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Learning from the Master

The boys head upstairs to have a quick talk with Sam. When they get to the living room, they see him and Emma having a small chat.

"This couch was hand stitched by blind Andalusian monks." said Emma as she looks at Sam B while standing in front of a couch. "My dog slept on it before Robert shot him. I'm sure you'll be very comfortable."

"Damn, girl..." said Sam as he senses some hostility in Emma's voice. The boys walk up to Sam to discuss future plans with him.

"Hey, dude." said Kyle. "I think we should let the authorities know that our friend Kenny here is immune to this zombie virus thing and that they should come get him."

"Sure, if you want the little guy to get dissected." said Sam.

"Dissected?!" replied Kenny.

"What do you mean?" asked Stan.

"A long time ago on an island called Banoi, this same virus made things all crazy over there like it's doing here now." said Sam.

"Really?" asked Stan.

"Yeah. Me and three others learned that we were immune to the virus." explained Sam. "When we got off the island and met up with the military on an aircraft carrier, they locked us up and one of their crew members who was also immune."

"Whoa." said Stan.

"Yeah." said Sam. "Good thing a huge storm hit the ship, allowing the five of us to escape. During the storm, the ship crashed into some large rocks and we all fell overboard. We soon woke up and found ourselves washed up on another island called Palania where more zombie shit was going on."

"Damn, dude." said Kyle.

"We all managed to get off that island and make our way back to civilization." said Sam.

"Wow." said Stan.

"But would they really dissect our friend?" asked Kyle.

"I don't know, but why take the chance that they won't?" asked Sam.

"But they could be our way out of Hell-A, and we're still gonna try to contact them no matter what." said Stan.

"How?" asked Sam. "You'd be risking your lives if you all go out there."

"We've had our lives in danger on lots of occasions, so we're not that afraid." said Kyle.

"Yeah, if some zombie tries to eat me, I'll kick him in the nuts." said Cartman.

"Cartman, you dumbass; you have to get a zombie in the head to kill it!" said Kyle.

"Whatever, dude." said Cartman. Sam sees that the boys weren't going to change their minds.

"Well, I should at least teach you kids a thing or two in case you really are going to try something crazy." said Sam B. "One of you take that machete on the workbench." The boys look at the table Sam was on and see a machete sitting on it.

"Dibs." said Stan as he grabs the machete off the table.

"Now to teach you how to give your weapon a little extra kick to it." said Sam. He has Stan gather some assorted objects that he normally wouldn't have thought much of before. Once Stan got what he was asked to get, Sam teaches him how to combine it all with his machete to give it an electrical edge.

"So." said Stan as he works on his machete. "You really came to a zombie-infested hell for Emma?"

"Should never have left her." said Sam. "It was just...I was young." A minute later, Stan finished upgrading his machete. He marvelled at it as it gave off some sparks of electricity.

"Kick ass." said Stan.

"Yeah." said Sam. "You hit a zombie with that? The mother&(&! # gonna stay hit."

"Sweet. Thanks, dude." said Stan.

"And just so you know, you need to do maintenance on your weapons, otherwise they'll break and never be used again." said Sam.

"We'll try to remember that." said Kenny. As Kyle looks at Stan's machete, he looks at the steel pipe he was using as a weapon and saw a large crack in the middle of it.

"I don't think this pipe is going to last long." said Kyle. "I need to find a better weapon."

"You need a weapon, young man?" Kyle heard someone ask. He looks to see a Hispanic man standing near a bar counter.

"Yeah, dude." said Kyle, walking up to the man.

"I have some weapons I'm selling." replied the man.

"I hope I have enough money for one." said Kyle, looking through his pockets.

"Tell you what, kid." said the man. He reaches under the bar counter and pulls out a black baseball bat with a red rubber grip, the word BANOI with 2006 below it written in white, a white image of an island with two palm trees on it and an orange sun setting behind it on it. (Memories of Banoi Baseball Bat) "You can have this for free."

"Wow, cool." said Kyle. He sets the pipe on the counter and takes the bat.

"If you and your friends are going out there, I have something that can help you." said the man. He pulls what appeared to be a glass cylinder with meat in it. "Take this meat as bait. It's just meat, but the zombies go for it. Saved my life getting here."

"Thanks, dude." said Kyle as he takes it.

"Please, call me Carlos." said the man, now identified as Carlos. "I have some meds you can have, just next time, you and your friends give me something in return."

"Sure, dude." replied Kyle. Stan, Cartman, and Kenny walk to Kyle.

"What's that?" asked Kenny, pointing at the meat bait.

"Something that Carlos there said can be used as bait to lure zombies." replied Kyle.

"Cool." said Stan. He then sees Kyle's new bat. "Where'd you get that?"

"Carlos gave it to me for free. Cool, huh?" said Kyle.

"I want that bat." said Cartman. "Come on, I'll ro-sham-bo you for it."

"Up yours, fat ass." said Kyle.

"Enough. Come on, let's find Emma so we can tell her what we're going to do." said Stan. He walks off to find Emma.

"Come on, Kyle, let's ro-sham bo for that bat." said Cartman.

"Fine, I'll go first." said Kyle.

"Huh?" replied Cartman. Before he can react, Kyle kicks him in the nuts, making him fall over. He covers his groin with his hands and moans.

"I win, so the bat's mine." said Kyle.

"&%#$ you, Kyle." groans Cartman.

End of Chapter 8