The shy, quiet happiness of the fact that Sky was talking to him again, was even better than the heated dreams.

It stayed with Hawk all day, making everything just a little better. The rain didn't bother him, the food at lunch was tastier than in months, Hell - he didn't even mind that everyone else at their table was talking about Cody's surprise birthday party, to which he obviously wasn't invited, but so fucking what? Nothing was going to bring him down today. He would have gladly listened to any conversation if it included Sky smiling and laughing, and giving him a short glance every now and then, a glance Hawk couldn't quite interpret, but that at least wasn't openly hostile.

Yes - this was definitely better than the dreams. Because whatever he had tried to tell himself, the dreams weren't real. But this was. And even if Sky was in love with someone else now, even if they would never be together again - still, for the first time in ages, Hawk had hope. She was in his life again, her presence filling the hole that had been eating him alive for months. Maybe, maybe— if not lovers, then at least they could be friends?

He would take anything, any small crumble she was willing to give him.

Hawk's heart still felt light, when the school day ended. On his way to the front doors after his last class, Hawk noticed a group of kids hanging out in front of the auditorium doors.

There were maybe a dozen of them in a circle sitting on the benches and the floor. Mostly girls, but a couple of guys too, all holding thick piles of paper, or books in their hands.

The Drama Club kids, waiting for the teacher to arrive and let them in.

Hawk's steps slowed down, his feet suddenly felt heavy after walking on clouds this whole fucking day. In the middle of the group, two boys were reading out loud, rehearsing their lines. One of them was the fat kid whose name Hawk still couldn't remember, the other one was Cody.

"He– I can see his point: we're not a rich family, like Charlie's. We– But he's planning the rest of my life for me, and I– He's never asked me what I want!"

Cody's voice was clear and loud, as if he wasn't just rehearsing, but living the words he delivered, and despite himself, Hawk stopped to watch.

Of course, he had known Cody was good. Hell, he had seen him in every school play since middle school, but still— standing there in the middle of the small group of his friends, he looked like he was standing on a stage on Broadway, his presence so captivating that even Hawk couldn't walk away.

His heart grew heavy, as he looked at Cody who kept delivering line after line, flawlessly, without any faltering or hesitation. He looked like a star, like someone who knew exactly where he was going in this life - and he was going places, unlike the rest of them, unlike Hawk with his stupid scar, unlike that fat kid with dirty-blond hair and worn clothes. A bitter, heavy taste lingered on Hawk's lips as he glanced at Cody from head to toe, noticing his stylish clothes, the expensive wristwatch, his lean but toned body, his handsome, picture-perfect face—

And yet, he was also the boy who had been bleeding through his mouth and nose, screaming No, no, no, no, squirming in Hawk's iron grip as he had dragged him across the bathroom floor—

Hawk swallowed hard, his chest felt like it would collapse.

Sky had said that Cody's folks treated him like crap, 24/7, and suddenly Hawk couldn't shake that thought. Did they… beat him too? Looking at Cody now, that all felt impossible to believe, but what did he know? The way Cody had fought, the way he had screamed and writhed, fighting until the very end, until he'd collapsed onto the floor unconscious, twisted Hawk's gut. It made him feel like it hadn't been the first time someone was beating Cody up. Maybe, just maybe, something was going on in Cody's home, something that Hawk knew nothing about, something very, very bad. And maybe, by attacking Cody and beating him up, he had made it all a thousand times worse.

That thought suddenly made him feel sick.

He had just wanted to show that arrogant, rich asshole that he couldn't play with Sky's life by giving her drugs, that he wasn't entitled to have Sky just because he was used to having everything he wanted, but now—

Even if this wasn't the first time Hawk regretted the violence he had used on Cody that day, this time was different. The guilt was dark and sticky and horrible on him, like mud that threatened to drown him.

Cody's friend was reading from the papers in his hands: "Then you're acting for him too. You're playing the part of the dutiful son. Now, I know this sounds impossible, but you must talk to him. You have to show him who you are, what your heart is!"

"I know what he'll say," replied Cody, and Hawk felt the force behind those words. They captivated him, even against his will. "He'll tell me that acting is a whim and that I should forget it. They are counting on me; he'll just tell me to put it out of my mind for my own good—"

The end of that sentence was left in the air unsaid, as Cody noticed Hawk standing at the edge of the circle of his friends. The passionate, almost vulnerable look on his face disappeared in a heartbeat and was replaced by the familiar, cold arrogance as his eyes turned hard, like ice over dark water.

Hawk pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

"You got a minute?"

Cody's shoulder rose with a sharp inhale. "What the fuck do you want?"

"To talk. In private. It won't take long."

A moment of heavy silence fell on the group, and Hawk felt everyone's eyes on him. For a short moment, he wondered if they all knew - if they all knew what he had done to Cody, if they had all seen the photos Kyler had posted on Insta, of Cody lying on the floor covered in blood and puke and toilet water, and how it must have made them feel, how it must have made Cody feel, how hard it must have been to come back to school after that—

And Hawk didn't want to think about that, he didn't want to feel that empathy towards Cody, because fucking Hell, he still hated his guts— but there it was anyways, and it was just as difficult to shake as the guilt. They both sat heavily on his chest, taking his breath away.

"Cody, you don't have to—" said the fat kid laying a hand on Cody's arm, to stop him, but Cody barely glanced at him, as he shrugged that hand off.

"I'll be fine. Jess, can you step in for me and read Neil? I won't be long—"

A tiny, Asian girl stood up and took Cody's place, taking the papers from his hands, but Cody didn't look at her as he started walking towards Hawk, even if her glance sure stayed on him for a long time.

"What do you want?" Cody asked when they had walked a bit further, behind a corner and out of earshot.

Hawk swallowed and shifted on his feet. The words he knew he had to say, were heavy and shapeless, they were clenching his lungs and it was a struggle to force them out.

"I'm– I'm sorry. About what we— what I did to you. The beating."

Cody's eyes stayed cold, emotionless. He stood very still, almost like a statue, his eyes revealing nothing of what he felt.

"Let me guess - Sky told you to apologize to me."

"She doesn't even know that I'm here," Hawk snapped - though what Cody had said did have a hint of truth. That day on his front steps, when they had talked about stuff, about Hawk and the Cobras beating up Cody, Sky had said I'm not the one you should be apologizing to.

"Whatever," Cody looked down. "Dude, you almost fucking killed me. I don't want to hear your apologies or your excuses—"

"I've got no excuses. I just want to apologize. I knew you were selling her drugs, and I—"

"Sky is an addict," Cody said, sudden emotion making his voice crack. "She was fucking desperate to get her fix. If it hadn't been me, it would have been someone else. You know that. So don't give me that bullshit about you attacking me because of me selling to her. You wanted to fucking kill me because I slept with her at the Halloween party. That was my crime. The fact that I fell in love with your ex."

"That's not—."

"Do you even have any idea what you put me through? Jesus! You think an apology can fix this? That you can just tear people apart and when you say sorry they are supposed to forgive you, just like that? I got a concussion. You fractured four of my ribs. Four! And I lost a tooth—" Cody pulled at the corner of his mouth to reveal the gap in the side of his otherwise flawless row of teeth. "I peed blood for a week! I couldn't even walk— There's nothing you can say that will make me forget that. Nothing."

There was a pit in Hawk's stomach, a dark hole that was sucking away all the light.

"So what do you want to do?" He rasped, turning his eyes to the floor. "You want revenge? Then hit me, break my ribs, knock off a tooth. Let's make things even."

Cody let out a sound that could have been a laugh or a sob, and took a step back, running both of his hands through his messy, dark hair.

"You just don't get it, do you? I don't want to fight you. I don't want to talk to you. I just want you to leave me and Sky the fuck alone."

A heavy silence followed Cody's words. Me and Sky, he had said, and that was the truth, wasn't it? It would never be enough what Hawk did, no matter how much he apologized, no matter how much he tried to change, to better himself, there would always be things too horrible to forgive, too badly destroyed to be fixed. Cody wouldn't forgive him, that was clear now, and neither would Sky. She might care just enough to tolerate Hawk's presence, but no more, and the dreams were all Hawk would ever have because Sky had moved on, she was in love with someone else now, someone just as miserable and just as broken as Hawk was - he realized that now - but it wasn't him, it never would be him again, it was Cody, and he had to accept it or else it would drive him mad.

"Okay," he said, taking a step back. His voice came out thin and strengthless. "Just— treat her well, okay? She deserves that, after all the shit I put her through."

With that Hawk turned to walk away, his hands in his pockets. The weight of the world was dragging him down. His feet felt like lead, too heavy, like they were glued to the floor tiles.

"Moskowitz, wait—" Cody's voice stopped him, and he turned around.

"What?"

A shaky breath left Cody's lips, his shoulders fell but he held Hawk's gaze and kept his chin up.

"I will. I promise. And— Thanks. For stopping me— that day at Kyler's. You were right."