Betrayal to a dead man was a complicated affair, Mai would concur. She realized that when she returned to her hotel room and threw herself onto the bed. Betrayal was unbeknownst to her until she saw Geese again. It was a strange feeling that she didn't recognize at first and then she didn't want to recognize it. She still didn't or rather, she felt as if she shouldn't.
Mai had sworn everlasting love to Andy on his grave; she wanted to remain pious and unavailable for anyone but him and now, she lay here with her cheeks flushed, thinking of Geese Howard.
Truth be told, it was terrifying. The way it suddenly came about when she saw him walk down the hallway, bare-chested and covered in old scars. It was awkward for he was just being nice to her after everything that had happened. Yet here, Mai was, thinking of him much in the same way she used to think of Andy.
It left her all warm and fuzzy all over in a way that it really shouldn't. She shouldn't but she wanted to feel adored by him; she wanted to rest against his chest and go and dinner dates – actual dates. And the thought of it hurt. It hurt because she wanted it. It hurt because Geese could reject her.
Just an awful, awful feeling.
Maybe Mai should have stayed away for the rest of the weekend, and then she wouldn't have fallen for someone again. Maybe she had been stupid for coming back after mulling over the illegal activity and concluding that ambivalence would be her position. She could handle the indifference; she could not handle her adoration. She could handle the war of criminals being waged at a distance. She could not handle the treachery.
At times like these, Mai liked to cook her worries away, make meals and feed them to her friends. The only issue was that this hotel room did not have a kitchen. Ugh, she missed being able to just up and look like trash while she made some chawanmushi. Without the ability to cook, Mai stood up from the bed and left the hotel room with the hopes of exploring so she could find something to do. Something to distract her.
This distraction would be an impulsive exploration of the upper floors. Despite leaving for the night, the receptionist never asked her to hand in the keys or check out. Almost as if her return was expected. Mai should probably feel honored by their consideration. Or maybe they didn't consider her much of a threat, based on what Geese had told her.
Mai carried a lot of incriminating information, just given to her. In the right hands, it could land everyone within the tower in jail for decades. And yet, as Geese said, there was no evidence for any of it except for word of mouth. No one would believe her and Geese knew this.
More astoundingly, it hadn't crossed Mai's mind to leak the information and she only brought it up on a whim to his face. It was crazy how someone could normalize criminal behavior in order to be selfish and keep a good thing to oneself. That would make Mai an enabler. She wasn't sure how to feel about that. So she didn't address it, choosing to explore the tower on a whim. Eventually, she reached the floor with the apartments, heading straight for Billy's door.
She noted that it stood slightly open again and voices could be heard from the inside; Billy's and Joe's curiously enough. Suffice it to say, they were having their hangout. Mai wondered if Joe was aware of what Billy was – the things he was complicit in. With the weight of knowledge resting deeply in Mai's mind, she wouldn't be much better if she began telling Joe. Would he even care if he knew? It sounded as if he was having fun.
Maybe it would be cruel of Mai to try and ruin that because she couldn't come to terms with her romantic feelings. She was many things but never someone petty to do that. Joe could and would make his own decisions if or when he found out. Besides, he wasn't working in the tower; he wouldn't be in so much danger as Mai was.
Or at least when she went driving with Geese. Which in turn made her wonder how things would become when this coalition had ended. Could she drive with the man without getting shot at? What if everyone died?
The last thought caused a shiver to shoot up her spine as she walked past Billy's door, past Ripper and Hopper's, and came to a stop at a door with a name on it, she hadn't seen before. It read "Hein" and something German, she couldn't pronounce. Curiously a passcode lock was attached to the door.
For a moment, Mai was shocked until it occurred to her that naturally, Geese's butler would also reside within the tower. It occurred to her then that she really didn't know all too much about Hein and she wasn't exactly dying from curiosity, yet she pressed the doorbell, listening to faint, subtle noises from the other side of the door. After a few moments, it went open – somewhat. Locks and chains only allowed for a small gap and through it, Hein stood, snappily dressed and impeccable as always.
"…Greetings, Mai. What can I assist you with?" he asked, staring her down through the gap in the door.
"Uh…mind if I use your kitchen?" Mai tried to ease the strangeness of her question with a nervous smile.
He looked quite intimidating standing there with the locks and the chains, narrowing his eyes just a bit. The pause wasn't helping, nor was the swift way, he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. After staring her down for long enough, he removed the locks and the chains, allowing the door to be opened fully for Mai to enter.
"Thanks…" she looked around the abode, noting that it fitted Hein to a tee. Here was clean to the touch, organized, minimalistic and simplistic. It lacked the punkish elements of Billy's abode or the Japanophilia-addled flair of Geese. But Mai would concur that its austere atmosphere made it distinctly Hein. How quaint. The door however was a different matter.
It had been saturated with locks. Which almost seemed redundant because the door itself looked sturdy. A sterile scent lingered in the air which reminded Mai of new furniture. The kitchen looked spotless as well – like it was one of those immaculate displays in stores. It wasn't so odd, Mai concluded. It would be ironic if Geese's butler lived in an absolute pigsty.
Hein kept staring a hole into her as if he needed more elaboration on the explanation, she had given him. Out of everyone in the tower, he was by far the hardest to read and therefore the most intimidating. That said quite a lot when Geese initially looked ready to murder Mai when she asked about his mother.
"The hotel room doesn't have a kitchen and I miss doing cooking so…" she shuffled on her feet and Hein's disposition loosened somewhat. He headed for the kitchen and gestured at the fridge as if to invite her to have a look inside. Compared to the rest of the abode, the fridge was quite colorful and stacked with a lot of items. Mai found some shrimp, scallions, carrots, and mushrooms alongside soy sauce and eggs.
"Bowl, a pot, seven cups, tin foil, and a whisk?" she turned around to Hein. He didn't answer her. Instead, he went to the cupboards and found everything she asked for.
Despite the intensity of his stare and his scrutinizing gaze, he was quite helpful. Suppose that was just on par for someone as a butler. Mai wasted no time, filling the pot with water and bringing it to a boil, turning her attention to chopping vegetables and beating eggs with soy sauce. The silence in the abode was booming, only tempered by the whisk's quick scraping against the side of the bowl but Mai welcomed the quiet.
It quelled all her worries for a moment even if Hein's presence was rather unnerving. He wasn't much of a talker, and she didn't know if that was a good thing or not. The cups, he had gotten for her were tinfoil cups, so Mai had to check each and every one of them for holes.
"What precisely are you making?" Hein asked when Mai poured the egg mixture into the cups and filled them with the toppings.
"Chawanmushi," she turned around to look at him, staring right into his eyes as he pushed his glasses up somewhat. "It's great comfort food."
He hummed in bemusement, watching intently as the cups were lowered into the simmering water. And now, for the next fifteen minutes, Mai just had to wait here, alone with him. The added task of cooking helped to distract her but now, when she stood here with only the low bubbling of the pot to keep her company, she felt exposed.
"What do you think of this place? And of Geese?" she asked, realizing that she sounded and probably looked quite dour.
Hein stood, rigid like he always was. "I admire his determination."
Determination was one way to put it. Mai could imagine it made sense considering why Geese walked down this path, to begin with. The road to hell was paved with good intentions – or something to that effect.
And then he was on top. It wasn't unreasonable to assume that a lot of people wanted to enjoy life in the upper echelon of the world. Hereunder Geese. It made sense when he came from a poor background. Mai had to give him that; his determination was admirable and simultaneously terrifying.
"Do you ever wonder how he got to the top?" she asked, goading Hein to see how much he knew.
There was a pause from him before he answered, his eyes narrowing. "No, because I am quite aware."
Maybe he knew that she knew, and he was in on the grift all along. For a moment, Mai couldn't help but to feel as if she was a pawn being played with for unknown reasons. She folded her arms over her chest and found refuge for her eyes on a single thread gone loose from the rug in the common area.
"Right…I can't believe you guys are mobsters because you're so normal."
Almost normal.
"Indeed, we are…mobsters as you call us but we're not without morals and values. We are just people as you know. It is all dyed in endless shades of gray. Everyone here has different reasons for being in this tower. They need a little something in their lives," Hein turned his head a little, obscuring his eyes. He said nothing else to that, so Mai had to goad him a little more.
"So why are you here?"
"I admire Mr. Howard. I'm very tolerant of his illegal activity. I need the relief he offers me."
He spoke softly and calmly but the sadistic glint in his eyes wasn't entirely hidden. A shiver ran down Mai's spine as she briefly mulled over the implications of "relief". It could only forbode horrible things.
"So, what do I need?" she asked, completely facetious. While she waited for an answer, she checked on the egg custard, nearly dropping the fork when he finally responded with; "Above all else, acceptance."
"For what?" Mai inquired, thankful that she had her back to him lest he'd see the shock all over her face.
"For yourself. You're ambivalent but not accepting and we can't force you. You just need to conquer the shock and let humanity rule above ethics."
Crap, had she been that obvious? Or maybe Hein was just eerily observant. Most interesting was the fact that Mai hadn't thought about the difference between acceptance and indifference. She didn't tolerate it; she just ignored it. She didn't quite accept the activities of the people around her; she just chose to coexist with them. Out of sight, out of mind, perhaps.
Maybe she could handle it better if she stared the beast directly into its eyes, armed with the knowledge that Andy would forever look down upon her with shame. He probably already did so when she returned to the tower instead of going to the police. Hell, the more Mai thought of it, he may have been ashamed of her when she was arrested.
Thinking of him caused a notch of pain to sting her heart, filling her with aching. But never with regret. She'd feel the shame of her feelings for Geese but there was no regret to be found there either. Perhaps this life on the edge, had been what she needed to find her vigor. Maybe this would be her own way of descending into hell and emerging on top. Acceptance of the people in her life, acceptance of the grief, acceptance that she, Mai Shiranui, was stronger than she realized.
"You're really nice, you know?" Mai smiled, genuinely for the first time in a while. She was not prepared to get a smirk returned to her.
"Well, most people are decent. Even if they do bad things. No one is wholly good or wholly bad after all."
Mai figured that was the case. That was the impression, she had of Geese at least. She felt a little better turning her back to Hein while she fished the cups out of the pot.
With the chawanmushi finished Mai decided to feed the people in her life, leaving a cup with Hein and two others with Ripper and Hopper. Once she passed Billy's door, she spotted Joe standing by the opening, talking with Billy. They stood close to one another, in full conversation that ended abruptly when Mai came within close vicinity.
The two of them stared at her like they were either subtly contemplating continuing without her or just trying to include her. Rarely did Mai feel like the third wheel in any given situation but she now stood with the feeling of imposing on something.
"Hey. I made food. Have a bite," She handed one cup to Billy, who looked at it like it was a basket of alien eggs. Because of his heritage, Joe's eyes widened, glinting with excitement like a new lightbulb being turned on. Immediately he fixated his gaze on the aluminum tray and the three cups remaining as if he was trying to telepathically send one his way. Mai would feed him – eventually.
She needed to satiate her curiosities first. Until then, she headed for the elevator with Joe eventually following. Before he managed to press the panel, she pressed the button for the top floor, ignoring the weird look he gave her.
"What do you think of Billy?" Mai asked once the door to the elevator closed, and they were alone. It was a bit redundant at this point; she already knew after all. She could see it in the way they interacted.
A wide grin spread over Joe's face while he rested against one of the walls, the weird look dissipating in seconds. "He's cool. He's great! Bit of a sullen hardass until I make him laugh. Having new friends are nice."
If he was going into some long-winded spiel about friends, peace, and love or whatever else, she'd have to tie him to the pool table in the hobby room and plug her ears. But then again, this was the same man who made a friend in Hwa Jai of all people.
"Has Billy told you about…what he does for a living?" Mai bent the tray a bit, making a box out of it to keep the three cups shielded.
Ever so slowly, the smile on Joe's face faded as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. "…Yeah"
"And you're okay with him being a bad guy?" Mai inquired, genuinely curious although she quickly realized that she sounded a tad snide.
"…I think oversimplifying it like the dichotomy of good versus evil is a bit dismissive. Yeah, we're different and what he-they are doing is pretty savage and selfish and eligible for jail time but at the same time, they are there for me – and you. There's a lot to them. You know, no one is wholly good or bad. It's too easy otherwise, too black and white."
Maybe it was. Maybe Mai had been too influenced by Andy who in turn had been influenced by Kim. She had already settled for ambivalence but getting outright acceptance echoed back was a wholly alien feeling. Even stranger than the fact that the silly and at times obnoxious Joe had just spouted some ideologic jargon. Mai breathed out in frustration as the doors to the elevator opened and they traversed down the hallway to the estate.
Mai couldn't enter with Joe in tow and she began to slightly regret taking him here. The silence continued as she opened the "box" and took out a portion of chawanmushi, giving it to Joe who shone as if he had gotten the lottery. It wasn't crocodile meat but he sure was happy about it.
"How can you accept it so easily?" Mai asked, unable to not grimace when he watched him use his tongue to dip into the egg custard.
"I think it's because he told me his life story. About how his parents died, how he needed to protect Lily, how Geese helped them out and all. It's not my story to tell but it puts everything in a new light. When I heard everything, the gist of what I felt was…acceptance," Joe breathed out at the end of his speech, scouring his mind to ensure he had voiced his thoughts in a cohesive manner. He wetted his lips for a bit, digging into the tongue while the last word lingered in the air.
Acceptance. Mai stared at him and then over the rest of South Town from the nearest window. Joe was better at seeing people eye to eye than Mai was, she'd admit. She saw the genuine tolerance radiating off him in the way he smiled to himself as if he was pondering over things himself and coming to the best conclusion. Mai felt it herself; the approval setting inside of her like a warm calm.
It unscrewed the lid to the jar of feelings, which was slowly getting filled up with remnants of Geese. She would have to accept those feelings as well. When Mai thought of it, there was little either Joe or she could do that would put them in danger in the tower. It was almost crazy how everything changed once you choose to see it differently, affirming all the positives. There was now good in it.
Acceptance.