DISCLAIMER. None of the characters used are a creation of mine. They belong solely to JK Rowling.

Hermione rushed out of the Great Hall the next morning, hurrying towards the greenhouses to attend Herbology. The acutely mundane nature of the act of going to school packed among her days spent scheming against Voldemort and those spent tricking him seemed almost hilarious.

She sighed as she slung her bag across her shoulders, revising all the important plant names she'd need for the coming class. So caught up in herself, she ran into a soft, pliable body that fell down promptly to the ground.

Hermione cried out, aghast, 'Oh, I'm so incredibly sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going.'

She extended her hand to help Marlene up, who only accepted it grudgingly. She stood up and brushed off her robes, smiling at her tightly.

'Are you hurt?', Hermione ventured, unsure of the sudden wariness in Marlene's gait. They had been considerably warm to each other in the past.

Marlene shook her head, avoiding Hermione's eyes.

'I really am sorry. I wasn't even thinking.'

Marlene looked up at her then, shrugging her shoulders sadly, 'I don't think you are sorry enough.'

Hermione frowned as she saw her gather her things, her tiny frame bent over. She used a simple spell to sew her bag shut and looked up at Hermione.

'You are a very lucky girl. You know that?'

Hermione was truly puzzled now. She couldn't help but notice how utterly distraught the girl in front of her looked.

'I don't blame Sirius. I don't even blame you, to be honest. I really don't. I always did know he cared for you and only you. Knowing I was only going to be a fleeting affair for him, I still agreed to it. I'd say it was my fault in most ways. But I had still held onto hope. Funny how things never work out the way you want.'

'Marlene, I don't think I understand.'

She smiled ruefully, 'He has been so distant lately. He wouldn't even tell me what transpired between him and his family but one word from you and you had him running back to you despite how you haven't even spared him a glance all these months,' she explained. 'He ended things with me this morning in hopes that you'll finally acquiesce to your feelings.'

Hermione gasped. She should have been happy, perhaps, to know that Sirius cared for her but all she felt was guilt and revulsion for herself.

She had just stolen from him any little inkling of happiness he may have shared with Marlene.

'Don't run from him again, Hermione. Don't ever give him up.'

Hermione couldn't even apologise before Marlene hurried away, a blur of red and gold in the distance.

With lead in her feet, Hermione dragged herself to attend all of her classes that day, all the while blaming herself for ruining everything. She had become such a curse. Such a .. pestilence.

Sucking away the marrow of life from everyone who steered close to her.

She itched to just leave and find Harry. But she deserved no solace. She eas the reason behind Marlene's pain so she would suffer too. In repentance.

When dusk gathered she willed away the memory of Marlene with red rimmed eyes into the crevices of her mind, intent instead on hunting down the younger Black.

The need to talk to him only intensified as she saw him push around the food in his plate heartlessly. She had to change his mind.

So when Reggie left the Slytherin table that night, Hermione followed him, hot on his heels, trying to keep up with his long strides, stealth and quiet accompanying her.

She was intrigued to see him make his way up to the Astronomy Tower. She shivered at the very idea of confronting him as the cold winter wind lapped against their robes.

As the steps creaked under the weight of her feet, she saw Reggie's back straighten up. She saw him shake his head and mutter, 'I know you're there, Mi. Nobody else would even try to be that sneaky and still make so much noise.'

She took personal offence at that. She knew she was good at sneaking up on people. Reggie was just too damn observant of his surroundings.

Reggie hovered behind, jerking his head for her to lead the way.

Always such a gentleman, Hermione smiled to herself.

They reached the top, both of them leaning against the railing laden with chilled dew, watching the tiny snowflakes fall.

'It's so cold up here. What are you doing out of the comfort of your bed?'

Reggie shrugged nonchalantly, 'The cold helps clear my mind.'

'The dungeons aren't any warmer,' Hermione chuckled, silently casting a few protective charms around themselves.

'Might I ask why you were following me or have you now taken a fancy to me instead?'

Hermione laughed softly, 'You're like a kid brother, Reggie.'

'It's Regulus, please.'

Hermione smacked his head, the most un-pureblood thing she had done ever since landing in this strange world.

Reggie cried out, touching the sore spot on his head tenderly, 'Dear Lord, woman, what was that for?'

'Stop insisting on wanting to be called Regulus. What's the deal with it, anyway?'

He ignored her, choosing to carefully regard his fingernails.

'Oh, honestly, you're almost as vain as that brother of yours,' Hermione commented.

He snorted very uncharacteristically, 'What brother? Oh, you mean Sirius, do you? Brother, my arse!'

Hermione was shocked at such open hostility. Reggie had never before expressed his anger over him in such an uncouth manner.

She hesitated, unsure of how her words would be perceived, 'He told me about what happened over Christmas. You helped him run away.'

He mumbled, 'A favour to myself. I was quite tired of his whimpering. Quite a dampen when you're trying to feel festive.'

'Feel festive at Grimmauld place .. with Walburga?' She snarked, 'Yes, I do believe that.'

Reggie hid his face from her, using his raven couloured hair to shelter his emotions from her prying eyes.

'Reggie, I know how it must feel. Walburga and Orion are going to expect you to fill in his place beside Voldemort.'

'The Dark Lord works for a just cause,' he claimed. 'I'd be honoured.'

'And what part of you truly believes that?'

He turned towards her then, 'Hermione, as much as I care for you, I will not have you ridicule me so. I stand up for you because you are my friend. I ignore your disrespect and your true feelings about the Dark Lord only because you mean something to me. But never mistake my discretion for misplaced beliefs on my part.'

'You don't mean that,' she said, her voice hard and unbending.

He shook his head, 'I can't make you see me for who I truly am.'

'Oh, really now? And who are you, Oh Wise One? Do enlighten me.'

He looked at her sharply, his silver eyes looking predatory, 'Don't push me, please.'

'This is not you, Reggie. Let me help you. You don't have to do this.'

'I do, Hermione. Why did you take the Dark Mark, then? Out of family obligations, isn't it? As much as I hate how Mother has treated myself and Sirius, I can never just abandon her or Father. No matter how much I despise them, they're still family and I want to keep them safe. I'd do anything to survive this war.'

Hermione lowered her gaze, 'You'd be fighting for the losing side.'

He retorted, 'And you would be right there next to me.'

'Reggie.. please..'

He raised his hands to keep her away, 'No, you don't understand. You will never understand.'

She yelled, 'Then make me!'

His face turned pale, pained and suddenly broken. 'Hermione, I have nobody to run to. I.. I don't want to be a Death Eater,' he spat, 'but I have no choice. Sirius did. He has Potter. He has another family. Who do I have?'

'You have me! We can go to Dumbledore and he will keep you safe!'

'And would he extend his kindness to my parents? Would he? I know they don't deserve to be saved with the sins they've committed but they're family nonetheless and it is my sacred duty to protect my House no matter how much I wish to never have been born into it.'

A loyal son.

'You'd be giving up your life. You will die before the war ends, Reggie.'

'So be it,' he said, his voice resigned.

'How.. how can you care so little about yourself?'

'My compliance would ensure my family's safety. What else could I need? I won't be leaving behind anyone to truly miss me. Mother and Father would only miss the loss of an heir. They wouldn't mourn me.'

'You'd be leaving behind Sirius! He would break! He would torture himself! He would blame himself!'

His lips twitched, laughing darkly, 'Even now you care only how it would affect Sirius, don't you?'

Hermione backtracked, guilt clouding her emotions. 'I.. I didn't mean it like that.' She breathed him in. Cedar and sandalwood. She felt a tear slide against her cheeks. She croaked, 'I would miss you.'

Reggie felt some of the walls he'd so carefully drawn up crumble. 'It'll pass like everything else does.'

'Reggie, he still loves you. All will be forgiven. Please. Go back to him.'

'You know the year he left for Hogwarts? I was so lonely. When Mother received news he'd made Gryffindor she was so, so angry. She lashed out. She woke me up in the middle of the night for a very important lesson. She drilled into me how essential it was for me to respect my roots.. for me to never allow such an abomination to occur when my time came. She would often corner me, slap me and hurt me. She kept telling me how Sirius had abandoned me willingly.

'My ten year old mind refused to believe it. I absolutely abhorred the idea of something like that ever happening. So I kept fighting back, confronting her lies. And she would punish me even worse. She kept reinforcing it day after day after day. It had been weeks since I had heard from him. In the beginning he wrote me a tonne of letters but they were always about these boys he had met.. these brothers he had found. But I only ever felt happy for him. I really did. But then his letters came in less and less. Until one day I realised there would not come another. That was the day Walburga finally turned me into a docile little dog.'

In the half light of the moon he looked exactly like the shadow he'd become.

'At first I was angry. Rage devoured me. When I landed here and got sorted, I was so angry at how he brushed the entire thing away as if it didn't matter. But I knew it did. He made an effort in my first year. I won't discredit him. He really did try but he was always so busy with his pranks and all the attention and his brothers. So he slowly went further away. Slowly slipped away from me. Our conversations became far and dispersed. And then my rage turned into bitterness. Bitterness is always worse because..'

'Bitter lasts,' Hermione whispered, supplying the sentiment for him.

'For the longest time I fought myself. I fought against Mother but every summer.. every holdiay, Sirius kept leaving me alone to fend off for myself. How long could I hold up against her? I was nothing but a child with only a house elf for company. I knew what she was doing. She was brainwashing me.. drawing a wall between us. I knew it. I saw it. But.. he kept slipping away from me and.. and I lost it, Hermione. For a time I swear I felt overly zealous for a cause I didn't truly ever understand. All our housemates kept taunting me.. shaming me for having a traitorous brother. They kept baiting me, asking me to prove myself. So I turned into this .. shell.'

His voice chilled Hermione to her core. It was so devoid of emotions.. so empty.

'I don't know what happened but one day.. all of a sudden, I began questioning myself again. My questions only brought me more heartache. Why wasn't I enough? Why can't I be brave too?

'I tried so hard to reinstate my relationship with him but it seemed Time was against us. He never had enough of it for me. I know he never stopped loving me. But he made a choice. He chose them over me. And I don't resent him. I am glad he has them. I am glad he won't be dying for that pathetic excuse of a man.

'But I never had a choice. I will do whatever it takes to maintain the sanctity of my House. To maintain my family's safety.. I will do whatever it takes. Because however twisted and demented they may be,' he broke into a silent sob, 'they're all I have.'

Hermione squeezed his hand, hugging him from behind and conveying to him all her love. She rubbed her hand up and down his arms, holding him as he fell to the floor, the weight of his sorrow finally unfurling. She felt tremors run along her own body at the misery she felt emanating from the boy.. from the child in her tight embrace. Her voice wavered as she cooed into his ear.

'Reggie.. hush, now. I'm here, okay? Listen to me. I want you to come to me whenever you feel distressed. Please, you're not alone. I will never turn you away, I promise.'

She took his face in her hands, levelling him with a steady gaze. 'I know it hurts. It's hard to breathe sometimes. You've survived this alone so far but not anymore. We're in this together. Together!'

She saw the conflict in his eyes. She knew he wanted to keep himself safe from any more false promises but she also saw the need for acceptance.

'Together,' he mumbled, rolling off the word, testing the waters. 'Together,' he whispered once again.

She smiled at him warmly, dropping a kiss on his head and pulling him up. She hugged him lightly and led him away back to the dungeons.

She giggled, 'If you want we can just run away.'

Reggie chortled, 'Slow down, Mi, don't go making promises you cant keep.'

She felt comforted seeing him call her that. 'Light up now. You're not alone. Drop the Mr Moody face and give yourself up to the night!'

Hermione honestly didn't know the source of her jubilant cries but whatever it was, she'd take it. There was hardly enough to be happy about these days.

They walked hand in hand, tearing down the corridors in their new found shelter.

'I won't lie but it honestly hasn't been an easy r..,' her words stuck in her throat as her eyes registered the scene before her.

Her blood boiled at seeing Rookwood and Avery terrorising a first year Ravenclaw some part ahead of them. She had only just whipped her wand out when she heard a pair of feet shuffling towards her and Reggie from their left.

She could faintly hear Sirius, 'I don't know how to explain it. But she's something to behold.'

Lily laughed in the distance, 'You've got it bad, Black. As much as I'm angry on behalf of Marlene, I do agree it's been a long time coming. Everyone knew you would end up with Mi in the end. We even have a bet going.'

'It's so easy to just lose myself when I'm with her. But she's not the kind of girl you can woo with flowers, is she? I'll have to go all out.'

Hermione's heart broke. There she was listening to the boy who had stolen her heart, hammer away about his feelings for her to another.

Oh, how she wished for things to be different.

She would never feel the joy of hearing him say it to her face, possibly as he caressed her and showered her with kissed.

But this was real life. Not fantasy.

She faltered as she heard him whisper, 'If this is how strongly James feels for you I don't understand how he hasn't been crushed by the weight of his feelings. I swear to Merlin, Lily, I .. I .. well, she's everything. She walks in and it's like coming home.'

Hermione knew she had to end this. It was time to come clean. She owed it to the boys. They would never rest. They would never leave her alone. Their goddamned morals would never allow them ti abandon one of their own.

It was time to disintegrate the pack.

The weight of what she was about to do devastated her. She'd never be able to look Sirius in the eye and tell him she loved him. Even if the day came when she could tell him why she chose to blatantly break his heart she knew she would never earn his forgiveness.

After all if there was one thing that Sirius Black could never tolerate was disloyalty.

She looked at Reggie, putting her finger against his mouth and walked up to Rookwood and Avery, painfully aware of the approaching footsteps.

Heavy. That's all she felt.

Heavy.

Schooling her expression into that of disdain, she leaned against the wall, playing carelessly with her wand. She saw Reggie follow her and study her curiously, anticipating her next move.

'I never thought you'd need to terrify a child to ascertain your manhood, Rookwood,' she jeered.

Rookwood smirked as Avery chuckled. 'Ascertain my manhood?' He laughed, 'Please, Lestrange, many a bird will witness to it. I just find myself incapable of passing up a fair opportunity to put mudblood filth in its place.'

Hermione barely heard the stifled gasp from behind her. She knew it had to be Lily.

Let me brave, she prayed.

The pudgy little boy spoke up, 'I'm not scared of you, you hear me?'

The duo laughed wholeheartedly as Reggie tensed. Rookwood leered at the boy, fingering his wand, making the boy whimper in fear.

Hermione braced herself but no amount of Gryffindor courage could ever prepare her for how vile she would have to be. She sneered at the child, 'Feisty little one, aren't you? You think this is a joke?'

The boy cowered under her intense gaze. The silence was so thick she could almost feel the shock rolling off of the hidden Gryffindor duo behind her.

'How about this?' She bundled up her robes, pulling the cover off of her forearm, unveiling to the boy and Sirius and Lily the truth of her identity. 'Does this terrify you enough?'

'You-know-who's mark!'

Venom oozed into her voice, 'How incredibly Ravencalw.' She towered over him. Seeing him cower sent shivers down her spine, the scene reminiscent of the carnage at the village where she had been so ready to burn a child alive.

Who have I become?

Rookwood grinned crookedly, 'It's a shame, really. Why do you still keep hanging out with those blood traitors? We'd have so much fun together!'

Hermione knew she had to twist the knife in deeper.

'It's just a ploy, Rookwood. Those fools think I care for them. Potter would believe even the Dark Lord has some good in him. He's such a nuisance.' He's everything a man ought to be. 'Black is no better.' He's everything I could ever need. 'It's thrilling to know I have him wrapped around my finger. Those idiots will run to Dumbledore as soon as they graduate. Dragging out information from them will never be a difficult task. They will be put to good use.'

Avery huffed, 'Whatever the case is, Lestrange, I don't much care. What do we do with the boy?'

Reggie cleared his throat, 'Honeslty, let him go. He's almost ready to wet himself. I'd rather not concern myself with cleaning his crap.'

Rookwood had other ideas. 'But he'd set such an excellent example. Don't deny me my fun.'

Hermione had no idea how she'd protect the boy. How could she discreetly send him away?

She didn't have to think long for Lily chose that very instant to make her presence known.

'Lestrange,' she yelled, all the fondness from minutes ago wiped out from her stance.

Hermione turned around, her arm still bare. She dared not look up.

Lily pushed the little boy away from the Slytherins, briskly pulling out her wand and pointing it at Hermione's throat.

Hermione swallowed. She acted surprised and harboured an expression that spoke of how she felt mortified at having been caught.

Every movement her muscles made felt like a burden. She felt, not heard, Sirius step up. Risking a glance at him, she only ever saw a stone cold fortress protecting his emotions from her.

His eyes were empty of any feeling. His mouth set in a thin line.

Sirius Black had managed to evade the infamous rage belonging to his family that night. He had felt all earthly feelings abandon his body as the world came crashing down on him.

Hermione knew just how much damage she had done.

He won't explode.

He will wither away.

Lily managed to bark out, 'I never expected this of you.. you.. you helped me.. and now you're one of them.' She croaked, 'How could you?'

Hermione immediately stepped into her Death Eater facade. She looked down at Lily, 'Shut your trap, you oaf. Time for pretences has passed.' Lily Potter. Sweet Lily. Lovely Lily. 'You filthy little mudblood!'

Never in her lifetime had she thought that she, Hermione Granger, would so carelessly spit out the one insult that had always brought her so much grief.

Hours she had spent locked away in her dormitory when Draco had first called her that. Hours she had spent looking at her arm, tarnished and branded. Hours she had spent rubbing at her skin, trying to peel it off.

The reminder of who she was.

A filthy litttle mudblood.

She eas the filth here.

Hermione was the filth.

She felt so small.. oh so small in that moment as she registered the utter heartbreak in Lily's eyes, her very soul shattering at witnessing how the one person Lily had always trusted to have her back.. the person who had assured her of her magic, throw in her face the one thing she knew would render her weak.

Hermione knew it was unnecessary. But it was important. They needed to believe it.

So she went on, 'You thieving little girl! You dare besmirch our presence with yours.' Oh, the monster I have become. I hate myself. 'I have had to put up with you for so long. I had hoped the Dark Lord would be benefited by my association with you. It was always such a hindrance to be constantly surrounded by an animal such as yourself. No matter. Substitues are easily found. Especially for someone as disposable as yourself.' I hate myself.

Nothing cohld prepare her for what she'd hear next.

Sirius whispered, his tone flat, 'Step away, M.. Lestrange. Leave. Take your cronies with you. Don't make me alert Dumbledore.'

Hermione felt as if someone had stabbed her. She felt the pain of all the Crucioes she had been hit with in her lifetime, all of them culminating in one little word.

Lestrange.

She had won over the younger Black but lost the one she loved in the same breath.

Sirius silently held Lily's hand. She could see unshed tears in the redhead's eyes, pride not allowing them to fall.

Avery muttered, 'The party's over. Let's go.'

Rookwood nodded, 'Coming, Lestrange? Black?'

Hermione gulped. She felt Reggie pull her away.

Away from Sirius. Away from Lily. Away from safety and warmth.

I need Harry.. oh, what have I done?

She turned away, seeing pain and betrayal flicker in the depths of the silver eyes that had captured her heart.

Reggie kept her upright, never letting her fall or fumble.. never letting the boys ahead witness her weakeness.

He begged, 'You love him.'

'Love is weakness,' she croaked.