Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, I just enjoy borrowing her characters for a while.

AN: I'm sorry it's been so long. My excuses are inadequate. Thank you for not giving up on me.

What's Been Done

I had thought I'd known Carlisle well. He was one of the very few vampires I'd trusted. One of the only vampires in this world that I'd actually considered my friend. He'd invited me to join his coven several times in the past, but I'd always been reluctant. At first, when it was just Carlisle, we had travelled together for a time but I was unwilling to change my diet for him. Ironically, it now turned out he had finally managed to influence my choice of prey even if I hadn't realised he'd played such a big role in my eventual capitulation. As his coven had grown, it was tempting in a way to have company but I found the idea of perpetual high school highly distasteful. Not that I'd have been able to get away with passing for a high school student but even trying to fit into their lifestyle in some other way seemed too mundane for me. And of course I hadn't got on with Edward. I didn't like that he could hear my thoughts and he didn't like the thoughts in my head. I couldn't understand how he fit in amongst two mated pairs. Three now apparently, as two more vampires had joined their coven since the last time I had visited with the Cullens.

Edward had obviously been miserable. He inadvertently made Carlisle feel guilty for changing him and Carlisle didn't deserve that. He'd loved Edward so much more than he deserved and I believed Edward should be grateful, not resentful. Most of our kind were completely alone and unguided for our early existence and he had Carlisle, then Esme and Rosalie and Emmett and he acted like he was better than all of them whilst still behaving like a moody teenager. No, Edward really hadn't liked my thoughts at all and whenever I'd visited with Carlisle and Esme, he was quick to find somewhere else he had to be.

If he hadn't liked my thoughts about him then…he would hate them now.

I couldn't be surprised that Bella had clearly fallen in love with Edward. Vampires were designed to attract humans to us. She was a teenage girl and she would have been especially vulnerable. I tried and failed to gain some perspective. If it had been a random human girl that Edward had set his sights on then I would have been perplexed but it wouldn't have especially interested me. But it was Bella and I was livid. Furious for her. How dare he treat her so callously, with such disrespect? Why had Carlisle allowed it? When James had targeted her, they should have instantly destroyed him and his entire coven. Carlisle's coven was notoriously powerful, second only to the Volturi. How had it ever got to the point that James had been alone with her? That he had actually bitten her and why on earth did the Cullens not allow the change to continue? If Edward had honestly desired a proper relationship with Bella, he should have wanted her to be his equal. She could have died from blood loss when he sucked the venom from her, especially as he was supposedly his singer. To allow the change to progress, when she had told him that was what she wanted, was the only rational choice. To leave her human ensured she stayed vulnerable and dependant on him. The only explanation that I could see was that it was some sort of game to him. A test of his self-control maybe. An experiment into how deeply they could fraternise with humans.

I honestly would never have believed that of Carlisle and Esme. How much must have changed in the decades since I last saw them. Bella didn't describe herself as wronged in any way. Her tolerance was absurd. She was saddened but not angry. I was angry enough for us both. I knew instantly when she described how they had all left her when they had destroyed only James that it was Victoria who had changed her. I had crossed paths with James, Victoria and Laurent briefly. James had been rash and obsessive but Victoria was calculating and sadistic. Their relationship may not have been love in the way that the Cullen's perceived the mating bond, but that was very clearly what their connection was. I could not understand it all. Surely Edward must have read their minds. How could he not have known what Victoria's reaction would be after they had killed James? She would never attack the Cullens directly. She had a strong sense of self preservation and to attack their coven would have been suicidal. Leaving Bella though, it was practically offering her up to Victoria as a sacrifice. Even if I could believe Edward might be capable of that, surely Carlisle and Esme would never have allowed it. They had though and Bella was proof of that, here in my arms.

Bella had faltered in her story as she tried to describe to me the events that followed Edward abandoning her in the woods, telling her that she meant nothing to him and that they were moving on without her. I could feel that she was struggling not to fall back into melancholy and I had stopped her with a fierce kiss. I needed time to come to terms with my fury with the Cullens before I could listen to the rest in the way she needed me to. I needed her to know that what she had told me had not changed my feelings for her in any way. I could practically feel her terror that after sharing her past with me, I would think less of her. It could not be further from the truth. Even as a human Bella had showed bravery, courage and resilience. I was worried that she could sense my fury and horror and might think it was aimed at her, not at those who were clearly to blame.

We were now sitting in contemplative silence. She was pressed against me, her back to my chest. I guessed she was trying to process that I knew all the vampires that had ruined her life. She hadn't seemed especially surprised, more resigned.

I wanted to tell her how much I loved her and that I would never leave her but how could I when that colossal bastard had told her all those things and then betrayed her completely. She had warned me all those months ago that she couldn't commit forever to me and I thought I had understood. I'd honestly believed all the reassurances I'd given her then, but I'd been wrong. The pull I felt to her now was undeniable. I knew I could never leave her. If she ended things with me, I would give her as much space as I could manage, but I would never be far. Edward cannot have felt anything like this. It had been months and there was no sign of him at all. I wondered if the world was so cruel that Bella had a one-sided mating bond to Edward and I had one to her. She had obviously felt much deeper for him that a regular human relationship should have allowed. Her reaction to their separation and the fact that it still devastated her to talk about now, even after everything else she had been through because of him made a one-sided mating bond seem the most likely explanation. I had only heard rumours of such a thing. It was a vampire horror story, practically an urban legend that, in every version of the story, always ended in cataclysmic disaster for everyone affected. I never thought I would be vulnerable to such a thing. Never really believed any of the stories until now. I could easily imagine it now. Killing a coven a vampires of that had hurt her, absolutely. Withering until I turned to dust if she sent me away…didn't seem unreasonable. The only outcome that still seemed preposterous to me was the idea that I could ever, ever hurt her. In any way. None of it mattered now though. I knew I would give her everything I had and take just as much from her as she was willing to give.

"Bella," I said as gently as I could, "I don't want to make you talk about anything you don't want to but I need to understand what happened with Victoria so that I can anticipate how much of a threat she is. She has left you alone up to now. Maybe she has no further interest in you? It makes no sense that she changed you. Why didn't she…." But I couldn't bring myself to finish the question.

"Kill me?" Bella asked.

I nodded into her hair, my nose skimming her ear, my body instantly reacting to even the barest touch. I firmly caged my desire. Not at all what she needed right now.

"You know I was in a bad way after they left," Bella whispered. "It's still hard to talk about how I felt then. I found myself drawn to dangerous things. They made me feel something where there was nothing. One of the things I tried was cliff diving. Victoria thought I was trying to kill myself, she pulled me from the water and she was furious. She said she wasn't going to give me want I wanted. She wouldn't put me out of my misery, she would make it eternal," her voice shook slightly and I knew there was more than she was saying.

"She hurt you," It was a statement, there was no question.

"She held me in a basement for a while," Bella told me carefully and I knew that Victoria must have tortured her. As Bella relayed a stilted and clearly highly edited account of some of the things Victoria had done, my simmering fury at all that Bella had been forced to endure surged to fire in my veins once again. I wanted that bitch to pay in so many ways, but the only thing that truly mattered was ending her existence and making Bella safe. Until Bella felt safe, until her past was dealt with, how could I expect her to consider forever with me? If she wanted from me, what I wanted from her, the only way that could possibly be fair to her was if she was able to decide freely, without fear of her past dragging her back to the dark place she was in when I found her. I wished I could light up her heart and soul and chase all of her shadows away. Then maybe she might chose forever with me.

AN: This was a very difficult chapter to write, I've written and re-written it many times and I'm still not sure I'm entirely happy with it. Hope you liked it though. I definitely won't make you wait very long for the next chapter. Something is about to change and I've been really looking forward to writing it!