'I still don't understand why you won't just let me switch places with you,' Rab muttered under his breath, casting furtive glances around himself, keeping an eye out for the snow that lined the pavement leading up to the gates of Hogwarts. 'I am deeper in the circle. You're usually at school and you're not even attending all the meetings.'
'Yes, but I have you to relay to me everything that happens,' she replied. 'Point being Dumbledore still gets all the intel.'
Rab stopped in his tracks, his eyes pleading, 'Please, Mi, I worry about you all the time. Let me do it.'
Hermione shook her head and stepped through the school wards, turning around to face her brother.
'You fret too much. It has to be me. Dumbledore will never trust you.'
He sighed, exasperated, 'What have you done to gain his trust, then?'
She shrugged her shoulders and wrapped her arms around him.
He patted her head and whispered, 'All these secrets..,' he stopped mid speech and took a deep breath, breathing in the sweet smell of Christmas treats wafting over to him from Hogsmeade even this far outside its borders, 'I am working on a way for us to be able to communicate more freely. Our mail can be intercepted at any time. We have to play safe.'
Hermione looked up at him and nodded gravely, her own vulnerabilities clouding her mind, 'You're.. you're with me, right? Promise you will hold onto yourself.. promise you'll always, always come back to me.'
Rab smiled ruefully, 'Yes, dear sister, I will always, always come back to you. We may have gotten ourselves into some terrible luck but I will never let him take me away from you.'
'I know how it hurts you.. every time he asks you to end another life. You're doing this all for me and I.. I am so sorry.. I wish it didn't have to be this way.' Her voice cracked, 'I wish I didn't have to be your .. sister.' I wish I wasn't such a burden. I wish I was born into an unloving family. I wish this was easier for you.
He looked at her sternly. Cupping her face, he shook his head vehemently, 'Don't you dare ever say that again. Seeing her eyes droop in shame, he nudged her lightly on her arm, 'Anything for my sister. You are my responsibility. You need me as I need you.'
Hermione laughed lightly.
'Well, it's farewell for now.' He winked, 'Have a great time tomorrow.'
Hermione made a face, 'I hate Slughorn's parties.'
Rab chuckled and made to leave, 'I'll see you for Christmas. Or whatever we'll get to have of it.'
Hermione nodded and ran away to the castle, cursing her fate. Christmas, she scoffed internally. She was certain it'd be spent scheming with Voldemort; devising ways to best inflict his terror among innocents.
She was, however, glad for the small mercies she was granted. She had been quite surprised when Rab had sought her out and held her, never once blaming her for her ill devised plans or her apparent death wish as he'd put it. He respected her choices. He understood she was doing it for a reason. He did try to get her to let him be the spy for the Order in her place stating how he hated the idea of her gambling with her life as if it meant nothing. It had taken her plenty of heated discussions every time they met which had become all too often with the current circumstances.
Since Dumbledore was all too aware of her role in the war, she no longer had to worry about sneaking in and out of Hogwarts. Although, the Marauders still posed a problem. They had been as adamant as ever to hunt her down and demand answers, even resorting to begging. She was running out of options. She really did have to put it to rest. They wouldn't drop it by themselves, she knew.
She once again let her fingers trace the carved lines of the knight she always kept on her person along with her beaded bag. Turning around the corner and entering the Slytherin Common Room, she was surprised to find Severus still up even at an hour so late, staring into the depths of the Black Lake.
He whipped around at the sound the shuffling of her feet made. He smirked, 'My, my what a time to finally arrive. Don't think you have me fooled.'
Hermione raised her brow, 'What are you getting at, Severus?'
'I hear the rumours. Well, not really rumours since I happen to know they're the truth. You're lucky it hasn't gotten out to the rest of the school. Your friends would definitely have something to say about it. It's a good thing Slytherins are so adept at self preservation. They would never out one of theirs.'
Hermione had had enough of his resentment towards her that had stemmed from that night the previous term.
'Such hypocrisy is unbecoming of you, what with you being a pureblood Lady and all,' he commented slyly. 'I wonder what ulterior motives you have or if you've truly changed your ways.'
Hermione sneered at him, 'You would do well to remember your position. You have no prospects. The scholarship you've been offered wouldn't take a second for me to rescind. Don't you dare think you can go badmouthing me, Severus. We may have been friends once but that time is long past.'
'Friends,' he spat, 'you took away from me my one chance at glory!'
She felt disgusted. 'Grow up. We're at war. It's time you let go of your pathetic childishness.'
She walked away, shoving him on her way to her dormitory.
Lying in her bed, she prayed she wouldn't have to relive the torture she'd witnessed at Malfoy Manor that evening.
Revulsion was one emotion she carried with her all the time. She often tried to placate herself. It was for the greater good but the excuse fell flat to her own ears.
Where had the greater good landed Dumbledore?
She felt along the scar on her chest. She would wait patiently for her first true mission. She was doing important work. She had already delivered the news of an attack on the Ministry being planned over to Dumbledore. She had also informed him how the Minister was being tailed by none other than Lucius himself.
Surely these things were important.
They were.
She closed her eyes, seeking the safety of sleep but the sight of a bleeding girl kept attacking her vision.
Lying broken on the floor as Greyback loomed over her. Hermione wondered how she hadn't thrown up right there. She felt dry sobs wrack her body as she imagined the terror the poor Muggle girl must have felt.
Well, she didn't have to imagine what with having been in a very similar position years ago. But Hermione had at least known her friends would save her. In the end, they would save her no matter what. But this girl had been abducted from her home and thrown into a world she didn't understand. She had come face front with magic, something that should have alighted within her wonder. But she had soon found the horrors that resided in every child's secret fantasy of being able to do magic.
Harry. Ron. Ginny. Draco.
She repeated their names as if a mantra to ward off the darkness. But where could she run if the darkness lay within her.. on her very own skin. She scratched her forearm once again as she fell asleep, slowly losing herself to the crevices of a kingdom where nothing else lay but herself and her fears and on some fortunate days, laughter of a past long ago.
The next evening had been no better. She had wished for nothing but to spend the last day before the Christmas break wallowing in self pity. It helped deal with the questionable things she was doing. Her silent penance helped her feel hopeful for not having lost her humanity just yet.
She sighed to herself as she donned a beautiful robe made of a flowy silver material. She hated the idea of what lay ahead her that night.
The Slug Club.
She stepped out the dormitory to find Regulus waiting for her, dressed in immaculate black robes, looking the perfect picture of a pureblood.
He smiled at her encouragingly, 'You look gorgeous, Hermione.'
Her lips curved, her smile not quite reaching her eyes, 'You look good too, Reggie.'
He nodded, 'At least I have your approval. And it's Regulus.'
Hermione ignored his remark like she always did. 'I really wish I didn't have to go. I hate how .. jolly his gatherings are.'
He chuckled darkly, 'I know what you mean. It doesn't seem right, does it? How everyone can be so happy when despair runs rampant in our own lives.. but then again maybe that's all the more reason to spend these last few days so carelessly. Everyone will eventually be drawn into this entire deal. Why not make the best of the time we still have?'
'You're mature for a fifteen year old,' she commented.
He shrugged his shoulders, 'Living in the Black household, knowing all too well the family madness could creep in anytime, I have to be.'
He led her outside, meeting Kingsley along the way. The three made their way quietly. It didn't take long for Reggie to realise Hermione's gloom.
He silently placed his arm against the Dark Mark on her skin she was so repulsed by.
She looked at him sadly, grateful for his concern. The simple gesture was enough for her to know how he understood her grief only too well.
As they entered the room decorated with streamers and lanterns, echoing the glow of Christmas spirit, Reggie left the duo to meet a couple of friends. There were balls of artificial snow falling on their heads as bells chanted a soft melody.
Kingsley chuckled, 'He keeps outdoing himself every time. I reckon there are more famous personalities here today than ever.'
Hermione laughed lightly, 'It's a good thing. You can meet some real influential people tonight. Who knows what high places they might take you?'
'Oh, I have decided already. I'm going to be an Auror. I don't need any further counseling.'
Hermione shied away, 'Of course.'
Kingsley spared her an understanding glance, knowing all too well how he would soon be forced to act against his good friend. He knew she had her reasons. He knew she was too pure for him to actually fall trap to the false ideas she went around spewing.
Each man to his own, he thought before excusing himself politely upon seeing Slughorn beckoning him.
Hermione felt at a loss about what to do. She wandered around listlessly, a goblet of wine held precariously in her hands, wondering how long she would have to stay before she could run away from this place.
It was suffocating to be in the presence of such boisterous, jubilant cheers. It almost felt insulting. Here she was, all lonely and tired, fighting herself to save the world and nobody even knew.
Her thoughts drifted back to her meeting with Dumbledore where they had begun her training on how to sniff out truth serums and, to an extent, build a tolerance to them, sometimes even looking up antidotes.
Dumbledore had been training her to better shield not only her mind but her entire body from giving away vital information. He had been advising her on how to become adept at lying and hiding your emotions. He had been quite adamant in imparting to her all the tricks he'd picked up on during his years although he still felt somehow reluctant to let her give herself up to such a cause so fully.
The idea of a child putting herself at such risk still seemed so inconceivable to him that she wondered how he would react when or if he ever found out about how he had left a mere seventeen year old teenager on a quest more dangerous than any other.
She try did wonder if she'd make it that far.. if she'd survive the end of the war. Her mind had once again driven her to thoughts that threatened to plunge her into a sea of melancholy.
She was distracted by a sudden noise behind her. She turned around and strained her ears to pick up on the hushed conversation going on inside a hidden alcove.
A true smile lit up her face as she heard the Marauders argue over the intricacies of their katest prank, somewhat relieved to listen to their carefree voices having returned to their usual playful banter. Sirius was finally forgiven.
Remus whispered furiously, 'Grow up, Prongs! This is completely irrational and way beyond a simple prank.'
James complained, 'But they're so mean. Come on! Please let's just do it!'
Sirius snickered, 'Just imagine! The snakes won't even know what hit them. Let's blow their stupid dungeons up!'
Peter made explosion noises, his fingers snapping, clearly drunk.
Remus shook his head, disapproval on his face, 'Mi is a snake too, remember? Your brother is a snake.'
Sirius shrugged, 'Well, it's just a harmless prank. I bet Mi will appreciate it. Besides, whatever hurts Snivellus' ego should he good in anybody's books.'
'Maybe a good laugh is all she needs to come out of her depression,' James added.
'Dunno, mate, we've tried pranking her before.' Peter commented, 'It hasn't worked so far.'
Sirius nodded, 'She seems to be lot more withdrawn these days, though, don't you think?'
Remus hummed in agreement, 'She reakly was close to him.'
Hermione knew she'd heard enough. She missed Papa. Every day. But such grief was unwelcome not when she had to forego of all her emotions and dedicate herself entirely to the war effort.
She shook her head and moved away from the tapestry, walking back to the door.
She felt her arm prickle as the Dark Mark burned up. She wondered what it could be so soon already. Cursing under her breath, she once again made her way to the gates. The wind picked up as she Apparated away immediately after exiting the school grounds.
Dread flooded her as her eyes fell upon the Manor, reminding her how she would soon have to crush the boys' hearts.
Her friendship with the boys would have to be just another casualty of the war.