"Ah, Derek! You've brought a pretty lady with you!" A man with a broad smile said as he approached their table. It was a small little diner, but it was clean and fairly modern.
Meredith couldn't help but blush, while Derek smirked.
"Now, you need a menu, because you're not eating alone for once in your life." The man said as he settled one menu in front of Meredith. "You know he comes here at least once a week, always all alone. And he always gets the same thing, so I don't even give him a menu anymore."
"Oh, thanks for that." Derek muttered when Meredith giggled.
"So what did he do to get you here? Has he got a gun? I bet he does. Should I call the police?"
"Nope. I'm here of my own free will. Do you think that's a bad idea?" She asked, just to tease him.
"Oh, yes. Very, very bad idea." The waiter confirmed with a stern look before grinning. "Sorry, seriously, Derek, how in the world did you get such a hot date?"
"Oh, no, no-" Meredith started at the same time as Derek made his own explanation, "We're not on a date."
"Oh." He breathed. "But you do kind of look like you're on a date. She keeps making eyes at you, and you keep making eyes at her. Are you sure you're not on a date?"
"No, we're not-" Meredith said as Derek confirmed, "A hundred percent sure."
"Okay. Whatever you say." He agreed sarcastically as a smile spread his face. "You two better invite me to the wedding. Now, what do you want to eat?"
"Right. This case is extraordinary rare. So extremely rare that you're only here because I know for sure that you will never, ever see a case of this again."
"What is it?" Alex asked. "General? Cardio?"
"It's a neurodegerenitive disease."
"How about- uh-" Cristina paused, thinking. "Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease?"
"Good guess Yang."
"Okay, is it variant Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease? Is it a prion disease?"
"It is a prion disease, yes. She's here after a fall that resulted in a broken arm, not for the disease, as there is no treatment for her condition, but the opportunity to examine the disease is still here." Bailey said as she grasped the handle of the door. She smiled at the neurosurgeon who was already in the room. "Dr Shepherd, I've left my interns in suspense so you can do the presentation. They know it's a prion disease. Yang guessed CJD and vCJD."
"Close." The patient muttered. Her voice was a little slurred. That, her hearing aids and her thick glasses told the interns symptoms of the disease were starting to take hold of her.
"Yeah. Nice guess." Derek said with a smile. "But it's actually- Gerstmann-Str- St- Stra-"
Crap.
This wasn't happening.
This. Was. Not. Happening.
It couldn't be. He could speak. He'd spent so long learning to speak. He couldn't fail. He couldn't.
"Gerstmann-Straussler-Scheinker Syndrome?" Meredith suggested, forcing as much excitement into her guess as possible, as if she had just remembered the answer and had no concern about being judged for being loud and outspoken. That wasn't the real reason she spoke like that. She spoke like that because she could hear that he was struggling, and she could feel his palpable fear as he panicked, and that hurt her soul to hear. She hoped that no one else noticed, but she wasn't entirely sure that dream would come true.
"GSS." Cristina said. "Wow, that is rare."
"Tell me about it." The patient said with a slight smile.
Meredith was the only one who didn't smile, eyes on Derek. He was embarrassed, and scared, and sad, and frustrated. She could see it. Somehow, she could see all of that through his smile. A fake smile, of course.
However, she wasn't the only one. "Shepherd, I need to discuss a case with you, shall we leave them here to question Isabella alone for a minute?"
He didn't speak or nod or react in anyway, but he flicked off the breaks of his chair, and pushed himself off of the room. Luckily, four out of the five interns were far too interested in the extraordinary rare case to note any of those behaviours. Of course, Meredith, on the other hand, couldn't care less. She knew it was rare and that it was an incredible learning experience and that she was missing out, but trying to figure out what had happened and if Derek was okay was far more important to her.
Bailey followed him out of the room, but by the time she shut the door behind her, he had fled to the patient room across the hall. She followed him in, and he was already talking to her before she even got into the room.
"I couldn't- Bailey, I just- I couldn't- I was trying and I was thinking and in my head- I could say it my head but my mouth, it just wouldn't- it wouldn't-"
She closed the door behind her. She could see how quickly his chest was rising and falling. If she didn't do something to calm him now, this was heading straight to a panic attack. He'd had a lot of panic attacks. "Derek, breathe."
"It was so clear in my head. But I just-" He sucked in a heavy breath. "I- I couldn't say it."
"It's okay, Derek, I'm-"
"Don't be nice. Don't say something nice." He begged, cutting her off. "It's not okay. Nothing is okay."
"It's okay. No one noticed."
"No one noticed?" He exclaimed, anger in his tone. "Bailey, I couldn't say the freaking word! I couldn't say...say- str- strau- strau- I can't even- I can't-"
"You're panicking. You can't say it now because you're panicking." Bailey explained. "You remember rehab. You remember how many times you had to say every word just to get out a sentence. That's what it's like with AOS. How many times have you said that disease? I mean, have you even said it before? Have you spoken- what- German, I think it is, since the accident?"
"No. I don't...I haven't talked about GSS since it happened, no." He said, rationalising his fears a little. She made a good point. One that he couldn't think of when his brain was chucking negative thought after negative thought at him over that word. He'd put so many hours into learning to speak again. At least...a thousand, he would guess, out of the four-thousandish he'd been awake for since it happened.
"There you go. You know that once you practice a word you can say it, right? So, now you're going to sit and say those words over and over until you can say it right, and it will be added to the two-thousand-odd other words which you relearned how to say, okay?"
He bit his lip, and nodded his head ever so slightly.
"Derek. Agree with me."
"Yes. I will...I'll learn it. Then I'll be able to say it."
"You will, okay? Just don't let yourself panic, it's just like every other word, you just need to go through the syllables and practice."
"Yeah." He agreed breathlessly. "Thank you."
The depth of genuineness in his voice stung her right in the chest. She could tell that he had desperately needed to flee that patient's room, and have her say all that. "That's okay, Shepherd." She said with a smile before leaving the room, and heading back to her interns.
Meredith didn't speak when she opened the door to their regular on-call room to find him sat on the edge of the bed. He didn't even look sad, he just looked- empty. Like someone had scooped out all of his passion and joy.
She sat besides him. "How bad is it on a scale from one to ten?"
He swallowed. "My scale goes to five."
"What?" She asked, confused.
"My scale goes up to five. Any number higher than five is reserved for...dying in hospital. So...five but- I don't think your five is my five."
She nodded. "Okay. A five, on your scale, which is probably my eight, I understand." She reassured him. Her hand slipped into his. She didn't mean to. It was just a reflex. But she couldn't pull her hand out now, and the way his larger hand engulfed hers made her melt.
"I had AOS."
"Apraxia of speech." Meredith replied. She wasn't quite sure whether that was a question or a statement, nor why she had said that outloud. In her mind, she ran through what she knew about the condition. She supposed his AOS came from a traumatic brain injury, from what she had gathered about how he was injured. It meant that he was able to understand other people, and that his own thoughts were perfectly sensical, but his brain couldn't communicate with his mouth. He'd mentioned having speech therapy before and, knowing his condition, she could conclude that he'd spent a long time there. It sounded better than something like aphasia, but it still sounded absolutely horrendous. All of it did.
"When I woke up, I couldn't say a single word. I learnt things like yes and no pretty easily because they're only one syllable but- my first hard medical word was hydrocephalus. I just sat there and said hydrocephalus a hundred times because I was so happy I could manage my first medical word other than like- brain."
She smiled. She was glad he provided her with a happy memory.
"And it just-" He swallowed. "When I couldn't say it- I just-"
"You felt like you were going backwards. You spent all of that time relearning and then you messed up and- it felt like you were going backwards."
He swallowed as he finally lifted his head, and then turned it to look at her. He wasn't expecting her to get it so perfectly. Then again, everything about her was perfect. "Exactly."
She squeezed his hand. "You're not going backwards. It's one word. The only reason I could say it because I speak other languages. Honestly, I'm not saying this to make you feel better, George completely murdered the pronunciation after you left. It was- I mean, it was crap. And I know it's different for you because George didn't go through what you did but...Derek, this isn't one step backwards, okay?"
He smiled just a little at her reassurances, then smirked, and Meredith knew to prepare herself for a horrendous joke. "I wish I could step backwards. Maybe then I'd be able to walk forwards too."
And then they both laughed.
When Derek headed to the door, he was expecting one of two people, but definitely wasn't expecting the one he found, holding a plastic box of...something.
"Hi!" Meredith greeted.
"Mer." Derek said with a smile.
"I brought you a cake." She said, seeing as she could tell by the expression on his face that he wanted an explanation for why she had just turned up at his doorstep. She looked to the box in her hand. "Izzy made it, obviously, but she doesn't know it's for you. I put the numbers on it. That's why it's the suckiest bit of the cake."
"A cake for-" He started, pausing when she lowered it.
"To celebrate you. Happy five-hundred." She explained simply with a beam. She walked past him, heading for his kitchen. She placed the cake on the counter before turning back round to him. "Sorry to invite myself in but I'm going to be honest, I don't trust you to carry the cake by yourself.
He smirked at her honesty, but knew she was right to do that. "Good idea."
"So, how are you?"
"I'm good, and you being here makes me very happy, but...my mother is here."
"Oh, crap-" She blurted. Swearing probably wasn't accepted by Derek's mother, so that was the worst possible way she could react. Mothers never liked swearing.
"It's okay. You can stay. Just thought I'd-"
"No, no." She said, cutting him off. "I don't do mothers. And yours sounds scary. Can I run? Is that okay? I'm so sorry- I just-"
"You have no obligation to be here. And certainly not to meet my mother. Not like you're my girlfriend or anything." He said before even considering what came out of his mouth. He dreamt that his last statement was reversed, but he couldn't see that happening until he was back to walking, and he knew that was never going to happen.
She laughed, and they both could hear how forced it was. "No, definitely not your girlfriend or anything. Uh- enjoy the cake! Happy five-hundred!" She said as she stepped out the door before slamming it, and hurrying away.
Derek stared at the door for a second, still smiling at...well, Meredith. She always made him smile. Although he was a little conflicted; had she ran away so fast because of his horrible joke, or because of his mother?
He pulled himself out of the trance he was in to head back to the kitchen counter and observe the cake. Unfortunately, she was right, the numbers were the worst part of the cake.
"Where'd you get that from?" A voice called, causing him to look round to find his mother stood there. She'd arrived about twenty minutes ago, talked at the door, then gone to the bathroom.
"A friend just brought it over." Derek explained as he pulled himself backwards so she could get a better look at it.
"A friend?" Carolyn repeated as she walked up to it, and examined it.
"Yeah."
"I thought you'd didn't tell people about...you know, what happened to you?" She said, clearly noting the 'birthday' candles on the top.
"I don't. She just wanted to know how long ago it was, and well- she clearly payed enough attention to calculate today was the five-hundredth day since...it happened. But I did tell her what 'it' was."
"And does this friend of yours have a name?"
"Meredith." He felt his cheeks turn red as he confessed her name. It felt...childish, like he had an embarrassing high-school crush and all of his friends were peer pressuring him into spitting out her name. Then again, their relationship felt a tad...well, not childish, but it was awfully playful, with all the giggling and the jokes and the name-calling and the insults and the secrets and how refreshing being with her felt to him. But, every once in a while, he'd have a weak and vulnerable moment, and she'd change in the blink of an eye to a kind, caring worrier who wanted to do everything she could to make it better, like she had yesterday after his pronunciation slip-up. Before her talk, he wanted to go home and cry, but he barely even thought about it, so didn't even think about telling Mark, nevermind his mom. That's what he loved. She was a friend and...more.
She smiled, reading him like a book. She headed to the couch, and Derek followed. "Who's Meredith?"
"She's an intern." He explained, stopping by the couch as she sat.
"And you spend a lot of time with this Meredith, do you?"
"She eats lunch with me."
Her eyebrows creased. "She doesn't want to eat lunch with her own intern friends?"
"I don't like going to the cafeteria, and I used to eat alone until one day she just- turned up. She never complains about the fact she's not with her friends."
"She treats you well?" She questioned in a serious, motherly kind of tone.
He smiled. "Very well."
"She sees you for you?"
"I think the chair kind of freaks her out just a little bit but-" He tried to explain, pausing when the bell rang.
"You like her, don't you?" Carolyn asked as he pushed himself to the door.
He was tomato-red - he was sure of it - when he looked back at her, something akin to guilt on his face. "Yeah. I uh- I really, really like her."
She beamed back. "I'm glad, you know, that you might have found someone."
"Yeah." He agreed with a similar grin. He had gone from giving up on love to falling on love to giving up again because of Meredith's look to falling back in love even further again because she was so incredible. "But they don't know, no one knows, so just-"
She smiled. "Yeah, of course." She agreed, just as he pulled open the door.
"Hey!" Mark greeted with a grin before spotting Derek's mother and heading to her. "Carolyn, hi!"
The pair embraced, and, once they were finished, it was Addison's go for a hug.
"Oh, cake!" Addison exclaimed as they split and she spotted the desert on the side. "Where did you get that from?"
Derek didn't reply for a second, thinking, and Carolyn noticed his hesitation. "He bought it from the bakery earlier."
"Mmm. Looks good. Now, let's celebrate!"
"Mark. Tell me what that means because- Mark, when you say that- when you-" She paused to sniffle as even more tears slipped out of her eyes. "When you say that it makes me think that his - my son's - brain was on the floor and all of his bones are broken. That's what I'm thinking and I need you to tell me I'm wrong. Please. Please."
He shook his head to himself, lip trembling. He couldn't say it. He couldn't say anything.
"Mark, please-" She begged.
He swallowed. "You...you're not wrong."
Carolyn Shepherd had lived in New York for the whole of her life. Until, one day, she didn't. She flew to Seattle with nothing except the purse that she had on her when she received the fateful phone call, and stayed there for seven months. She remembered that one day she was in the supermarket and someone asked her if she lived there, and she found herself saying yes. Every other time she visited him, she'd say no. But not this time.
At first, she lived in the Seattle Grace hospital. She always found it odd that she spent more time with him when he was unconscious, but it was always when he was both least stable, but also when all the developments happened. Improvements in physio grew over months, while improvements in the intensive care unit was sudden, and unpredictable. Unfortunately, so were sudden deteriorations, so she worried, and that worrying never left her. Even when she flew back to New York, she'd call him twice a day and visit at least once a month. He dreaded to think of how many times she called Mark or Addison. Apparently, she even had his speech therapist's phone number, which he thought was extremely odd.
"You okay?" Carolyn asked, worried, as she watched her son move from his chair to the couch.
He snorted and rolled his eyes. "Mom, I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
"He does like ten of those a day Carolyn, he's a pro." Addison reassured her with a smile, knowing how protective she could be.
"Right. Okay. Can I sit next to you?"
"Mom." He sighed. "I'm not made of glass."
She smiled a little at the half-joke, simply because she didn't know what else to do, and took the seat between him and Addison.
"So, let's talk about Derek's girlfriend, shall we?"
"Mark!" Derek exclaimed with a sigh.
"Girlfriend, eh?" Carolyn said, as if they hadn't just had a discussion about a friend who he wanted desperately to be more than a friend.
"She's not my girlfriend."
"Fine. Your crush. Because apparently we're back in high school."
"Don't tease him, Mark." Addison said. That was another remark that deserved toe-jabbing or rib-nudging, but he was sat far away from her.
"When you're an adult, you just ask the girl out. You don't have to stare at her in the corridors and- ask for pencils or something. You just- do it, you know?"
"Maybe Derek wants more than a long string of one-night stands. Maybe he wants a real relationship. Thought of that?"
He sighed. "Nah. Relationships are hard. One-night stands are easy, and fun."
"But not when only like five people in the whole of Seattle would be willing to date you." Derek pointed out. "You have endless women because all women love you."
"But this one you're interested in, do you think she's interested too?" Carolyn asked, telling the conversation was going to take a turn. Specifically, to an argument over why Derek had cut himself off from the land of dating, although that seemed to be over now.
"I think so. I hope so. There was a- well, it was a pretty huge misunderstanding."
"On her part or yours?"
"Oh- my fault. Completely my fault. But...but when she cleared it up, it just-"
"You're even more in love with her now?" Addison suggested when he trailed off.
He smiled. She hadn't even given her one since hint that she was mad that he'd completely mistaken her. She was nice and caring and forgiving, along with all the other attributes he'd noted over the last few weeks. "Yeah. I...it's just everything she does makes me love her more and- I don't know. If I tell her and she says no, then what?"
"So, how have you two been?"
"Good." Mark said with a smile. "Tough time of year with all the new idiot interns running about the place. When you get to like- March, they all know what they're doing but these first few months are terrible."
"Are they really all idiots though?"
Derek sighed internally. He knew where this was going.
"Not all of them. I think Bailey's group are a little- interesting, but they're good."
"How so?" Carolyn pushed after shooting a quick look at her son. He looked nervous, which was exactly what she wanted, because that meant this Meredith woman was part of Bailey's intern group.
"Well, two of them - George and Izzy - they're the nice ones. You know the ones with the sweet bedside manor."
"Right." Carolyn said. Did that mean Meredith didn't have a good bedside manor?
"Yang is a shark. She's so competitive that it's a little scary sometimes." Mark said. "And she's smart."
Addison nodded in agreement. "And Alex...Alex is good, but he's tough. Or pretends to be tough, at least."
"I know the type." Carolyn agreed. "So Bailey has four interns?"
"Five." Addison corrected.
"Who's the fifth?" She asked, staying completely innocent.
"Meredith Grey. Daughter of world-famous general surgeon Ellis Grey."
"She any good? Nice? Smart?" She pressed. To Derek, she was being so freaking obvious, but neither of the pair had any clue about them so, hopefully, didn't find it obvious.
"Yeah. She's nice, but doesn't get overly attached to the patients to an alarming point. She's not aggressive like a shark, but she's competitive and wants to win. And, yeah, she generally knows her stuff. Not sure she wants to follow in her mother's footsteps though, right Derek?"
"What?" He asked breathlessly as he felt his heart beat jump twenty BPM in two seconds flat.
"Meredith Grey. She likes neuro, doesn't she?" Addison repeated, this time a little more simply, as she realized she didn't quite explain why she was calling his name.
"Oh. Right. Yeah, she does like neuro. And, yeah, she does know her stuff."
Carolyn smiled. "Well it's always good to keep the generations going, so hopefully she'll stay with neuro. And hopefully you too will get your own proteges too. Now, who wants a slice of this cake?"