DISCLAIMER. None of the characters used are a creation of mine. They belong solely to JK Rowling.
AN: A bit of a time jump here. We have Remus' POV today to see what's been happening with the Marauders. We will switch back to Hermione next chapter again. Also, we will be seeing a lot more of Harry soon again.
The smell of the sea clung close to Remus' clothes, his feet hanging over the railing as his fingers fiddled with his wand, his knuckles white. The wind chilled him to his bones, each strong gust beating across his face and splashing him with salt sprays. He felt just like the waves did. Tossed about and churned into nothingness, the lonely shore rapturing the deepest confines of his mind, transporting him back to the time he had come to stand before his worst nightmare.
'Oh, aren't you a sweet dish?' Greyback leered at him, his yellowing teeth bared. 'I remember you well, boy. What a tiny, pretty little thing you were all those years ago.'
Memories could such a burden to bear at times.
As the moon hung low and wide, Remus decided to forage just a little deeper into the woods. He would run back home at the slightest chance of a scuffle. He was only just picking through ripened fruits when he heard it. A low rumble of the throat.
Not a second had passed. He didn't even find the time to turn around and the wolf was onto him, tearing into his flesh, red blood dripping down the child's sides, his entire being mere skin and bone.
He sighed.
The old, decrepit cottage a few hundred yards behind him stood guard. It was the latest of the Order safehouses, not that Remus knew most of them considering how he rarely ever got the chance to attend the Order meetings anymore. Not since he'd joined Greyback's pack as a spy for Dumbledore despite the horror it brought him.
It had been a year since he'd been tortured. It had taken a gruelling five months for Remus to undo the blast his reputation had taken in the pack, to regain Greyback's faith. He had only faltered for a second. He could never have bitten the little boy that one night when they'd stumbled upon, not even if he hadn't been turned into a wolf then. Who knew what kind of a monster that would have turned the boy into.
He shuddered as the sun finally dipped below the horizon, the violet hues of the sky peeking at him shyly.
It was strange really. A year had passed since he had walked out of that dreary Manor where one of his best friends had been forced to inflict upon him the kind of pain you wouldn't even wish on an enemy. He felt his heartstrings tug even at the thought of how Hermione must have tortured herself over the entire debacle for days on end. He had never again found the chance to communicate with another Death Eater much less Hermione.
Sure he had seen her in enough battles. She was always skirting around to the edges, helping in any way that she could, the tiniest and the most inconsequential ways but helping nonetheless. She often chose daintier curses, those that could never truly hurt. She also kept close to her brother and Regulus but that was not a surprise.
He was broken out of his reverie as he heard the distinct sound of someone Apparating in to the beach side. He turned around almost at instinct, his wand drawn out.
'Merlin! Is that really you, Remus?'
Remus sucked in a breath. In the halo of the moonlight Lily radiated beauty, her red hair glowing in the dark. His lips twitched in a hesitant smile. 'Hullo.'
Lily's grin broadened as she flung herself into his arms, all signs of the hardened lines the war had garnered over onto her face disappearing in an instant.
'How are you?' He asked.
Her smile grew dimmer, 'I've been better. But what's been happening with you?' Her eyes roamed over his body, a worried frown marring her features. 'You look like you haven't eaten in days, Remus.'
He smiled a wry smile, shrugging carelessly.
Her voice grew sombre. 'We miss you. This is only the third time I'm seeing you in almost ten months.'
Remus' eyes turned downcast. 'You knew it would be this way. The happy times had to come to an end. Hogwarts was always far away from reality,' he murmured.
He hated lying to his friends. To his family.
She frowned. 'Remus, if you still haven't been able to find a job James can help you out. So can Sirius.'
He looked at her, understanding apparent in his eyes. He would never spurn his friends. He knew it would not be charity coming from them. Not when they were more like brothers.
'We don't even know how you're holding up. You rarely show up. Not even for the Order. How.. how bad could things be, Remus?'
'Lily, you don't understand.. not everything is so easy. Not for someone like me. I, I can't just move in. I have my parents to think about too. My father hasn't held a stable job in years. He's targeted by the Death Eaters for being so vocal against them back in his day. To keep them safe, I do what I have to.'
More lies.
Despicable.
She reached out for his hand, clutching it tight. 'I am begging you, Remus.. don't shut us out.. you don't have to do this all by yourself.'
'Lily, please. Stop. I know they think I'm ..' He swallowed visibly, the hurt from all the tedious months he had spent alone catching up. 'I know what they think about me. They're suspicious. They think I'm spying on Dumbledore,' he whispered, broken.
She looked away, dismayed. 'But I don't. I don't believe any of it. You're out there doing God knows what. I thought we were all a family.'
He smiled sadly, shaking his head. He might have believed her if not for the pink that had tinged her cheeks, a sure sign of her guilt. 'It doesn't count up to a whole lot, you know? Not really..'
He saw her eyes fill with unshed tears, the starlight glittering over the two.
'Will you be at the wedding, then?' she asked, steering him away from the gloom.
'Only time will tell.'
There was a silence surrounding them then. So thick that Remus could have almost burst.
Lily wavered with her words. 'There are rumours.. about you. They say.. they say you've been seen roaming around with other werewolves.'
Remus sighed. He had no answer good enough for her.
His brows furrowed as he sidestepped her and entered the tiny little cottage. He knew he was early. Terribly so. Lily had been the only one to have reached other than himself and Dumbledore, it seemed, who was sat patiently awaiting the evening's company.
'My boy,' he smiled kindly.
Remus tipped his head, blending with the walls so thoroughly nobody would ever spot him unless he wanted.
As the party began arriving in twos and threes Remus wanted nothing else than to disappear.
He saw Elphias Doge teeter onto the edges of his stool as Alastor Moody preached to the Order the importance of constant vigilance, his age old mantra. The representatives of the Resistance sat quietly in the corner, their voices hushed and their gazes steadfast upon Dumbledore.
Remus' eyes kept averting from a pair of hazel ones. He dared not meet James' tired gaze lest he give himself away. He muted the chaos of the meeting, the arguing men and women and the banging of desks. It seemed people were already tiring from the war.
A year. Only a year that it had dragged on and yet the soldiers were already weary.
An estimate had been made of those murdered in cold blood. Voldemort's Death Eaters had reportedly killed a total of seven hundred and sixty three Muggles in the short time and tortured into insanity even more.
The Order too had suffered. They had lost Arthur Weasley's father to Lucius Malfoy's curse. The Prewett twins had come close to death many a times too but had always miraculously escaped. Dorcas Meadowes had been kidnapped by some deranged monster of a man, one of Voldemort's followers, but had very surprisingly escaped the next fortnight. She refused to reveal to her friends how. Not even Peter ever found out despite the hours he had spent ruthlessly turning over every Death Eater hideout with James and Sirius on his tail. Remus was almost terrified about how much further Peter could fall into the fit of darkness that had overcome him in those days when he had searched for the woman he loved. He was quite overly glad to see Peter finally breathe a sigh of relief at having found his beloved by God's grace.
Remus, however, was certain it was no divine intervention. He was sure of Hermione's hand behind Dorcas' escape. There was no other plausible explanation. Alas, nobody might ever know.
'.. we simply cannot allow this absurdity to continue,' Moody yelled. 'You have to tell us where you find all these far fetched stories. Who is it feeding you such senseless tales, Dumbledore?'
The Headmaster merely smiled, ever the face of serenity. 'Why, Alastor, these exaggerated ideas have turned out to be exactly how Voldemort plays out his raids.'
'It still is quite peachy, though, isn't it?' Doge quipped. 'In times like this you can't ever account for which side somebody is truly on. How long before this mysterious individual lands us in a pickle of a situation? It could be an intricately designed ruse.'
'I am no old coot however much I may be said to be one, old friend. I am quite certain of where I place my loyalties.'
'The Head of the Resistance agrees,' the man named Elias remarked. 'We happen to share the same sources, Mr Dumbledore. Our organisation approves of your choices. Your next mission may not entirely be the most thoughtful but it is undoubtedly effective.'
Sirius snorted, 'Stay out of this. It's not your precious life concerned. It's terribly convenient for you to agree to this madness.
'Too right,' Peter nodded. 'It's our necks on the line.'
'If you're so sure about how this is going to turn out then join us,' Sirius smirked.
'Gladly,' the blond called Nikolina replied. 'Considering how it is clearly out of your reach.'
'There is no fooling Voldemort,' Edgar Bones quietly murmured, ignoring the bickering youngsters. 'We could never pull this off.'
'We might be able to,' Frank Longbottom added, 'but not with the number of people we have left. Marlene's already been injured. Same goes for Fletcher. Dorcas isn't' up for a fight either what with being malnourished and all.'
'That's right, Professor,' Lily agreed. 'We are severely shorthanded.'
Dumbledore placated the lot, 'I believe it is the mind's gameplay that bends armies' will not the number of men you have on your side.'
Another squabble broke out over the logistics of the Order's new memorandum. It was then Dumbledore chose to rise to his full height and fill the room with his true power, dispersing the crowd for a short break of tea.
Remus saw as the group once again disbanded and moved to gather themselves in smaller numbers, huddled around and eschewing their grievances to each other. He braced himself for another night filled with loneliness. He would have appreciated a full night's sleep perhaps. He never came across it anymore with the pack. Greyback was always on the move, prowling for more and more victims.
He sighed, picking up a tiny biscuit off one of the plates, the smell emanating off it not enticing enough anymore to satiate the starved wolf. He couldn't stomach it not after the kind of things he had seen during the course of the previous year.
He moved to take one of the empty chairs in a vacant corner but was interrupted before he even got midway to it.
'Join us, mate,' James grinned at him. 'Months since we've seen each other and you're still running away. Come on, now.'
Remus' mouth opened in shock and closed again. He stared after James' retreating back, a strange feeling in his gut. He followed close behind, his steps halting every once in a while. What would he even say after such abrupt periods of absence? He knew James would consider it the highest dishonour to mistrust a friend and yet he knew the doubt lingered somewhere inside.
Peter smiled at him earnestly, hugging his side close. Remus chuckled, instantly comforted.
Sirius, too, made an effort. He clapped him on the back, tugging at Remus' brown hair playfully but the tightness in his jaw never really went away. Remus could see right through the act and it hurt more than he thought it would.
Was this how Hermione felt? So blindly overseen when all that she was doing was to save her friends. To think Remus had been a part of the silent torture inflicted on her made another part of him ache.
Lily levitated the kettle around, each of them pouring themselves a hot cup of drinks.
'Drink up, the lot of you,' James remarked.
'Dumbledore's come up with another one of his badgy old plans.' Sirius complained, 'The crowd isn't going to be happy. It will keep us here all night.'
Peter nudged him lightly, chuckling, 'It could have been a lot worse. At least we don't have Hagrid harping onto us tonight. You know how he gets completely lost in his ramblings.'
'Dorcas should have you on a tight leash,' Lily grumbled. 'You don't have to be so mean.'
James shook his head tiredly at his friends. 'It isn't a joke. We're going to be risking our lives here. Quit laughing over it.'
Remus felt his heart constrict. The greatest jokester of them all and he was all grown up.
'Well, at least we have surprise on our side,' Lily said hopefully.
'Voldemort is the kind of man,' Remus said, 'who would go as far as considering even such trivialties as surprise before he starts his day and sets his foot out.'
'You act as if you know a lot about how his mind works,' Peter said carefully, his body tipping forward towards Remus, a lion beginning his hunt.
Remus scowled, 'It is something each one of us ought to know. It's in our job description, isn't it? Know your enemy and half your work is done.'
Sirius perked up. 'Really, now? You aren't very good at your job, then, are you? You don't even have the time to show up anymore. I do wonder what keeps you so busy. Here we all are putting our lives on the line every day and what is it that keeps you up at night?'
'How is it any of your business, Black? You sure as hell don't give a damn.'
James placed a reassuring hand on Sirius' shoulder before moving to stand between the two men. 'Stop it, the both of you. This is exactly what Voldemort does best. He creates mistrust where there doesn't need to be any. Give him some credit, Padfoot. The man you're pointing fingers at is the one who's the least likely to go around following the Death Eaters. Have you forgotten Greyback's one of them? Fenrir. The man who ruined Moony's life.'
His eyes flickered over to Peter next. 'Honestly, Wormy, you know how bad of a liar he is. He could never fool a fly. Stop badgering him.'
Sirius looked abashed, turning his head away. He nodded tightly at Remus and muttered a half-hearted apology.
Peter merely chose to sit down, dropping heavily into a wooden chair.
Sirius whispered, 'I wonder how Voldemort does it. The place reeks of insecurities.'
Lily squeezed his hand, 'All we need to do is keep a..'
The rest of her words were drowned by the blur of motion set astride at the sight of Kingsley's patronus, shining bright in the dimly lit room. 'They have attacked Gringotts. Ranks of Death Eaters plundering through the entire street. Dispatch forces right away.'
Dumbledore barked out orders, each of the Order members fleeing away to the scene of devastation. Remus too ran behind the others, hot on Peter's heels away into the dark of the night. He was only just about to follow Lily into the battle scene before he remembered Remus Lupin was one of Greyback's pawns. He couldn't be seen Apparating in beside an esteemed Order member.
No. He ought never be seen anywhere even close to one.
He pinched the bridge of his nose, his frustration at being utterly useless building. The wind bit at his face, tearing at his skin.
He could do nothing but stare helplessly into the sea, turbulent and unforgiving, its vast multitudes ready to swallow him whole and free him of his human troubles. How strangely comforting was it that Death was always so close.
He shut his eyes tight, waving his wand around himself and muttering quick spells to transfigure his face into a grotesque version of himself. He dared not fight lest he be identified by his wandwork but he could help with the wounded.
He spun into the darkness, leaving behind the rusty tinge of the air and landing himself forefront in the middle of a wrecked world.
He could practically feel the hum of the magic in the air, the swirling currents of blasts and echoes of spells sending ripples into the fibres of the universe.
He squinted his eyes to see Hermione in the distance, her stance poised and her gaze intent on a maroon robed man fighting alongside the Resistance far away onto the opposite side.
Lies and secrets.
They would be the end of them all.