-Ass asked.
"We'll see to him later," Tyrian dismissed as he carried Ozpin to the bar. "Right now, I feel like dispensing some justice. Bring me some dip!"
Ozpin wheezed in panic at the mention of Dip.
"Oh no!" Nora cried, putting her hands over her mouth.
"Please! Not again," Ruby said while Yang hugged her for comfort.
Tyrian opened a vat of steaming Dip and held Ozpin precariously over it.
"Gaaaghh!" Ozpin cried in terror and began to shiver.
"He's going to dip him, just like that poor shoe!" Weiss said.
"How's he going to get out of this one?!" Oscar fretted.
Adrien gasped and covered his eyes, unable to watch another Toon being dipped while Terra hugged him for comfort.
"Does the condemned have anything to say before his sentence is carried out?" Tyrian asked smugly.
"Why yeah. I-" Ozpin began before Tyrian tightened his grip, cutting the rabbit off with a choke.
Behind the bar, Qrow held up a glass to Winter. "Winter. A bourbon. And make it a double," he whispered.
"Seriously? At a time like this?!" Winter chided.
"Personally, I wouldn't mind a double bourbon before buying the farm," Qrow remarked.
"Fine time for a drink, Qrow. Maybe you'd like a bowl of pretzels to go with it?" Winter snarked.
"Just pour the drink, Winter," Qrow pressured.
Winter grabbed a nearby bourbon bottle and poured the drink.
"Oooh! I see what Qrow's doing," Ghira realized with a nod.
Kali looked puzzled. "Wha... oh right!" she said, remembering Ozpin's reaction to alcohol in Jacque's office.
Everyone else also caught on to what Qrow's counterpart had in mind.
Ozpin struggled and wedged his ears against the sides of the barrel of Dip as Tyrian tried to plunge him in. The bar patrons lowered their heads or removed their hats out or grief and respect for Ozpin.
"Hey, Judge!" Qrow called out loudly.
Tyrian stopped struggling with Ozpin and glared at Qrow.
"Doesn't a dying rabbit deserve a last request?" Qrow asked.
"Yeah. Nose plugs would be nice!" Ozpin said, a joker to the end.
Yang giggled. "At least he'd go out making jokes," she commented.
"I think you want a drink," Qrow suggested as he held up the bourbon. "How about it Judge?"
"Well, why not. I don't mind prolonging the execution," Tyrian agreed, pulling Ozpin away from the vat of Dip.
"He's going to make Ozpin do that train-whistle thing again," Jaune pointed out with relief.
"Yeah! Then they can slip away!" Nora whooped.
"Nice thinking, Qrow," Taiyang complimented.
"Happy trails," Qrow said as he handed the drink to Ozpin.
"No thanks, Qrow," Ozpin declined, pushing the glass away. "I'm trying to cut down."
"Drink the drink!" Qrow pressed urgently.
Ozpin held up his hands. "But I don't want the drink!"
Qrow twitched slightly. "I can't even imagine saying those words," he said with fear.
Winter rolled her eyes. "Neither can the rest of us," he said.
"He doesn't want the drink," Tyrian said impatiently.
"He does," Qrow pressed.
"I don't!" Ozpin refused.
"Yes, you do," Taiyang urged.
"Take the drink, you dolt!" Weiss said through clenched teeth.
"You do!" Qrow said.
"I don't!" Ozpin replied.
"You do!"
"I don't!"
Glynda rubbed her temples in frustration at the back-and-forth exchange.
"You do!" Qrow pressured.
"I don't!" Ozpin refused.
Qrow paused for a second. "You don't!" he said, remembering how Toons behaved once again.
"I do!" Ozpin replied.
"Hmm," Nora and Ruby hummed together in puzzlement.
"Huh?" Jaune said in confusion.
Maria grinned. "I see what his game is," she said calmly, familiar with the verbal games played by cartoon characters in the old days.
"You don't!" Qrow said.
"I do!" Ozpin replied.
"You don't!"
Ozpin took the glass. "Listen, when I say I do it means I do!" he said angrily gulped down the bourbon.
Ozpin then turned green and began quivering vigorously in Tyrian's grip, making the dumbfounded judge vibrate.
"Oh boy," Terra said with a smirk.
"Here we go again," Saphron giggled.
"Cover your ears!" Blake shouted as he put her hands over her head.
Everyone immediately followed suit as they covered their ears. Even Zwei put his paws over his ears as best as he could.
Knowing what was coming, Qrow backed away and ducked behind the bar, pulling Winter down with him by her neckline.
"Ugh! Pervert!" Winter shouted.
Weiss glared at the screen, equally dismayed by Qrow's action.
Ozpin launched into the air and emitted the same ear-piercing whistling sound as before in Jacque's office. The sheer force of it sent Tyrian reeling into the crowd of patrons, knocking all of them to the ground. Glasses, bottles, and jars shattered all over the bar from the magnitude of the sound.
"Way to make a mess of my bar," Winter said, even though Qrow couldn't hear her.
Meanwhile, Qrow leaped over the bar to fight the weasels. He uppercutted Greasy into a table and punched Stupid into Judge Tyrian as the latter got up, knocking him down again. Qrow then kicked Psycho into another table and smashed a chair over Wheezy's head.
"Go, Uncle Qrow!" Ruby cheered
"Kick their asses!" Yang hollered.
Smart-Ass was tougher. He gut-punched Qrow then uppercutted him onto the bar. The weasel then drew a knife to stab the detective in the back.
Luckily, Qrow recovered in time to grab a bottle from behind the bar and smash it over Smart-Ass's head.
"Reminds me of that one bar fight we got into during our fourth year," Taiyang reminisced.
Qrow smiled and nodded. Good times," he said.
"Speak for yourselves," Glynda sighed, remembering the incident.
As the drink's effect on Ozpin wore out, he nearly fell into the Dip, but Qrow caught him just in time.
"Got you kid!"
Tyrian stood up just as Qrow knocked over the barrel of dip, spilling it all over the bar floor. The patrons scrambled to avoid it.
Tyrian in particular was more eager to avoid the dip.
Ozpin and Ren noticed Judge Tyrian's cautious reaction to the Dip.
Ren scratched his chin. "Hmmm," he hummed in deep thought.
"What is it, Ren?" she asked.
"Nothing. Just...pondering something,"
"I wonder..." Ozpin said, while Oscar looked puzzled.
Tyrian watched furiously as Qrow and Ozpin made their escape.
Ozpin ran for the staircase. "Come on Qrow! Let's get outta here!" he hollered as he shoved past two patrons. "Move it, pops!"
Qrow hurriedly followed Ozpin out of the bar.
Outside, Ozpin and Qrow hurried outside onto the sidewalk. The Toon Patrol's van was parked nearby.
"Yeah! That was quick thinking Qrow!" Ozpin said in a panicky voice. "Nothin' like using the ol' spine flower, the wise noodle, the smart puddin'!"
Ruby blinked. "The what now?" she asked.
Yang shrugged. "No idea," she replied.
Ozpin ran past the van, but Qrow stopped and opened the door, grabbing the fleeing rabbit.
"Ozpin! Let's use this!" Qrow shouted as he threw Ozpin into the van.
"Let's get outta here! What are you waiting for?!" Ozpin asked frantically.
Qrow hopped into the drivers seat. "There's no damn key!"
"Oh, great," Qrow grumbled.
"Now what are they going to do," Taiyang wondered.
"They definitely can't get away on foot," Jaune pointed out.
From the back of the van came a voice.
"Hey, you weasels. Let me outta here will ya? Come on. I've gotta make a living!"
"Who is that?" Terra asked curiously.
"Probably another Toon the weasels arrested," Saphron assumed.
Ozpin opened the hatch and stuck his head through. "Benny! Is that you?"
"No! It's Councilwoman Camilla!" the voice replied sarcastically. "Come on Ozpin. Let me outta here!"
"Apparently they know each other," Kali pointed out.
"Perhaps they worked together at the studio," Ghira guessed.
Ozpin squeezed through the hatch and the love letter to Glynda fell into Qrow's lap. He placed it in his pocket.
"Qrow! We got ourselves a ride! Open the doors!" Ozpin said from the back of the van.
Qrow hopped out and opened the van's backdoor. a Toon taxicab leaped out with Ozpin behind the wheel.
"Well, that's handy," Ren noted.
"Yeah. Now they can escape," Jaune added.
"But even if they escape, where are they going to go?" Glynda wondered, worried for Ozpin. "The whole Vale police department will be looking for them."
"One thing at a time," Maria soothed.
"Ah! That's better! I can't believe they locked me up for driving on a sidewalk!" Benny complained.
"Come on Qrow! Get in!" Ozpin urged.
Benny shrugged. "It was just a couple of miles!"
"I hate to admit it, but that's actually a legitimate reason to arrest him," Weiss stated.
"Arrested, maybe. But not dipped," Winter added.
"No Toon deserves that," Nora said angrily.
Qrow hopped in, shoving Ozpin over. "I'll drive."
"But I wanna drive," Ozpin whined.
"No! I'll drive! I'm the cab! it has a radio."
"Thank goodness," Weiss said with relief. "I can't imagine Ozpin behind the wheel."
"I'd have to agree with Ms. Schnee. My counterpart is too...wacky to drive a car," Ozpin conceded.
Benny sped away, nearly running a man over. "Outta my way pencil neck! How about this weather huh? It never rains!"
"Hey! He almost ran that guy over!" Ruby shouted.
"What the hell, Benny?" Jaune criticized.
"Then again...Benny can't be any better," Weiss added to her previous quote.
Just then, the Toon Patrol rushed out of the bar, knocking over a few pedestrians.
"They sprung the cab. Let's go!" Smart-Ass ordered his goons.
"And how about those Vale Dodgers! Aren't they bums or what?"
"Hey! They're not bums!" Taiyang protested, being an avid baseball fan.
"Yeah. They're the best team on Remnant," Qrow added as he pointed at the screen.
The Toon Patrol hopped into their van with Smart-Ass behind the wheel. "Move over. I'm drivin!" he ordered.
The weasels began pursuing the fugitives, their van's siren wailing.
"Time for a car chase," Yang said excitedly.
"Benny! Qrow! We got company!" Ozpin cried, pointing at the pursuing weasels.
"Will you look at these two?" Benny shouted as he pointed ahead. "Excuse me, ladies!"
Ozpin screamed as Benny narrowly drove between two slow moving cars ahead.
"Whoa!" several audience members exclaimed at Benny's dangerous driving.
"And I thought you were a bad driver," Blake said to Yang.
Yang pouted. "I'm not that bad," she declared.
"Now that's what I call a couple of road hogs," Benny joked as he glanced behind him.
Ozpin covered his head as gunfire rang out behind them. Smart-Ass was taking potshots at them.
"I'm gonna blow his head off," Smart-Ass gloated with his gun hanging out the window.
Glynda was aghast. "Shooting like that during a high-speed chase? What if they hit a bystander?!" she shouted.
"I don't think they give a damn," Maria said flatly.
"You were right, sister. They are more like mobsters than police officers," Weiss agreed with her sister's past statement.
"Benny, look out for the Red Car!" Ozpin warned.
Up ahead, the Red Car blocked off the street, but Benny kept speeding towards it. Qrow and Ozpin screamed, the latter's eyes bulging out with an 'Awoooga!' sound.
"Oh, boy!" Jaune said worriedly.
"They're gonna crash!" Oscar cried.
Adrien squeaked in fright and covered his eyes.
At the last second, Benny braked and spun around 180 degrees. Thinking fast, he sped off down another road. The weasels van braked and fishtailed to a stop, the momentum bonking their heads together.
Benny swerved away so fast, Ozpin flew from his seat, but held on as his arms stretched out. A pair of motorcycle cops arrived from another street to join the pursuit.
"Now they've got real police officers on their tail," Ghira pointed out.
"At this rate, every cop in Vale will chasing them," Kali added.
"Benny, there's cops right behind us!" Ozpin informed as he pulled himself back into the cab.
"Not for long, Ozpin!" Benny said as he straightened out and reversed into an alleyway.
"Yeah! They'll lose them that way for sure," Nora cheered.
Unfortunately, the cops spotted them and followed into the alley.
"Now they're right in front of us!" Benny said as he sped in reverse.
"Or not..." Nora said with less enthusiasm.
"The police aren't stupid enough to fall for that Toon trick," Ren commented.
"Qrow, we're goin' backwards. Turn us around!" Ozpin cried as he tried to wrench the wheel from Qrow.
"Give me the wheel! Give me the wheel!" Ozpin shouted as he and Qrow fought over the steering wheel.
"Stop that, you moron!" Qrow yelled at the screen.
"Take take it easy, Qrow. The poor guys scared out of his mind," Taiyang defended Ozpin's counterpart.
"And he just had a near death experience," Ruby added as she sipped a soda.
Benny spun around in a circle down the alley, but luckily stopped while facing toward the alley's exit.
"The cops are still on our tail!" Ozpin notified Qrow.
"I know the cops are on our tail!" Qrow replied. "What do you think I am? Blind!"
Suddenly, to the horror of the heroes, the Toon Patrol's van pulled into the alley's exit.
"No, I think you're finished," Winter said worriedly.
"No. No!" Qrow cried while Ozpin hugged him in fear.
The weasels laughed maniacally as they sped towards the cornered fugitives.
"They're screwed," Nora said with worry.
"What are they going to do?" Ren wondered aloud.
"Pull the lever!" Benny hollered.
"Which one?!" Qrow and Ozpin asked in a panic.
"Which one?!" Benny shouted with exasperation.
An arrow sign that read "This lever, stupid!" popped out of the dashboard and pointed at the lever with a little alarm buzzing..
The audience laughed despite the urgency of the scene.
"It's the only lever there," Oscar chuckled.
"To be fair, they probably weren't thinking clearly due to panic," Ozpin reasoned.
The Toon Patrol was only fifty feet away at that point.
"I'm gonna ram 'em!" Smart-Ass gloated as he floored it towards Benny.
At the last second, Qrow pulled the lever. Benny suspended into the air via accordion extensions attached to his wheels, giving him enough clearance to sail over the Toon Patrol's van.
"What the heck?" Smart-Ass said in disbelief.
"Wow. That's a nice add-on," Yang complimented.
"Yeah, that was cool," Jaune agreed.
"Judging from it, this probably wasn't his first time Benny fled the cops," Blake said as she munched on a tuna sandwich.
"It seems that way," Weiss agreed.
"I'm gettin' too old for this!" Benny complained as he emerged from the alley, still suspended high in the air.
The motorcycle cops hit their breaks, but they smashed into the grille of the Toon Patrol van. They were sent flying through the air and landed sprawling across the road outside the alley.
Yang winced slightly. "Oof! I've had a few tumbles like that off of Bumblebee," she said.
"That's what you get for driving recklessly," Taiyang scolded his daughter.
"Jumpin' jeepers!" Ozpin commented while looking back.
Benny headed towards a road bridge with his wheels still extended.
"Hey Ozpin, what do you call the middle of a song?" Benny asked calmly.
"A bridge?" Taiyang assumed.
"That's rig- look out!" Qrow cried.
Ozpin scratched his head. "Gee, I don't know, Benny. A BRIDGE!"
Ozpin and Qrow screamed as Benny nearly hit the bridge but leaped over the side wall and retracted his wheels to ground level just in time to land on the road, narrowly missing a woman pushing a baby carriage.
"He almost hit a baby!" Terra cried in outrage while Adrien looked startled by Benny's recklessness.
"Whoever drew Benny should have given him some serious driving lessons," Saphron added angrily.
"For once, the Toon patrol made a rightful arrest," Glynda said begrudgingly.
Benny cut in front of two cars, causing them to skid and crash while the Toon cab plowed through the guard rail in the middle of the road before finally evening out.
"Well fellas. Where can I drop ya?" Benny asked as he cruised down the road.
"Somewhere we can hide," Ozpin requested as he hid under the dashboard.
"I got just the place. And incidentally, if you should ever need a ride just stick out your thumb!" Benny informed while jabbing out his thumb.
"After watching that, I'd have declined," Maria commented.
"I don't blame you," Taiyang agreed with Maria. "He's even worse than real cab drivers in Vale."
"That's saying something," Ozpin said internally, having witnessed plenty of aforementioned cab drivers in Vale.
Benny cut off another car up ahead, causing her to brake and screech across the road.
"Hey lady! Share the road will ya!" Benny shouted.