Chapter 4 - Injured
Author's Note: Warning: Abusive relationships and mentions of suicide.
~ Tirana Sorki
Vader stumbles back, thrown off-balance. His respirator is damaged; he knows it immediately, from how it isn't drawing in air the same way it should be, especially not when he's trying to fight.
"Anakin!" he hears his master yell. Vader tries to push himself up again, to keep fighting – it doesn't matter, because it's not as though anything worse could happen to him – but stops when he sees his master shove back his opponent and turn around, unleashing a blinding blast of Force lightning on the Grand Inquisitor.
Something in him stills entirely when he sees it. He hasn't seen lightning for the past years unless it was being used on him, and this isn't, but it doesn't stop the senseless panic from tearing him apart. The Third Sister comes at him again, and Vader blocks her with the Force, throwing her backwards across the hall, without even looking at her.
Obi-Wan doesn't stop. He has this look in his eyes, the burning desire for vengeance, and it's the same look he had on Mustafar, when – when –
"Stand down," he orders sharply. "Tarkin is not the Emperor by law. A-Vader is your superior, not him."
The remainder of the proceedings are lost through a haze of fear. It's worse when he already can't breathe properly. The Inquisitors fighting them are dead, save the Grand Inquisitor, who is unconscious, and the Third Sister, who escaped. They will search the rest of the fortress to find her, not that it's of much significance.
The Fifth Brother changed his mind about fighting against them as soon as he realized it was a fight he would lose. Obi-Wan seems less than impressed with his excuses, but he accepts it anyway, at least outwardly, probably because doing otherwise would be a waste of resources.
The rest of the stormtroopers reluctantly stand down, because there is no real objection to Obi-Wan's point. Not that many of them are left standing, anyway. It's unlikely that it's safe here, but there's little they can do about that right now.
"Leave us, all of you," Obi-Wan orders, turning back to Vader. His presence is still burning with a barely suppressed fury, and Vader's not sure if it's directed at him or not. He doesn't want to know, either. This wasn't how it was supposed to end. If anything, he was supposed to die, not... this.
It couldn't be worse than it already is, Vader tries to remind himself. It doesn't really help.
"Why," he demands, "Why did you let him do this?"
He knows it was intentional. Of course, he does. Even as Anakin, he could never lie to Obi-Wan, and he has no idea how to begin explaining it. He doesn't even understand this all-consuming fear himself, let alone how to talk about it to another. And Vader doesn't want to be alone with Obi-Wan right now, not at all, but at least it will mean no one else is around to see whatever is about to happen.
"Was losing you once not enough?"
He doesn't know what to do or say, except his vision is blurring over and he's not sure if it's more from fear or lack of oxygen. "It wasn't – for you," he rasps.
"Lay down," Obi-Wan orders, approaching him. He seems no less angry than he was moments ago, but it's perhaps more... latent now. "We can fix this together."
He really, really doesn't want his master to touch him right now, but Vader does as he asks, anyway. There's an odd throbbing in his chest but it's hard to tell if it's anything unusual – it always hurts.
"I did all of this to get you back," his master continues, kneeling next to him, "And I almost lost you again. Why? Tell me why." There's an acid to his tone that wasn't there moments ago.
"Forgive me, Master," is the most he can come up with. He loathes how his vocoder always makes it come out so loud and toneless. He's well accustomed to the desire of simply hiding. He has been his entire life, even before and...
"Let your fear fuel the Dark Side," Obi-Wan instructs, and Vader feels him close. Too close, but he knows better than to lash out. "I'm not trying to hurt you. You have to believe that, Anakin. Trust that I love you, if nothing else."
That does little to quell the growing apprehension inside him, but he doesn't object. (He wants to. He's tired of feeling like this, but he doesn't deserve to find the solace of death. He deserves this, and he can't die if his masters won't let him. It's just as it was with Sidious.)
Obi-Wan doesn't really like machines, but he can do it. He seems mostly unhappy about the fact that he's doing this inside Vader than anything else. All they can do is rewire it so his respirator works, and either droids will fix it afterwards, or it'll be replaced.
The shame and helplessness of it are grating on him, but he's well-accustomed to it.
"How deep is this?" Obi-Wan grumbles as he works. Technically, Vader could do it himself, but he doesn't have a good visual of it. He doubts his master would let him, anyway. It'd probably suffer a mysterious malfunction if he did. "It shouldn't have gone this far in."
It's hardly a surprise when so much of that part of his chest is metal, but he doesn't comment. His master's grumblings about anything and everything he can find to criticize is normal, and he'd almost forgotten what that was once like. (Why did he miss it so much?)
He doesn't want to – to suffocate, but he doesn't really want to continue like this either. He can feel it the moment his respirator starts working again. It's not fixed, but it's better. He doesn't feel quite so much like he's about to lose consciousness.
"Anakin," Obi-Wan says, lifting one of his hands to lay just above his chest plate. (Vader only wishes he could feel it.) "How is it?"
"Better," he answers, a sudden surge of apprehension swallowing him whole. Now that he's not in immediate danger, what will happen? What will his master do? He's still angry, even if it's not showing as clearly.
"Good. Here, sit up." His hands move to Vader's shoulders, and he pulls him upright. "Do you have anything to say?"
"No, Master."
"You said you would be willing to do whatever it is I ask of you to prove your loyalty."
Hesitantly, he nods – Obi-Wan has some of that ice in him again that was gone moments ago. Anything other than utmost compliance is unwise.
"This is what I was speaking of," he replies, "For all that I have known you, you have no consideration for yourself. You won't think about how much you hurt all of us for it. I nearly lost you, Anakin. I thought you were gone. It nearly destroyed me, and you were going to do it again while I stood by and watched. That is it, Anakin – never do this again."
He has no idea what to do or say. He doesn't know how to react to this. Sidious would have been furious, too, if he knew of Vader's suicidal tendencies.
"Anakin," he repeats, as if he's waiting for some sort of response. He's still angry though, and Vader needs to say something to... Just something. Even if all he wants to do is cry.
"You asked me why," Vader says, forcing himself to meet his master's gaze.
Obi-Wan nods slightly, letting him continue.
"I do not know what it is you expect from me. I am Anakin no longer, and you are not..."
"Who I used to be?" Obi-Wan asks. "The Dark Side may change us, but it doesn't destroy us, Anakin. I don't know what Sidious taught you about being a Sith, but he was wrong. Are you this... afraid of me? So much that you would rather die than be with me?"
It's the simple truth, isn't it? And he doesn't want to admit it. It's a weakness. He can't lie though. "... yes."
Obi-Wan lets out a soft sigh. "I'm sorry, Anakin. I had no idea that you would... That this would happen. I want to make this right."
"I am not your failure, Master."
"I know a way to heal you," he continues. He reaches out, touching Vader's arm. "I learned it from the holocrons. I can heal you completely with the life-force of another. We can start here. If you can breathe, it will be... better. Easier for both of us."
He can heal him? That's... but how is that even possible? Obi-Wan means it, though. He's perfectly serious.
And Vader doesn't know how to feel about that. A few years back, if he'd been offered it, he would have jumped at the chance immediately. It's not that he doesn't want to be out of this, but he's long since accepted this is how it's always going to be.
(Or is that the same as not wanting to be out of it? Because he deserves to be like this?)
Also, this is Obi-Wan offering it, the very person who hurt him like this in the first place. He would never say he's not grateful at the offer, but it feels so unreal now that the chance is right in front of him. And he can't ignore the bitterness in him, that only now after all this does Obi-Wan consider helping him – not as if there's anything of Vader worth helping in the first place.
His master is – planning to remake him again, the same way Sidious did. It might be into something better, but it's still what it is. But if he's more healed, it also means there's more ways he can hurt him without risking too much damage. Is... is that what this is about?
Is he doing this to punish him? It doesn't sound like it, but – Sidious has had him taken to the medbay far too many times as a punishment. He remembers far too clearly, all those times being strapped down and cut apart – remade in whatever way Sidious chose, until he decided it could be over. Obi-Wan is essentially telling him the same thing.
Icy fear rising in him, clawing at him, and it makes Vader burn with the furious desire to lash out and hurt him again. He wouldn't though, if only because a part of his mind still has some self-preservation left in it.
He doesn't know if Obi-Wan is really doing this to hurt him either, or he genuinely means it like he's saying. Once Vader may have dared to hope, but not anymore. He can't trust him either. He doesn't really have a say in it, though. In truth, he doesn't even know what he wants. It's too – confusing, and too sudden. Everything is changing so quickly.
Obi-Wan is still looking at his mask searchingly, expectantly. Does he want an answer? Really, Vader has no idea what to say, so he says nothing. "We should go somewhere more suitable," his master decides, standing, offering Vader a hand to pull him to his feet, not that he really needs it.
He's frowning as he looks at him, though, and that's never a good sign. Then again this is Obi-Wan. He always frowned. "Do you have nothing to say about this?" he asks, finally.
What does he want to hear? "This is... your desire, Master."
His displeasure only seems to skyrocket. "I don't know what Sidious taught you about being a Sith, Anakin, but we can't be master and apprentice if we can never speak of anything on even ground. You can talk to me, you know."
When have he and Obi-Wan ever done that? He doesn't know what to make of that statement, because it's definitely not like what Sidious ever told him.
Subordinates should always be uncomfortable in the presence of their superiors, Sidious had said, speaking of the guards surrounding them, but Vader knew what the comment really meant.
"Yes, Master," is all he can think of to say.
Obi-Wan looks no happier, but he lifts the Grand Inquisitor with the Force, and they start down the hall for the Fortress' medbay.
**w**
Obi-Wan didn't know his relationship with Anakin could be any more strained than it already was, but apparently, he was wrong. So very wrong.
Anakin nearly killed himself. It wasn't – it wasn't a slight slip up, an accident. He knew that much, and he'd been so scared in that moment, that he was going to lose him again. Right after everything he went through to get him back. That he was going to have to stand there and watch him die a second time. (He didn't have to the first time. If he hadn't, they wouldn't even be in this mess.)
And this – Obi-Wan has no idea how to handle it. If Anakin was just being stubborn, or lashing out furiously in anger, that he would know how to handle. He's prepared to do whatever it takes to keep his loyalty, to not let Anakin betray him a second time. (Even if it's through force. He doesn't want to hurt him – he ignores the very tiny traitorous voice way inside that disagrees – but if it's his only alternative...) But he can't do that here.
"Are you this... afraid of me? So much that you would rather die than be with me?"
"... Yes."
That Obi-Wan has no idea how to handle. In truth, it hurts more than words could ever describe. He just wants Anakin back, but this Anakin is... too broken and damaged, changed from the one he knew. He won't be the same ever again. It's not possible.
There's nothing he can offer except healing him, and he can only hope that maybe that will... begin to bridge the seemingly uncrossable gap that separates them.
(He can't believe he nearly lost Anakin again, this time entirely because of him. He can only hope that he'll keep his word and won't do something like that again.)
Obi-Wan wishes he knew what was going on in Anakin's mind, and why he won't talk. He was often quiet, but it was never like this. He was never this reserved about his opinions. And shouldn't he at least have something to say about his lungs being healed?
Not just... that silence.
That should mean more to him than it does to Obi-Wan, so why...?
What did Sidious do to him? Does it hurt him to talk? So much that he got so used to not talking? Or is Anakin just that scared of him that he thinks it better not to talk at all?
He knew Anakin always used to be far more sensitive than Obi-Wan ever understood, and it seems that hasn't really changed, but this is... He doesn't know where to start. He'll think about it all later.
The medbay here should work, so long as no one else tries to attack them. This all happened because of Tarkin, and if anyone else hurts Anakin because of him, he's going to meet the same fate as the Grand Inquisitor.
Although, Obi-Wan doesn't know if he even wants to use someone like Tarkin to heal Anakin. But he will have to find other lives to use, because the Grand Inquisitor won't be enough.
Obi-Wan leaves the Grand Inquisitor in binders, just in case he wakes up, before they prepare to start. Part of him almost wants him to be awake to feel every bit of this after what he nearly did to Anakin, but it would be... distracting to hear. And it is a little unnecessary.
Anakin seems perhaps a little too worn out to be afraid. He's wary, definitely, but Obi-Wan doesn't sense fear again until he tells him to lower his shields enough that they can do this. They'll need to intertwine their Force-signatures, and Obi-Wan highly doubts Anakin would be willing to learn to do this himself, though it'd be easier for them both.
Anakin doesn't protest, and Obi-Wan finds himself wishing he would. Anything would be better than this silence.
"It will hurt," Obi-Wan warns him, though he doubts that means much. Anakin's pain tolerance has always been insanely high. It's more for... an assurance that he doesn't misinterpret it than anything. "But I imagine it will be worth it. Are you ready?"
Hesitantly, Anakin lowers his shielding to their bond. It answers the question enough, and Obi-Wan reaches out with the Force, intertwining their presences. It will be... invasive, too, but it doesn't bother Obi-Wan. He doubts it bothers Anakin too much, either. They've known each other for years, and Obi-Wan raised him. They've taken care of one another more times than he can count.
Tentatively, he reaches out farther, letting himself feel. He saw how badly Anakin was injured before, but he's sensing it now as he draws the Force through what's left of his once-padawan's body. His guilt swells, and he lets it fuel the Dark Side, reaching further and deeper.
Even now, with its drastically diminished strength, Anakin's presence is overwhelming. It feels like he's drowning in it, but Anakin lets him in, follows his lead, the same way he once did. Obi-Wan doesn't let his exhilaration at being so close with Anakin again slow him down, instead reaching out towards the Grand Inquisitor.
He has to draw out his life Force, channeling it through both of them to heal Anakin. It's easier when he's unconscious, because he can't do more than resist subconsciously. He knows how to break into people's minds, latch onto their presences and pull. Mind tricks are only one (drastic) step down from that.
It's difficult, time-consuming, and exhausting, but it will be worth it. He needs to draw it through just the right places to avoid interfering with the many machines in his once-padawan's body. It's difficult when so much of him is mechanical now, but that's why they're doing this in a medbay. They will have to take him off the machines eventually. It won't be an easy process.
The Grand Inquisitor's life is never going to be enough to heal everything, but Obi-Wan focuses on healing Anakin's lungs first. From there, he spreads it outwards, letting it flow through the rest of him. It's not as much as it could be, but it's a start.
The Grand Inquisitor's life runs out much too quickly, and Obi-Wan knows that he'll have to find more to do this too, but it's something. Anakin should be able to breathe on his own, and the rest of his body is improved, even if it's far from fully healed.
Obi-Wan slowly disentangles their presences, pulling back to his own body. He feels... overwhelmed. Exhausted. He's never used the Force this deeply and extensively for so long before.
"How is it?" he asks, looking to Anakin.
"Thank you," he replies. His voice sounds toneless, but Obi-Wan can sense his emotions well enough. He's slightly grateful, but mostly confused.
Even healed, if Anakin keeps this armor, it will continue to hurt him. Getting him out of it will be difficult, and he's started healing now – enough that the rest of him can try to start healing itself instead of simply struggling to exist. Most of his organs are... okay, all his organs are mostly healed, saved the ones that have been too intermingled with technology to do so. It makes him feel sick.
Obi-Wan lowers himself onto the edge of the table next to Anakin. He hasn't been this worn out in a long, long time.
"Master," Anakin says quietly – it's the first conversation that he willingly initiated, "What will we do now? We have no claim to the throne."
"We will find one, then."
"Few people know of me. We would require... support."
"Yes," Obi-Wan muses, "Are there anyone who were loyal to you, personally?"
Anakin hesitates. "The military division under me may support us, but I do not know beyond that. The Senate does not know of me."
That really does complicate things, though Obi-Wan had expected as much already. He knows enough about politics from being on the Council, but it's not really his field of expertise. They could try meeting with Tarkin first, but since he already declared them traitors, it's unlikely it would go far. Tarkin was never very favorable to the Jedi either, so Obi-Wan doubts he'd be reasonable. "If the military is backing us, that should be sufficient," Obi-Wan muses. He wishes now that he'd been more prepared for the political aspects of it. Why did he assume Anakin would be?
"It may... destabilize the galaxy further, if we forcibly removed Tarkin," Anakin objects, in that same toneless voice. Obi-Wan wishes he could hear Anakin's voice again.
Maybe Anakin's right about that, but they can't wait. He's not going to leave Tarkin in control. It's not that he wants to be Emperor, he just... (He wants to destroy what Sidious built. He wants to ruin what Sidious created that took Anakin from him.) "The Empire will not stand forever regardless. It would only be... speeding it along," Obi-Wan argues.
Anakin is quiet for a pause, but he doesn't seem happy. "It would destroy all remaining order in the galaxy. Countless would die."
Maybe it's true, but the words still rub him completely the wrong way. "That didn't seem to bother you when you were killing the Jedi."
He's not quite expecting the sudden surge of fury coiling in the Force around Anakin, and it's enough to make Obi-Wan stand again, if only to put a little distance between them. He doesn't trust Anakin, even if he doesn't think he would... outright betray him – whether due to loyalty or fear is a different story. "I never believed you could fall to a level worse than I," Anakin snaps lowly.
Obi-Wan cuts off his instant retort, only because well... Anakin isn't exactly wrong. Many people would be hurt if the galaxy just collapsed like that. "Then we can wait, until things are a little more stable. Does Tarkin have... allies? What would you say of his leadership skills?" Obi-Wan asks.
The anger around Anakin dies down a little, but it's still there, more than it was before. "He will work with those seeking power only for themselves. The people will... likely not desire his rule for long."
Obi-Wan nods. "Then we will be ready. Until then, we will... search for your family."
Anakin stands at that, abruptly towering over him again. "Where do we begin, Master?" That he actually sounds eager for.
"We can discuss this elsewhere. It's not safe to stay here," Obi-Wan points out.
The stormtroopers had reluctantly stood down only upon hearing that they may be the ones being accused of treason, but he doesn't know if it will last. Not if Tarkin can officially get a proper claim to the throne. He'd rather Anakin be far away from here if something does happen. Besides, there's nothing more to stay for, except to make sure they have one last contact among the Empire. He'll ask Anakin which of the Inquisitors is likely to be best for that role.
Then they'll disappear until the time is right.
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