Earthshine

Chapter XII

"Alice"

…

"Buried emotions are caged nighthawks that have fallen in love with the moon. They don't understand the sun because they were born with the darkness of shadows in their soul." - Shannon L. Alder

…

[Vitalia]

I walked Eddy outside after the Yahtzee game. Bella was getting off soon and he needed to pick her up. I felt so bad for him. He was so dedicated to her.

He turned to walk down the wet steps, but paused and turned to look back at me.

"Don't say anything to anyone, please. About what I said. What I'm… considering with Bella."

"No worries," I assured him. "This is between the two of you. I'm just here to listen if you need it."

I've got you, Eddy. You can trust me with this.

He nodded then lifted a hand in a wave before turning and continuing his walk to his car. I stood there watching him and crossed my arms.

What a complicated and mysterious person. I couldn't help but wonder what sort of things he'd done to feel so undeserving. To feel that he was the worst possible person for Bella. There was a lot more going on here, I was sure of it, but he'd told me he couldn't say. That there were things I could never know.

I sighed. I didn't think this was a mystery I'd get to solve. Not unless he had a change of heart about filling me in. I supposed he had a pretty good reason not to though and I had to trust that.

Edward drove away in his silver car, speeding out of the parking lot despite the dangerously wet conditions and I smirked. For all his teasing about similarities to Maverick, he was one to talk.

I spun around to go inside then suddenly gasped. Someone was standing in front of the door. She'd appeared out of nowhere! I hadn't even heard her come up behind me.

My heart was thudding in my chest pretty hard but I had no idea why. This girl didn't look very menacing. She was short and delicate looking. I could probably take her down in a fight.

But I got a sense of danger from her that I couldn't explain it.

And then I met her eyes and I realized they were the same gold as Eddy's. My shock turned to a careful smile.

"Uhm, hey." I pointed at her. "Sorry! You surprised me. Are you another Cullen?"

"Mhm!" she hummed and her voice was so light and musical it sounded like a song. "I'm Alice. Edward's sister."

"Oh wow! You're Jasper's girl, right?"

"Yes," she answered. "I heard the two of you met."

"We did. How'd your anniversary go?! He really wanted to do something special for you."

She pushed away from the door and stepped closer to me. "He did. It was a good anniversary. I suppose I have you to thank for the dance he showed me?"

"It was only a suggestion," I shrugged.

"It was a good one." Alice told me, one hand resting on her hip as she raised a brow. "You've really charmed them all, haven't you? Especially Edward. I have to say, I didn't see this coming."

"I don't know if I've charmed anyone," I answered, realizing there was a little hostility in her tone. I supposed she didn't like that I was friends with her brother. I wasn't sure why though.

"Oh, you have. And you met Bella too, right?"

"Yep! I liked her."

"Hm…" Alice sighed and her hostility gave way to something more serious. She silently stared at me awhile and I gave her an encouraging smile.

"Whatever it is you came to say, it's okay to say it. I don't mind. I can see that you're bothered by something."

Alice stepped close again and I tried not to feel uneasy. I knew all of the others had something dangerous about them too, but none of them had seemed to dislike me. I guess that made a difference.

"Here's the thing," she started. "I know Edward. Even if he thinks nothing is going to happen here, it doesn't mean it won't. And Bella, she was very upset when he told her, but she's nice enough to try and be okay with it. But there are complications in their relationship that you don't know about. And a lot of confusion on his side. He thinks he knows what's best and he fights against what should happen, so you being involved only makes it all the more complicated and more confusing."

She shook her her head and reached out to touch my shoulder, something sweeter touching her eyes. "You seem like a nice girl and my family seems to love you, but my priority is he and Bella's relationship. I love her like a sister and I want to do everything I can to make things work out for them. You're a distraction for Edward that he really doesn't need right now."

The anger that had started to stir when she started this conversation settled a little bit when I heard her reasons. I sighed. "I can see you love your brother. That you're just trying to do what you think is best for him, but he needs to make his own choices, right? To figure this all out for himself? I'd love to see him and Bella work things out too, but he just seems like the kind of person that won't feel differently just because someone is telling him to or whatever. He has to see for himself. He does seem confused, but every time we talk it seems to help. I don't think I'm distracting him. If you're asking me to stay away from him, that isn't going to happen either. I'll respect Bella if she tells me she wants that, but that's only because it's kind of her place."

Alice's eyes narrowed and she removed her hand abruptly. "I'm certain Bella would prefer that. One hundred percent."

"Then she needs to come and tell me. Or say something to Edward at least."

"I wouldn't suggest crossing me," she gave me an unfeeling, too-sweet smile. And I could see she seriously meant it. I also guessed that she wasn't used to not getting her way.

It was unnerving, but I'd never backed down from a challenge. I wasn't about to start now. My inner rebel emerged full force. "It was nice meeting you, Alice. Say hi to Edward for me when you see him."

Something I could only identify as borderline murderous hardened her eyes, but I embraced the surge of instinctive fear and met this new danger with a grin. It spread slow and sure across my face before I stepped past her and went inside, turning the lock behind me.

I breathed out and only then realized how shaky I was as I stared down at my trembling hand.

Whoa. What is up with her?

"You alright, kiddo?" Dad asked.

I nodded. "Y-yeah. I'm just gonna go to the bathroom."

I rushed past him and my mom and closed the bathroom door. I sat on the edge of the tub and took my phone out. I keyed a quick text to Edward.

Vitalia: Uhm, so…I just met your sister. Alice. She's not happy about all this. At all. She's kinda scary!

No wonder Tex was so worried about getting their anniversary right.

[Edward]

I stared down at the text in utter disbelief, teeth clamping down hard. What had Alice said to her?

I was seething when Bella opened the passenger door. She took one look at my face and her brows creased before she sat.

"…what's wrong?"

"Just something with Alice," I shook my head and gave her a little smile before it shifted into a frown.

Honesty. I had to be honest with her about this. I'd promised, after all.

"She went and talked to Vitalia, I guess. Seems like she tried to intimidate her into not being friends with me."

Bella's brows raised but I could see that it pleased her a little. "Well…good old Alice, right? I've told you before that you would never catch me crossing her. She must have a good reason for getting involved."

"Good reason," I huffed.

" Yes." She put on her seat belt. "She probably saw something. Which is kind of concerning, Edward. It probably means this isn't a good idea. Especially if your sister is feeling protective. She'd have no reason to get involved unless she believed something was going to happen."

"Her visions aren't reliable."

"As you've said. Many times. But I trust them."

I sighed and pulled onto the road, heading to Charlie's house. "I'll talk to her."

I had been planning on it already. I couldn't wait to give her a piece of my mind.

Bella shook her head. "Edward…if Alice saw anything more happening between you and this girl, then I-" she bit her lip and sighed. "I don't feel comfortable with you continuing to see her. I need to know if she saw something, okay?"

I closed my eyes, hope starting to fade. I told myself it was impossible though. It was impossible for her to have seen Vitalia and I together. It simply couldn't happen.

The moment in the motel room when I'd considered an alternate reality where I might've loved Vitalia…surely that wouldn't have changed things, right?

No.

It couldn't.

I clung to that thought and stopped outside Bella's house. "I'll be back in a little while. I promise I'll tell you if she saw anything."

"Okay…" she unlatched her seat belt then leaned toward me shyly.

I managed to smile at her through my fury and kissed her delicately. She pouted before getting out of the car and waving at me from her door.

I sped off toward my own house, knowing Alice could see me coming. When I got there, I slammed the door of my car, perhaps a little too hard, and rushed over to where I could hear her mentally greeting me.

She danced off the porch and onto the walkway as I walked up to her.

"What are you doing?" I growled. "Why would you threaten Vitalia? You have no business getting involved."

"I'm sorry, Edward." She answered and she was genuinely apologetic for upsetting me. "But I'm very concerned about what's going on between you and Bella."

"Nothing's going on," I lied smoothly.

However, Alice crossed her arms and lifted a brow. " Really? Because all summer I've been seeing you going back and forth between staying with her and leaving. This morning though, your decision to leave was very clear. It hasn't changed back yet."

I grimaced. I'd slipped up. My resolve after talking with Vitalia felt stronger than ever and it seemed that it was enough to actually make leaving Bella possible. Unfortunately, Alice had seen it.

"I don't know why you would decide to leave Bella, or what could have changed between you, except for the arrival of this girl. I tracked you down and found you with her today. I could only deduce that she had something to do with swaying you in this direction."

I sighed heavily. "You know my reasons more than anyone."

"You're being ridiculous. You're going to ruin everything."

My voice lowered. "I told you from the start that I will not be turning her into one of us. And I couldn't live with myself if I killed her. I told you I'd find another way and this is it. This is what Bella needs. What she deserves."

"What she deserves is to be happy with the boy she loves."

I shook my head. "Not if that boy is going to destroy her."

"It will destroy her if you leave! Do you remember?"

The image she summoned in her head slammed into me, nearly knocking me breathless. It was unbearably painful. I saw Bella sitting alone in her room, gazing with empty eyes out her window. She was hollow and pale. This was followed by another scene, one of her screaming in her sleep as she clutched her chest. She was obviously suffering.

I shut my eyes, feeling defeated. My earlier resolve swayed. Alice had shown me once before what my leaving would do to Bella, but it had never been this vivid. This certain.

"Do you understand, Edward? It would be cruel to do this to her. I don't know what that other girl said to convince you to decide this, but she's wrong."

Even as she spoke, her vision of the future shifted. It wavered between a heartbroken Bella and the two others that had haunted me from the beginning — a nightmarish, immortal Bella, and a lifeless Bella.

"She-" I struggled to form my words. "I don't think Vitalia agreed with my decision, but she said I might need to do this to figure out what I'm supposed to do. That I can't just force these feelings away."

"She doesn't have the whole story," Alice reminded me.

My eyes fell to my feet. What was I supposed to do? It seemed that, no matter what I chose, Bella would be hurt by me. I was stuck having to choose the lesser of all the evils. Her soul, her life, or her feelings? Only one of those options was not permanent.

Should I go back to my original plan? Where I stuck around as long as Bella wanted me to stay? Until she inevitably asked me to leave because I couldn't give her what she'd eventually want as she matured? I hated the very big part of me that rejoiced at this. I would perhaps get several more years with her!

"Why did you confront Vitalia, Alice?" I managed to ask as my eyes lifted. "Did it do any good? Did you see her obeying your threat?"

And I saw from her memory how the confrontation had happened. I'd never seen Vitalia frightened, but she'd definitely looked nervous around Alice. My sister could be absolutely menacing when she put her mind to it. But the girl hadn't backed down. Her smile at the end was brimming with rebellion. She was used to danger. She thrived in it. I would have smiled at the memory if I wasn't so frustrated with Alice.

"Hardly." Alice rolled her eyes. "No, I saw she wouldn't listen, but I also saw that confronting her might lead to Bella asking you not to see her anymore. It was kind of 50/50."

I glared. "So you didn't see anything? Between me and her? You were just hoping Bella would assume you did?"

Alice sighed and stared at me a long moment. "It was really vague, but I did see something. I'm not sure what to think of it or if it even matters, but…"

The vision filled her mind. It was unclear, but I could just make out the image of Vitalia and myself. We appeared to be in some sort of country bar or concert. Maybe a restaurant? Hazy neon signs on the wall, a stage, floor to ceiling hardwood. And we were dancing. The movements were similar to hers and Jasper's, but at a faster tempo. There was energy from it. There was laughter. I didn't feel like I was really observing myself. I felt like I was observing an abstract version of that painting. But it was me. In some very vague future, fragile in its uncertainty, I had somehow managed to be part of that liveliness.

But Alice was right. It wasn't concerning. It was confusing, but there was nothing to indicate a change of heart, as I'd suspected.

I turned away from her. "Leave Vitalia out of it, understand? Don't go scaring her again. Who I'm friends with is no concern of yours."

"Edward!" She protested but I walked away. She usually listened when I directly asked her not do something and it seemed she'd gotten what she was after anyway.

She'd made my future unclear again. Less than an hour before this I'd felt the faintest trace of freedom from all this indecision, but now here I was, thrust right back into a cage of uncertainty again.

I went to open the door of my car but looked up as Rosalie approached from the garage, wiping car oil off her flawless hands.

Couldn't help but overhear your conversation with Alice.

I rolled my eyes and moved into the driver's seat.

"Wait," she said softly before walking over.

I shut the door but rolled down the window. I sighed. "What is it?"

She was no doubt going to give me unsolicited advice too. Some nonsense about how wrong Bella was for me and that I shouldn't listen to Alice.

But there was one comfort I did find with Rosalie. She was the only one who wholeheartedly agreed that staying human was the best thing for Bella. She understood how important it was. She valued humanity.

She stared down at me through the window then glanced back to where we were both certain Alice was still listening from the porch.

Ah, whatever, she thought. Let her listen.

"Edward," she started. "…I didn't realize you were thinking of leaving Bella."

I looked away before nodding. "…I don't know what do, Rose." I could hear my voice break.

I admire how much you want to do the right thing.

"Do you?" I whispered. "Or do you just want to be rid of Bella?"

"I hope you know I'm not that petty. You already know why I think she's wrong for you. I want to see you happy."

"I don't know how to be happy without her."

She crouched by the car, moving a hand through the window and touching my arm in a rare moment of empathy. "…why not Vitalia?"

I exhaled loudly and my head fell back against the seat rest. "I keep telling you all…even if I wanted that, which I don't, it isn't possible."

"Why not?"

"Because our kind only loves once. We commit ourselves eternally."

I looked over at her and her lips pursed before her thoughts took over her words. It is possible if you aren't actually in love with Bella.

My eyes widened and I lifted my head. "What do you mean? Of course I love her."

Rosalie gave me a long look before continuing. I could hear her wondering how best to say what she wanted me to hear.

"Are you sure it's love? That it isn't just an obsession? It can look the same for our kind. We feel things so strongly that most intense emotions take us over in the same way love does."

"I think I know the difference," I answered angrily. What an implication!

"So do I. I know she's become all that matters to you. I know you can't imagine any kind of life without her."

"Is it any different for the rest of you?!" My voice rose.

"Do you think Carlisle and Esme wouldn't find comfort in their children if something happened to one of them? Do you think I would be completely destitute without Emmett? Or he without me? Alice would also survive. Jasper might react similarly to you. He's had a lot of trauma, so I'll admit he'd be a little lost without Alice. But none of us are drawn to each other the way you're drawn to her. The way her blood calls to you, it's like you can't resist. You never actually chose her, Edward. You might just be addicted to the mystery. To the challenge. And maybe you do love her, but you aren't in love."

She ran a hand through her long hair. "You know how I know? Because what you value is at complete odds with what she values. The things you love about her are things she's willing to throw away. There's no harmony between you. No understanding. It's like watching two mismatched puzzle pieces trying to make things work. You don't click like all the rest of us. Nothing falls into place."

I shook my head. "That's only because she's human. Her kind and ours don't naturally go together. But I fell anyway."

"It's not because she's human. Emmett was human when we met. Esme was human when she met Carlisle. Vitalia is human and you really connect with her."

I winced, willing her words away. I'd never considered that she'd fallen for Emmett before he became like us. That Esme had loved Carlisle. But would either of those relationships have worked out if they were in my position?

Perhaps. They were all the same people, fundamentally. Their values had simply been enhanced when they transitioned. Rosalie had no problem turning Emmett and he had no problem with it either. They had harmony in that decision. Esme and Carlisle would have enjoyed the extent of her human life and then she would have died naturally and happily. And he would have accepted it and lived on, treasuring their short time together. Again, harmony.

But the flaw in Rosalie's argument was that I knew I was in love with Bella. I had felt the sudden shift that first night in her room as I'd watched her sleep. When she'd spoken my name and claimed my entire world. I had surfaced from the depths of that moment changed forever by the impact of my love for her. My thoughts had been much the same as the rest of my family — I'd observed them all when they first found love. I understood the process and knew when the same had happened to me.

But in the back of my mind, something informed me that none of them had become each other's sole reason for existing. None of them had felt such an intense shift. I figured that mostly came down to differences in personality though.

"It doesn't matter how well we fit," I said through gritted teeth. "I am incapable of not loving Bella."

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "That right there kind of says everything that's wrong with this."

I glared at her. How did no one seem to understand this?

Emmett's thoughts suddenly reached me as he exited the house and came bounding over. "Hey bro! Thought I heard your voice."

I groaned. Would I ever get to drive away from here?

He stopped beside Rosalie and slid an arm around her waist before glancing between us. "Am I interrupting something?"

Rosalie sighed. "Not really. Just Edward being his usual stubborn, unreasonable self."

I scoffed and gave my eyes a roll. Right. I was being unreasonable.

"You know what we need to do?" He asked with a spreading grin.

I heard his thoughts and started shaking my head before the words were even out of his mouth.

"Hey, don't do that. Come on. The risk is so small. We'll make it a family thing. Bring Carlisle and Esme along. It'll be a blast!"

"What are we talking about?" Rosalie asked, curiously tilting her head and raising a brow at me.

I sighed and lifted my hand off the steering wheel. "Emmett wants to go hunting with the Santi family. Vitalia's dad invited us. But it's too risky. Vampires on a hunt? What if one of them gets injured?"

"Oh, I don't know, with Carlisle along I think we'll be okay," Rosalie argued. "Emmett and I have sufficient control. I think Jasper's definitely out of the question, but we literally take a risk every day we're around humans. It wouldn't be my first time being exposed to blood."

In her mind, I saw the image of her carrying a bleeding Emmett across miles and miles of wilderness to find Carlisle. Her control was exceptional.

"And we can have Alice look ahead for threats!" Emmett exclaimed.

I snorted. "Maybe if you ask her. She and I aren't on the best of terms at the moment."

"Oh stop it, she loves you. This little disagreement doesn't change that."

I shrugged. "I don't see her supporting an outing with Vitalia."

"It's worth a shot, Edward." Rosalie narrowed her eyes and I was taken aback a little by her forcefulness. "I would love to get to know your friend better. If you don't go along with this, Emmett and I might just have to go rogue." She gave him a sidelong glance and he smirked.

I growled. " Would you?"

Part of me wished she would be this eager to get to know Bella.

Emmett slapped a hand down on my open window. "Hey! We could even bring Bella and Charlie along. He likes to hunt, right?"

I shook my head. "There is no way I'm bringing Bella along on a hunting trip."

"Right," Rosalie sneered. "She'd probably trip and shoot herself with her own gun."

I glared at her fiercely. " Exactly."

"Okay, scrap that idea then." Emmett shrugged. "We'll keep it a Cullen-Santi thing."

I closed my eyes and bit down on my teeth, annoyed by their pushiness. They didn't seem willing to let it go and I supposed the risk was more minimal than I'd assumed. Perhaps it'd even br fortuitous if we went along. Perhaps we'd prevent a terrible tragedy by making sure that family didn't get too reckless.

"Fine," I relented and looked at them both sharply. "We'll talk it over with Carlisle and let him be the final judge on the wisdom of this idea. If he says no though, that's the end of it."

"Deal!" Emmett replied immediately.

"Alright," Rosalie rolled her eyes. Control freak.

I gave her a sarcastic smirk then started my car. "I have to go. See you later."

"Yeah, yeah. Say hi to Bella for us!" Emmett waved his hand.

I left my window down and turned up my music, sighing loudly. It struck me as ironic, the sides that were being taken with Vitalia. It was almost the complete opposite of the situation with Bella.

I resolutely shut Rosalie's heavy opinions out of my mind. I couldn't even begin to mentally sift through all of it. It would be a waste of energy anyway. It didn't make any difference.

In a rare move, I decided to just let it all go. I let my mind clear as I closed my eyes and thrust my hand out the window, letting it drift through the heavy rain.

Just be, Vitalia had said. Be in the moment. No worries. No thoughts.

Alice had not succeeded in her scheme and despite myself, I was happy with the prospect of getting to stay with Bella longer. It seemed our timeline together would not be definitive. I would wait. I would enjoy her. Perhaps I'd even get a few more years! The thought was as glorious as it was agonizing.

A roar of thunder drew me out of my thoughts again and I let my mind remain quiet as I drove through the storm, managing a small smile as I did.