Earthshine

Chapter VI

"Conservation and Chalk Drawings"

…

"Flashing through the garden of your mind, I dig deep to see what's there to find. I don't need diamonds, show me your soul."

-Ella Isaacson

…

[Edward]

"So…what'd you wanna talk about?" Vitalia asked, voice unreserved.

I glanced over and saw that one of her hands was held comfortably in the back pocket of her jeans while the other grasped the aluminum can of soda she'd bought. Her steps contained an enthusiastic sort of bounce as she met my eyes eagerly.

In an effort to appear a little more ordinary, I stuck my hands in the pockets of my jacket, gaze shifting forward as I tilted my head and searched my thoughts.

"I want to get to know you. Get an idea of who you are." I smirked slightly as my eyes shifted back to her. "Hope you don't mind being interviewed."

So much interest, she was thinking as she smiled coyly. But I wanna get to know him too. Have to keep this fair. Let's see…an exchange!

"Hm…m'kay. I'll answer anything you want to ask." She held up a finger, stare turning pointed. "But only if I get some honest answers from you too. We'll take turns. For every question you answer, you get an honest answer from me!"

I couldn't help but stiffen as my jaw locked. What sort of questions might she ask? I hated to have to lie to her outright if her questions were too close to the mark, but there didn't seem to be a way around it.

It was a shame she was as interested in this as I was. Maybe she'd lose interest once she realized there wasn't a whole lot to me. Vitalia was a thrill-seeker, so I would probably prove to be lackluster to her by eliminating the vampire aspect.

"…alright," I replied. I could hear the reservation in my voice, but she took it in stride.

"I'll go ahead and let you start," she stated.

"How generous."

She only hummed as she skipped over a puddle.

I fell quiet as I considered what to ask first. Where to even start? Should I grasp at simpler, more basic things before easing my way toward deeper territory? Or should I just dive right in?

Perhaps something in between.

"When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?"

I watched as she considered my question. A few sparse memories flitted through her mind. Lots of dressing up. Lots of imaginative games played with her parents.

And then came a memory of her at the circus. I could see the hazy picture of the charismatic man who stood at the center, introducing a menagerie of animals.

"A ringmaster," she declared, grinning widely. "I liked the idea of leading a show. Plus they got to work with animals all day, bears included, and just seemed to make everyone so happy! I spent months after that putting on circus performances with my stuffed animals for my mom and dad."

I shook my head. A ringmaster. What an interesting choice. "I see."

"How about you? That'll be my first question too."

It was easy enough to answer. "A soldier. I dreamed of going off to war and becoming some sort of hero or martyr for my country. It was all I could think about, actually."

"Aww…" she appraised me, eyes a little softer now. "I can see you as a soldier. You're definitely the type."

She was imagining me then in a soldier's uniform. A modern one though. My actual uniform would have looked somewhat different.

Yeah, he's so focused. Like nothing escapes his notice. I can see him as a sniper or something.

That was amusing. A sniper. I hadn't considered that.

"In what way?"

"Well…you seem so disciplined. I could never do something like that. I hate rigid rules."

I couldn't help but outwardly bark a laugh at that. She had a point. As she was, she would be a catastrophe in an army environment. But she was bold enough. Reckless. With a little self-discipline, she'd be a tremendous asset to any military group.

Then again…my eyes appraised her. It would be a shame if her high spirit was ever forced out of her in that way. For her wildness to be tamed. What a paradox that was! I believed her recklessness to be incredibly foolish, and yet I greatly admired it.

He has a nice laugh. There's something carefree in it. He should do it more often. His eyes are even shining now.

My laugh faded, but my smile lingered. It did feel good to let loose like this.

"You don't say?" I commented.

She chuckled and took a long sip of root beer.

"Next question?" She asked as she lowered the can.

"Favorite holiday?"

"Easy," she glanced over indignantly before her face transformed into one of delight. "Halloween!"

I supposed that should have been obvious, though I could never tell when she might surprise me.

"Why that one?"

"I mean, c'mon! Dressing up, scaring people, haunted houses, slasher flicks, candy!?" She shrugged. "What's not to love?"

I chuckled, seeing in her head a kaleidoscope of fond memories. It seemed her family went all out for the holiday. For the entire Autumn season, in fact. I saw a great stretch of open land, with a corn field and a bonfire and jack o' lanterns glowing brightly in the night. I saw a bucket filled with water and apples and her winning the bobbing contest. I saw her standing in front of a mirror, dressed as a scarecrow.

But then she interrupted her own reverie and the string of thoughts that came next instantly caught me off guard.

Right! It's my turn now. I wonder if this is a good time to ask about this Bella person. Should be fine.

How did she know about her? I schooled my features, careful not to let her see my surprise, but my mind was spinning.

"Speaking of love…" she began, giving me a sly sideways stare. "You ever fallen into it with someone?"

I exhaled softly. Rosalie. Or Esme. One of them very well could have mentioned her. I wondered what it was they had told her. Depending on who had mentioned it, a drastically different impression had been painted, I was sure.

"As a matter of fact, I have."

She smiled warmly. "I might've heard something about that. Bella, right?"

"That's right," I answered, feeling my entire face soften at the mention of her. "How did you know?"

I was able to openly show her some of my lingering surprise as I tilted my head.

Ha! Totally caught him off guard with this one.

"Remember how I told you I ran into someone today?"

I nodded.

"Well it was your mama and beautiful sister-in-law. They walked into the nail salon around the same time we did." She grinned. "They're so wonderful, by the way. Your mom's really sweet and I loved how fierce Rosie was!"

Fierce. Yes, that was one way of putting it. I was surprised she and Vitalia had hit it off so well. Rose was so standoffish with humans. She had a strong sense of self-preservation. She wasn't usually willing to take risks.

But then…Vitalia had a way, didn't she? I took a moment to observe her, a split-second of awe as my eyes roamed over her face. She'd charmed Jasper, after all. And me. Was it so outlandish that Rose had become fond too?

"Anyway," Vitalia was continuing, unaware of my appraisal. "Rosie asked about the nature of our…friendship." She peeked up at me and I heard her silently wonder if I also considered us friends. I supposed she was the closest thing I'd had to a friend — family and Bella aside, of course. "And then asked if I was aware of Bella. That led us on this whole relationship spiral. I was starting to feel a little out of the loop by the end of it. I've never been in love." she pointed towards herself. "I mean, I thought I did, but turns out I was pretty naive."

"Oh?" I asked, pleased that she was openly volunteering all of this information. It nicely led into a discussion I'd been waiting to have with her. "What'd you mean?"

She mentally cringed from the subject, but the thoughts came to her all the same. Lots of regret was there. Apparently this Derek had been her first relationship. She'd foolishly believed he was "the one" and completely given herself to him. He seemed a selfish person. The affect he'd had on her was abysmal.

She breathed in and looked up at me, forcing her expression to remain cheerful. For all her openness, when it came to this one thing, she pushed the pain away.

She made a show of nonchalantly shrugging. "Eh, exactly how it sounds. My ex, Derek…" her thoughts were so guarded now as she separated her words from any memory or feeling. "Well, we had a very intense relationship. Ride or die sort of thing, you know? Passion, adventure, a little danger. All the great things. Things my mom and dad have. He was a rebel type. But he was also a coward. And spiteful. He resented my happy-go-luckiness and started to get kinda controlling. I wasn't really…myself with him. I had to turn my shine down so he didn't feel inadequate or whatever."

She sighed heavily and finished off her can of root beer while I listened silently, eyes intent on her.

"The sad thing is," she continued as she crossed her arms, "that I wasn't even the one to end it. I wasn't even strong enough for that. Found out he'd been cheating nearly the whole time and, when I confronted him, he said I had just become too much trouble and broke it off."

A quiet lingered between us as I processed all of this. I couldn't imagine the betrayal. But I could relate to Vitalia's feelings of weakness. Not being able to do what you knew was right.

I resented that I would have to break Bella's heart, but it was right, I could feel that, and I had to be strong enough.

My attention refocused on Vitalia, thoughts of myself and Bella fading as I considered her. She didn't seem weak to me. I was glad too that her history hadn't permanently dimmed her glow. Such a thriving display of life deserved to flourish openly. A flicker of anger flared at Derek for nearly depriving her of that. For threatening to suffocate it.

"How long ago was this?" I asked, voice soft.

"A year ago," her gaze flicked up to meet mine before she glanced away again.

She had been fifteen then. So young.

When she spoke again, her voice was stronger. Powerful again. "But I decided not to let it break me. Why should anyone have the ability to impact my life that much? To force it from me? I realized that's completely in my control. I spent my time being sad about it and then I got back up and took life by the hand, letting it pull me back into its dance."

She grinned widely, eyes greeting mine fully now, shining and confident.

If I had any breath left to take, she would have taken it away in that moment. Whatever divine entity had created her, it suddenly felt as if I was staring Him right in the face. Her expression was life-giving that way.

Something about what she said touched deep. Would Bella come to the same realization she had? That she shouldn't let my leaving her destroy her life? I had to believe she would get back up and embrace it the way Vitalia had. I so dearly hoped she would.

…and what of myself? No, I was different. Human beings could change. I was set in stone. Bella had become my life and without her my life was as good as gone.

Though looking into Vitalia's eyes right now, I heard the faintest whisper in my mind wonder if that was true. If I had the power to choose too. If allowing Bella to consume my life was somehow wrong.

But those ghostly speculations faded as quickly and as quietly as they'd come.

"I have to work on more willingly facing it all, of course," Vitalia was saying then. "I can be a little avoidant sometimes."

"That's understandable," I answered. "I appreciate you telling me."

"Well you asked. And I promised honesty."

I felt a stab of guilt in answer to that. I hoped she didn't ask anything I'd have to lie about. She'd just shared something truly difficult for her to discuss.

"I also want us to be able to get to know each other and this wound is part of me," she declared, eyes falling to her fingers as she lifted them, observing that gold polish.

I felt a warm smile cross my face. "Not everyone shows their wounds."

"Yeah, but that's just life, you know? It hurts sometimes. Not all sunshine and bliss."

I nodded, wholeheartedly agreeing. "No," my voice sounded a little hollow. "No, it isn't."

She was silent for a moment, looking around the town absently as we walked comfortably beside each other. It felt so effortless and natural. I didn't think it'd ever been so simple to walk beside a human being. The thirst was so barely there that I was almost able to feel ordinary — like I was human myself.

I drank in the feeling as something began to occur to me. Her presence intruded on me in a very non-violent or aggressive way, but it was nonetheless a force I couldn't ignore.

Perhaps, even more than blood, what vampires craved was this life force. That thing we were so deprived of. Vitalia fulfilled that particular thirst in a way. Gave some reprieve, illusion though it was.

"So…you're in love. What's that like?" She tilted her head and gave me an impish smile.

I blinked, pulled from my reverie. I had to collect myself and focus on the question.

How to answer that? There was so much. My thoughts willingly turned to Bella and I was hit by the usual weight of everything I felt for her.

"It's unlike anything else. Transformative. Takes you over. It's like finding your other half. It's as if…you haven't been complete until you've met this person. And then they become your whole world. The whole meaning for everything. They just consume everything else."

Vitalia watched me and, though her face didn't change, her thoughts were a sudden whirlwind of opinion.

Huh…sounds a little like how I felt with Derek. Like I was addicted to him or something. Nothing else seemed to matter.

Again, I had to force the surprise from my face. Like her and Derek? I withheld a scoff. That boy had used her, betrayed her. Selfishly tried to steal the things that brought her to life. Bella wasn't at all like that. Yes, I often compared my draw to her as that of a heroin addict, but that was just the savage monstrosity that was my vampirism — that was only the call of her blood. Her fragrance was my personal signature.

But Vitalia had never actually been in love, as she said. She was hardly an expert. I ignored her thoughts on it and waited to hear what outward response she would give.

After a moment she looked up and nodded. "Sounds intense."

That was it? It wasn't a lie, but it certainly withheld what she was really thinking. It was so frustrating that she wouldn't say more. That I couldn't set her thinking straight.

"It is." I looked at her fervently, hoping my eyes conveyed some of my sincerity. That mine and Bella's relationship was absolutely genuine and a far cry from hers with Derek.

Maybe I'm being unfair. She pressed her lips together and looked down. What'd I know about this stuff anyway?

I grimaced as her thoughts reached me. Was I being unfair? Why was I acting so defensive? I knew that I wasn't good for Bella. I knew that my being around made her desire unnatural things. Things like becoming a vampire. Like offering her life like it meant nothing. Like hating the idea of growing old and even choosing me over her own soul. She had said she didn't want heaven if it meant being without me. Wasn't that worse than Derek?

"How long have you been together?"

Her question roused me and I focused my eyes on hers. It helped the sting of my current thoughts a little. "Five months."

Her brows shot up. Oh wow. That's not long.

Not long at all. Not nearly long enough. The blink of an eye.

"Hm…" She tilted her head. "Love hits pretty sudden then, huh?"

"Seemed to be the case for just about everyone in my family."

"Rosie and your mom did mention that. It took my parents a little time. My mom's pretty careful about these things."

"I am too. Compared to the rest of my family, I took longer. I didn't think of Bella romantically at all at first. I even kind of…resented her in the beginning. And the two of us could hardly stand to be around each other."

Resented her. That was a way of putting it. Resented her for calling out a more monstrous side of me than I'd ever known. For so thoroughly destroying my sense of peace and stability. Her irresistible blood nearly made me do something unforgivable. It could still. If I slipped up for even a moment, I'd drain the life right out of her. It was a very fragile line I walked with her.

"Well that's interesting." Vitalia lifted a hand to her chin. "It's a good thing you were able to sort out your differences. Why'd you resent her though?" She squinted one eye as she looked at me again.

I sighed. What could I say? I'd dug myself into a hole with my last answer. "Well she-" I paused, thinking fast. I shrugged. "She kind of threw me off. All my plans. The life I'd eased into. She complicated things."

There. That was fairly close to the truth.

"Ah. So it was more of a you problem?"

I laughed, the sound delighting her thoughts again. "Yes. Definitely."

It was entirely on me. Poor Bella had no idea what she'd collided with. I'd thrown her whole life off course. Everything she'd been meant for.

At least I can set her back on the right track when I remove myself from the picture.

He seems so happy talking about her, but there's something sad in his eyes too.

Her sudden observation was so close to reality as my mind once again returned to the impending separation between me and Bella. I blinked down at the girl beside me and at her sharp gaze. She was reading me like I was an open page.

"Eddy…" she started, face and tone of voice suddenly shifting into something soft. It was a contrast to the usual spunky energy she hit me with. She reached out and placed her hand on my arm, stopping midstep. I followed her lead, eyes shifting quickly to her hand.

"I've noticed you sometimes get this really sad look in your eyes." She continued. "Like right now. I'll listen if you want to talk about it. You're carrying a lot, aren't you?"

Her empathy struck me surprisingly hard. I blinked and my eyes shifted over her shoulder. " A lot was putting it mildly. I had been feeling that the weight of the world had been thrown on my shoulders. Some days it was almost more than I could take.

I knew my family had noticed something was off about me, and I wasn't sure if Bella had sensed anything amiss yet, but Vitalia had been the first to actually voice the observation to me.

But what to say?

Poor guy. Not sure what this is, but it's something serious. Wish I could cheer him up somehow.

Right. That was unfortunately impossible. Nothing could ease the life of doom waiting for me.

I smiled down at Vitalia anyway though. I certainly appreciated her wanting to help.

"I can't talk about it," I decided to tell her bluntly.

Figured not. She thought to herself. It's hard to open up about the hard things.

It was a shame I couldn't though. She'd be the perfect person to discuss it with, if only to unload it all. Everyone else would try and stop me. Everyone else was too personally involved with the situation.

She gave my arm a squeeze before moving her hand away and nodding. "That's okay. Maybe some other time."

"Maybe," I told her. I knew there wasn't a chance of that though.

My eyes fell to where my arm was still warm from her hold. It wasn't a seering, appetizing-inducing burn the way it was with the majority of people. It was like the comforting warmth of a spring day. Like the way the sunlight felt in my meadow.

"I bet it has something to do with Bella though, doesn't it?"

My eyes shot up immediately. She was looking at me with sympathy still, but her brow was raised playfully. Knowingly.

Instead of answering, I shook my head and smirked at her. "You do realize you've just asked about five questions when it hasn't been your turn. No more answers for you until I catch up."

"Ah!" She grinned and smacked my sleeve before continuing to walk. "I was hoping you wouldn't notice."

"Things like that rarely escape me." I explained, smirk widening at her reaction.

Maybe I should ease off the heavy stuff anyway. Vitalia was thinking. I want him to enjoy our time together. I need to get his mind off whatever this thing is that's bothering him.

Again, probably unlikely, but she did have a way of distracting me.

"Now let's see…what would you do if you never had to sleep? If you had all of that extra time." I asked.

"Ooh, I like it! Hm…I'd make the most of those moments, I guess. See the world. Experience all the things without ever having to stop. Maybe do some nocturnal animal watching. That'd be fun."

"And if you could live forever?"

"An interesting thing to wonder," Vitalia answered before seriously considering it. I made a note to lay off these sorts of questions going forward. Maybe I was playing a little too closely to the fire. I was genuinely curious though. If she was in my position, what would she do?

"I can see how it might get boring after ahwile," she nodded. "But the world's always changing, so it would be pretty cool to see all of that and enjoy all the new things. I'd miss people though, definitely. Family and stuff. I don't think I'd want to have to outlive anyone."

Edward smiled. "No. That doesn't seem ideal." He paused to think of another question. His curious mind was bouncing between all sorts of them. "So you wanted to be a ringmaster when you were little, has that changed? What would you like to be now?"

"Well I've recently become interested in being a travel journalist. I want to go to war ravaged countries and little tribal villages and things. I want to broaden people's perspectives about the world, you know? Most just have such a narrow scope of the way things really are."

"Huh." I hadn't expected that. I can feel her enthusiasm radiating off of her as she explained it. "I think that's a solid ambition." It was astonishingly reasonable, though with the touch of danger that so suited her.

"Thank you!" She beamed.

"Do you read at all?"

"Uhm." She scrunched up her face. "Sometimes, but I prefer movies. When I do read, it's usually nonfiction. Like travel journals and things." She winked at me.

I laughed again. That made sense.

Only one more and then I get to ask another one, she thought gleefully.

"And what sorts of movies are your favorites?"

"Psychological thrillers," she answered immediately. "I really liked Minority Report and A Beautiful Mind."

It made sense for her but for some reason I hadn't seen it coming.

"Good choices. I like those movies as well. I tend toward more classic films myself though."

"You have a favorite story? Book, movie, or otherwise?"

I smiled to myself, mind drifting to the fantasy immediately. "Yes, a book. Peter Pan."

"Ooh, good one! I love that story. The Johnny Depp movie is especially good. The one about the writer. Of course, he is my favorite actor."

I snorted in response. That was an unoriginal choice. I couldn't even count the number of times I'd caught girls in the High School fantasizing about that man. I didn't comment on that though, only gave her a wry look before referencing the movie she mentioned. "Finding Neverland, yes. I did enjoy it."

Vitalia laughed. "I'm going to choose to ignore the look you're giving me, Eddy."

"Probably wise."

Vitalia rolled her eyes. " Anyway… why do you like that story? Do you like the idea of never growing up or something?"

"Not particularly, no. I think growing up is a beautiful thing. But that's the whole point. That's the choice the other three children make. They choose to leave their childhood behind and embrace their natural lives. I like that sentiment."

I could relate more to the Pan boy, unfortunately. I was stuck as I was. Stuck as a boy forever. I longed to be able to leave Neverland and rejoin the land of the living.

Vitalia gave me a wide smile as she heard my answer, eyes gleaming brilliantly. A gust of wind danced through her dark hair and she swept it out of her eyes before speaking. "That's wonderful, Eddy. I really like your view on that."

"Well thank you." I nodded, wishing Bella could see it the same way. I stared out at the afternoon sky as some heavy looking clouds moved toward us. There was bound to be a downpour soon. I wondered if it would cut mine and Vitalia's outing short.

I leaned against the wall of a corner store, hands still secured in my pockets and tilted my head as Vitalia turned and noticed that I'd stopped.

"Tired already?" She stepped over to me.

Maybe the late night texting is catching up to him.

I shrugged. "We're running out of sidewalk space. The downtown area is only so big here."

"That's a good point," she curled the corner of her lip. "Guess we're gonna have to find something else to do pretty soon."

She kicked her boot along the pavement before her eyes widened and she pointed to the ground. "Oh look, Eddy! Chalk!"

My brows creased, unsure if I'd heard right, before I watched as she stooped down and picked up three vibrant sticks — one yellow, the other green, and the last purple. I wasn't sure what she found so exciting about it. Sidewalk chalk was such a juvenile pastime.

"I love chalk. Draw something with me!"

I didn't think I'd actually used chalk even once in my life. With a sigh I reached out and grabbed the yellow one. "I suppose we're going to act like we're five now."

"I'm a child at heart," she winked. "And it's good to do childish things every now and then. To enjoy those carefree things again." She gave me a more pointed look. "You know. When things weren't so heavy?"

I felt my resistance loosen as she crouched down and began using the purple to draw. I glanced to the yellow stick in my hand. I barely remembered my childhood. The memories were all cloudy. I couldn't even remember my mother's face in detail. All I had were the feelings of those times. The love I had for her. The comfort. The simplicity. The innocence. The humanity .

I lowered myself to a knee beside her and began to draw a perfect circle before shading it in, using the pavement as a lighter center to give it some dimensional depth.

"Wow. That's a really good sun."

I glanced sideways at Vitalia then looked down at her scribbled attempt at a purple teddy bear, complete with an uneven green bow tie. I smiled in fondness though. It definitely had a childish charm to it.

"Oh stop judging." She gave me a playful glare.

"I'm not, I'm-" I searched for words before looking up at her. "I like it."

"Pfft. Sure you do."

I chuckled. "I do." Reaching out, I grasped the green and swiftly drew some blades of grass and a line of evergreen trees. Then I drew soft, purple flowers through the long grass. I smiled as I tilted my head down at the scene.

My favorite place. Mine and Bella's meadow.

"Show off." Vitalia leaned over to see before looking up at me. "But it's pretty."

"Thank you."

It seems to mean something to him, she was thinking as she held my eyes. He looks peaceful looking at it.

She didn't comment on any of that out loud though, just smiled and dusted off her hands. "You have a favorite color?"

I knew it wasn't her turn, but I figured I'd just bring the point up later.

My favorite color wasn't something I'd thought of in awhile. The first response that came to mind was brown, for obvious reasons, but as I looked a little deeper, I remembered what it was. What it had always been.

"Blue. A midnight blue." I always loved when Bella wore that color.

"Nice choice. Blue's pretty. Like the night sky."

"Exactly." I set the chalk down and wiped my hands off too. "What about you?"

"Well I've always had trouble deciding. I like them all. But maybe…" I watched her squint and sift through different colors in her mind and her reasons for liking each of them.

Then her active mind finally settled on a great brightness and though I heard her reasoning, I listened intently when she started to speak.

"I think I like white best." She nodded. "Firstly, because it's technically not a color. It's an outlier. And also because it's the combination of all the colors. It's almost like a mirage because our limited vision can't detect all those colors at once, so white is what we're able to see. It's a brilliant blend of everything. Like a harmony. A unity. A great mystery, concealing so much variety in its brightness."

I slowly smiled at her as I felt my eyes grow more intense with interest. "I've never heard such an in depth analysis of a color before."

"I feel very passionate about colors."

My eyes shifted away, up to the clouds that were growing darker. "Vitalia, the way you see life…" I shook my head and glanced back at her, one brow lifted. "I think it's extraordinary."

She breathed in slowly, a little stunned, it seemed, by the intensity of my stare. She held my eyes a long moment before her mind caught up with her.

It's crazy how he does that, she thought, again thinking over something her mom had said about her dad's stare. She shoved the thought away though and stood.

"What'd you wanna do now?"

I was frustrated that she hadn't let her last thought continue, but I stood beside her and glanced to my phone. I still had quite a bit of time before I could pick up Bella.

As I pocketed the device an idea came to me, an idea I suspected would absolutely thrill Vitalia.

"How do you feel about going for a drive?"

Her eyes instantly sparked with excitement and she eagerly nodded.