Chapter 3

Quinn leaves Rachel's house to spend lunchtime with her mom and get ready to see the rest of the Glee Club at Breadstix. Judy doesn't bother asking Quinn where she goes at night. Quinn figures she has put two and two together based on the fact that when she does stay home at night, Rachel is with her.

Quinn digs through her closet and sighs. Meeting up with her old friends always fills her with a mixture of dread and excitement. She loves them, they're her chosen family at this point, but they also come attached to a lot of bad memories for Quinn. She knows it's not their fault, so she does her best to push past the dread.

They'll have dinner together where everyone takes turns updating the others on their life, and then go back to one of their homes to get drunk and fall back into old high school patterns for a couple hours. These patterns are less dramatic than they used to be; no longer operating on several love triangles at a time, but still the same balance of animosity and affection they have perfected over the years.

Quinn shoves past all the church dresses she has hanging in her closet still, and grabs a couple options for the evening. She struggles to know who she is as a person, but she feels as if she has at least figured out her physical style. She is comfortable now embracing a little bit of her punk side in combination with her new struggling college student style.

She settles on her infamous potato shoes that she knows Santana will once again have something to day about, black jeans, her coziest Yale hoodie with an oversized flannel on top. She runs her fingers through her chopped, shoulder length hair in the mirror. Quinn hardly recognizes her high school self, and the freedom she feels with this fact warms her skin.

…

Quinn parks her truck at the same time she sees the Berry men drop Rachel off. She waves at them as they drive off, and meets Rachel at the entrance. Rachel is wearing black leggings, black ankle boots with festive fuzzy socks overlapping the end of her leggings, and a dark green oversized sweater that brings out her brown eyes and tan skin. Quinn can't pull her eyes away.

"They were on their way to dinner too, so they said they could just drop me off at the same time." Rachel answers Quinn's unasked question about why she didn't drive herself. "I'll have to catch a ride with someone to Santana's afterwards."

"You can ride with me." Quinn offers before she can change her mind. Rachel responds with a bright smile. Quinn opens the door for Rachel and lets her walk in first. She knows how this is going to look to the other club members; they're going to assume they rode together. Quinn fights to not revert to her old self and turn defensive at this idea.

They're greeted with cheers from the round booth in the back. Quinn puts on a smile and rolls her eyes at the attention they're drawing from the whole restaurant. Rachel slides in on one side of the booth, Quinn bringing up the other end, leaving them sitting across from each other.

"Kurt wanted me to let you all know that he misses you, that you all look good but not as good as he looks in New York with all the access to the best fashion in the nation." Rachel shares, rolling her eyes at the message her best friend sent her with.

"Please, I could shop at the Goodwill in Lima, Ohio and still pull it off better than whatever Kurt could come up with in Liberace's closet." Santana replies quickly, missing the malice she would've had in high school.

From there, the conversation is off. There are no breaks of silence, even when the food arrives. Santana makes vulgar moans and groans as she enjoys her favorite Italian food. It is obscene but everyone is used to it by now. Brittany tries once again to get her meal free, along with extras by complaining about the quality (even though her plate is almost licked clean). The waitress is well aware of her strategies by now; Quinn is sure they probably train every new employee on how to deal with Brittany S. Pierce at this point.

Everything is going well until Santana opens her mouth and asks, "Quinn, whatever happened with the girl you couldn't stop locking lips with in that uptight college bar we went to the last time I visited?" Mercedes chokes on a spaghetti noodle she was in the middle of swallowing, Puck grins with a faraway look in his eyes, Artie abruptly drops his silverware, and Tina dives to the floor to retrieve them with a squeak.

Quinn's face reddens and her eyes immediately find Rachel's, who is frozen, her face giving nothing away, always the actress. "I was drunk Santana, you know nothing happened. You were there." Quinn says tightly.

"Don't worry Quinn, San is just jealous because I wasn't there to lock lips with her and she felt left out." Brittany supplies, trying to be helpful. "Next time I visit, you can find a girl and I'll keep Santana busy!" Brittany and Santana grin at each other, in their own world already.

"Thanks, Brittany, but that won't be necessary." Quinn says through her teeth, reaching to take a drink of water to hopefully cool her face off. Rachel still hasn't reacted.

Sam takes the conversation over, talking about all the girls he is kissing with his ginormous lips, getting the attention off Quinn.

"Excuse me, I need to go to the restroom." Rachel says quietly, lifting her napkin off her lap and putting it on the table. She slides out and leaves the table without another glance. Quinn waits a beat or two and follows after her.

When Quinn walks in, she sees Rachel standing at the sink, staring into the mirror and mechanically washing her hands. "Are you ok?" Quinn hedges.

"I'm fine, Quinn. You should go back out there." Rachel says. Quinn knows she has done something wrong, she just isn't sure what. She walks further in the bathroom and leans her hip against the sink beside Rachel, waiting.

Rachel scoffs and goes to the towel dispenser. Quinn follows her with her eyes. "Actually, I am confused." Rachel starts. Quinn's stomach drops. "You bought us train tickets so we can continue the friendship we started right before graduation, and you have yet to use them! It seems everyone but me has visited you. It's been two years. You haven't asked me to come see you, and you haven't once tried to visit me."

Quinn lets relief wash over her. Rachel isn't focusing on the whole kissing a girl part of Santana's oversharing. She refocuses her thinking to what Rachel is actually upset about. "I just- you haven't asked either. The tickets go both ways, Rachel."

This must be the wrong thing to say. "You know that's not true. You have all the power here, Quinn. I'm well aware people can only handle me in small doses, especially you if our past is anything to go off of." Rachel huffs, her fists tightened at her side. Quinn knows she is seconds away from stomping her foot.

Quinn crosses her arms. She feels defensive at her past actions being thrown in her face. "This isn't high school anymore! You can do whatever the hell you want. Don't pretend this is all on me. Why would you want your high school bully to come to New York and taint your new, perfect life?"

Rachel's shoulders drop, the fight leaving her. "Quinn, you're not my bully. Like you said, this isn't high school. You're more to me than the fights we had in the past."

Quinn nods. "I never meant to purposely leave you out. When people visit, they do it on their own. I'm not exactly asking them to come. I've tried really hard to separate my life in New Haven from my life here."

"I want to be more to you than someone you went to high school with." Rachel shakes her head and starts to leave the bathroom.

Quinn doesn't have a response. She wants to move on from this conversation. She doesn't have the answers Rachel wants. "Are you still riding with me to Santana's?"

Rachel pauses in the open door and nods without looking back at Quinn. She goes back to the table, leaving Quinn behind. Quinn throws some cold water on her face and tries to gather herself. Why did she think Rachel would be upset about her kissing a girl?

…

They drive to Santana's in stilted silence. Quinn isn't good with emotions, especially Rachel's. She also doesn't know how to handle a quiet Rachel. Rachel having nothing to say is terrifying to Quinn. She realizes now that Rachel has become one of the most important people in her life, even if she only sees her in these stolen moments in their hometown.

They separate as soon as they're inside Santana's home. Rachel parts to hang out with Mercedes and Tina, Quinn breaks off to drink with Santana and Brittany. Puck stalks over to Rachel, handing her a cup filled with whatever liquor he used his fake ID to buy. Quinn watches them interact while Brittany and Santana continue to enjoy their reunion beside her.

"What's up with you and Berry?" Santana pulls her attention away. "You guys carpooling everywhere now? I know she's short, but last time I checked she can still reach the pedals of her own car."

"We aren't carpooling everywhere. Her dads dropped her off at the same time I got to Breadstix. It just kind of happened." Quinn shrugs. "Whatever." She adds.

"And then the whole scene of her storming off after finding out you got your mack on with another lady lover?"

"Fuck off, Santana. She didn't storm off because of that." Quinn's grip tightens around her cup. She downs the rest and turns to make herself another drink. "I don't know why you're trying to make something of nothing."

"I'm just saying, the short stack is pouting around now the same way she would back in the day when she found out you were kissing Finn again. Or, I'm sorry, saving his life from a demented gumball." Santana smirks to herself, probably remembering her high school revenge plots.

"She is not pouting because I kissed a girl, Santana." Quinn needs a cigarette. She needs several shots. "It's no one's business, by the way, who I kiss. And who are you of all people to spread the news of me kissing another woman? You were the biggest closet case I've ever seen."

"I liked her closet." Brittany interjects airly.

"Is that what this is? Quinn, are you in the closet?" Santana leans in, thinking she caught Quinn up in a secret.

"What- no, this isn't that either. I was drunk. Girls kiss each other all the time, it didn't mean anything." Quinn's hoodie is becoming too tight around her neck.

"And the fact that the girl was short…brunette…and was staring at you like the sun shined out of your ass was just what? A coincidence?" Santana won't give it up.

"Santana, you better get out of my space before I ruin this entire reunion for everyone." Quinn threatens. Santana knows Quinn means it.

"Suit yourself." She says, grabbing Brittany's hand and joining everyone else in the living room.

Quinn grabs a glass bottle of vodka and heads outside to Santana's back deck. She turns on the outdoor heating system on her way and plops down on the cushioned patio couch.

Rachel finds her like that over an hour and several shots later. Quinn can tell immediately that Rachel had several drinks of her own. She sits down beside Quinn, misjudging the distance and sitting closer than their normal distance they keep between each other.

"You've missed the entire party." Rachel states. Quinn shrugs and pulls out another cigarette. She knows she is chain smoking at this point, and she will regret it in the morning. "Did Santana say something?" Rachel asks.

"Nothing she hasn't said before." Quinn says.

They sit in silence for several minutes. Rachel starts swaying and humming to the music that is flowing through the house and through the walls. Quinn wonders again just how much she's had to drink.

Rachel starts giggling when Firework starts playing. Quinn glances at her. "You know, it's funny." Rachel starts.

"What is?" Quinn asks.

"All those ballads I'd sing in Glee Club to whatever boyfriend I was pining after at the time were more about you than them." Rachel says, giggling again.

Quinn's heart rate speeds up. "What do you mean?"

Rachel leans her shoulder against her and sighs. "It's like- and I didn't realize I did it until just now- but I'd always have you in the back of my mind when choosing what song to sing, how to perform it, if you'd like it, if you'd approve, if you'd enjoy it and then try to hide the fact that you're enjoying it." She grins, thinking back to those particular responses from Quinn. "Or, what song I could sing to purposely get under your skin." She sighs again, shaking her head at her immaturity. "Isn't that funny? I was singing it for a boyfriend, while thinking about you."

Quinn can't wrap her drunk mind around how she should be taking this confession. She feels off balance, she has since seeing Rachel in the parking lot of Breadstix. She knows her and Rachel have always had a weird dynamic, anyone who was around them could see that. Sometimes, it felt like Rachel was the only one who actually saw and understood her. She felt like she was the only one who understood Rachel. But, then there are times like now, where Quinn doesn't understand a damn thing.

"Sometimes, being around everyone again is so overwhelming because it reminds me how sure I was of myself and where I was heading two years ago. I felt like I knew everything. It turns out I know nothing at all." Quinn sighs and takes the last drag of her cigarette. "I can fit everyone in my life in a box with a clear label of where they belong and what they do for me. Now, I don't even know what box to put you in. I don't know where we belong or how we fit." Quinn admits.

Rachel lifts her head from where it had drifted to rest on Quinn's shoulder and looks up at her. "Maybe I'm not a box you're ready to unpack yet. Or, maybe…" She pauses. "Maybe I'm not supposed to be neatly tucked away in a box at all in your life. I'm right here, with you."

Quinn looks down at Rachel, taking in her dark eyes and brown hair that always seems to frame her face perfectly, "Yeah. You're right."

Rachel grins and puts her head back on Quinn's shoulder, "Of course I am."

…