Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight.

Thank you all for continuing to read this story. I'm so happy you like it enough to keep coming back.

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I'm a little nervous about this chapter. Really hope you'll like it!

5: Hold On

Bella

Red hot, salty liquid was pumping into my mouth and I groaned in relief as I swallowed and the scorch in my throat diminished further. As I cast my third deer aside, I sensed a presence. I froze in place, chills creeping down my back. Someone was here.

I wheeled around, instinctively dropping into a defensive crouch and growling a warning. It took me only a fraction of a second to locate the intruder. He was tall, with longish sandy hair and bright red eyes. He appeared to have been watching me curiously for a while and showed no signs of remorse or aggression now that I had noticed him.

"My apologies," he said, politely, "for interrupting you. I was curious, that is all."

As he took a step towards me, my reaction was almost involuntary. I growled a second warning, every muscle in my body tensing, preparing to defend myself. He paused at this and continued to eye me speculatively, before dropping onto one knee and lowering his gaze to the ground. I instantly felt more at ease, and realized his submissive gesture had been entirely for my benefit, to assure me that he was not dangerous.

I remained cautious, but straightened up and waited to see what he would do next.

"I promise I mean you no harm at all," he said. "Will you permit me to introduce myself?" Although his head remained bowed, he lifted his eyes to meet mine. I gave a small nod and he slowly got back to his feet and started coming towards me again. I took an involuntary step back, before finding my resolve to stand my ground.

"My name is Garrett," he said. "I was just passing through and I have to admit, I was intrigued by your choice of meal."

"I'm Bella," was all I could manage. I'd expected my voice to be croaky from disuse as I had not spoken a single word since my change, but instead it chimed almost musically, taking me by surprise.

"I'm pleased to meet you, Bella," he said with an easy smile. He paused again, his eyes surveying me up and down and lingering on my face and eyes, as if trying to make up his mind about something.

"How long changed are you, Bella?" he asked, with a hint of exasperation that he hadn't been able to figure it out himself.

I shrugged. I genuinely had no idea.

"What's the last date you remember as a human?" he pressed.

I had to think about it. I remembered it being spring break when I had taken my dive off a cliff, but the exact date eluded me.

"March?" I asked, more than answered. "The middle I think, maybe the fifteenth or the sixteenth?"

"Which year?" Garrett pressed.

"This year," that answer came easily at least, although Garrett gaped at me. I had finally managed to shake his composure.

"This year?" he echoed in disbelief. "2006?"

I nodded my conformation.

"But that makes you barely a month turned?"

I shook my head. A month? It had felt like an eternity. I would have sworn that lifetimes had passed. Could it really have only been a month? That was monumentally depressing. How long would a year feel? Or a decade? Or a century? It was horrifying to consider spending eternity, living the way I was.

"Are you on your own?" Garrett seemed more alert now, looking for evidence of who I was hunting with. I felt uncomfortable with such a loaded question. As well as not wanting to admit that I so vulnerable, I also hated acknowledging even to myself that I was completely alone. I guess that, despite my best efforts to project a calm, confident image, some of the grief must have seeped into my expression. Garrett's sympathy was evident and it riled me.

"The vampire that turned you, left you to fend for yourself?" he asked sharply, his tone radiating disapproval.

"I'm managing just fine!" I retorted indignantly.

"I didn't mean to imply that you weren't," Garrett said more carefully, "but it is inexcusable for a vampire to change a human, and then neglect to guide them. It is a difficult transition, even when you are supported."

I grimaced in dismay. Of all the inexcusable things that Victoria had done to me, not sticking around to 'support' me was the kindest. The idea of her helping me was as repulsive as it was unlikely. I was distracted into my own thoughts and rudely ignoring Garrett, who was watching my every reaction.

"If you would like, I could offer you somewhere to get cleaned up," he suggested cautiously. I knew how much of a state I was in. I had been wearing the same clothes since I was human, and they had been in and out of the water so many times, it was a miracle they had not fallen apart completely. The idea of breaking out of this cycle I had trapped myself in was both appealing and terrifying at the same time.

"I promise I have no ulterior motive," Garrett said, as if he could sense my anxiousness and indecision.

"I can't…" I hesitated, "I can't be anywhere around humans."

"Have you ever tasted human blood?" he questioned, seeming a little confounded by my attitude.

I shook my head.

"You do know how amazing that is?" Garrett said sincerely. "Such self-control is almost unheard of. Most new vampires would be insane with thirst by now. Uncontrollable and incoherent. Yet here you stand…rational and headstrong." He paused in thought once more. "But if you are truly concerned about that then you needn't worry; the place I'm staying is very isolated."

o

I think it was sheer loneliness that compelled me to go with him. That, and his open, honest, easy manner. We ran together in silence and it felt so good to be running towards something, rather than running away. We weaved our way further inland, away from the sea and up into the mountains. The forest was becoming denser and I wondered where we were actually headed and if my instinct to trust Garrett had been way off.

The house seemed to spring out of nowhere. I had no idea where I expected to end up, but this would have been my very last guess. It was a large house settled seamlessly into the wilderness, but exuding luxury. Garrett let us in the front door and into a huge reception area and then though into a large open plan living area. There was the very faint scent of human inhabitants, but it was almost completely masked by Garrett's scent which was everywhere. He had obviously been living here a while.

I felt entirely too dirty to be standing in such an immaculate room. I took in my surroundings in awe, my eyes settling on a framed photo of a beaming couple on the mantle. I felt a pang as I wondered whether they were still alive or whether Garrett had taken their lives in exchange for somewhere to stay. Garrett followed my gaze and responded as if he had heard my thoughts.

"They're still alive. I find second homes and vacation homes to provide varied, private and stimulating shelter. I seek out the secluded ones that are rarely used."

"And when they arrive for a visit?" I wondered.

"I'd hear a car heading this way when it was still miles away. I have plenty of time to set things straight and move on. I'm sure most of the people who put me up never have any idea I was staying. I tend to hunt for the blood of those who do not deserve to have it pumping though their veins." I nodded in understanding, relieved that my instincts regarding Garrett hadn't failed me.

"There's a bathroom upstairs," Garrett said, interrupting my thoughts. "Take as long as you need."

o

The bathroom was vast and modern with smooth oversized, neutral tiles and shiny chrome fittings. A shower that could clean several people at once was on the opposite wall to a bath that could do exactly the same. If I had been able to, I might have wept at the prospect of being clean. The decision was almost impossible. Bath or shower?

Then I caught my refection in the full length mirror, tucked in an alcove. I gasped in horror, slowly approaching my reflection with an outstretched hand. I already knew my clothes were tattered, worn and ripped by the elements. However, they were in no way revealing though as my skin was so caked in dirt. Dried animal blood was evident on the residual material. My hair was so matted and knotted it actually stood away from my head in clumps and my face was hidden by dirt smears. Most startling of all were my crimson eyes. I sobbed out a giggle. Weren't vampires supposed to be supernaturally beautiful? Trust me to be the exception that proved the rule. If I had ever got close to a human they were much more likely to suspect they were being eaten by Bigfoot rather than drained by a vampire.

My appearance made the choice for me; shower, then bath.

o

I sat in the bath wondering if I could ever bring myself to be able to get out of the water. I had thoroughly scrubbed myself clean in the shower. The water rolling off me had been practically black and I wondered what on earth Garrett must have thought of me when he came across me in such a state. It had been very generous of him to offer me refuge when I had looked so feral.

Thank Goodness Alice hadn't seen me; she would have spontaneously combusted. The errant thought took me by surprise and drove a spear of painful betrayal straight through me. I dipped my head under the bubbles and the water, so that I was completely immersed, immediately feeling better. The water was still my safe haven. My security blanket. I didn't shrug it off for a very long time and when I emerged, I felt immediately vulnerable again.

Wrapping myself in a towel, I made my way into the adjoining bedroom and found a hairbrush on the dresser. I violently tugged it through my hair and by the time it was tangle free, it was almost dry. There was no way I could put back on my destroyed clothes. I opened the closet and was relieved to find it teaming. I felt a little tickle of guilt at the theft I was about to undertake, but I had no other option. My guilt quickly dissipated as I rifled through the clothes. There was nothing practical here at all. Did this woman never set foot outside this house once she was in it?

I settled on long sleeved deep maroon colored dress. It seemed to be the one that would cover me up the most, despite its plunging neck line. At least it was a modest knee length. As I squeezed into it, I wondered about its owner again. I had been verging on malnourished when Victoria had taken me and then starved before she changed me, so I must have been very thin. This woman was obviously thinner and the dress hugged me tightly around my middle and stretched over my bust and hips giving the impression I had curves that weren't there. I cast a glance over the collection of shoes, immediately dismissing them as ridiculous and opting to go barefoot.

I made my way nervously down the stairs, apprehensive about talking to Garrett again. What would we do now? It was mystifying. My simple existence had become suddenly complex and confusing.

Garrett was lounging sideways in a chair, his legs dangling over the arm, engrossed in a book. When he sensed my approach, he gracefully sprang to his feet in a polite, gentlemanly gesture. Then he looked up at me. As he took in my transformed appearance, his eyes darkened perceptibly and his instinctive reaction to me was tangible. My body responded immediately and involuntarily. Desire sparked though me, catching me off guard. It was such a sudden shift in emotion, I felt unbalanced.

"Bella?" Garrett asked in disbelief, closing the gap between us in a few long strides. He reached out to touch my hair, catching a stand between his thumb and forefinger, gently caressing it to the tip. I could tell he was trying to reconcile his image of me before with that of me standing in front of him now. His proximity was too much for me and overloaded my senses. His scent was intoxicating and his closeness was so very welcome. It had been a very long time since I had been touched in such a gentle, caring way and I craved more. I craved contact and intimacy and was overpoweringly relieved that I was no longer alone.

Without thinking, I pressed my lips to his. To me they felt warm and soft. His reaction was immediate, he pulled me close to him, pressing our bodies together and deepening the kiss. Every cell in my body was instantly alight and attuned to him and I felt an acute withdrawal as he gently pulled away.

"We shouldn't be doing this," he told me softly and kindly. The rejection hit me like an avalanche. Was I really that repulsive? I could almost hear Victoria's voice in my ear, reminding me again and again of how abhorrent I was. Horrifically embarrassed, I made to move away, but Garrett tightened his grip. I knew that I could wrench myself free if I wanted to, but I couldn't bring myself to. I had nowhere to go.

"I have never met anyone like you," Garrett explained in a soft voice, "so independently different with such amazing control at such a young age…and so beautiful. But I would be taking advantage of you. When we are newly turned our emotions are volatile and our urges difficult to control. It would be incorrigible of me to let us do something you may very well come to regret."

Our eyes locked and held. His were almost black with desire now and I was craving…something, I needed Garrett in this moment. I could see his internal battle with his conscience. This time it was him who instigated the kiss and it was instantly intense, robbing me all awareness of my surroundings. His hand drifted to the small of my back, this thumb circling there, dialing up the tension trembling within me.

His hands expertly explored my body, every caress driving my need for more. I was hardly aware of him relieving us both of our clothes until I felt the solid muscle of his chest under my fingers. He hissed as my nails slid down his abdomen and I felt his low growl vibrate under my fingers and he gently eased us to the floor.

He covered my body with his. His every touch was like electricity on my skin and he seemed to know exactly what to do to set my body shuddering beneath him, but I could feel him holding back on me, treating me with such care and respect and it was not enough. Part of me was screaming internally that this was not who I truly wanted to be touching me this way and that I was betraying everyone in allowing this to continue. Including Garrett and especially myself. But I couldn't stop him. I needed to feel this and I needed more.

I was desperate and nervous at the same time. I had no idea what I was doing and was sure that my clumsy innocence was obvious to him. Garrett nudged my knees apart and tantalizing hovered above me, giving me the chance to stop him, but I didn't want this to stop. When he met the barrier that was proof of my inexperience I heard his gasp and he somehow stilled himself, rising up onto his outstretched arms to look me in the eye. He tilted his head at me questioningly.

He was going to stop. I could see it in his eyes and part of me agreed with him wholeheartedly, but there was a new side of me now. A side that I had tried to keep contained but had only been able to repress. I wrapped my legs around his hips, guiding him deep inside of me in one awkward pull.

He kissed me as he set a slow, controlled pace. He was still kind and considerate and loving and I couldn't bear it. It felt pleasurable but it wasn't what I wanted or needed. I let my lips wander down his throat, not sure what I'd been thinking, but knowing that something was missing. Without considering what I was about to do, I surprised both him and myself, by sinking my teeth into his skin, just below his collarbone. He reared up in reaction, letting out a guttural roar and lifting my legs so high, my hips were suspending in mid-air. He stabilized my pelvis with his strong grip and set a punishing rhythm as he thrust into me again and again. Finally, I was taken where I needed. Waves of pleasure rolled over me, sweeping away all my doubts and fears and melting my memories away until there was nothing in the world but Garrett and me. I had no idea how long I was lost to him. He collapsed onto me and although it was impossible for us to be physically exhausted, we were emotionally spent.

After several minutes, Garrett slowly lifted himself off me and carried me gently to the sofa where he lay down beside me. He used his finger to sweep a wisp of my hair from my face and I was reminded of how this started and had a sudden desire to start it again.

"That was a very dangerous thing you did, Bella," Garrett admonished me without conviction. "I could have reacted very differently to your bite and even as it was, I barely had any control."

"Sorry," I offered, although I didn't mean it.

"Don't be, it is all my fault," he said in a low voice, "I behaved abominably and have stolen something from you that I can never give back."

"You didn't steal anything, I gave it to you and I knew what I was doing," I lied. I had no idea what I was doing.

He smiled and kissed me lightly, "You were irresistible and have never experienced anything like that in all my years. I wish I was the one who was sorry, but I can't bring myself to be."

o

I was on the veranda absorbing the panoramic view. I rested against the railing leaning forward. The past few days with Garrett had been amazing, closer to happy than I ever imagined I would feel and definitely closer than I deserved, but I still felt lost. I had no place here, despite Garrett's kindness and attention. Everything was fine when I immersed myself in the present, but when my mind was drawn to the past or future, everything felt wrong. I knew I should leave, but hadn't been able to find the courage to.

Garrett had adjusted some of the husband's clothes to fit me, so I was comfortably dressed at least. I smiled in memory of Garrett sewing. It was completely surreal to watch.

"What?" Garrett had demanded when he caught me staring at him in disbelief. "I like clothes that fit, and they're not always easily available."

"It just seems impossible, watching your giant hands manipulating that tiny needle," I had supplied.

"Giant hands! I'll have you know that my hands are incredibly dexterous."

"I'm well aware of all the things your hands are capable of."

"Some of the things that they are capable of," he had smirked, "but definitely not all. Not yet at least."

"Is that a promise?" I'd goaded innocently and he answered by throwing the shirt he was adjusting to one side and stalking after me with a playful growl.

I was pulled back to the present by the soft whoosh of the sliding door behind me. I glanced over my shoulder as I heard Garrett step through. He was wearing only jeans, unaffected by the cold despite his lack of clothing. He looked so handsome and I felt a curling low in my stomach, reminding me of my hunger for him which had yet to diminish. I ignored it though, turning my attention back to the mountain view. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me back into him.

"We need to talk," he whispered and my stomach dropped in dread. Was he about to take the decision out of my hands? Was it time for us to part ways? I couldn't face him, fearing what he was about to say.

"Bella, it would be an honor and a privilege to travel with you, if you'd be willing," he spoke in a slow, serious voice, and let the suggestion hang in the air, giving me time to process it.

I turned slowly to face him. "Travel with you?" I echoed.

"If you would be agreeable," he confirmed.

It was so incredibly tempting, but there were so many reasons that it was a bad idea. Reading my hesitation, Garrett grabbed my hand and pulled me to sit on the wooden outdoor furniture. He looked at me speculatively and it was clear he had anticipated my resistance to the idea and intended to circumvent it. It was a little scary how well he already knew me.

"I have never had any desire to change anyone. That is mainly because I shirk responsibility but also partly because I remember exactly now it felt to be new to this life and it seemed cruel to consider putting another being through it. One thing I am sure of is that no one should have to go through it on their own. There are many things about this life that are hard slow lessons learnt alone. I found that out and I hate the idea of you being in some of the positions I found myself in when I was newly turned. It would be my pleasure to guide you, if you'll let me."

"And what would you get out of it?" I asked with a hint of sarcasm, unable to fathom why he seemed to want this so sincerely.

"Your company," was his immediate response. I squirmed uncomfortably, finding it difficult to accept his answer, no matter how honestly it was delivered. I cast my eyes to the ground.

"Garrett…I can't be in any sort of relationship. My heart was broken, long before I was even changed. It would be so wrong for me to commit to anything with you," I choked out, not wanting to discuss this, but needing Garrett to understand.

The silence was long and finally I looked up at him, wanting to guess what he was thinking. It seemed that this was an obstacle he had not been anticipating and it took him time to gather his thoughts.

"Bella, I'm not asking you to commit to forever. There is only one bond that is everlastingly formed among our kind. It is widely known as the mating bond and it is quite rare. Some of us exist for centuries without finding a mate, but that doesn't mean we have to be alone all of that time. I have travelled with…a fair few…companions over the years and I've yet to develop such a bond. I think that my soul is simply too free spirited to attach itself to someone so permanently. We will have no such control over whether or not it develops, but having compared the history of our hearts it seems very unlikely." He paused, to let me digest the implications of his speech and then added softly. "Although, I must say that you are the first woman I've met to make the prospect of such a bond even remotely tempting. I cannot imagine any amount of time with you will be too long. What I am proposing though, is not eternity… just for as long as our alliance is mutually convenient and when that is no longer the case we will part as friends."

"I cannot be around you while you hunt humans. The temptation would be too much and my conscience would strongly object." This time Garrett smiled wide. This was an argument he had anticipated.

"I was thinking that if a Newborn can manage without human blood, how hard can it be? I'm sure I can manage abstinence, temporarily, for as long as we travel together." I was floored by this. He would change his diet? For me? We had discussed the morals of vampire feeding patterns at length. Garrett felt no remorse for the victims he chose and was comfortable being judge and executioner. I had argued that both addicts and criminals could be rehabilitated and that in the short time he observed his victims, he had no idea what had led them down that path or if they were capable of earning redemption. He had dismissed my arguments, saying that the human life span was so brief anyway, shaving off a few years of life off those who wasted it was inconsequential. It was miraculous that he would even consider feeding from animals. He had found the concept highly distasteful.

For the first time I began to seriously consider the notion of being with Garrett for an extended period of time.

Then I remembered one of the mantras Victoria had kept up as I changed.

"It's dangerous to be with me, Garrett. The vampire who changed me promised to make my death permanent at the first sign that I was no longer alone."

Garrett's eyes instantly darkened to pitch black and he vibrated with anger.

"The one who changed you did so to punish you and left you alone deliberately? You know this as a certainty?" he asked, his voice dangerously quiet. I nodded.

"Then the decision is made for you," his tone had a steel to it I had not heard before, nor thought his easy-going nature was capable of. "I will not let you travel alone until I am confident you can fight adequately enough to ensure that he would regret trying to hurt you in any further way." I didn't correct Garrett's assumption that it was a male vampire that changed me. I didn't want to dwell on the circumstances surrounding my change any longer. Those thoughts took me to such a dark place, I feared I might lose myself completely. I could sense Garrett's curiosity and I'm sure he could sense my reluctance as well. He didn't push for an explanation and I was grateful. I didn't want to lie to him, but the truth was too condemning to rehash.

xXx

Jasper

Alice practically flew into the room.

"She's not alone. I had another vision and someone is with her."

"Someone we know?"

"No one I recognize. But their relationship will be intimate, or maybe even already has been."

I felt a growl rise in my chest. Not jealousy but concern. For the first time I felt truly like a protective older brother. Rosalie had never given me cause to feel that way, but Bella was new and alone. If she had been taken advantage of, then I would make sure that this stranger would regret it.

Thanks for reading. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the way things are going.