She turned to look at her partner, whose eyes were wide with fear, and with the last of her strength, hoarsely, choked, barely audible, in distress, she whispered:

"They… T-they're gonna… Sell our… B-baby."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Olivia couldn't breathe.

She felt as if someone had crammed her into a tiny box, with no air, no room to move, and whose walls were squeezing her tightly from all sides.

No.

This couldn't be true.

She heard her partner's voice from somewhere far away, but so muffled and distant that she didn't react to it at all. She was dizzy, her ears were ringing, and she wanted to scream, but her body had stopped obeying her commands, and instead she just stood frozen in place, as if paralyzed, even though the raging storm inside her felt like it would tear her apart.

"Liv!"

Only panicked, uncontrollably swirling and running thoughts were flashing through her mind, felt like stabbings, and accelerated her panic even more.

They are going to force us to make a baby.

They are going to sell him. Or her.

They are going to force us to make a baby.

A real baby.

"Liv!"

Strong hands gripped her shoulders, and she realized she had closed her eyes. She turned her head, the movement making her dizzy, and the fingers pressed tighter against her skin. And when she met the blue eyes, glittering with worry, for a moment her brain shut out the rest of the world, and she could only see in her mind herself holding her child in her arms. Their perfect, brown-haired, blue-eyed child.

A sob escaped her lips, she had to squeeze her eyes shut, and then hands came off her shoulders and pulled her against a strong, warm, familiar body.

Along with the tears, panic began to loosen its tightest grip, and as if guided by another, unknown force, she raised her arms and wrapped them around him.

And no words were needed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

In Elliot's arms, Olivia's panic had slowly turned first into stifled sobs, then into an all-encompassing, deep cry that had drained all the strength from her body along with the tears, and finally she had just leaned against her seated partner's chest, her mind and body numb, just listening to his steady heartbeat. All this time he had just held her, taking in her reaction, even though she knew she wasn't the only one in this situation.

Elliot shifted under her cheek, her thoughts wandered back to the child her completely panicked mind had created for a few seconds, and suddenly a sense of guilt flared inside her, burning like fire.

Because, contrary to what should have been, the child itself was not the worst thing in the idea.

She had wanted a child for as long as she could remember. Being a mother had been her greatest dream, her heart's deepest desire, but as if by fate, as if in payment for the way she had come into the world herself, she had never been given the chance. She hadn't had a partner with whom she wanted to start a family, and when she had realized the situation a few years ago and contacted the adoption agency, they had turned her down. After that, she had forced herself to accept her fate, to forget about it at least for a while, but the desire had never gone out of her heart.

At the same time, all these years, she had been watching Elliot and his family from the side. She had watched her partner as a father, a father who loved his kids more than anything and would have done anything for them, as the kind of father she never had, and the kind she would have wanted to give her own child if she had one.

And every now and then, despite her determined efforts, the thought of her and Elliot's child had slithered into her mind, and she'd had to bury the thought immediately, because it had hurt too much every time. It was something she was not allowed to want, she had no right to want, and she had no reason to want. Because it was something she could never have.

So while of course she didn't want to have a child under these circumstances, still the thought of her and Elliot's child wasn't the main reason why panic made the air escape her lungs and numb her body and thoughts.

The reason for that was the thought that someone would take their child away from her.

She was so lost in thought that Elliot's voice almost scared her.

"I…" His voice was thick and rough, and she could sense his fear. "If they force us to have… To have sex," he stammered, and her body tensed automatically. "I promise you that I... I won't..."

Olivia sighed. "I know. And you have a wife, so you don't…"

Elliot cut her off though, his voice this time more sure than it had been in a long time. "No, I didn't mean that. My marriage has nothing to do with this."

"Uh-huh. And like you'd even want me."

The words escaped Olivia's lips completely different than they were supposed to. She had meant the thought as a joke, an attempt to lighten the mood, but the moment she opened her mouth, some unknown, deep, unpredictable sting burned inside her, turning the words and her voice into venom. And she would have liked to beat herself up for it.

For even though the words were meant for the moment in question, the depth of feeling revealed that they had a much, much greater, far-reaching and long-lasting meaning. They had drawn their strength from the uncertainty that had been following her through all these years.

She had loved her partner for as long as she could remember. Of course she loved him; they had welded together quickly, surprisingly quickly, and he had been her best friend ever since. It was something she had allowed herself to be aware of and accept, because it was natural, understandable and acceptable.

But what Gitano's case had revealed to her was something that had scared the hell out of her. Maybe she had known it before, but she hadn't allowed herself to admit it, and the case had finally made her realize that her feelings for her partner were not just platonic love.

She had realized that she was in love with him. And it wasn't just a light infatuation, but a love so strong, so deep and so intense that it had shaken her to the core. She hadn't been able to handle the situation, so she had done what she had learned to do.

She had run.

But Oregon hadn't solved her problems, instead it had only made them worse. When she had finally pulled herself together and returned to New York, Dani Beck had been there.

And it had hurt like hell.

Gitano had opened her eyes and made her realize that she had never loved anyone so deeply and completely in her life. But instead, the object of her love had chosen someone else in the midst of his divorce. She knew it had been partly her own fault, but that didn't mean she hadn't felt like she was an insignificant, easily replaceable person.

As her mother had always told her.

And when Dani had left, her foolish heart had gotten its hopes up, but it had only taken one hard case, and he had run back into his wife's arms. She loved little Eli, but that didn't stop her from sometimes thinking about what would have happened if Elliot had come to her.

If he had chosen her, she probably would have let him in.

The years had made her insecurities grow, given punches to her self-esteem, and made her grow her protective shield even thicker. But Elliot didn't know, he didn't know anything about it, instead he was staring at her as if she had said something completely unheard of.

"What did that mean?"

"Nothing."

"As if you knew anything about my wants."

Elliot suddenly sounded almost defiant and made Olivia blink. She crossed her arms.

"Your wants have become very clear in recent years."

"Have they?" Elliot snorted, pulled away and grimaced in pain. "In that case, I don't understand where this is even coming from. I told you I was afraid of losing you, and you were the one who switched states. I don't think there was any ambiguity about who wanted who."

Anger began to bubble up inside Olivia. "I needed space and time to think. And when I came back, I found you in the arms of your pretty blonde partner. Apparently, partnership was not the core of the problem."

"Are you even listening to me?" Elliot's eyes had begun to blaze, and his voice had begun to rise. "I talked to you, and you ran. I think that was a clear sign."

"What the hell were you talking to me about?! As far as I remember, you only said you were afraid of losing me, and I don't know what you think that means, but my ears can't translate it into "I want to kiss you and take you right here and now". I could say the same thing to Cragen, and that doesn't mean I want to drag him into my bed!"

Anger caused the words to roll uncontrollably from her lips before she could stop them, and to stop herself from continuing, Olivia snapped her mouth shut. Elliot stared at her silently, the blue of his eyes slowly extinguishing the flames in his eyes, and then he dropped his gaze to the ground. He bit his lip for a moment, seemed to think, she swallowed, and then he asked quietly:

"You know what was the only reason I kissed Dani and not you?"

Olivia's heart felt stop for a moment, she froze in place, and the words got stuck in her throat. Elliot didn't wait for an answer though.

"She was easy."

"W-what?"

But before she could gather the pieces of her anger again, Elliot looked up at her and continued:

"And I don't mean this in the way you probably think. She was easy because the stakes were so low. I didn't have to worry about losing anything if I screwed things up. But with you…" He had to catch his breath. "You mean the world to me, Liv. I can't just kiss you on the spur of the moment because there's too much at stake. I can lose everything."

"El…" Olivia tried, her voice small and weak, but he shook his head.

"And when I went to Kathy that night… She wasn't the one I wanted; she was the one who was easy. I had nothing to lose because I was going to lose her anyway."

Then he slowly, hesitantly raised his hand and cupped her cheek gently. Cold shivers ran down Olivia's spine.

"Because Olivia, you were and you are the most important person in my life, and I can't lose you. My previous choices have had nothing to do with my true will."

And then he fell silent. Olivia felt like her entire body was on fire, tears clouded her eyes, and her chin began to quiver as the protective shield she had been building around her heart for years began to crack. And then she wrapped her arms around Elliot's neck and buried her face in the crook of his neck, letting the tears roll down her cheeks as his arms tightened around her.

And his voice was quiet, hoarse, but determined as he said:

"We'll get through this. I'm going to do everything I can to protect you, and if those monsters do get you pregnant nonetheless, Cragen, Fin, and Munch will find us before the birth. And if they don't… I promise you, I swear on my life that hell freezes over before I let them take our baby away from us."