Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Nine

Love Spells

A/N Sorry, this was supposed to go out Wednesday but I had assignments and class to do. It's like 23:46 and I'm so tired.

*Flashback* Vermont, the world without shrimp - May 1997

The minister was saying words Tara didn't understand. Everything around her was shattering in a million tiny pieces and it was too distracting for her to pay attention as well. The ground looked so cold despite it being early summer. She just kept thinking about how cold it would be in that box underneath all the earth. To have the world blanket you and still shiver. She didn't want her mom to be cold. There was a throbbing in her temple that wouldn't go away. She stared down into the hole, dropping one of her mom's prise roses on top of the casket. She cried frozen tears. Thick saltwater that splashed down her face as she walked away. She couldn't bare to look up, to see her father and brother's faces as they watched the grave diggers cover the coffin.

There was a mass of people gathered around the house when Tara got there. Some had brought flowers and solemn smiles. Several women from her mom's school and even some of the kids were here. Her father was too much of a mess of do anything, so after he'd stalked through the house and grabbed the nearest bottle he could find, Tara invited them all in. She sat and had coffee with chatty mothers and friends of the family she hadn't seen for a few years. She sat patiently waiting for them to get bored of her and leave, her head constantly turning towards the kettle so she could make yet another round of cups.

All the talking sounded like white noise after a while, some people were sharing stories about her mom and others were just gossiping. She hated all of it. The way her beautiful mother was reduced to simple anecdotes. Her mother had an energy that was irreplicable. It was her smell and the warmth of her skin and the way she smiled. All of that was gone. Tara thought that maybe this was her fate too, it was no secret it was the demon inside her mother that had killed her. Her dad wasn't letting her forget it. Donny had started on about it too now, her mom's death was the catalyst for her brother to start acting just like their father. He was drinking now and talking about women like they were pieces of meat.

Tara wished she had a sister, someone to share her pain with. Sometimes she imagined that she was a twin, that there were two of her and she wasn't so alone. Her mom made her feel special and important and magical, but now everything that had been magical about her was gone. Now she just the girl who did the dishes and made the coffee and ignored her homework. She was ordinary.

*Flashback* Vermont, the world without shrimp - July 1997

The window latch was sticky. Her mom always had to jimmy it open with a screwdriver. Tara didn't know where her dad had put the tools, only now they could be considered weapons and were probably locked away somewhere in the basement. The basement gave her the creeps, all spiders and mothballs. Her mom used to say that spiders were creatures of the night, but that she should still respect them. As a child she used to enchant the beetles and ants to dance for her. Something her father caught her in the midst of once and shouted at her. She ran inside the house and hid behind her mother's leg. That was the first time he hit her.

As Tara slipped out the window she cursed herself for not grabbing a jacket on the way out. She was wearing pants because for sneaking out the window, you need pants. The night air had a chill to it, she forgot how far north they were sometimes. She wasn't born in Vermont, but it was the place she grew up. She could never properly get used to it though. The way the breeze made her shiver at night, when they watched the fireworks from the backyard on the fourth of July.

She was meeting a friend by the oak tree in the park. Their private bench. She wasn't in love, she never thought someone loving her again was possible. But she liked to make out in the dark because it took her mind off everything else. She saw Holly peaking out from behind the tree and smiled. Well Holly smiled, Tara just smirked darkly. She felt distant from herself, it was why she was so reserved later, she went too far one night and her confidence had to be earned back.

The bottle clunked against her keys in her jacket pocket. The pink liquid sloshed this way and that, she had been careful not to spill a drop when pouring it. The book she'd found in the attic - the one place her mom didn't like her going - said if you spilt any it would burn through any material like acid. She hugged Holly tightly and they sat down on the bench. Tara pulled the bottle out of her pocket and handed it over. "Drink it, it'll make you feel all - floosy." She said, coyly brushing her hair behind her ear and trying to feign that she had the confidence to acquire drugs.

"Is it safe?" Holly said, her voice teetering on nervous but Tara sensed she didn't really care.

"It'll just make you feel good." The blonde reassured, handing over the little bottle and giving Holly an encouraging glare. She unscrewed the cap and sipped from the neck of the bottle. She started to feel woozy, everything around her was spinning but Tara was completely clear. "How do you feel?" She said, taking back the capped bottle and sticking it into her pocket. She didn't want to be intoxicated for this next bit.

"I feel all floaty. Like a cloud," Holly replied, her words slurring a little as she leant down on Tara's shoulder. "I love you Tara." She said sleepily.

Holly put her arms around the other girl and squeezed, then she appeared to wake up a little and started kissing Tara vigorously.

*Flashback* Vermont, the world without shrimp - January 1999

Tara stood over her workbench and admired her work. The book was open and had various green splotches over the page. She'd tried her best at wiping them away with a cloth, but that had only made the staining worse. She licked the tip of her finger and held it out to the air. What collected upon it was a a silvery precipitate, a fine dusty residue that she quickly wiped on her apron. This indicated that the potion was complete.

"Finally," she said to no one. She picked up the small vial she had prepared earlier. She turned the page of her book and then poured the frothing green potion into the vial. It smoked a little and then retreated inside the glass.

Her dad was working at his desk when she approached him quietly. She walked over to him desperately trying to act like she was invisible. "Dad? Would you like me to making dinner?" She asked squeakily from the corner of the room, trying hard not to stutter. Her father hated when she stuttered in front of him, it was a nervous tick she'd picked up after her mom died, something she only did when she was scared or anxious. Her father intimidated her, he made her feel small and weak. Like she'd be better off as one of the field mice in the garden.

"I thought I told you just to make it, not to bother with all the asking girl." He replied coldly. Her palms began to itch at his words, she almost flinched, but held her nerve at the last minute.

"Of course, sir." She added, sneaking off to the kitchen. She tipped the vial into her father's food and took it to him in his office. She hoped she'd got the formula right. She'd been making love potions for a while now, trying out different effects on different people. But this was her biggest challenge, and her most nerve wracking one. But she didn't have her hopes pinned very high, her father was a cold and distant man. But he had loved her mom once, she was sure of that. There must be some part of him, however small, that was still capable of love.

She hoped that perhaps if he grew to love her more, even under a spell, it would top him from treating her like a slave around the house. It was an attempt that didn't pay off. She had a bruise on the back of her heel for a month afterwards. Her father clearly didn't love her anymore and Donny would always follow him. So that was when she decided to start applying for colleges as far away as possible.

San Francisco, the world without shrimp - April 2006

"Goodnight baby," Willow said sweetly, leaning over and kissing Tara's cheek before reaching for the light. They were just about to snuggle down for the night but Tara stopped her. Willow shot her a questioning look and then released, she saw the sad look in her love's eyes and knew she was thinking about the past. "Honey, it's time for bed, let that head of yours rest."

Tara leaned down and put said head on Willow's shoulder, breathing out a hot, sobbing breath. "I think I have to go back." She'd been talking about this lately, dwelling on the past and thinking there was a way to make amends to her father. Willow was amazed at the fact Tara thought she still owed him something. "I have to show him I've moved on Will, that I don't care what he thinks anymore."

"But you do care?" Tara nodded shakily and let out a whimper. Willow pulled her in closer and sighed deeply, kissing the top of her head.

"He loved my mom once, he loved me once. I truly believe that," she said, picking herself up and looking into Willow's eyes. "I love you," she said slowly, leaning in to capture her girlfriend's lips. It was a slow moving of lips together, a slip-sliding of flesh. Tara pulled back in slow motion and smiled. Her finger traced Willow's strawberry lips and then kissed her again.

There was a small segue into the dark as Willow reached for the light and brought them down into the bed. Tara rested against her shoulder and moved to the pace of her breathing. Her mouth was rosy and warm. Willow started to let her fingers roam about Tara's neck. Leaving little tingles in their wake, she stroked down between Tara's breasts. The neckline of her night shirt loose enough to allow her access to her milky skin.

Tara gasped and brought her other hand up to cup Willow's cheek, bringing her face back down to match her own. A new pace was established, a quicker more active version. The bubble of warmth around them expanded and absorbed what was left of the room. Willow ducked her head under the covers and pulled up Tara's nightshirt, enjoying the expanse of skin she now found under her palms. She kneaded Tara's breasts and flicked her tongue over her nipples. They peaked and hardened, Tara moaning now she was growing more sensitive with every touch.

After, they lay in peaceful silence. The only noise coming from the street outside and the internal workings of their bodies. Willow could hear Tara's hart beating, it was clear as the cars racing outside. They soon fell asleep after a tiring night, Willow's arm wrapped around Tara's head and her body curving. Tara's head fell into the crook of her neck and her hair splayed out over the pillow. She slept like a baby in Willow's arms. Almost always waking up to a snoring redhead with her limbs spread out. Starfish. She thought it was so beautiful. Because that's love, real and palpable.