I'm sorry for everything.

The things I said to you that night were all lies. I said them just to make you leave and because I'm an asshole. I'm so sorry.

I know I am a fucking idiot. You deserved better.

I just wish I could take it all back. I miss you like Hell.

When you get better and get to go home, can we please talk? I love you. I never stopped loving you.

Hawk knew that letter was crap. It was barely a letter at all, just a short note, but he had used the last sheet of paper he had (all the previous ones were crumpled in balls and thrown all over the floor and the seats of his car) so it would just have to do.

It had taken him hours to write it, while he sat in his car that was parked on the street in front of Sky's house. There were so many things he wanted to say - but writing had never been his forté, and now more than ever, he struggled to find the right words. He knew Sky wouldn't want to read any of his pathetic excuses anyway - they didn't matter. He wasn't sure what mattered, except that he was sorry and that he loved her - so he had written just that, knowing very well it was inadequate. Maybe the things he had done could never be undone, no matter what Moon had said - that he just needed to apologize–

Which he now was going to do. Maybe this time Sky would actually listen, unlike that time in the English classroom when he had tried to tell her he was sorry, but it had ended up with her rushing out of the room, tears in her eyes. He could only hope this letter was enough, that when reading it, Sky would know he truly meant it. And if she wrote him back - then he could explain more, then he could tell her that if she was willing to give him another chance, he would quit Cobra Kai.

For her.

For her, he would fucking cut out his heart.

He gave the letter a last read-through, letting out a silent curse. What he had written was short and awkward - he wished he possessed more talent with words, that he was smoother, finer, better - because Sky deserved a real love letter, not this crap. Even his handwriting looked stupid, like the note was written by a fucking first-grader.

What does it even matter? She probably won't even read this.

With a sigh, he folded the paper and stuffed it into an envelope Moon had given him, wrote Sky's name on top, and stepped out of his car, feeling a nervous lump in his throat.

He had barely pressed the doorbell when the door opened.

Nicholas was wearing the silly apron that said "Don't be upsetti, eat some spaghetti" that Hawk remembered all too well, and holding a wooden pasta ladle in his hand. Everything about him was so familiar that the sight cut through Hawk's chest like a knife - in a heartbeat he remembered all the movie nights, the family dinners, the lazy mornings in Italy when Nicholas had brewed them espresso and they had eaten freshly baked croissants and marmalade in the garden - him and Sky and Hawk and Mom too, as if they were a real family.

The way Nicholas' eyes turned hard at the sight of him, made those memories vanish. The happiest weeks of Hawk's life - now gone forever, shattered, like broken glass under his feet, hurting him with every step he took. There was no love in Nicholas' pale green eyes, no compassion - for a moment Hawk feared he would beat him up with that pasta ladle, and true enough, his grip on the ladle grew fierce, his fingers clenched around it so hard Hawk thought it would snap.

"Please—" Hawk groaned before Nicholas could beat him to death - or slam the door in his face. "I need to talk to you."

"Give me one reason why I should listen to anything you say." Nicholas snarled.

"Because I— I'm still in love with Sky."

He dropped those words into the tense silence between them as if they were a bomb, and such was their effect on Nicholas.

"In love—?" his face twisted in anger. "How dare you speak about love? If you love someone, you don't treat them like you treated Sky! To love someone is to take care of them, to want them to be happy, to treat them with respect—"

"I'm sorry—" Hawk tried, but Nicholas didn't let him even finish that sentence.

"The horrible rumors you spread about her—" Nicholas took a shaky inhale, his shoulders rose and fell with anger. "Do you have any idea how badly that hurt Sky? Do you even know what they are calling her in school? People call her a slut and a whore, and that's on you. It's on you! And don't even get me started on the things you said to her the night you broke Demetri's arm—"

That felt like Nicholas had punched him. All air left his lungs.

"She— she told you?"

"Yes, she told me. But not before she had almost killed herself with opiates. What you did was unforgivable— Unforgivable! How could you say something like that to her? How could you, Eli?"

Hawk looked down. He couldn't meet Nicholas' stare - it was too much. He hated himself for the things he had done, but to face the hurt his words and actions had caused, not only to Sky but to her Dad too—

He felt like he could crumble to pieces. There was no forgiveness here, no hope. He had been a fool to think otherwise. But what else could he do, other than try? The envelope in his pocket was all he could think about, the words he had written not with ink but with the blood of his heart. He couldn't give up now.

"I'm sorry," he breathed. "If I could take it all back, I would."

Nicholas didn't reply, he just stood there, staring at him, gripping that damn pasta ladle so hard his fingers turned white and the tendons and veins of his forearms stood out. Hawk suspected that Nicholas was fighting the urge to punch him in the face.

If he had, Hawk wouldn't have even fought back. Everything Nicholas had said was true. Hawk deserved his wrath.

"Why are you here?" Nicholas asked after a long, heavy silence. "What do you want?"

Hawk's hands felt numb when he pulled the letter from the back pocket of his jeans.

"Can you take this to Sky—?"

"No." Nicholas interrupted harshly, shaking his head.

"Please."

Hawk held the envelope in both hands, offering it to Nicholas, who did nothing to take it.

"No." Nicholas' voice was rough, raspy. "Reading more of your lies or your insults is the last thing Sky needs."

"Please. It's not like that— It's an apology. I know I'm in no position to ask anything of her. I just… I want her to know I'm sorry. That what I said wasn't true." His voice cracked on the last words. "I love her. I can't– I want her to know that I love her."

Nicholas groaned a silent curse and leaned on the doorway. He said nothing, but his eyes grew softer, the anger and hurt were melting into sadness. He looked tired as if he hadn't slept in a week - the dark shadows under his eyes looked almost like bruises.

"Please," Hawk breathed, keeping his stare. "Just— Please."

"I swear this is like trying to stay mad at a puppy," Nicholas muttered, stuffing the pasta ladle into a pocket of his apron and thus staining the cloth with tomato sauce. "Fine - I'll take the letter. But I can't promise she'll read it or that she'll write back."

Relief washed over Hawk like a wave, squeezing a shaky exhale out of his lungs. With trembling hands, he held out the letter, and Nicholas took it.

"Thank you." Hawk rasped, his voice failing him.

"I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this for her. And mark my words—" Nicholas pointed a finger at Hawk. "I'm not giving this to her because I think she should get back together with you. I don't. But she needs some kind of closure to move on, and if your apology gives her that, then so be it."

His harsh words hurt Hawk worse than if Nicholas had indeed whacked him in the head with that pasta ladle, and even worse because he knew they were true. He had treated Sky like crap. If she never forgave him, if she stopped loving him and moved on - well, he knew he deserved the lifetime of agony it would cause him.

"I understand," Hawk said, bringing his eyes back up. "I mean - I know I don't deserve another chance. I just want her to be okay."

With a frown, Nicholas glanced at the envelope, then pushed it into the pocket of his jeans.

"Look, Eli—" he said, and his tone had turned softer. "Can I give you a piece of advice?"

Hawk tensed, shifted his weight on his feet. "Sure."

"Talk is cheap. If you truly mean to fix what you've broken - and I don't mean just with Sky, I mean your friends too, and your Mom - you need to do more. You need to show them you are willing to change things, to take responsibility for your actions."

His words brought a sour taste to Hawk's mouth, and he licked his lips. His shoulders felt tense. To do more? Like what? Like quit Cobra Kai? But no way can I do that before I know if Sky will forgive me—

After all - if he quit Cobra Kai, and Sky and the rest didn't forgive him, then he'd be alone, more so than he had ever been in his life. He couldn't do that. That thought was terrifying. He just needed to know there was someone to catch him if he took that leap—

"I— I'm working on it," he muttered, staring at his feet. "It's just that—"

Hearing something, he stopped talking mid-sentence and turned to look over his shoulder just to notice that a car had stopped on the driveway, and someone stepped out of it—

For fuck's sake—!

Hawk felt like he would choke, like his sudden burst of anger and jealousy were a tight rope around his neck, taking his breath away.

There was Cody, stepping out of his car. He ran a hand through his dark hair and locked the car, looking the same as always, like he had no worries in the world - though his smile cracked a little when he noticed Hawk.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Hawk barked as Cody walked closer. Jealousy made his voice thin and sharp, like there were razor blades on the tip of his tongue.

Cody seemed unaffected. The arrogant look on his face didn't falter one bit as he walked up the stairs and stopped in front of Hawk and Nicholas.

"I might ask you the same question, Moskowitz."

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

Cody smirked. "I didn't think you had the nerve to come here - after all, we all know Sky only started using because you treated her like crap."

"Oh, and you think you're treating her so much better?" Hawk growled, his fists clenching on his sides.

Cody didn't bother to reply, he just glanced at Hawk as if he wasn't even worthy of his attention, and then proceeded to pull an envelope out of a messenger bag he wore thrown over his shoulder. The envelope was big and thick, it looked like there was a fucking handwritten novel inside of it, and that sight made something in Hawk's chest turn and twist painfully. He hadn't known he could be this fucking jealous over a letter.

"You said I could bring a letter for Sky, Dr. O'Brian?" Cody asked politely as he offered the envelope to Nicholas. "I hope it's not too much trouble to deliver it."

"No trouble at all," Nicholas replied, but Hawk noticed how he didn't reply to Cody's smile, how there was something tense in his posture.

He must not know it's Cody who's selling to Sky— Hawk realized. But I bet he's suspecting it.

Maybe I should tell him?

That thought was sweet. If he told Nicholas that Cody was the dealer, Nicholas would never let that asshole near Sky again. There would be no more letters, no more meetings, no more chances for Cody to kiss Sky, or to take advantage of her–

But— if Sky found out he had been the one to tell—

No, Hawk couldn't do it. Sky already hated him for beating Cody up - if he turned into a snitch who ratted Cody out to Nicholas, well, Sky would fucking hate his guts for an eternity.

Still, he wouldn't just silently stand by and watch how that asshole stole the love of his life.

"Why are you even writing to her?" Hawk snapped at Cody. "You don't give a shit about her!"

Cody let out an annoyed sigh, his jaw clenched as he turned to look at Hawk.

"You don't know what you're talking about."

Hawk's anger was stirring, turning his blood hot in his veins. Was that asshole asking for another beating? Cause that Hawk could give him. He wouldn't even hesitate. He took a step closer to Cody, his chest heaving with angry breaths.

"Why even bother writing to her? Didn't you already get what you wanted, huh? What was she to you - just another name on the list of girls you've fu—"

"Enough!" Yelled Nicholas, his voice cracking with anger. "That's my daughter you're talking about!"

Hawk shut his mouth and swallowed the rest of his sentence. Getting Nicholas mad would only make things worse for him - but a part of him enjoyed seeing how Nicholas looked at Cody now, with narrowing eyes, as if he finally fully saw through Cody's bullshit too.

"I should throw both of your letters into the trash," Nicholas huffed angrily. "The last thing Sky needs right now is your stupid drama."

"I apologize, Dr. O'Brian," replied Cody swiftly. "I didn't mean to cause any trouble."

Hawk let out a scoff. "Right—"

But he was interrupted by a rather loud meow as Napoleon stepped out of the door, circling Nicholas' legs and rubbing himself against his shins. Mixed feelings flashed through Hawk's chest as he remembered the weeks he had taken care of Napoleon while Sky had been in the hospital after the school fight. He had fucking loved that cat, had let him sleep in his bed and all. The house had felt empty ever since Napoleon had returned to Sky.

"Hey, Kitty—" said Cody with a small smile, and bent to pet the small animal.

Revealing his sharp teeth, Napoleon hissed at Cody, and he barely managed to pull his hand away in time as the cat tried to scratch him.

Hawk couldn't hold back a laugh.

"Even Napoleon knows you're full of shit. A wise cat," he said and picked the small animal. He started purring instantly and curled up against his chest, a bundle of warm, silky fur and sharp nails.

As he straightened, Hurt flashed in Cody's eyes - the first real emotion Hawk had seen in them all this time.

"You don't know anything about me," Cody said, tilting up his chin. His nostrils flared as if he was fighting to keep calm, but Hawk saw the anger that was stirring under his calm demeanor.

"I know you're an asshole."

"Takes one to know one, huh?" Cody asked and then glanced at Napoleon with a smirk. "Pet that cat all you want. We both know that's the closest to Sky you'll ever get again."

Had Hawk not been holding Napoleon with both hands, he would have punched Cody in the face right then and there.

"Shut your mouth! She fucking loves me—" He couldn't stop the words, the bitter, broken words that just burst out of him. "She'll never love you the way she loves me! I bet she's thinking about me when you fuck her!"

All color left Cody's cheeks and for a short moment Hawk was sure he would hit him—

"Go to Hell," Cody groaned, and then he was gone, rushing down the steps. He slammed the door of his car and steered off, tires screeching, leaving Hawk standing in front of Nicholas, still holding Napoleon against his chest.

Napoleon let out an annoyed meow as Nicholas yanked him off Hawk's arms.

"Get out of here," Nicholas growled, his voice oozing anger. "-before I kick you out."

Hawk's knees almost gave in as he heard the tone in Nicholas' voice.

Shit–!

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to— Please, Nicholas—"

But Nicholas didn't stop to listen. Fiercely, he slammed the door in Hawk's face without another word.

"—will you– will you give the letter to Sky?" Hawk cried, pressing his hands against the wooden door. "Shit! Please, just tell me that you're still gonna give her the letter—!"

No answer came, only silence. With a heavy heart, Hawk gave up and walked back to his car.