A/N: Just wanted to tell you guys I love you again. And warn those who asked of the light angst in this chapter. Nothing too crazy, don't be scared! In my heart, it's not a story about Edward Cullen if he's not an angsty bastard.

Chapter 6

I woke up in a bad fucking mood.

Leave it to dreams of my childhood to fucking ruin my day. I laid in bed for a while, unwilling to exert the energy needed to get up, until my need to piss forced me to the bathroom.

Alice got to me on my way back to my bedroom.

I groaned as she approached me.

"Whoa," she said, stopping in her tracks as she took me in. I guess I looked as shitty as I felt. "What happened to you?"

"Fuck off, Alice." I grumbled, pushing past her until I made it back to my bed and collapsing on it face down.

"What's wrong?" My sister's tiny voice squeaked from my doorway.

"Didn't I just say fuck off?!" I yelled at her, fucking aggravated that I couldn't just be left alone. I knew she meant well, she always did, but sometimes I just wasn't in the fucking mood for a god damn heart to heart.

"Are you sick or something?" Alice's voice grew closer as she spoke until I finally felt the mattress sink down next to me.

I groaned again before lifting my head from my pillow to look into my sister's big blue eyes. "No, I'm not fucking sick. I just want you to leave me the fuck alone, okay?"

Her face contorted into one of pain, but only momentarily; she got a hold of herself quickly. "Bella invited us to hang out today. I told her I'd ask you what you were doing."

Fuck, Bella. I did tell her I'd see her today. Plus, just the thought of her big, bright eyes and smile was kind of cheering me up. Maybe I could muster up the strength…

"We're gonna go to the skate park with Jazz and Emmett. You should come." Alice added.

I let my head drop back down into my pillow. There was no way I could be around Bella and those assholes at the same time. Jasper would see right fucking through me and he would know how pathetically obsessed I was with her. Emmett would most definitely have something to say; the last time I saw him I left him in a blind rage after he told me about Bella and James's sexcapades.

Oh, fuck, and James. James was like the Skater Dude of the School. He would definitely be at the park today.

No fucking way I could control myself around him.

But still- if I didn't go, that meant Bella and James would be at the skate park together, and I wouldn't fucking be there to make sure he didn't try any shit with her. I mean, I knew she could defend herself and all; she'd certainly proved that, but what if she didn't want to? What if he fucking seduced her or some shit and she ended up hooking up with him behind the half pint?

I groaned into my pillow again, louder this time.

"Whatever, Edward." Alice interrupted my train of thought as she stood from my bed. "Wallow in misery for all I care. You're such a dick."

She solved my internal battle, at least. I was going to stay right the fuck where I was for the rest of the day. Fuck her, fuck our friends, and fuck Bella. If she wanted to go fuck around with that douchebag, fucking let her.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I fell asleep again for a bit, this time dreamless, thankfully. When I woke up, my room was dark; I looked over at my alarm clock and saw it was after five. I'd slept all fucking day. The house seemed silent, indicating Alice was still out.

Feeling comfortable enough to leave my room, knowing the house was likely empty, I retreated to the kitchen to grab myself a glass of water. There were beer bottles scattered all over the kitchen floor, signs that Dad must have been home at some point as I slept. My dreams came back to me as the thought of him ran through my head, souring my mood once again.

I took my glass of water back upstairs, unwilling to put in the effort to make a peanut butter and jelly or some shit, though my stomach was grumbling. I couldn't get Dad's voice out of my head, a repeating echo of 'You're a good kid,' playing over and over. Why did I have to obsess over this shit so much? Why the fuck did he have to say something nice to me last night?

Sometimes, I wasn't sure if the loss of my mother was more painful than the loss of a good father. At least Mom was dead and gone; there was no room to hope for her redemption. Seeing the shell of the father I once loved nearly everyday was fucking… hard. It was like reopening a festering wound; every time my anger towards the man he had grew strong enough to hold me together, he did something that reminded me of the man he was and broke all my fucking walls down.

Honestly, as I sat and wallowed, the only thing I fucking wanted to comfort me was Bella. It scared me that I felt so fucking… oddly dependant on her. I tried to simplify my feelings: all I knew for sure was that when she smiled, I smiled. I laughed when she laughed. It was so easy for me to be in a good mood when I was around her, it made sense that I would crave her company while I was feeling so fucking shitty.

Plus, if nothing else, I knew she could easily distract me with her body. We wouldn't even need to have sex, I could just stare at her and my mind would wander, effectively taking it off all this negative bullshit that was running through it. Maybe, she would let me kiss her mouth, just so I could get a taste of her. That would certainly take my mind off things…

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

This line of thinking was fucking wrong. It was one thing to admit to myself that I was jealous, that I didn't want her to sleep with anyone besides me. I could wrap my head around that. I should not be thinking as her as some sort of savior for me, someone who could save my from the misery my fucking life is. No, she wasn't that for me, and she never could be. I couldn't allow her to be. I didn't have the capacity to…appreciate her enough for that. There was nothing I could give her in return for saving me, I would only be able to drag her down with me.

It's like when someone's drowning, they tell you not to try to save them. They'll grab on to you with all their might and pull you down as they gasp for breath above the water's surface, but it wouldn't be enough. You'd just go down together.

That's a perfect fucking analogy for me and Bella.

It was a perfect analogy for my parents, too. My father dragged my mother down so far, so fucking deep that she lost her life. She literally drowned. But dad lost his life, too, because she was his life. There was no savior in their relationship, no happy fucking ending. Just a tragedy that continued to tear apart those in its wake to this day.

No, I would not let that happen to Bella.

I didn't notice I'd been crying until I heard the front door open, carrying Alice and Jasper's voices up the stairs. Not wanted to be fucking caught being the pathetic pussy I was, I pressed my face into my pillow and tried to even my breaths, hopefully to give off the illusion of sleep.

Unfortunately, it sounded more like I was fucking hyperventilating.

I listened as they walked past my door, silently thanking a god I didn't believe in when they didn't even pause outside. I would be left alone for the night, it seemed, and even though I was feeling more alone than ever at that moment, I didn't mind it. It was my burden to bear. It always would be.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I was later distracted by the sound of rocks hitting my glass window.

I ignored it, hopeful it was just some drunk idiot throwing shit and not my Dad trying to get my attention, but it persisted. With a groan, I hauled myself out of bed, noting how stiff my fucking muscles were from laying comatose all day. I was going to fucking kill whoever it was out there bothering me, so help me God…

All of my anger immediately ceased as I stuck my head out of my open window, looking down at the perpetrator.

Bella.

She waved up at me, holding up the bottle of tequila she'd stolen last night. "I can't finish this by myself," she called up to me. "Can I come in?"

The sight of her down there felt like such a fucking blessing, I didn't even think when I sprinted from my room and to my front door. I yanked it open, my eyes frantically searching for Bella until she came around from the side of my house and into the porch light.

She was so fucking beautiful.

I was speechless as she let herself inside. It wasn't her intention, but she really was like my savior tonight. I found myself struck in awe at the sight of her in my house, up the stairs and into my bedroom. It wasn't until I shut the door behind us that either of us spoke.

"Alice said you were being a real dick today," Bella said as she opened the bottle of liquor and passed it my way. I took a swig, wincing as it burned it way down my empty stomach. "What's your problem?" She continued, taking the bottle back from me.

"I had a bad night's sleep." I grumbled, sitting back down on my bed and letting my face fall into my hands. Of course, she was here to fucking berate me. Alice was so good at making me look like an asshole, this wouldn't be the first time she had one of her little friends yell at me for her.

"Bad dreams?"

I nodded, keeping my face in my hands. I wasn't strong enough to look at her as she told me what I already knew: what a piece of shit I was for being an asshole to my sister. I think I'd probably fucking cry, watching her big brown eyes look down on me and reaffirm how I don't fucking deserve her company in the slightest. I was too fucking on edge to hold it together.

I let out a big, shaky breath as I sat there, waiting for her to begin her beratement.

"I have bad dreams, too," She said, surprising me enough to make me look up at her. Her eyes were soft as they looked into mine. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

I shrugged, unsure of what I could even say. "It's fucking dumb, really. I don't know why they get to me like this. I just dreamed of my Dad."

"Sometimes it helps to talk about it, even if it's fucking dumb." She said, giving my arm a playful shove as she sat on my mattress across from me.

Fuck. I didn't want to fucking tell her all of this shit, but… I couldn't help it. So I did. I told her all about my dreams of my Dad, about my halfway decent childhood with him and how he changed. I even told her about how it almost hurt worse to have a piece of shit living parent than a good, dead one.

She didn't speak again until I was all finished. My breathing was shaky, but I wasn't crying, though I fucking could have been.

"Alice is…different from you. And from me." Bella finally broke the silence. It was the first thing she said after my ranting, and it fucking confused me.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked her.

"Alice says a lot of things about you that are…less than nice. I'm sure you know that. I mean, she says way more nice things about you than bad things, but she definitely thinks you're an unloving prick."

I laughed humorlessly at her choice of words. They were true.

"I don't think she's right about you, though," Bella went on, her tiny hand finding mine and holding on to it. My heart race increased immediately at our contact, that electrical current racing through my veins from where we were touching.

Too much! I was letting myself get too fucking close to her, and I knew it. I was vulnerable right now, drowning in my misery and looking for that something to grab on to. I couldn't let it be her.

Still, I couldn't stop myself from intertwining my fingers with hers.

"She is," I muttered, gripping on to her hand for dear life. When she finally understood that Alice was right about me, she'd let go. She could still save herself.

"I don't think she is." Bella reiterated. She brought my hand up to her mouth and gently pressed her lips against my knuckle.

"I wanted to come see you today," I told her honestly, under her spell once again and unable to hold anything back. "Especially at the skatepark. I couldn't stop thinking about that asshole-"

I was cut off by Bella's lips pressing against mine.

"Don't think about him." She mumbled against my lips, opening her mouth to me and finally letting me in. It was what I'd been fantasizing about doing all day.

I moaned at our contact. "Did he fucking touch you?" I asked against her mouth, causing her to pull away with a huff. There. I finally blew it.

"No, he didn't fucking touch me, Edward. Do you really think I'd let him touch me?"

She was mad. Fuck.

"Well, no, but you could have wanted him to touch you."

She scoffed, sitting up straight and effectively distancing herself from me. I felt my heart clench. She didn't know how fucking fragile I was right now, and I didn't want her to find out, but I was on the cusp of another fucking breakdown.

"First of all, asshole, I thought we'd made an agreement about that. Am I wrong?"

I shook my head, unable to speak without my voice breaking.

"So, what, you just don't trust me?"

"I-I…" I stuttered out, unsure of what to say. "You could change your mind."

"I didn't."

We sat in silence for a few moments, the only sound in the room was of our breathing; mine sounding shallow and weak and hers long and hard as she worked through her anger at me.

"I wanted you to come, Edward. That's why I invited you."

I let out a deep breath, relieved at her words, though she still sounded angry. "I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"It's okay, you lunatic. That's what I was trying to tell you."

When I looked up at her, I found a tiny hint of a smile on her face. Was I off the hook again?

She scooched herself closer to me, once again taking my hand in hers.

"I missed you," her voice came out in a whisper. "I couldn't stop thinking about you last night after we were interrupted…"

Oh, thank you, God. Thank you, Satan. Thanks to who the fuck ever allowed me to find companionship in this woman. She was offering me the one thing I knew I could handle right now, the only thing I knew would really, genuinely make me feel better.

"I can never stop thinking about you," I responded with honesty once again, my voice husky with lust. "I'm so fucking glad you're here."

A small moan escaped Bella as her lips crashed against mine. I finally allowed myself to reach for her, drunk off of the taste of her in my mouth. My hands gripped her hips, fingers digging in tight as I pulled her to me, needing to feel her fully pressed against my body.

Bella fought my attempts to get her on top of me, seemingly always needing to take the lead, which was so fucking hot. Instead, her hands found my shirt and pulled, taking me with her as she fell backwards onto my mattress. I held myself above her, keeping the extent of my body weight off of her but still pressing every possible inch of myself against her, needing to be close.

She gasped when I released her lips, trailing a line of open mouthed kisses down her jaw and to her flawless, pale neck. I let my tongue run along the vein there, so visible under her porcelain skin. "Fuck, Edward…" She moaned, so fucking seductive that my dick got somehow impossibly harder.

"Bella," I panted against her skin, bringing my mouth back up to her own so I could assault it with kisses once again. "I need to be inside you."

"Please," she pleaded against my lips, arching her back so her warmth pressed right against my hardness. I groaned into her mouth at the contact, feeling even more desperate for her.

She didn't have to ask me twice. Not letting my lips lose their connection with hers, I blindly reached for my bedside table, snaking my hand into the drawer and pulling out a condom.

Her tiny hands clawed at my shirt, and I obliged her, pulling it over my head and tossing it to the floor before unbuttoning my pants and yanking them down. She kept her eyes fixed on me as she squirmed her way out of her own clothes. It took all of my focus to get the condom on myself with her gloriously naked in front of me, consuming all of my fucking thoughts, but I did it, and was back on top of her in the next instant.

Her hand grabbed at my dick as she smashed her lips back against my own, lining me up at her entrance. My mind was long gone by the time I finally pushed inside of her, the only thoughts running through it being those of Bella as she moved underneath me.

"Oh fuck, baby, you feel so fucking good." I confessed against her mouth as I continued to pump in and out of her. "So fucking good,"

She moaned at my words, a sinful sound, as her hands clutched at my back, her nails digging into the skin there. It was painful in the most endearing way; a sign of her need reflecting my own.

It wasn't long before her movements began to grow frantic, indicating that she was close to the edge. Unwilling to lose contact with her skin, I slid my hand down her side, savoring each piece of flesh I touched, until I found her most sensitive spot between her legs and started rubbing there.

"Fuck, Edward," she panted, her lips leaving mine to gasp for air as her thighs tightened around my hips. "I'm coming," she started, "Fucking Christ-" her words broke off with a gasp, and I felt her walls clamp down around me. It wasn't going to be long for me, either, so I continued my pumping into her as she rode out her orgasm.

Her moans finally brought me over the edge, and I gripped on to her so tightly as I came, I was sure she would be bruised in the morning.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Bella and I lay naked in my bed, each with a lit cigarette, passing the tequila bottle back and forth. We stayed that way, not speaking but just fucking relaxing in comfortable silence for almost an hour.

I yawned, exhaustion catching up with me, though I'd spent the entirety of my day in bed. At least the latter half of it was spent so well. Rolling to my side so I was facing Bella, I placed a hand on her hip, feeling her warm skin on my palm and letting her current flow through me.

"Thanks for coming over," I told her, keeping my voice quiet to preserve the peace we were enjoying together. "I really needed something good to happen to me today."

She rolled to her side, facing me as well. Her naked body, flawless and fully exposed to me, wasn't even enough to keep my eyes off of her face. Her eyes were hooded with sleepiness, now, but a lively blush still remained on her face; a post-coital glow I could only assume I mirrored back at her.

"Anytime, Masen. It's a fucking pleasure."

Bella shivered, eventually, and I decided to pull my blankets up over us- I was not willing to suggest she put her clothes back on. As I settled down under them, I felt her tiny body inch closer to mine, until I finally felt her pressed against me.

When her breathing evened out enough to convince me she had fallen asleep, I allowed myself to wrap my arms around her. Fuck, she felt so fucking good there, it was almost staggering. And she'd worn me out so much with her perfect body that I was already drifting off to sleep- I did not even have to battle with myself on how I should feel about having her here, in my arms like this. I could only enjoy it, feeling fucking blissful as I finally drifted off; my night a stark opposite to my emotionally tumultuous day.