Chapter Eighteen - Return of the Biker Granny from Hell
Argus drove us out of the countryside and into western Long Island. After spending nearly two weeks at Half-Blood Hill, the real world seemed more like a fantasy than the magical Summer camp where the children of gods learned to fight with swords. I found myself staring at every McDonald's, every kid in the back of his parents' car, every billboard and shopping mall. It all seemed so... normal.
"So far so good," I said, grinning. "Ten miles and not a single monster."
Annabeth shot me an irritated look, "It's bad luck to talk that way."
"Sorry," I said, sighing. "I guess I'm just... Nervous isn't the right word."
"Anxious?" Andromeda supplied.
"Yeah," I nodded. "It doesn't help that I didn't sleep all that great. Even in the isolation of my bunk in Cabin Nine, my mind kept replaying my conversation with the Oracle."
Andromeda shuddered, "I definitely don't want to talk about her, thanks."
"I just can't help but worry about what happens if we fail," I said.
"You can't think like that," Annabeth said. "If you go into this expecting to fail, you affect your chances of success."
"I know, I know," I sighed. "But think about it. Do you really think Zeus will be satisfied with just killing two kids who had nothing to do with anything? He still wouldn't have his symbol..."
"There'd be a war," Annabeth whispered.
"Exactly."
Grover let out a whimper, "How about we listen to the radio? That sounds like fun."
In the front seat, Argus frowned. He didn't say anything, but one blue eye on the back of his neck stared at me. Traffic slowed us down in Queens. By the time we got into Manhattan it was already afternoon and starting to rain. Argus dropped us at the Greyhound Station on the Upper East Side and helped to unload our bags.
I heard a familiar voice speak up as I quickly ducked for cover from the weather inside; "Ah, there you are, Nipote."
Turning around, I saw Uncle Joe standing up from one of the hard plastic seats. He didn't make it one step before I crossed the distance and pulled myself against him into a hug. I hadn't truly realized how much I'd missed him until just this moment. I pulled away sooner that I'd have preferred, being conscious not to overheat him.
"And these must be your friends," he said. I turned to see Andromeda, Annabeth and Grover walking in, and waved them over.
"Hey guys," I said. "This is my uncle Joe. Uncle Joe, this is Andromeda, Annabeth and Grover."
"It is very nice to meet my niece's friends," he said, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he caught Andromeda's name. I silently prayed to Aphrodite that he wouldn't say anything to embarrass me. Thankfully, it seemed he had something else in mind.
"I figured you might be hungry," he said, turning around to pick up a plastic bag from the seat next to where he'd been sitting. "When I was your age, quest groups often had to pick up something in the city since breakfast wasn't being served yet. Guess that much hasn't changed in all this time."
I am glad to say that it wasn't just my own stomach that growled at the mention of food. Inside the bag were four takeout boxes with ricotta pancakes, cornetto, vegetarian frittatas for Grover, baked eggs and sausage for the rest of us, and custard filled zeppole for desert. My friends' eyes went wide when they saw the amount of food on offer. Meanwhile, Argus paid for and brought us our bus tickets.
"Take your time eating," uncle Joe said. "The next bus out isn't for another hour at least."
"Are you going to stay to see us off?" I asked.
"As much as I want to," he sighed. "You're already pressing your luck with taking a fourth member. It's best to limit these things where you can. Besides, I left Ari in charge in my absence."
"Say no more," I grinned.
"Good luck," he ruffled my hair. "I believe in you, Nipote."
"Thanks," I said.
After Uncle Joe left, we sat down and ate our breakfast in silence. The early morning start coupled with the enormity of what we were about to do served to kill any conversation before it started. Eventually, it was Andromeda who broke the silence first.
"Do you think Andros called mom and told her I was going on a quest?" She asked.
"Wait, you mean you didn't?" I gaped.
"I was more focused on the other parts of getting ready," she admitted, sheepishly. "It slipped my mind. You know I'd totally call her right now, but it looks like the payphone is busted."
Sure enough, there was only one payphone booth with a phone - and the cord on it was cut and left dangling. I turned to Annabeth; "Did you at least call your parent?"
She looked up at me, her grey eyes hard as flint, and said; "No."
Andromeda and Grover were studiously looking anywhere except at us.
Ah," I said. "Got it. Right."
And just like that, the silence returned. Finally, the time came for us to board the bus. I noticed Grover glancing around and sniffing the air.
"Don't tell me you're still hungry?" I said, teasing him.
"N-no," he stammered. "It's nothing. Just nerves, probably."
"You sure?" I asked.
"Yeah," Grover nodded. "I think I'm just smelling remnants of Percy's... of your stepdad. His apartment's not far from here."
I wrinkled my nose in disgust, "That man is no relation to me or Percy. But, I can totally see you being able to smell him from this distance."
"Are you guys coming?" Annabeth asked.
"Yeah," Grover said, boarding the bus.
I turned to Andromeda, and grinned as I made a sweeping gesture toward the bus; "Your chariot awaits."
"Tch," she scoffed with a grin, before shoving my face. I climbed on after her.
Andromeda sat next to Annabeth, so I took the seat next to Grover - pulling the enchanting book out before shoving my backpack under the seat. After ten minutes, I heard the bus doors close and felt Grover suddenly go tense beside me.
"What's...?"
He clamped his palm over my mouth, his eyes wide as he mouthed the word "There" and gestured toward the front of the bus. I pulled his hand away from my mouth and followed his gaze. When I saw what he'd spotted, my eyes widened and I suddenly felt like I'd been doused with ice water. Sitting at the front of the bus was Percy's demonic math teacher, and she had friends. Three old ladies in black leather jackets, looking for all the world like a set of octogenarian triplet biker grannies from hell.
"This is baaaad," Grover bleated. "This is really baaaad."
They glanced around in unison, their nostrils flaring as they inhaled deeply through their noses. The two on the aisle crossed their legs over the walkway, making an X. It was casual enough, but it sent a clear message: nobody leaves. The bus pulled out of the station, and we headed through the rain-slicked streets of Manhattan.
"All three of them," Grover whimpered."Di immortales!"
I reached around the seat and tapped Andromeda's shoulder to get her attention.
"Yeah, I see them," she whispered.
"It's okay," Annabeth said, obviously thinking hard. "The Furies. The three worst monsters from the Underworld. No problem. No problem. We'll just slip out the windows."
"They don't open," Grover moaned.
"A back exit?" Andromeda suggested.
There wasn't one. Even if there had been, it wouldn't have helped. By that time, we were on Ninth Avenue, heading for the Lincoln Tunnel.
"They won't attack us with witnesses around," I said. "Will they?"
"Mortals don't have good eyes," Annabeth reminded me. "Their brains can only process what they see through the Mist."
"They'll see three old ladies killing us, won't they?"
She thought about it. "Hard to say. But we can't count on mortals for help. Maybe an emergency exit in the roof ... ?"
We hit the Lincoln Tunnel, and the bus went dark except for the running lights down the aisle. It was eerily quiet without the sound of the rain. Mrs. Dodds got up. In a flat voice, as if she'd rehearsed it, she announced to the whole bus: "I need to use the rest-room."
"So do I," said the second sister.
"Me too," said the third sister.
They all started coming down the aisle.
"I've got it," Annabeth said. "Penny, take my hat."
"What?" I asked. "Look, I know I'm in Cabin Ten, and they'd probably crucify me for blasphemy or something, but this isn't the time for fashion tips."
"It's an invisibility hat," Annabeth said. "Put it on and you'll turn invisible. Since you're the one they want, you can sneak up the aisle and let them pass you. With this many mortals around us, your scent shouldn't be too strong. Maybe you can get to the front and get away."
"She's right," Grover said.
"I'm not leaving you," I said.
"And we're not giving you a choice," Andromeda said, grabbing Annabeth's cap and forcing it over my head. I braced myself for blindness, then blinked when I realized I could still see. Furrowing my brow, I lifted one hand and smacked myself in the face when I couldn't see it.
"Okay, this is cool," I said.
"Go!" They snapped.
I snuck forward maybe ten rows before ducking into an unoccupied seat. Two of the old ladies passed me, but the one that had been Percy's teacher paused and sniffed the air next to my hiding spot. It felt strange to be sitting in the open while trying to hide for my life, but apparently the cap worked and she moved on.
I waited another five seconds before clambering silently out of the seat toward the front of the bus. We were almost through the Lincoln Tunnel now. I was about to press the emergency stop button when I heard hideous wailing from the back row. The Biker Grannies had let their disguises drop, revealing their monstrous forms.
They surrounded Grover and Annabeth, transforming their handbags into flaming whips, and hissed: "Where is it? Where?"
The mortals on the bus were screaming and cowering in their seats. They definitely saw something, all right.
"She's not here!" Annabeth yelled. "She's gone!"
They cracked their whips. Annabeth and Andromeda drew their weapons. Grover grabbed a tin can from his snack bag and prepared to throw it.
The bus driver was distracted, trying to see what was going on in his rear view mirror. Struck by sudden inspiration, and still invisible, I grabbed the wheel from him and jerked it to the left. Everybody howled as they were thrown to the right, and I heard what I hoped was the sound of three old ladies smashing against the windows.
"Hey!" the driver yelled. "H-hey! Whoa!"
The bus slammed against the side of the tunnel, grinding metal, throwing sparks a mile behind us, as the driver wrestled with me for control of the wheel. We careened out of the Lincoln Tunnel and back into the rainstorm, people and monsters were tossed around the bus, even as we narrowly avoided plowing other vehicles off the road.
Somehow the driver found an exit. We shot off the highway, through half a dozen traffic lights, and ended up barreling down a rural New Jersey road. The kind where you can't believe there's so much nothing right across the river from New York. There were woods to our left, the Hudson River to our right, and the driver seemed to be veering toward the river.
Not the best course for me. I let go of the wheel and slammed the emergency brake. The breaks screamed like the damned, as the bus spun a full circle on the wet asphalt and crashed into the trees. The emergency lights came on and the door flew open. The bus driver was the first one out, followed by the other passengers yelling as they stampeded after him. I stepped into the driver's seat and let them pass.
Using the confusion, I abandoned stealth and ran toward the back of the bus where my friends were, pulling out my bronze hunter's knife. With a quick stab, I slid the celestial blade between the nearest Granny's fourth and fifth ribs. She exploded into dust as I twisted the blade and jerked the knife free. I ripped off the Yankee's ball cap as everyone stared at the pile of Grandma Dust.
"Penelope Jackson," the former Mrs. Dodds hissed. "You have offended the gods. Submit now, and you may not suffer eternal torment."
"Hard pass," I said, brandishing my knife.
"Penny, look out!"
The other demon Granny had taken advantage of the distraction to lash out and snare my wrist with her flaming whip. Her look of triumph faltered when, instead of screaming about burning pain or whatever, I instead pulled on the whip, wrapping it around my arm for greater leverage and yanked her toward me. Her eyes widened as I raised my blade to her throat and slashed, ending her in a heartbeat. Interestingly, her whip remained in my hands.
Meanwhile Andromeda, Annabeth and Grover had dog piled on Mrs. Dodds and were in the process of kicking, punching, pulling her hair and, in Grover's case, biting her.
Thunder shook the bus. The hairs rose on the back of my neck.
"Zeus will destroy you!" she howled. "Hades will have your souls!"
"Baciami il culo," I retorted.
"Get out!" Annabeth yelled. "Now!"
Nobody needed any more encouragement. Pulling my jacket over my head, we rushed outside and found the other passengers wandering around in a daze, arguing with the driver, or slumped on the ground with their knees pulled to their chests trying to catch their breath. A Hawaiian-shirted tourist with a camera snapped my photograph.
"Wait! Our bags!" Grover realized. "We left our-"
BOOOOOM!
The windows of the bus exploded as the passengers ran for cover. Lightning shredded a huge crater in the roof, but an angry wail from inside told me that Mrs. Dodds was still not dead yet.
"Run!" Andromeda said. "She's calling for reinforcements! We have to get out of here!"
We plunged into the woods as the rain poured down, the bus in flames behind us, and nothing but darkness ahead.