Earthshine

Chapter XI

"The Storm"

…

"I exist in that thunder that shakes the heart of your world and brings it down to its knees." ― Akshay Vasu

…

[Vitalia]

I had dozed off pretty early after Eddy dropped me off after the bonfire. I slept solidly too and was only woken by a loud clap of thunder at, like, seven in the morning.

I got out of bed and walked to the window, where I saw the violent downpour and flashes of lightning. I smirked widely then turned when my dad walked in the door with three takeout boxes.

I didn't even notice he was gone. I looked to the bed where my mom was sleeping heavy. She could sleep through literally anything.

"Well hey there, early riser." Dad greeted.

"Ditto," I answered before pointing at the bag. "What'd you get?"

"Breakfast from across the street."

"Mmm," I smiled. "Sounds delicious!"

He handed me the one on top. "Banana Pancakes and bacon."

"Yum," I smacked my lips then stood on my toes to kiss my Daddy's cheek.

I watched as he walked over to wake mom with some breakfast in bed before sitting on the little couch cross-legged and digging into my meal.

I loved that diner. It was seriously amazing. There were a lot of good ones back home and it kind of had the same vibe. There were very few places we'd traveled that could equal good ol' Southern cooking.

Another roar of thunder sent my eyes flying to the window and I smiled as I watched the rain for a long minute.

Me and my family often sat on our porch watching thunderstorms. I loved the build up. The whole sky was filled with so much energy. So much tension. It was so foreboding.

"What movie you wanna start with, kiddo?" Dad asked. "Your mom says she doesn't care."

I glanced to my mom and she shrugged as she sleepily chewed her toasted egg sandwich.

"Hm…" I set my box down and walked over to the TV stand, shuffling through the DVD's a second. There were some good ones. Some classics. But I kind of had to go with an all time favorite. "This one!" I grinned and turned.

"Great choice," my mom nodded.

"Top Gun," Dad came forward and cheerily plucked it from my hand before opening the DVD player. "Excellent."

He got the movie started and joined my mom on the bed while I lied at the foot of it, head propped on my hand. The opening song Danger Zone immediately gave me the same thrill it always did. It was really one of the best openings for a movie ever.

"Highway to the Danger Zone. Ride into the Danger Zone…Headin' into twilight…"

My dad started singing along and I smiled to myself when my mom shushed him. My favorite part came later in the song. It unfortunately wasn't included in the opening but I sang it under my breath anyway.

"Out along the edges, always where I burn to be. The further on the edge, the hotter the intensity."

A knock on the door sent us all looking over before we stared between each other in confusion.

Who's that? I wondered.

My dad paused the movie and moved to stand but I hopped off the bed first.

"Got it!"

I heard him chuckle as I bounded across the room to unlatch the lock.

When I opened the door, I blinked in surprise. Eddy was standing there. The ligtning was flashing in the sky behind him and the rain was pouring in a torrent from the roof.

When he saw me, he extended a hand with a to-go cup of coffee, face bright with a smile. The storm didn't seem to be bothering him much.

"Good morning," he announced, eyes gleaming. "Hope I'm not intruding?"

I shook off my surprise and grabbed the coffee from him before returning his smile. "Morning! No intrusion. We just started a movie."

"Hey there, Edward!" I heard my dad greet from across the room.

"Hello," my mom also greeted. I glanced back and saw her send a smile our way. "Vitalia sure loves her coffee."

"I'm aware," Edward answered and I laughed before motioning behind me. "Were you wanting to come in?"

"Only if it isn't a problem. Do you mind me watching the movie with you?"

"Nope! Not at all." I looked back at my parents and they were motioning for him to come in.

"Make yourself comfortable," mom said with another smile.

"The more the merrier." Dad added.

I stood aside so Eddy could walk in and he nodded to me before stepping past me.

I closed the door then noticed as I turned that Eddy was soaked. The strands of his caramely hair were weighed down by the rain and his shirt was stuck to his skin.

"No umbrella, huh?" I asked, my eyes shining with approval. "I like it. Never cared for them myself. You want me to grab a towel for you or something though?"

He laughed. "Sure, I'd like that."

I walked over to the bathroom to grab him one of the fluffy, delightfully clean scented bath towels. I tossed it his way and he caught it smoothly.

"Nice catch!" I said before turning. Where should we sit? The bed might be kind of weird. Maybe on the floor?

I grabbed two pillows off my bed and tossed them on the floor below the TV. I sat then patted the space beside me. "Take a seat, pal. We're watching Top Gun."

"Ah," he replied as he moved across the room, sending an easy smile in the direction of my parents before lowering himself into the spot next to me. He left one leg propped up and rested an arm over it before lifting a brow as he glanced down at me. "This movie suits you."

"Why's that?"

"Maverick. Seems like your type of character. Always pushing the limits. Unafraid of danger. A daredevil."

"An accurate assessment." I complimented with a wink. "Maverick happens to be my very first crush."

Eddy laughed again and nodded. "Equally unsurprising."

"Mine too!" My mom shouted from above us.

I grinned and turned to look up at her. "I know. And you totally married a Maverick."

Dad smirked. "She did, didn't she?"

I saw Eddy shake his head and I gave a him a questioning look. "What?"

He stared down at me a long moment before lowering his voice a little. "I don't know if I'd advise you to do the same."

"Oh? Why not?"

"Because I shudder to think what two Maverick types would look like together. You need a balance."

"That's true!" Mom spoke again.

"Maybe," I shrugged. "But that doesn't sound as fun."

"Well your mom's plenty of fun," Dad spoke up. "And she's a good balance for me."

Eddy motioned a hand up at them, silently saying they'd proved his point.

I rolled my eyes but smirked. "Whatever. Let's just continue the movie."

"You got it." Dad answered before hitting play.

As the familiar scenes passed before my eyes, I glanced Eddy's way and saw him intently staring at the screen. I thought over his suggestion and let my thoughts take a rare turn to the future. I honestly had no idea what sort of person I wanted to settle down with. I'd always preferred to not think too much about it. To just let the right one come along in his own good time. I didn't like the idea of forcing things.

People like Maverick really attracted me, but I guessed it was more logical not to go for that. I tilted my head and continued to observe the strange boy next to me.

As much as I'd shut down what everyone else had been saying — all the questions about me and Eddy, I caught myself wondering now if his type would suit me. Cautious, responsible, intelligent, and with crazy foresight. I didn't find him boring, so maybe they were right. Obviously Eddy wouldn't be the one, but someone like him?

Yeah, I could definitely do that. The differences are fun. Besides, he enjoyed a good thrill too. He was adventurous and artistic and had a playful streak I liked.

But how likely was it I'd ever meet someone like him again? He was so unique!

I stared for another moment, realizing that he curiously looked more tense. Strange. It was fleeting though, because as soon as I noticed his expression seemed to smooth over and he glanced down at me before offering a smile.

I returned it then looked away, putting my thoughts to rest. They wouldn't do me any good.

[Edward]

The sudden direction of Vitalia's thoughts alarmed me. For a moment, she'd actually imagined the two of us together.

If she was seriously entertaining this idea, I couldn't be around her. It was crossing a line.

I had to admit she was right though. If my positive influence was any indication, someone like me was exactly who she needed. Human though, preferably. Someone who could provide a balance to her recklessness. Someone who could help temper her wildness.

She noticed my tension and I forced myself to relax. A feat made easier when she revealed that she was not, in fact, actually considering me. She knew I was unattainable. I didn't detect any genuine romantic interest from her, only curiosity.

I looked down at her and smiled, hoping to distract her from my visible reaction to what she'd just been thinking. I wasn't supposed to know, after all. She smiled back then returned her attention to the movie.

It would be as easy as breathing with her.

Emmett's voice annoyingly intruded on my thoughts. I argued against it. The easy way wasn't always the right way. In fact it often wasn't. None of us had chosen the easy path as vampires.

…but it'd been easy for all of them, hadn't it? Falling in love? I truly didn't understand why Bella's blood had to be so appealing to me. Why had it been so different for me? I loved someone I was equally tempted to kill. I loved a mortal human who I eventually would have to say goodbye to whether I was the one to kill her or not.

Nothing about being with Bella was easy. Not a single moment.

I suddenly felt an irrational wave of jealousy. I was jealous of the effortless relationship Emmett and Rosalie had. The ease in which Jasper and Alice were devoted to each other. The comfort of Carlisle and Esme.

My eyes lowered. I felt guilty. It wasn't fair to Bella. None of it was.

I knew the answer to my tortured questions. It wasn't easy because I wasn't meant for Bella. She was destined for someone else and I was doomed to forever be alone. To be denied her.

Staying with her meant destroying her, in one way or another, as Alice's visions had revealed. Either her life or her soul would be lost. Neither was acceptable, so I was really only left with one right path. A path of misery.

Oh no, there's that look again. Tsk, Eddy…what is going on in that head of yours?

I felt warmth upon my hand and my eyes quickly shifted to where Vitalia's hand rested over mine. I stared at it a long moment, trying to get myself under control. I closed my eyes, hardly daring to look up and meet the brightness of her stare.

"Whatever it is, Eddy, I'm sure everything will turn out fine."

It took me a moment to realize that Vitalia had not only thought those words. She'd whispered them to me.

Such a naively optimistic girl. I opened my eyes and lifted them. As expected, her limitless gaze was bright with assurance. They were as energetic and untamed as the storm outside.

And that's when I realized something.

As easy as breathing.

Begrudgingly and startlingly, I faced the fact that maybe Emmett was right. It was still impossible for me to fall for Vitalia, not after already having given my heart to Bella, but…in some other reality, if Bella had not doomed herself to the fate of moving here and meeting me…I saw that I possibly could have loved Vitalia. Easily.

That thought challenged a preconception I had. Vampires had only one life mate. There couldn't be another. I couldn't even think of a case where such a thing had happened among my kind.

Even within the Volturi, Marcus — whose beloved was deceased — had never found one to replace her.

But was it possible that more than one option existed before our choice solidified the decision? That it all depended on who we happened upon first?

As it was, this realization changed nothing. Growing to love Vitalia now would be equal to loving a friend. Of loving any member of my family. It was an entirely separate kind of love than the one I felt for Bella. Because I'd already chosen and there was no coming back from it.

I tried to smile at her but failed, still overwhelmed by my own thoughts.

As much as I hated to think it, a part of me almost wished that Bella had been spared this, especially if a more forgivable option existed. One I wasn't the least bit inclined to kill. One who was not as innocent as my darling and so not as in danger of being tainted by me.

Was it wrong to think such a thing? I hardly knew. But that was how greatly I desired to overcome myself and do right by Bella. I wanted to do it while causing the least amount of pain possible.

A scenario where we'd never met and we were both none the wiser to what we were missing seemed the best case for both of us.

But that wasn't reality. No. In reality, we would both suffer and my only consolation was that she was human and so she could love another. She could move on.

"What's wrong?" Vitalia mouthed to me.

He's having a hard time coming out of it this time.

I sighed then shook my head. "Maybe later," I said under my breath.

I was going to have to think of something to tell her. Some explanation that gave her only just enough insight.

I watched the rest of the film, managing to smirk to myself each time Maverick did something exceptionally reckless. I supposed, in one significant area, I could relate to the man too. He felt an irrepressible desire for speed.

Vitalia had released my hand, but her nearness was still a comfort. She was cheerily laughing along with the movie and visibly getting caught up in the thrill.

Her mother and father were equally enjoying it and I found myself admiring their unity as a family.

That boy's so quiet, Diego was thinking. Haven't been hearing much out of him. Maybe he doesn't like the movie? Doesn't seem like his style. But then again…

Eden's thoughts had taken an entirely different direction. I can tell they've gotten closer, Edward and Vi. He's with someone, so I hope she's careful. I don't want to see her hurt again. I hope he isn't playing her, but he does seem like a good boy.

I had to hand it to Vitalia, she was good at doing what was best for herself where relationships were concerned. As far as I could tell anyway. She had drawn a line in her mind between us, a fact I was grateful for, and she appeared to have no intention of crossing it. I supposed that was due to being hurt before though. It was unfortunate but it made her wiser in this area.

But a good boy? Eden had a similar thought when I'd first met them all. She was so gravely mistaken it nearly made me scoff.

As the credits came up, I watched as Vitalia happily finished off the coffee I'd brought her. I was glad to see her enjoying it. I was a little uncertain at first, not knowing how she felt about receiving gifts. Bella was always so firmly against it. It was a struggle to give her anything. She even announced recently that she did not wish to receive anything for her birthday, something my family planned to go against regardless. I was undecided about that.

I wasn't even certain I would be here. I'd loosely given myself until the end of the summer, but my resolve was weak. I'd been debating pushing it until after Bella's birthday in September. But then there was Halloween, and Thanksgiving and our first Christmas together…maybe at the start of next year? Clean break in January? New Years resolution?

If I kept pushing it, I knew I'd never leave.

I think now's a good time to tell them. Guess it doesn't hurt to have Edward here. Might be a good thing, actually. He'll probably enjoy this. "I have some news, everyone!" Eden suddenly spoke up.

My curiosity momentarily distracted me and I glanced up and looked behind me while Vitalia clapped her hands and turned to hop onto the bed.

"Ooh, what's up?!" She asked eagerly.

More time with Eddy. I'm sure Vi'll go for it. Diego thought.

More time with me? What did that mean?

"So," Eden started as she animatedly moved her hands. "I got a temp job offer at that little boutique on Main Street we visited the other day."

"The one with all the teddy bear merch?" Vitalia asked.

"Yep. Apparently they aren't doing very well and, with my degree in marketing, I offered to see what I could do to help them out. Get them back on their feet."

"That's great!" Vitalia enthused. "How long would you be doing that?"

"Until the end of September," Diego added. "We'd be back in time for your birthday and our big Halloween Fest, so no worries about that."

"Would that be okay with you though?" Eden added in a more serious tone, eyes flicking to me briefly.

I glanced from her to Vitalia, tilting my head. So she'd be staying past the summer? What was only meant to be a few weeks would now be over a month.

I wasn't disappointed, but now I had to figure in this new development to my plans.

Should I wait until Vi left to make my own departure? My spirit soared at the idea. I might not get the other major holidays, but I would definitely get to celebrate Bella's birthday.

"Of course!" Vitalia exclaimed without a thought before looking to me with a bright grin. "This is awesome! I might get a chance to befriend Bella after all."

I couldn't help but smile at her. It warmed me that one of her first thoughts was of Bella.

And Eddy and I will get so much more time together. This is so perfect. I was nowhere near ready to say goodbye.

I couldn't help but entirely agree with her sentiment. For more reasons than one.

"Great," Diego declared, reaching his hand over to wrap it around his wife's shoulders. His smirk softened when she looked at him and he nodded. "I'm sure you'll be great. Vi and I are with you all the way."

"Thank you," she patted his leg. "But this probably means we need to be staying in town."

"I'll look up some vacation rentals." Diego told her. "Somewhere more sustainable than this motel anyway."

They started to go over the details and Vitalia hopped back down on the floor before nudging me. "You wanna talk?" She raised a brow.

I know he doesn't actually want to talk about what's bothering him, but maybe he needs to.

I sighed, holding her stare a long moment before slowly nodding. Maybe she could offer some insight. Maybe hinting at my plans wouldn't be the worst thing.

"Hey, guys?" She addressed her parents as she stood. "Me and Eddy are gonna watch the storm outside for a bit. We'll stay on the banister right here." She pointed towards the window, where the second-story railing was visible.

"Alright, kiddo." Her dad nodded. "Try not to get struck by lightning, hm?"

Eden smacked his shoulder before shaking her head at us. "Have fun. You'll be just fine if you stay right there. Don't be too long though, we've got Yahtzee planned next."

"Yahtzee!" Vitalia grinned before nodding. "Sounds good. We'll be back soon."

Yahtzee. A game of pure chance. It seemed my abilities wouldn't be much help there.

"You like that game?" Vitalia asked as she grabbed her jacket and slipped it on.

I was still wearing mine, so I reached out to open the door while she got ready. I shrugged. "It can be fun, sure."

"Coolio!" She stepped past me and onto the balcony, holding her hands out over the railing. The rain pounded onto her skin, falling in streams from her palms. She grinned widely and stared up at the rumbling, savage sky. "It's so beautiful."

I tilted my head from where I stood beneath the door awning, mentally turning her statement over in my mind.

I might have immediately questioned her interpretation of beautiful, but I paused to consider it. I looked up at the gray, heavy clouds, and at the relentless fall of water. I watched the white, electric streaks of lightning tear the sky in jagged pieces.

It was incredible, what the sky was capable of. The many forms it could take. Incredible, mysterious, dangerous…

There was a certain beauty in that, wasn't there? In this chaotic, unchained display.

I was drawn to Vitalia in the same way, wasn't I?

Do I find her beautiful?

I didn't allow myself to dwell on her physical beauty, but I already knew that I found her outlook beautiful. Her life. Her soul.

I stepped forward and joined her, tilting my head back to let the rain pour over me. I closed my eyes, aware of all the individual nerve endings this work of nature touched. It soothed the overwhelm inside my mind. It grounded me.

After a moment, I straightened and looked down at her. She was watching me. Her thoughts were silent but her pulse was pounding. I assumed it was from excitment.

"It is," I told her softly. "Beautiful."

As beautiful as your own display of life. I mentally added.

Her expression brightened before her eyes turned curious. "You don't do this much, do you?"

"Do what?"

"Just stop and-" she motioned a hand. " Be. No thoughts, no rush, no worries. Just live right here, right now."

I chuckled and shook my head, eyes traveling over the parking lot below. "No. I'd have to say that pretty much never happens."

It was nearly impossible for me to turn off my thoughts. Or my worries. Or my relentless obsession with future events.

"That's a shame. I think you miss out on a lot when you don't."

"Probably," I admitted.

Vitalia sighed then stepped back toward the door, where she turned and sat, hugging her knees to her chest. "What's going on, Eddy? You were having a hard time in there earlier."

Here it was. The moment of truth. I took a deep breath, Vitalia's refreshing scent clearing the clutter of my thoughts before I walked over and lowered myself beside her.

I stared at the rain silently and tried to sort out my words. Vitalia didn't interrupt me, only sat and patiently waited for my answer.

"I'm-" My voice shook and I clenched my hand into a fist. I grimaced and took another breath. "I'm no good…for her. For Bella. I'm no good in general." I shook my head and brought my hand to my forehead.

So much for control. My emotions felt like they were gaping wide open.

Oh man. It's worse than I thought. He's feeling worthless. Down on himself. I wonder why?

"What'd you mean?" She asked me gently.

I'd opened the door now. I'd willingly chosen to allow Vitalia to see some of the truth.

"I can't explain," I told her honestly, hand held over my eyes. "There are things about me I'm not at liberty to speak of, but…I'm literally the worst imaginable person for Bella to be with. And yet, even knowing that, I choose to stay. I-I can't seem to bring myself to do what I know is right."

Wow…I had no idea there were complications between him and her. No wonder he's been so gloomy. I'm so curious about what he's hiding, but I won't push it. That wouldn't be fair. He's allowed his secrets. What to say though?

"And you believe the right thing is leaving her?"

There was no judgement in her voice. Nothing accusing. The relief I felt at her openness flooded me.

I numbly, almost imperceptibly, nodded. I couldn't bring myself to speak the words out loud. The pain was tearing my insides apart.

She took a moment and I could hear her sorting through different ways she could respond. I lowered my hand away from my eyes and stared at the rain again, counting the individual drops as they fell.

"I obviously don't know enough about your situation to argue, but I do trust what you have to say. I think maybe you're being harsh with yourself, but I also think it's important that you don't ignore what you're feeling. That doesn't do anyone any good. You can't pretend you're alright with something when everything inside of you is screaming that you aren't. I can see how this is breaking you up, so…yeah. You need to do right by her and you also need to do right by you. Maybe you're wrong and you aren't as bad for her as you think, but I have a feeling you aren't going to really know that until you've explored what you feel you need to do."

I stilled at her words. Shocked by them. I don't know what I was expecting her to say, but nothing half so insightful. Nothing so reasonable. Her words were incredibly validating. She didn't understand a thing about any of this and yet, impossibly, I felt seen by her.

I slowly lifted my eyes to hers and she was staring at me very intently.

That's so rough, she was thinking. I can see how painful this is for him. I can't imagine. Having to choose doing right by someone over getting to stay with them…man, I can't even say I'd be able to do that. But Eddy's strong. And he's moral.

She offered me an encouraging smile. "I think you're strong enough to do anything you put your mind to. But I hate this for you. I hate it because I know how much she means to you. I don't know the reasons you don't see yourself as good, but I do know that every person is as good as they decide to be. You aren't doomed to be any certain way. None of us are."

She was right, of course, there was always a choice. But short of leaving, my only two choices were unforgivable. I already knew, if I stayed, I wouldn't be capable of being good. I wasn't capable of allowing Bella to live her human, natural life. Alice's visions proved that.

No, the only right I could do was leave.

I sighed heavily and slowly nodded. "…I know. That's what I'm trying to do. Make the decision to be good. I stupidly thought I could make this work, I-"

"Edward." She said a little more sternly.

I blinked, my words falling still.

"It's not stupid to try, even if we fail."

I could tell she felt more strongly about this subject, her voice saturated with feeling and conviction. She turned toward me as she spoke.

"And you're going to keep on trying. Every day. You make a mistake, you pick yourself up and you try again. Take another chance. Another risk. If you feel you have to end things, then end them, but you might find that it was a mistake too. That you're mistaken in viewing yourself the way you do. And I hope that's the case, because then you get to be with Bella with a clear head."

That sounded Like a wonderful resolution to it all, but I was determined that it wouldn't be. The words Vitalia spoke would apply to just about any other ordinary situation, but to mine…they simply didn't hold water. How could they?

I managed to offer her a very small smile. "Well, I appreciate it. Thank you for…hearing me out."

"Of course!" She nudged my foot with her shoe. "What are friends for?" She returned my smile, but her eyes were still intense. "And hey, try not to get too caught up worrying about it all until you have to, okay? Until the time comes. Sometimes thinking too hard about a decision can make it a lot less clear. I think you need to just take a step back, get your mind off it, and let the answer kind of present itself. Circumstances change all the time, so who knows?" She shrugged. "Maybe things will actually work out for you guys."

Oh how I wished that were true! I nodded at her though, seeing some sense in what she was saying. "Well, I can try to clear my head, but no promises."

"Yeah, save promises for the big stuff. Like promising not to take your dad's car to a house party and then taking it anyway. Then it accidentally gets dented on the way there."

My brows creased. "… what?"

Her lips were pursed and she looked at me before chuckling. "I was in so much trouble. It was the most recent promise I made. Shortly before coming here."

I shook my head but managed to laugh under my breath. "Something's wrong with you."

"I'm a teenager." She shrugged. "We do stupid crap sometimes."

I thought it over before canting my head in agreement. It was rather accurate. I'd observed enough teens in my lifetime to concede that the vast majority had poor decision making abilities.

I looked to my left, toward the downpour over the Native American statue sitting there. It was ominous looking.

I decided to let the conversation take a shift. There were more questions I wanted to ask her.

"Do you have a lot of friends back home?" I asked somewhat absently, still trying to settle my mind.

"Not too many," she answered. "I'm much closer to my cousins."

I saw in her head that she had three cousins around her age, one other girl and two older boys. Her Uncle Ricky's children — Dan, Cole, and Emma. They did seem close. Almost like siblings. Her mind took a shift then to a crowd of misfits in a public school setting.

"I used to have more friends back when I went to public school. But they were a bad influence and when I got to a better place I kinda stopped hanging with them."

"I didn't realize you weren't always homeschooled," I said as my eyes settled on her again.

She shook her head. "Not until 9th grade, when my parents pulled me out of the school system. Like I said, wrong crowd. I was heading down a bad road and my parents saw that. I was really struggling. I had low self-esteem and was just pleasing the people around me. People who weren't really looking out for me. My mom quit her job and decided to stay home to teach me. They decided we should take regular vacations as a family too. Deepen our bond."

She smiled. "It worked. I was really angry at them at first, going on and on about how unfair it was, but I saw a little while later that it was the best decision they'd ever made for me. I found myself again. Fell in love with my family again." Her eyes lowered. "I hate to think what would've happened if they hadn't done that. I might be in jail or something. Or dead."

I could easily see that. Her recklessness, if misplaced with the wrong sorts of people, would absolutely lead to the worst sorts of danger.

I saw her then, in her thoughts. A younger version of herself. Pale, downcast, unhappy with herself. She wore all black and had a supremely defiant expression on her face. There was no smile, no gleam of mischief in her eyes. There was nothing of the vibrant girl before me now. I marveled at the change, admiring her ability to pull herself out of that.

"And how did you end up meeting Derrick?"

I knew this wasn't the only tough phase she'd gone through. It seemed she'd regressed with that boy.

She exhaled shakily. "My cousin, Emma, introduced me. He was a friend of hers. She hadn't known him long though and she feels really bad about setting us up. I almost lost all the progress I'd made before meeting him."

On a much larger scale, I could understand the feeling. I'd rebelled against Carlisle, embracing the monster within me, and the road back had been long and difficult. I had made so much progress and had nearly lost it all when I met Bella.

"But all of that has made me who I am today," she shook off the memories, bouncing back in the way she did so well. "And I've been more careful about the types of people I hang out with. I guess that's why I value you so much as a friend. You think you're no good, but I can tell you want what's best for me. With all your sagely advice or whatever."

I laughed and a light feeling sprang up in my chest again, driving away what remained of the gloom from our earlier conversation. I suppose I did want the best for her. My motives felt pure. Simple. Exactly what they seemed to be. There was no monster waiting to devour her. "I'm surprised you listened, honestly."

"I've learned the difference between good advice and bad. And how to take it, even when I feel like rebelling."

I smiled slowly, eyes roaming over her. Even though I wouldn't be around to see it, I was suddenly excited for what her future would look like. What sort of person she'd grow to be. She had all the world ahead of her. So many insane adventures. If she added these pieces of wisdom to her thrill-seeking mindset, it would make for a stunning combination. Fearless and strong.

I suspected she would have an intensely beautiful life.

I wonder why he's looking at me like that, she thought, returning my smile and holding my eyes.

"What is it?" She asked.

"I was just thinking of the life you have ahead of you," I answered softly. "How it'll look. I think it will really be something."

A fresh gleam entered her gaze at my words. "That's the plan. To make it the best I can. Make it worth living."

How I envy you, I leaned my head back on the wall behind me and continued to hold her stare. Even in my human life, I'd been so caught up thinking of the future, wanting to rush into my ideals of becoming a battlefield hero, that I hadn't really be living in the present moment. I hadn't been appreciating what I had.

Vitalia had everything.

Hope they're ready to come back in, Eden was thinking before she opened the door and peeked out, smile on her face.

"You two ready for Yahtzee?"

"Yep!" Vitalia answered, tearing her eyes from mine.

I felt the slightest disappointment before it faded and I nodded. "Let's play."

It'd be a fair enough game.

It turned out that luck was not on my side. At all. I lost poorly and Eden managed to win, followed closely by Vitalia. Diego's mistakes had less to do with luck and more to do with poor decisions at nearly every turn.

I watched this little family tease each other and I joined in their laughter, feeling a sense of ease that was rare between my kind and theirs. I was again reminded of Carlisle and how easy it was for him.

I hadn't even noticed how alike we had become and the thought was rousing something in me I thought I'd given up on.

I could do right by Bella. I could do right by everyone around me. I could learn to be as sacrificial and compassionate as my father. With Vitalia's encouragement, it suddenly seemed possible.

I even dared let myself think that maybe, just maybe, my lonely future wouldn't be entirely miserable. Maybe doing right would comfort me. Maybe I'd eventually stop resenting it. Carlisle had been all alone at first, believing that fate had dealt him the cruelest imaginable hand, as I currently did, and yet…he'd devoted his life to others and eventually found a way to feel happy. To feel like he had a purpose.

Would I find that too, even without Bella?