(E) 26/10/22- I'm doing an edit from the begining, the first couple will have the biggest changes just in plot holes and making things sound better lol. If a chapter has (E) and a date then its been edited.
Original A/N- I'd like to clarify that this is a FourtTris story, so don't worry about my new characters. I could never have her end up with anyone else lmao. Anyway, have fun reading! Bethany x
Chapter 1
She stands in front of a mirror, staring into the face looking back out. Her skin is flush and lightly beading with sweat, her dull blonde hair loosening from her half up do that was only completed an hour prior. Her small hands shake slightly, only being controlled when folded tightly into each other. Red surrounds her fingernails, a stark contrast against her pale skin. The girl's haunting eyes are clouded with greys and misty blues, they then squeeze shut, shielding her emotions from view. I know she's nervous, I know I have to come to terms that she is me.
I take a deep breath in and let it out slowly; opening my eyes again. I turn away from my reflection and make my way towards the balcony, hoping some fresh air will help clear the chaos going on inside my head. I open the sliding door and a gush of cold air hits my face, reminding me to grab my coat that's hanging next to it. The balcony has a couple of seating options, a few chairs, outdoor sofa and a swing seat. This has always been one of my favourite places to find peace, the views of the frozen lake ebbing its way into the infinite forest. But even the view cannot help me forget the upcoming event. The thought of the choosing brings me everything but peace.
I finally decide on the circular swing seat, taking advantage of the plethora of pillows, hoping they'll swallow me whole.
I start to swing the chair, knowing it has relaxed me before. But, the more the seat swings, the more nauseous I become. My feet hit the floor when I can't handle the motion any longer and bring it to a halt. I stare out into the distance, trying to tell myself to be brave like the Dauntless. The Dauntless wouldn't let themselves get to this point of sheer anxiety. But no matter how much I tell myself that my nerves are unnecessary or illogical, my stomach is still unsettled, my hands still shaking. I pull at the neckline of my dress, the fabric feeling too tight.
This day has always been looming above our heads. We've known about it since I can remember. But for the past 16 years, it's always seemed so far in the distance, something that I didn't need to worry about at the time. And it's true. Even though today is the big day, I shouldn't be worried. I'm positive the other girls aren't acting as I am right now. I can only assume the other girls are excited to finally see this day, the day when they finally stop waiting, and really begin their lives.
The ceremony, I have been told, only lasts about half an hour or so. No mishaps or mistakes have ever taken place. This has been drilled into my head over and over again for the past 16 years. But no matter how many times it's repeated, I still can't get my worries to alleviate. Every adult I have spoken to about the Choosing Ceremony has told me they've watched it before, witnessed it before, participated in it before. They tell me they're all the same, unremarkable. I've even seen a clip from the last Choosing. I know how this goes. I could watch every Choosing ever recorded and still feel this dread looming over me.
A knock at the door brings me back to reality, and I look down at my watch. 11:30. Who knew I could spend that long in my own thoughts. I shake my head, a grimace on my lips. The point of going outside was to clear my head, not fall further into it. I make my way back into my room, pulling off my coat and passing the mess that occurred half an hour ago when Christina and Zoe were helping get me ready. Opening the door, I am faced with my twin brother, Caleb.
"You ready to go?" He asks, walking into my room and making himself comfortable on the large sofa planted in front of the fireplace. He looks relaxed, with his arm slung over the back of the seat, his body limp. Caleb's always been an easy going type of person, his attitude towards most things in life is like him, logical. He likes to think that there will always be an answer to all of life's questions, so why worry about it? It must be nice to not have the pressure of a whole country riding on his shoulders.
Turning away from Caleb and looking back at my reflection in the mirror, I try to ground myself in the real world. I need to be confident today, even if it's just for show. The whole world is going to be watching and I wouldn't want a slip up.
I force a smile at my brother, relaxing my fists and joining my hands in front of me, "yeah, I'm ready to go." Everything is going to be fine, there's nothing to fear.
Walking through the halls towards the lounge brings back memories of me and the brothers playing games when true winter blew in. Hide and seek was a staple, and so was football, though Mum was not too pleased when a couple paintings came flying off of the walls.
This year, my country, Athua, has been chosen to host the choosing. It's pure luck that we are hosting this year, with the next choosing in 18 years time; the last time it was hosted here was well over a decade ago.
As this is our home, we organise the whole ceremony, which also means we chose where we are going to wait for the ceremony to start. Obviously we wanted to be comfortable, so we chose the lounge we use daily. The room is large, with five sofas. Two of them are facing each other next to the door, and the other three are further into the room, framing the roaring fire. Coffee tables sit nicely between the sofas, scuffed up from the countless times the boys have rested their shoed feet on them. The very back wall is lined by floor length windows, exposing the snow storm that is happening outside. Bookshelves cover the wall facing the windows, framing the door with shelves upon shelves of antique first additions. This room is usually used as a hang out for the Princes and myself. We'll either do work, play games, read, or just chat. The place is usually a calm space for me, but right now I can only think about the upcoming ceremony. No room could alleviate that thought.
We walk through the door and all eyes turn to us. I smile as I see most of the brothers are sitting on the sofas, the only people missing are Mum, Dad, and, unsurprisingly, Xavier. Caleb moves into the room and sits next to Callan on the nearest sofa to the door. Callen's always been Caleb's favourite brother. Their interests have always intertwined more than the rest of ours. Callan is the Prince of Abnegation, which leads me to think that's why he's Caleb's favourite. I'm sure if we didn't grow up with the Royals, he would fit in perfectly in Callan's faction.
"Bea!" Sebastian shouts when he sees me. He gives me a very on brand welcoming smile and I make my way over to sit next to him, facing the fire. Seb is the kindest out of all of our Princes, being Prince of Amity, you'd expect it. The boys spend half the year in their factions, split up to half a week in the faction, half a week at home. I've never visited any of the factions, only after the ceremony are the Princesses allowed to explore the country.
Sitting down, I pull my legs to my chest and rest my chin on my knees. An uncomfortable feeling envelops me once again. I can't help but think that this is the last time we will just be kids. After today's ceremony, they will compete for my hand in marriage and to become the King of Athua.
"Nervous?" Gideon playfully asks, leaning over to ruffle up my hair. It's a stupid question, seeming everyone already knows the answer. I roll my eyes and bat his hand away.
"I just want to get today over and done with. Why does it have to be at midday?" I moan.
Ash looks at me, confused. "Why so moody? Today's supposed to be a day of celebration?" I look into his honest green eyes as he spills the truth. Growing up with him, we've all gotten used to his unfiltered mouth. I'm certain he hasn't shut that thing since his choosing when he turned 12. I nod my head in agreement, then slowly avert my eyes to stare into the fire.
The flames dance and sputter in the confinement of the burner. I watch as the wood slowly falls apart. I feel myself being able to relate the longer I stare. Watching the fire has always calmed me, drawn me in. I don't know what it is about it, could be the heat, or its forbidden nature.
As if he could read my thoughts, Xavier walks through the door. He looks at me apologetically, knowing he's late.
"Sorry," he says, smiling shyly at me as he sits down to my left. "There was a disagreement down South this morning between some of the guards. They wouldn't listen to any of my advisors, again." Dauntless is based in the South of the country, about a two hour train ride to get to the faction. Xavier tries to sound annoyed, but I know deep down he enjoys feeling useful. I smile and roll my eyes, finally feeling myself slowly relaxing.
Xav looks over to me, his eyebrows raising. "Is there something you'd like to say?"
I shrug my shoulders, the small smile still on my lips, "nothing you don't already know."
Xavier turns away, leans back into the sofa and closes his eyes. I can feel the excitement radiating off of his body. He's been waiting for this day for a good few years, always saying that his life will begin after my 18th choosing, and today is a big milestone towards that. I think he's a bit dramatic.
Xav's excitement contradicts my own nerves, so I try to enjoy these last moments with the brothers. After today, they will be competing against each other for my hand, and the rights to the throne. The next leader of our country comes down to my decision, I can either choose to follow my heart and pick one of them that I could see myself falling in love with, or I could pick the one most suited for the role of King. The next two years will be for the boys to show me that they are capable of running a country, all while trying to get me to fall in love with them. Being reminded of the looming ceremony, my hands become clammy. There's no immediate decision needed, Bea, you've got until your 18th. My logical words usually ease my immediate fight or flight response, but this time the feeling only grows.
I'm brought out of my thoughts by the doors opening and Mum and Dad walk through the entryway. "Ladies first, Melanie." Dad says as he ushers Mum through the entrance. I see Mum's eyes roll at dad's attempt to be a gentleman, knowing he's not being serious. I stand up to greet them with a hug, needing the extra comfort today.
"So, todays the dreaded day!" Dad says enthusiastically, squeezing me harder than usual. I squeeze him back, my hands unable to shake when tightly knit into his shirt.
"Hmmm," I mumbled back, my face smushed into his chest, "no need to mock me, Dad."
He pulls me back, holding me out in front of him, "I'm not mocking you! Just, you know, trying to lighten up the mood!" His eyes shine with mischief.
"That's enough now, Jasper. Talk any longer and you'll dig yourself into a hole." I turn, facing my mother, a grin on my face. I watch as she talks, her perfect face contorting as she speaks. I've always admired her beauty. A smooth, oval face sits on an elegantly long neck. Her full lips are painted a deep red, and her green eyes smothered in a light brown. But my favourite part of my mother is her beautiful wavy brown hair. Mum's always been effortlessly graceful, her personality always mirroring her looks. She's the epitome of a perfect Queen. It's going to be an impossible task to live up to her legacy.
She gently grabs my arm and pulls me into her embrace. She lightly hugs me and I feel her breath near my ear, "I have something to give you, come outside."
I pull back and nod. She tells the boys we'll only be a minute and I follow her out of the door we came through. She shuts it softly behind her, turning to face me when it clicks.
She looks conflicted as she runs her hand through her hair. When I look more closely at her face, I notice her makeup is slightly smeared under her eyes.
"Are you alright, Mum?" I ask, unsure what is going on. "I'm sorry if I've made you anxious as well the last couple weeks, I just can't get this helpless feeling to go away."
She smiles sadly at me and shakes her head, "no, darling, you haven't done anything wrong. I'm just sad to see this day come, all my babies have grown up." I feel my eyebrows pull together as she speaks, not completely believing her reasoning. She's the one who keeps telling me that nothing will change for the next 2 years, telling me I need to relax. So why the sudden change of opinion? The only thing that's going to change is the boys seeing me as their potential suitor.
We've never been brought up as siblings, as our parents have made it very clear this would be our future. Normally, the Princess wouldn't be so close to the Princes as she wouldn't live in the castle with the Royals until after her ceremony. Instead, she would live on site, but in her own accommodation with her parents. The only interaction she would have with the Princes would be during education and Royal arrangements.
Caleb and I, on the other hand, haven't been raised by our biological parents. We were found at the gates of the castle as newborns, a letter led on top of us, begging the Royal Family to take us in and keep us together. This request would have never been accepted, but, as the guard lifted me up into his arms, he saw the red ring looped around my ankle. He knew as soon as he saw it that he had to take us to the King and Queen. My parents took us both in without question, being as I am the successor to the Kingdom.
My parents' advisors 'advised' them to only take me in, and let Caleb be adopted out, but, even at 23 years old, and their hands full already with 5 under 5's, they couldn't bear to split us up. What mayhem that must have been, 4 toddlers and 3 newborns.
I try to relax my face, not wanting to add to her mood. I decided to ignore the feeling of distrust, and take her hand in mine. "Nothings going to change, Mum, just like you've told me. We're all still going to be your babies, just with a new goal to aim for." I squeeze her hand, wondering when I became the logical one.
"You're right," she sighs, then forces a smile. "Anyway! I did bring you out here for a reason, not just to add to your unease."
She puts her hand into her dress pocket and pulls out a small box. "I've had this since I was a little older than you; your Grandmother gave it to me before my 18th Choosing ceremony." She opens the box and I see Athua's rare diamond in the grasps of a necklace.
"It's beautiful," I say, admiring the piece of jewellery, "but why now? Why not give it to me before my 18th?" I hope I don't sound ungrateful, but my curiosity beats me. I never expected gifts during this Choosing.
"I just felt like this was the correct time to give it to you." She answers back cryptically, not making eye contact.
I open my mouth to question further. What could she possibly mean? But as if fate wants me to stay in the dark, a door farther down opens up and raised voices enter the corridor. My attention is drawn to the girl's voice.
"Why can't you just accept my decision, Four?" She loudly says, walking out the door with him, slamming it behind her. Did she just call someone four?
The guy turns back to her and rubs his temples in frustration, "you know your decision isn't what I want, Nita. Please just leave me alone if you're not going to listen to me." He sounds exasperated, his shoulders curling in on themselves. His brown, slightly curly hair reminds me of Xav's when stressed out, as if he's run his hands through it a hundred times. This must be a reoccurring topic. I wonder what they're bickering about.
The girl, Nita, looks more than annoyed, "well it's good it's not your choice then, isn't it." She spits out her words sharply, then spins on her feet and walks back into their waiting room. She holds her head high as she slams the door, once again.
I look at mum with raised eyebrows, trying to suppress a smile. She looks back at me, shaking her head, trying to shush me before I turn to speak.
"Trouble in paradise?" I call down the hall, unable to help myself. When you hang around a Candor all day everyday, there's no way some of his traits won't rub off on you.
The guy looks up at me and raises his eyebrows, "I don't think that's any of your business, Athua." He says it flatly, almost sounding bored.
I let a smirk free on my lips, unable to keep my mouth shut. Christina would be proud. "You should have really thought of that before announcing your problems to the whole hallway, Tosken."
"No ones supposed to be leaving their rooms before the ceremony starts, thought I'd have some privacy." I stare at him as his eyes crinkle around the edges. Where is he going with this?
"So you enjoy breaking the rules?" I ask.
"Do you?" He answers back.
Mum finally steps in before I can retort back, "alright, that's enough. Best we both get back inside, as we are all breaking the rules." I throw a glare in his direction, not used to being shut down so quickly. I turn my back on him and make my way into our room, mumbling about how it's impossible to break rules in your own home.
I enter back into our room, feeling more annoyed than nervous. My reasons for wanting this day to be over have now doubled. I now can't wait for Tosken to leave. Dad catches my eye as me and Mum walk in. "Ready?" He asks.
"As ready as I'll ever be." I say back, knowing that it's time to go.
I quickly run over to the boys and get engulfed into a group hug. Laughter bubbles up in my throat as tears threaten to spill over, "don't let today change anything, okay?" I say to them, unable to stop myself.
Ash holds me a little tighter as he speaks, "don't be stupid Bea, we've always known who you will pick and we're all fine with it. Nothing is going to change."
I nod my head and my eyes find Xav's, knowing it's always been so obvious. He grins back at me and takes my hand, his excitement nearly bursting out of him. "Let's get this show on the road, shall we?"
A/N- I'd love to hear what you all think of the story so far!
Bethany x