We entered the spacious room at the top of the tower. It comfortably housed an alchemist's nook, an enchanter's table, and a small library with several ruined books crammed into the shelves. The most prominent feature in the study was a group of circular stone rings in the center of the room descending only a foot or two into the stone floor. It was a much smaller version of the amphitheater-like structure where Serana had been sealed away.

That would be it then, I decided, grateful to see that there was no stabbing pedestal in sight.

Serana grinned triumphantly, her thoughts running along the same road as mine; "Look at this place. This has to be it! I know she was deep into necromancy. I mean, she taught me everything I know. But I had no idea she had a setup like this."

We took a quick tour and when we stood in front of the alchemist's nook, she continued, "Look at all this. She must have spent years collecting these components." She came back to circle the depression, "And then there's this thing. I'm not sure what this circle is, exactly, but it's obviously... something. Not exactly like the place where I was sealed, since there's no sign of a coffin like mine..." Her voice drifted off and she looked around again, searching the room for clues.

Eventually, she climbed a short flight of stairs with no sign of fatigue from the stairs we had climbed to get here. She stood on a balcony, looking down over the depression in the floor. "There's a silver chalice up here; probably where the alchemical ingredients are mixed. Look around, would you? There should be notes somewhere."

We did some more digging, and after some sorting in the book nook, I came up with a few books that were still legible. I ran my finger delicately along the spines; a trilogy called Feyfolken, Herbane's Bestiary: Ice Wraiths, some obscure title called Opusculus Lamae Bal, and… The Lusty Argonian Maid, Volume 2.

Serana looked up curiously when I burst out laughing. It was, for lack of a better term, the closest thing Skyrim had to erotic writing. I had already perused the series long ago. The books were chock full of ridiculously transparent euphemisms; from "polishing the master's spear" to using the main character's hands to make his 'loaf' rise before putting it in her 'oven.' The series was... bad. Hilariously bad. So bad, in fact, that I was tempted to import a few choice novels from the Taneth Library in Hammerfell, just to show these Nords what a true writer could do with words. I suspected that quite a few noble heads would outright explode if they got their hands on real erotic novels. Apparently, I had found a little guilty pleasure of Valerica's.

Pushing the book aside while shaking my head, I soon uncovered a promising-looking leather-bound journal. The leather was stiff, and it crackled dangerously in my hands. With utmost care, I finally got it open without reducing it to dust.

"Good job, Lasirah!" Serana exclaimed happily when I called her over; "This is my mother's handwriting. She always was meticulous about her research and about taking notes. I'll bet we can find what we're looking for here."

.

27th Last Seed

Harkon's shortsightedness is becoming a serious problem. I've warned him time and time again that his foolish prophecy would cast far too much light on our people, and yet he refuses to listen to a word I say.

No one else would be willing to talk to him about it. His stupid sycophantic bootlickers would give him high praise if he released a sizeable fart, and he would lap it up the way he laps up all their flattery. Thank whatever Divines that will listen that he no longer has such bodily functions; I would crash the entire roof of the castle on his head if he did.

As it is, I've become less of a wife and more of an annoyance in his eyes. He barely even acknowledges his own daughter's existence save for some nebulous 'use' he plans for her in the future. I fear what that 'use' will be. Devoting attention to my work is the only solace I can find while enduring his ridiculous crusade.

28th Last Seed

I've had a breakthrough today. I was able to attune the portal vessel to the Soul Cairn properly by using a small sample of ingredients.

Although the portal opened only for a few seconds, I'm confident that with the proper formula, it can be sustained indefinitely. I feel like I'm missing a key ingredient, something of sufficient potency that can resist the forces trying to prevent my intrusion.

Communing with the Ideal Masters has proved worthless. They speak in riddles and offer no assistance whether I ensure them a steady supply of souls or not.

If I'm to escape Harkon's clutches, I need to keep the portal open long enough to carry me away from here... forever if need be.

3rd Hearthfire

I've done it! After wasting thousands of gold coins on components, I've discovered how to sustain the portal. I'm listing the components below, and as a precaution, I am combining my own blood into the formula which should prevent anyone from being able to duplicate it and following me into the Soul Cairn.

Using the proper measurements, I must place the ingredients in the silver-lined portal vessel and add my blood as a reactive agent.

I will make my way into the Soul Cairn after I gather my things and prepare for a potentially lengthy exile. More importantly, I must enact my plans with Serana, and get her to Dimhollow Crypt as soon as possible.

.

"Soul Cairn?" I asked softly. I had a lot of questions, but this was the biggest.

Serana's expression turned thoughtful, and more than a little concerned. "The Soul Cairn is a plane of Oblivion devoid of living creatures — the only beings that exist there are souls, the undead, and the rulers of the realm. It's… well… it's a realm that's tied very closely with enchanting and necromancy." Serana leaned against the table thoughtfully, "Do you know how enchanting works?"

I nodded, dredging up my conversation with Falion some time ago. "You use souls, usually the souls of animals, to power an enchantment upon your armor or weapons."

Serana fidgeted, beginning to get that deer-hunted-by-a-sabre cat look again, "Right. Yes. Well… it's… it's possible to use human souls in enchanting too."

At my grimace and nod, she continued, "I only know what my mother told me. She had a theory about soul gems. That the souls inside of them don't just vanish when they're used... they end up in the Soul Cairn. The Soul Cairn is a tiny sliver of Oblivion, the realm of the Daedra. It's ruled by beings known as the Ideal Masters."

I gulped, feeling a cold sensation begin to creep over me; a chill that had nothing to do with this tower. "What exactly are the Ideal Masters?"

"Nobody really knows. As far as I've heard, no one's seen them and lived to tell about it. But I've read stories," Serana's expression turned a little disdainful, "Stories about fools that managed to... communicate with them. You give the Ideal Masters souls, they give you powers to summon the undead. It's all very business-like."

"According to your mother's journal, she sent a lot of souls to these Ideal Masters, trying to travel to the Soul Cairn herself." The cold chill was positively icy now. She had done more than just kill those thralls… she sacrificed their souls as well; destroying any hope of an afterlife for those poor people. I curled my lip, "Some Daedric Princes are pretty business-like too." I shuddered. Hermaeus Mora liked servitude in return for knowledge, and Septimus had shown the fate of that bargain. Clavicus Vile; Daedric Prince of Trickery, Bargains, and Insidious Wishes had rather businesslike tendencies as well, with a twisted sense of humor. "Things don't always end so well when dealing with them."

"Very astute. Same with the Ideal Masters; most of the stories end with the necromancers being duped, and end up either dead or wishing they were dead." Serana glowered into the distance, "Apparently, Mother decided to take the risk."

"I'd guess your mother succeeded in getting into their realm," I said after a moment. "There are no footprints in the dust here, and that depression looks similar enough to the place where you were held to be related, one way or another."

"Good guess. That circle in the center of the room is definitely some type of portal."

Silence stretched between us. Then, quietly, I said, "A plane of Oblivion where beings who devour souls reign supreme, and where unfortunate people end up after having their souls used to enchant objects. And your mother is hiding there." I took a long, deep breath and let it out. "Okay. So, what are the ingredients we need to get in?"

Serana looked at me sharply, "You… you're still..."

"I don't want to, if that's what you're trying to ask." I grimaced, "Honestly, I think it is the crowned High King of All Bad Ideas. But it's also painfully obvious that we don't have much in the way of a choice. So... ingredients?"

Serana bit her lip and ran her finger down the list, "A handful of soul gem shards, finely-ground bone meal, purified void salts... Oh... damn it…"

"What's wrong?"

"We're also going to need a sample of her blood." She exhaled wearily, "Which... if we could get that, we wouldn't even be trying to do this in the first place."

"Yeah, I saw that part. But you, uh, share her blood, don't you? Blood relative, same vampire strain, same magical powers?" I hated saying it. Enough blood had been spilled already, and now Serana would have to bleed.

Serana, however, didn't seem as concerned by the prospect. In fact, she looked more thoughtful, "Hmmm. Not bad. We'd better hope that's good enough. Mistakes with these kinds of portals can be... gruesome." I blanched but she gave me a small, brave smile and continued, "Let's do our best to think positive, shall we? Let's get started. Mother would have plenty of those materials in her laboratory; you just need to find them."

Gathering the supplies took some more hunting. Valerica had stocked up well, and there were a lot of ingredients that we had to go through. I was crap at alchemy, and anything with a label had long since faded over the last four thousand years. Most bottles, bowls, and marked ingredients were completely illegible. I found frost salts, fire salts, regular salt, vampire dust -Okay ew, do I really want to know why she has vampire remains in her lab?- and at least two other bowls of regular void salts before finding the stuff that was purified. It also took fifteen minutes of sorting through several small bowls of regular ground bone meal before finding the stuff that had been finely ground.

Once we got the ingredients, I followed Serana up to the balcony overlooking the depression in the floor. I plopped the ingredients into the silver chalice according to the directions.

"All right, the rest is up to me. Are you ready to go? I'm not entirely sure what this thing is going to do when I add my blood." Serana turned to look at me, waiting for me to take the lead; to make the decision.

I hesitated, my uncharitable thoughts toward her mother lurking in the back of my mind. "Can I ask you something first?"

She gave me a tiny smile, "Of course. What is it?"

"What will you do if we find your mother?" It was a hard question to ask, because I knew it was going to force her to face a touchy subject. But we were about to go into a very nasty place, and I wanted her to be focused.

Serana's face fell, "I've been asking myself the same thing since we came back to the castle. She always seemed happy, before… well... before my family became vampires. Then it all changed. She became a different person. They both did. Things… spiraled out of control. And then... she was practically smirking as we left for Dimhollow. Almost like she was proud of herself. Like she didn't want to just stop my father... she wanted to stick it to him, too. I realize now that she had become… bitter. Spiteful too: like him, in her own way. I… I don't know how I'm going to feel, or what will happen. I guess it depends on her." She looked up at me then, pulling herself out of memories of all the past omens of her mother's descent into darkness that she had missed until now. "Why do you ask?"

"Because you've gotten a pretty jarring view of a side of your mother you never knew about. It has to be scary, you know?" I leaned against the balcony, gazing down at the still-unopened portal. "You loved her. You probably still do, even after seeing what happened to the human thralls who helped her. Knowing what she did to them… to their lives, and then... to their deaths." I turned to look back at her, meeting her eyes. "But, she's still your mother; the woman who held you as a child. It's probably terrifying to realize that toward the end, she may not have loved you in return. And now, with that not-so-pretty moon crest in place, you're going to see her again. It's been a long time… and your mother could have changed as much as your father has. And you're still coming to grips with that, while she has had all those millennia to steep in that darkness."

Serana's voice trembled and she looked away, "Yes... yes, you're right. That's exactly it." She sniffled, and I reached out to gently squeeze her shoulder. "Kind of stupid, huh? All the problems in the world, and I'm complaining about my family."

I jerked a little at the words. "Wait, what? Serana, you're not stupid. You're reacting to being hurt, and to finding out something hurtful. It's always painful, especially if it comes from someone you are supposed to be able to confide in." I held up two fingers, ticking them off as I mentioned them; "You had your father, and you had your mother. It only makes sense to want to turn to your mother for support after your father betrayed you both. And for Divine's sake, this isn't a competition. It's not like only one person in the world ever gets the right to be upset over their problems because they somehow have it the worst. Your feelings of fear, hurt, and rejection are valid."

"Thank you…. Thank you for caring about how I feel about her. And for…." she sniffed again and gave me a wobbly smile. "I know it's probably insulting of me to say this but… well, you show a lot of compassion for a vampire's feelings."

"No," I corrected, "I'm showing compassion for a person's feelings."

My companion took a deep breath and let it out, turning to meet my eyes seriously, "What about you? What are you going to do when we meet her?"

I winced, but Serana had been straight with me; I owed it to her to return the favor; "I'm not sure myself. You know who I am. You know what I am. You know what I have sworn, not to one higher power, but two. Your mother has done terrible things to people. Things that by all rights, put her very deservedly at the pointy end of Dawnbreaker when all is said and done. But..." I chewed on my upper lip and said slowly, "at the same time, the people she destroyed… nothing will bring them back. And they've been dead and gone for a very, very long time. It's likely that their souls are long since gone, with nothing left to avenge or bring justice to. Add to that… well… we don't know what she's been through since, and whether she still holds such cruel views."

I leaned back against the balcony, rubbing the back of my neck with a bone-deep weariness that washed through me very suddenly. "I guess that also depends entirely on her. If there is something to save… if she can redeem herself somehow… well, I'll take it up with my patrons." I looked at her unhappily, "I want to warn you though; if they give me a direct order, I cannot defy them. And if she really has gone the same path of moral degradation that your father has... her death will have been a long time coming. While I might regret having to kill her due to the pain it will cause you, it will be the right thing to do. You understand that, right?"

I was grateful for one thing; both Meridia and Stendarr had trusted my judgment for years. For a decade and a half, they had never commanded me in anything and had not interfered in contrast to my decision-making. That being said, I remembered all too well how long the two had bickered over their plans for me. I had no desire to get them started up again over my current moral quandary.

Serana's mouth tightened, but she nodded slowly, "You've shown me compassion, loyalty, and kindness; things I never thought I could expect from a... well… a vampire hunter. All I can ask is that you show the same for my mother, and let her show us which is the best course of action."

"That, at least, I can promise you," I agreed, pushing aside my darker thoughts.

"Then let's just take this one step at a time, and see how things line up for us."

I nodded with relief. Slaying vampires had never been this complicated before; usually, by the time I got involved, there was no question about putting them down. To be fair though, I had never met vampires like Serana's family before either.

"Are we ready then?"

I accepted her determined question with a nod, "Let's get that portal open."

"All right. Here goes." Serana sank her fangs into the soft part of her forearm and allowed her blood to drip into the mixture. I winced at the wound but she pressed it with the cloth I handed her. "It will heal quickly," she reminded me.

She gave the mixture in the chalice a stir, and then the room shook. Hard.

I couldn't help the yelp that burst out of me as I staggered on the pitching floor of the tower. Serana seized my arm to help steady me as the room began to flare with the same purple light that had appeared in Dimhollow.

"By the blood of my ancestors…" Serana whispered, as we each gripped the other for support.

The circular stone rings in the center of the room abruptly began to move, the purple light blazing so brightly that it was almost white. Soon the stone rings gathered on one side of the hole, and came together. I peered over the edge of the balcony, and warily eyed the newly formed stone staircase. It stretched from where we stood, down into the portal, and then extended far down past my ability to see. It wasn't anchored by anything more substantial than air.

"She actually did it... she created a portal to the Soul Cairn. Incredible," Serana's tone was admiring, but I just focused on swallowing a few times to settle my stomach.

I wasn't prone to motion sickness when in a horse-drawn carriage, but a tower stretching high into the air was definitely not supposed to experience that kind of motion too often. My thoughts cast to the long fall we had if the tower hadn't been so well built, assuming the crumbling stone walls didn't get us first. I sent a quick prayer to Stendarr that Harkon hadn't felt that violent tremor all the way in the main part of the castle.

Shuddering, I slowly let go of Serana once I was sure my legs would hold me. Cautiously, I tested the stone staircase that now stretched up to the balcony from the portal. Finding it stable, I began my descent. All seemed well, right up until I reached the portal's entrance.

Pain ripped through my body as the light exploded into purple flames. Serana shouted something, probably my name. I felt as though a vampire was draining me of my life force through my legs, while also casting a flame spell. The painful burning, draining sensation was nearly blinding. I wrenched myself backward, staggering back up a step or two before a hand gripped my upper arm and hauled me clear of the portal's searing grip.

I found myself back on the balcony, Serana cradling me in her arms. Dark purple smoke slowly dissipated from my trousers and boots. Though the cloth remained intact, the lower half of my body felt scorched. My legs throbbed and burned, and I sucked air into my lungs in pained gulps, fighting back whimpers as my body shook from the shock of it.

Serana rummaged through my pack until she found a healing potion, ripped the cork out, and pressed it to my lips. I drank gratefully and within minutes, the pain ebbed. I sagged against her, taking slower, deeper breaths as I felt the gentle, tingling rush of healing pour through me.

"Are you alright?" Serana's voice was soft and concerned in my ear.

"I am now. Thank you. What happened?"

"I'm so sorry... I should have expected that..." Serana bowed her head, "The lore is really scattered, and I failed to put the pieces together properly. The Soul Cairn is... well, hungry, for lack of a better word. It's a place for souls, not the living. I think it was trying to take your life essence as payment for crossing through."

I gritted my teeth, then sighed, "So there's no way in, then."

"There might be a few, but I don't think you're going to like them." Serana met my gaze solemnly, "Vampires aren't counted among the living. I could probably go through there without a problem."

I shook my head mutely. No way. Not a chance in Oblivion. "There has to be another way," I said out loud.

"Maybe..." she looked thoughtful, "Maybe we could just 'pay the toll' another way. It wants a soul, so we give it a soul. Yours."

Excuse me? "Uh, wouldn't that kill me, and trap me inside permanently?" I asked, not quite able to conceal my horror at the thought.

"My mother taught me a trick or two. I could partially soul-trap you, and offer that gem to the Ideal Masters. It might be enough to satisfy them. It's… It's also one of the steps Minorne used, only we'll be putting a piece of your soul in a gem, rather than binding it." Her expression was hopeful, but then she looked at me seriously, "It would make you weaker when we travel through the Soul Cairn, but we might be able to fix that once we are inside... Might," she repeated uncomfortably with a grimace.

"Might." I slowly sat up from where I had still been laying half against her, and buried my face in my hands. "Those are my only options?"

"I wish I knew a better way, something that would be easier for you." Serana apologized, "Just know that... whatever path you choose, I won't think any less of you. Sometimes things just have to be done. I know that better than anybody."

I was silent for a long moment, then I slowly took a deep breath, "Soul trap me. I won't feel right as a vampire."

"Are you sure?" Serana's expression was deeply concerned, "I'm willing to do it, but you need to think it through. You'll remain mortal, but you'll find yourself weakened within the Soul Cairn."

My mouth felt dry. A discreet thrust of a dagger, and I would be dead. Worse, my soul would be sent to a nightmare landscape where I could be consumed at a moment's notice.

But Serana was right; this had to be done.

I took a shaky breath; "I'm sure."

Serana's expression gentled. "I know this is difficult for you. I hope you trust me. I'd never deliberately do anything that would hurt you."

I felt some of my tension ease. I could hear the sincerity in her voice, and knew that I had managed to do something nearly impossible; I had gained her trust, and affection. I met her gaze warmly, "I trust you."

Emotion swelled in her glowing amber eyes, "Thank you. I promise to try and make this as painless as possible."

She pulled a soul gem off of a shelf; a gem that looked different from any other soul gem I had ever seen. Whereas most were a blue-white or pale purple, this gem was... well, it was more a deep purple than black, but I had no doubts that this gem was capable of handling a piece of my soul.

Serana clutched it in one hand and took a deep breath, "Hold still."

Purple light flared in both of her hands, flaring especially bright around the soul gem. I had just enough time to take another breath as her hands moved in a complicated pattern, and then the spell engulfed me.

It felt as though something incredibly sharp lanced through me: so sharp that it didn't even hurt. But I did gasp at the sense of loss as something that was intimately me, drained out of my body. Light swirled out of me, and was absorbed into the black soul gem. I sagged, panting, my vision going gray for a moment.

I came back to the feel of Serana's arms supporting me. "Lasirah?"

"Ugh. For the record, being partially Soul Trapped is a nasty experience." I groaned, blinking several times along with several deep breaths. Color returned to the world after a moment, "But yeah, I think I'll be okay. Fair warning: I may be stuck on bow duty for our trip. And you may be stuck doing the bulk of the heavy fighting, if it comes to that."

"I'll do my best to protect you," the words were very soft in my ear.

I squeezed her hand lightly to show that I had heard, and was grateful. I was rewarded with a shy smile. I needed a few more minutes before I could get to my feet properly. Even then I was swaying badly enough that Serana took my arm and led me to a stone bench to sit. It was odd; I wasn't hurt… not physically anyway. But I was definitely drained. I felt like I usually did after a long, hard vampire hunt. Exhaustion; physical, mental, and spiritual. I needed sleep. I needed comfort food. I needed time to recuperate.

But I knew that it wouldn't help. I couldn't recover fully… not until my soul came back.

Carefully, I approached the portal. There was a tingling sensation, and then we passed through the portal, and into the realm beyond.