Chapter 6 - Fallen Order

Author's Note: For anyone who's having a hard time with the angst, I promiseeee things will start consistently getting better after this chapter. 💖 And for anyone who loves angst, I assure you that doesn't mean all the angst is over. XD

To Guest: Haha I'll take that as a compliment. :)

~ Tirana Sorki

"What is it?" Obi-Wan asks, speaking to the hologram of the Second Sister. It's the first time anyone's contacted them through their secure comm, and it's unexpected that it's happening so soon.

"The Empire has located two more Jedi," she replies, getting straight to the point, "It appears they were after a holocron containing a current list of Force-sensitive children across the galaxy, recruits the Jedi Order never had time to take."

That's bad. The last thing they need is for it to be in the Empire's hands. Obi-Wan no longer believes in the Jedi, but that doesn't mean he wants them destroyed. And he already knows that all Force-sensitive children the Empire identify disappear. To where, he doesn't know. He doesn't think anyone does.

Well... Anakin might. Maybe.

"We have the holocron at the Nur Fortress now. I believe the Jedi will come after it," the Second sister adds, "I assumed you would like to know this."

"Take the artifact somewhere with no Imperial presence and leave a trail. If they want the holocron, they will come to find you. We will meet you there," Obi-Wan replies before he ends the call. He knew there were other Jedi out there, and he never much cared to find them – he doubts they'd be very happy to see him like this anyway – but maybe these Jedi will have some kind of lead on Padme. It's very unlikely, if even Bail doesn't, but if nothing else, maybe they'll know a way to contact Ahsoka. At least it's worth a chance.

Anakin is hovering nearby, mask focused on him, as though waiting for an explanation.

"They may know something that will point us in the right direction. And we do not need them or the Inquisitors getting ahold of that holocron." Both will only put those children in further danger.

"Yes, Master." There's still a sharper edge to the way he talks now, that wasn't there before. Obi-Wan isn't quite sure what to make of it.

"Do you know what happened to all the Force-sensitive children the Inquisitors have been taking?"

"Some have been taught minimal knowledge of the Force, and function as... Imperial operatives. I do not know for... the remainder."

Well, they'll worry about that later. It's not Obi-Wan's top priority. "Don't start any hostilities with the Jedi," he adds, as an afterthought, "Because I cannot imagine they'll be happy to see you, if they know who you are, Anakin."

"I will not," he retorts.

"Good." He can only hope that this will stay easy.

"How long will you continue calling for a dead man?" he demands with a sudden sharpness, "I am not Anakin Skywalker. I destroyed him."

Obi-Wan glances at him, not quite sure what to think – he is never quite sure what to think of Anakin anymore. They've both changed so much from what they were. "Time changes us all," he replies evenly.

"I am not what he was."

"You are different," Obi-Wan has to reluctantly concede, "But you are still him."

Anakin doesn't respond again, but Obi-Wan can feel his anger growing. It's burning like fire, burning in the way Obi-Wan remembers so well. Except this is a star gone dark. A fire that's burning out, a star that's... "You must know I did not... willingly do this to you," he says, because for the first time it feels like he should. Like he owes Anakin some sort of apology. "I wanted it, but I never would have imagined you would become... this. I thought you were gone."

Anakin still doesn't say anything. Obi-Wan doesn't think he can blame him for his silence either. He has a hard time even thinking about Mustafar, and Obi-Wan definitely doesn't think Anakin would have an easier time.

They speak little to each other again until they're at the meeting spot with the Second Sister. The meeting does not go as well as Obi-Wan hoped. He gets what he needs from the Jedi Master – it's some sort of clue at least of where they might be able to track Padme down.

But apparently, Anakin had past encounters with this Jedi Master, and it's partly because of him that the Second Sister is an Inquisitor now, so no, they were not happy to see him.

And it just reminds Obi-Wan again of all the things he's done to serve Sidious, and even though he knows how the Sith Master treated Anakin, and that it wasn't entirely his fault, that doesn't quite stop his anger. He just can't help it. He's angry at the Jedi as well for their failure but seeing again what Anakin did to them isn't easy, either.

In the end, Obi-Wan gives Trilla the opportunity to leave with her former master, and she agrees, surprisingly eagerly. He wishes things could be that simple to fix with him and Anakin. Why does it always have to be so complicated with them?

And they have another insider among the Inquisitors anyway, so her being gone won't be a problem. It's probably best in the long run.

The other Jedi padawan – Cal Kestis – decides that it would be best to destroy the holocron, and Obi-Wan definitely agrees with that. And now they have a lead to keep tracking down Padme. Things should be moving in the right direction, but for some reason it doesn't really feel like it.

It's another reminder of everything Anakin did, and it reminds Obi-Wan again that he doesn't entirely understand what lead up to this. He wants to, but in some ways, he also doesn't, and he's... angry at Anakin. It's not Anakin's fault entirely, but he should still have known that he could go to Obi-Wan if something was wrong, and he has no idea why his padawan didn't when he could've.

And now that he knows he has the chance again, he doesn't seem to want it.

Not that Obi-Wan can entirely blame him for that, given what happened between them. Still, he wishes things could be different, and it's not something he can fix on his own.

**w**

Dealing with Obi-Wan is always, always difficult. Vader knows that, but that doesn't make being around him any easier. It never gets easier. If anything, he thinks it's only getting increasingly difficult to keep himself from lashing out.

For a moment, he thinks back their sparring match not long ago. Fighting him then had been... it kept reminding him of the last two times, but it made him want to win this time around, and more than that, he wanted to hurt him, even if he knew that wasn't something he could indulge in at that point.

He still doesn't know what to think of how Obi-Wan had reacted to that, though.

Vader struggled with moments like that thought his whole life himself, but he thought he was the only one. And even Ahsoka, on occasion, would... have phases on the battlefield after something particularly gruesome happened.

But he never expected Obi-Wan to have that kind of problem. Especially not when it came to Vader himself.

"We have a lead to finding former Senator Amidala and your children," Obi-Wan tells him. "I imagine you will want to follow it immediately."

"Yes," he confirms, because he could never hesitate on that for anything in the galaxy.

"You are," Obi-Wan says, far too smugly, "Still very much like Anakin."

"That is not my name," Vader snarls. Every time he hears it, it reminds him of how helpless he felt as a Jedi, of how he was always struggling for more, struggling to be seen. He doesn't have to anymore, not as a Sith, because no one who sees him could mistake his power.

Obi-Wan raises an eyebrow at him. "If Sidious could call you whatever he wanted, so can I. I believe you are forgetting who is in control here."

Mustafar flashes through his mind, the memory of the fire crawling across his skin, tearing him apart. Of how all he could do was lay there and scream – helpless – as Obi-Wan walked away, leaving him there. Of all the hours he lay there, drifting in and out of consciousness, of when Sidious found and rebuilt him, and Obi-Wan is doing the same thing to him now. And Vader is in no place to refuse it because he can't. He can't because Obi-Wan is his master.

Of how he couldn't move for months – maybe it was years, he really doesn't remember – after Mustafar without the little skin he had slowly growing back being ripped off or open or... and when Obi-Wan electrocuted him on Ryloth and threw him through the cave wall, over the edge of the cliff, of how he intentionally paralyzed him to rub it in his face who was in control. Sidious did things like that, but it was never the same.

The fierce, blinding urge to make him hurt is far stronger than he could've thought possible, and unlike every other time, he can't reign it in anymore. Vader lashes out instantly, throwing his master backwards.

He remembers how it was on Mustafar – of how he could hardly breathe at all, of how it felt like shards of glass – like the glass still imbedded inside him – were being dragged down his throat, into his lungs.

Obi-Wan's expression darkens, anger swirling around him – sharpy and cutting and icy, not so unlike the same sensations he had on Mustafar.

"Anakin –" he snaps.

Any sense of self-control Vader had left abandons him completely, his fury burning as violently as the flames once did, and he draws his lightsaber, lunging at him.

Obi-Wan activates his own, blocking it barely in time. He stumbles backwards from the force of it, anyway, caught off-guard. Vader swings for him again, not giving him a moment to recollect himself.

He remembers their last two fights far too clearly, and this one will not end the same. He will not fail to win this time. Not again.

Even if he wanted to stop – he doesn't – it isn't an option. If Obi-Wan won again, he never wants to find out what that would likely mean. It fills him with a rush of unchecked terror which rapidly bleeds into even more anger.

He's furious. Furious that someone can make him feel like this. He is Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith, even if he is only an apprentice. That doesn't mean he will accept being treated as little more than a slave.

He was supposed to be free.

Once, he had given everything to Obi-Wan, but his master threw it all away for the Jedi, for power, for... he has no idea what, and it doesn't matter. (And maybe there's just a small part of his mind, still begging for approval, demanding assurance that he can win their fight this time.)

But he remembers what it was like to be there, unable to breathe, and unthinking, he lashes out again, wrapping the Force around Obi-Wan's neck, itching to just crush it. It would be so easy.

He might have. Maybe. He doesn't know, but he doesn't have a chance to before Obi-Wan sends another blast of lightning at him, sending him to his knees with a strangled cry – he hadn't been lying, when he said he would earn Vader's loyalty by any means necessary.

Of course, he meant he would hurt him if he had to.

That doesn't mean it doesn't anger him, and that, and the pain he feels from it, is enough for him to delve deeper into the Dark Side, pushing himself upright again. Obi-Wan simultaneously stands across from him.

"Stand down!" Obi-Wan practically yells at him.

If anything, the fact that, even now, he expects Vader to listen to him, only makes him angrier.

Neither of them will stop until someone wins, of that Vader is certain, and he moves forwards again. Obi-Wan steps back, sending another blast of lightning at him, one he blocks easily enough. A few sparks run down his arms, but it hardly stings, and then, Vader pushes past it, pressing forwards.

"Did you already forget," he demands sharply, "Everything I have already done for you?"

"You took everything from me," Vader throws back accusingly. He wouldn't have thought so once, back when he thought he killed Padme, but now, he knows better, knows that, all this time, Obi-Wan has been hiding them from him.

"I thought you were dead," Obi-Wan yells back, "I had no way of knowing you were living like this. The moment I did, I came to find you."

"Did you truly believe your finding me would undo all that you have already caused?" He doesn't get an answer. It means yes. Of course, Obi-Wan would have thought Vader would just accept him without a second thought, because his master has always been that way.

He thinks briefly of last times he fought Obi-Wan, and he knows he cannot afford to fail again.

"Does my offer to heal you matter that little?" he snaps.

Offer? Obi-Wan has offered him nothing – he's only doing whatever he pleases and expecting Vader to agree. And he still has his questions on why Obi-Wan wants that. "You are the one who took it from me," he growls. Even if he deserved it. But this was Obi-Wan, and he'll never understand how he was capable of that. The Jedi lied to him of what they truly were, of that, he is certain.

"I believe you are hardly the only one who can speak of betrayals," Obi-Wan snaps back.

Vader's fury surges again, and he lunges for him, their blades clashing. "You should have killed me when you had the chance." And yes, he is angry that Obi-Wan still has so much influence over him – the knowledge that something has the power to make him this frightened is what makes him want to destroy it.

Obi-Wan deflects his blows, backing off a few steps. He's keeping up with him now, but Vader is starting to get the upper hand. Not that he's going to risk getting overconfident of it. "I never wanted you dead," Obi-Wan argues.

Vader shoves him back, and nearly takes off his head, which Obi-Wan hastily blocks. "No," Vader snarls, "You only wanted to hurt me."

"I didn't mean to take it so far."

"You should have finished it," Vader growls, their blades clashing again. On some level, it's what he wanted at that moment, and he can't understand why Obi-Wan didn't. Why he would have chosen to do what he did, instead of ending it right then.

"We already talked about that," Obi-Wan snaps back, taking a few steps away from him in a presumably useless effort to catch his breath. There are some pros to having a respirator. "Stop this and –"

Vader lashes out, throwing him back with the Force. Obi-Wan stands instantly, unleashing another blast of lightning on him which he hastily blocks, ignoring the sparks that jump from the lightsaber to his hands, sparking up his arms.

"This doesn't need to be a fight," he says warningly.

As if Vader could stand down now. He still doesn't want to. He wants him to hurt for – for all of this.

Obi-Wan lets up the lightning after a few moments – when he seems to realize it's not having any effect – lunging for him again. The red blades swing in a blinding blur all around them as they keep fighting, and he doesn't think he's seen his master this angry since Mustafar.

He can also feel the first touches of his master's fear, and all of it is fueling him. He has a chance to finish it now, and he's not going to lose that.

The area they've been staying in here is completely abandoned, but there's a few scattered ruins of buildings from a time before all life was destroyed here – perhaps before the Clone Wars. Vader Force-shoves Obi-Wan back again, this time hard enough to drop his lightsaber, and he hits the ground right inside one of the more... shaky structures.

He can tell from the crash that it's about to fall down, and he gives it an extra nudge with the Force, letting it crash inwards.

Obi-Wan tries to reach out with the Force, blocking it from crushing him, but the entire structure is collapsing now. He can't see Obi-Wan in the midst of the rubble anymore, and he's likely injured, unless he was able to block it in time.

Slowly, Vader turns away from it, suddenly feeling...

He doesn't know how he expected to feel when he won the fight. He thought it would be something other than an abrupt, gaping emptiness, and the sudden wish that he hadn't started fighting at all.

Because now... what?

Vader no longer is part of the Empire. He's... alone.

Sidious is gone. Obi-Wan killed him, and... technically, Vader did, too. Sidious could have survived what Obi-Wan did – possibly – if Vader hadn't finished the job to save himself.

For a moment, he almost wishes Sidious were still here, because – because at least then, things made sense. He fought for the Empire, and he served his master, and he knew what his master would want. And for all that Sidious may have concealed his identity, he never left Vader. Sidious never betrayed him. He may work for his own end goals, but he never pretends to be something he isn't. And he may have hardly been a kind master, but it's not as if Vader has ever had that before.

Obi-Wan was not kind, either, and that hasn't changed.

But with Sidious gone, and without a master, Vader has... nothing. He has no place in this galaxy – he doesn't know how to find Padme, and even if he did, he has long accepted that she was gone, and he is no longer hers. All he had was Obi-Wan.

Even if he didn't want him. Didn't want everything that comes with their relationship. And he still doesn't.

But now, he has nothing at all, and nowhere to go.

He didn't know he could feel more empty and alone than he already has all his life.

Except he does now. He has nothing, and he doesn't know why he didn't think of that before. He never has truly had anyone though, has he?

Slowly, he makes his way back towards their waiting ship a distance away. He could leave, but what would he do? Most of all, he wants to find his children, but it feels like a hope that's completely beyond his reach.

He has no real way of finding them, not anymore.

For a fleeting moment, he thinks of Ahsoka, who he knows is still alive out there somewhere. He found her lightsaber after all, and it was too obvious to mean anything else. She would never die that easily.

Not that he has a way to find her, and it wouldn't matter. She was Anakin's. He is not hers. Even if he was, he knows she would likely no longer want him after... everything. Not that anyone ever has.

No one has, except...

Sidious after changing him to be this – this thing.

And Obi-Wan, who... in truth has not been very different.

And he has absolutely no idea what to do.

**w**

Obi-Wan should have seen this betrayal coming. He did, but he didn't expect it to happen like this. He thought it was avoidable. Anakin being Anakin, of course, was too stubborn to back down.

Yes, he is angry, definitely, as he struggles to stop the structure from crushing him. What, exactly, Anakin hoped to gain by this, he has no idea. Likely, it was just one of his half thought-out plans that entirely lacked any form of beneficial outcome.

The Dark Side gives him strength, and it always has now that he knows more of it. Obi-Wan delves into it, drawing it in, letting him increase the Force-shield over himself.

He strains against it, finally throwing the debris aside enough to start digging his way out, no thanks to his (very exhausting) apprentice.

None of his injuries from the debris are of any major significance so he'll be able to move fine when he goes to find Anakin. Assuming he hasn't left yet already. Although once Obi-Wan does find him, he doesn't know what then.

Is he still planning on fighting?

All he does know, without a doubt, is that he will not let himself lose Anakin a second time. He may not want to hurt him – he stubbornly ignores the voice in his mind that still vehemently disagrees, especially right now – but if this ends in a fight again, he'll have to do what he needs to, to win this time. (Well, within limits.) He doesn't know if Anakin was actually trying to kill him, but he certainly came close enough, and Obi-Wan won't take chances.

He's done that before. He won't risk it again.

Especially not when he trusts him even less now than he did before, and returning to living in the same small ship after this is going to be...

Complicated.

Obi-Wan can't entirely trust that Anakin won't stab him in his sleep or something of that nature.

But there's no sense waiting any longer. He should just go find him. He can sense him somewhere close, but he's trying not to reach out – it's better if Anakin doesn't have a long forewarning that he's coming.

He doesn't entirely know what this will mean in their relationship, either. The tensions between them were high enough, and now it will be worse.

And really, all he wants is the Anakin he used to know back. Not... the one that there is now. He doesn't much want to deal with how he is now – even if it is partly his own fault. He has no idea how to go about addressing what happened, though, and he highly doubts there would be anything they could do about it, even if he tried.

For a fleeting moment, he suddenly wonders if – it's ludicrous, but if Anakin didn't remember what happened on Mustafar or... any of that, it would be easier. For Anakin's sake, too, because Obi-Wan knows remembering that is hard for him.

That much is obvious. He sensed Anakin's fear of him, and... it's knowing that it's not entirely misplaced which unsettles him so much. He never means to hurt him (well, there were times when they fought, but he never meant to go so far, and afterwards, it's always haunted him ceaselessly, that desperate wondering of why did he even do that) but it sometimes happens, for all that he keeps telling himself he won't do it again.

Obi-Wan probably could do it, but he's also pretty sure that if it backfired, it would definitely be the last time Anakin would speak remotely peaceably with him. He couldn't realistically do it without his agreement – something he highly doubts he'd get.

It would mean delving deeply into Anakin's mind, which is highly invasive, and he doubts Anakin before would be able to trust him with that. It's much less likely now.

He definitely doesn't want to force Anakin to do something like that. That would be... cruel.

At the same time, he doesn't know what else to do, if that doesn't work, because he will not lose Anakin again. He's doing everything he can to gain his loyalty, but it's clearly not enough. Obi-Wan doesn't want to hurt him, but... he doesn't know what else to do.

He takes the shortcut back to their ship, just in case, and is more relieved than he cares to admit that it's still there when he arrives. Obi-Wan heads into the cockpit, just to make sure, and Anakin arrives a moment later. He nearly freezes in the doorway the moment he sees him.

"Surprised?" he asks dryly. Did Anakin truly think he could die from something like that?

"Master," he says, quietly, at least as quiet as his voice could be.

"Apprentice," is all Obi-Wan says in greeting, because he doesn't think he entirely has a choice about what he'll call Anakin right now – it's really the only choice if he'll refuse to accept his name.

The anger swirling around Anakin before is gone, replaced by... something far more subdued. (And he seems scared.)

There's a long pause before he finally moves forward to settle into the co-pilot seat.

Maybe it's just his mood, but Obi-Wan thinks the mechanical breathing is only making the silence between them even more awkward and uncomfortable. They need to... talk, and he doesn't know where to start.

"We can continue searching for your children, unless you would prefer that we continue this... discussion," Obi-Wan says finally. He didn't mean to make it sound like a threat, but he thinks, a moment later, that that's probably how Anakin interpreted it.

"No, Master," he replies, quietly.

"Good," he says, a bit briskly, "I believe we have other places to be."

Just dropping it is probably not the best solution, but he thinks it's the simplest one for now. He doesn't have the energy to have another one of those conversations right now anyway.

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