Disclaimer: we all know by now I'm way too drunk and don't own spiderman.

Web head volume 3

1:28 am Strange and desperate cries are heard from inside the hospital room of recently deformed Quentin Beck as chief yuri watanabe busts through the door to see Captain George Stacy viciously attacking the injured criminal. "Captain what the hell do you think you're doing?! Get out of here right now!" She yelled as her officers are dragging him out. Once outside consequences must be placed "you want to tell me what the hell you thought you were doing! I can not have a police Captain assaulting an injured prisoner.(Stacy is about to say something but doesn't get the chance) whatever your reasons are I don't care. George you're suspended, leave your gun and badge with lieutenant dewolff. Go home Stacy."

10:00 am The next morning at the Parker household Peter wakes in complete and utter horror to see Gwen sitting at his desk. "Whoa! Jesus gwen! I thought you were Freddy krueger or something…. What the hell are you doing here…?" 'Don't get me wrong waking up to Gwen sounds like a dream… if only she didn't look like a paranoid lunatic that stayed up studying me all night' Gwen barely even blinks almost completely unaware of how unsettling the situation is "where were you? You take off out of nowhere for nearly an hour and then suddenly you're in bed covered in cuts and bruises. now I want to know where you went and what the hell happened to you Peter?!" 'Shit this is not good. Gwen is really serious right now, I need to come up with something. Fast. "Peter it's time to wake up! You have a big day today." Or that, that works too.' As he tries to escort her out "sorry Gwen I really do need to get going, I got an interview with the daily bugle staff but we'll talk later ok love you bye." After he shuts the door he catches himself 'did I just say I love her? I mean we have always been close and I do really like her but do I love her? I guess I can figure it out after the interview… oh man the interview today! I can't show up without spiderman footage! Footage that I haven't gotten yet! Oh man what am I gonna do!?'

At the same time across town kingpin was also considering his options "tombstone what say you? Can hammerhead be trusted to work for me?" "You know as well as I do boss hammerhead is good at what he does but has the loyalties of a hungry shark." "Yes very well, have him be the babysitter of our latest recruits" kingpin smirked with satisfaction before calling someone on his phone "phineous is our vibration suit finished yet? Good let the enforcers know that unless they want to end up like they're old boss they will need to be prepared to earn their place. Start with the cowboy."

2:00 pm While swinging around the city spiderman spots a masked robber that seems very familiar "good morning Aaron how's business going?" Spidey asks as he webs his feet up to the side of a wall "how many times do we have to go through this Davis? Just because you're not the prowler anymore doesn't mean I'm gonna let you keep stealing. What about that nephew of yours? Isn't he sick of you always going back to crime? Can't you just be someone he can look up to for once?" 'this is aaron Davis small time crook turned supervillain: the prowler turned small time crook who is also the uncle of one of my friends miles morales' "sup web head? Don't worry about dis dis's nothin not like dat new boss" eyes widening "new boss? The guy who hired mysterio and the chameleon? What do you know?" "Only dat it's just the beginning, you in his way and word is the next guys already on his way. So think dats worth my freedom?" But spiderman just takes off leaving him stuck to the wall.

'Whoever this guy is he's just gonna keep sending supervillain after supervillain until one finishes the job I gotta find out who this guy is fast' banaanag danaanan nanerna 'that's the phone Captain Stacy gave me! Text message: meet me tonight on the roof of the train station 5 pm. Sure why not Captain I can fit that in right after I get some good Spidey footage. Set up the video camera here, sync it up with the motion sensor in my webbing belt here and go'

3:30 pm Montana is lead into a big room by hammerhead and tombstone containing a metal briefcase and a large computer monitor on the wall. The monitor lights up revealing the distorted image of someone "listen up gentlemen you now work for the kingpin, my associate tombstone will be keeping a close eye on you while you work here, hammerhead you are to keep these new enforcers in line, while you mister brice are to be the first in the new age of enforcers, to blaze a shocking trail for others to follow, so shocker can you do that, can you work for the kingpin?" "If I getta squash that there bug then I'm all in for it. Boss." The metal case is then opened to reveal a mustard yellow and auburn suit with weird large mechanical gauntlets.

3:45 pm spiderman has gotten sufficient video of himself to present to the daily bugle for his interview in a few minutes when Gwen calls "Look Gwen I'm sorry I blew you off this morning but now is really not a good time, my interview is about to start…." "Peter Parker you've got 10 seconds to explain what the hell has been going on with you lately!" As he swings into a bugle storage closet "sorry Gwen Mr. Jameson's here can't talk love you see you later bye." Before hanging up 'man am I gonna be in the dog house for that… but hey what am I supposed to tell her? Besides I really do need to get to the interview…. Oh man I need to hurry!" Betty brant a young woman probably in her mid 20s with dark brown hair, hazel eyes and dressed VERY professionally calls out the next interview "Peter Parker? Peter Parker….?" But her boss j. Jonah Jameson a clearly stressed man in a tan dress shirt and black vest, with greying hair a thick mustache and soul patch on his chin, chain smoking a cigar clearly doesn't have any patience "PARKER! YOU'VE GOT EXACTLY 2.6 SECONDS TO GET IN HERE TO TELL ME WHY YOU DESERVE A JOB OR YOU'RE FIRED!" Hurrying in right at that moment " I'm here I'm here mister Jameson!" 'This guy looks….. Fun to work for' "HUH? OR GREAT ANOTHER KID. MISS BRANDT! I TOLD YOU TO TOSS ANY APPLICATIONS FROM KIDS! THANKS FOR WASTING MY TIME PARKER!" no wait mister Jameson here just look at my footage.." "Yeah sure whatever…. My people will get back to you and let you know. What are you still doing here! OUT! OUT!" Before he could leave though miss brandt stopped him "wow I actually think he likes you… you're the only one under the age of 22 that he didn't immediately kick out so if that footage is any good we'll probably be seeing a lot of each other Peter Parker."

4:15 pm 'now that the interview is out of the way I've got some time before I have to meet cappy, better call Gwen and sort things out before she gets too upset' vvvrruubbboooooommmm! "Ahhh that hurt! What hit me!?" Spiderman gasps when a figure appears in the most ridiculous get up Spidey has ever seen that he is literally rolling in the street hysterically laughing. "Hhaahhaa oh man. Hhaaahhh yohhaa you know that hhaah that security blankets don't have to be hhaaahhh actually blankets?" "Really that the best you got bug…?" As he jumps up to a light post to avoid being hit by his fancy gauntlets "Hey give me a break I was literally R.O.T.F.L. i… wait a minute I know that accent. Montana is that you?" "The name's shocker now bug and don't you forget it!" As he shoots this sonic wave from the gauntlets that the web head barely dodges "shocker….? Really? What about the quilt? Blanket man? Quilted Northern? Or maybe in your case southern…" "don't you be mocking me varment!" All the shockwaves have attracted the police squad cars with officer jeff Davis and sergeant Michael Barbara as well as one with lieutenant Jean dewolff and chief yuri watanabe all arrive on the scene. "Varment!? Really? You're gonna call me a varment and expect me not to mock you?" Shocker notices the cops and fires straight at the chief and escaping while spider man swung in to rescue her and the other officers panicked for their boss.

4:20pm chief watanabe shoves the hero away before drawing her gun at him "get off of me! You're under arrest!" With his hands in the air he tries to reason with her because he's had quite enough of this same routine "Look chief watanabe I don't know what else I can do to prove I'm on your side but you're gonna need me to stop shocker and whoever else his mystery boss will send next. Let us work together instead of fighting each other" "you've got the right to remain silent so take it!" "Ahhh sorry chief" as he webs her gun to a light post before swinging away. "all units spiderman has just assaulted a police chief, resisted arrest and is now fleeing towards time square. You are authorized to shoot on sight."

4:35 pm Peters normal phone rings as the police are chasing him down "oh hey Harry! What's going on pal?" "You ok Pete? If this is a bad time then never mind don't worry about it" dodging gunfire aimed at him "no don't worry everything's fine, what's up?" "Well I need some serious help studying for the biology test tomorrow…" "sure no problem, I'll come by Maybe around 6" "hold it right there spiderman! Continue to run and we will put you down!" yuri shouted through a megaphone from inside her speeding car "I gotta go Harry but I'll see you tonight ok bye" 'because I don't have enough on my plate today…' yuri is so focused on catching spiderman that she would have plowed through kids crossing the street if Spidey didn't save them "chief stop this! You're gonna get somebody killed!" The wall crawler desperately called out only to still have a gun pointed at him then firing right into his leg "aaahhhhh! Are you serious!? I'm just trying to help! Who was the one who almost ran over a group of school children here?" Yet somehow he manages to get away.

5:00pm Spidey lands on the roof of the grand central station bleeding with a bullet in his leg to meet Captain stacy. "Wow what the hell happened to you kid?" While trying to stay standing " your boss doesn't seem to like me, she almost ran over kids chasing after me." "And she suspends me for reckless behavior…" surprised and suddenly very alert the web head asks concerned "suspended? What happened Captain?" "I kinda went a little overboard trying to get Beck to talk, I nearly strangled him." "It seems neither of us are handling this new boss too well, but you can always count on me Captain." "Yeah I feel better. Look at yourself you're bleeding all over with a bullet in your leg. Come on kid let's take care of that before you keel over huh?" But just then yuri and her officers charged up through the stairwell door guns ready to fire. "Sorry kid" the captain whispered before appearing to be trying to capture our hero before Spidey falls off the roof and down a manhole to the sewer. "Captain Stacy what were you doing up here with a known fugitive?" The chief asked suspiciously. Trying to play innocent "what do you mean what was I doing up here? I was in the area so when I saw spiderman crash on the roof I went to arrest him and maybe get him some medical attention then you guys came along trying to do it for me, what do you think, you think I was meeting with him or something? Ha that's ridiculous." "You were suspended. You have no authority to arrest anyone right now so why don't you just go home to your family and leave hunting down spiderman to me."

5:15pm dduunnannah dduunnannah Dianna finnaly na na na nuh dduunnannah "Hey Captain, you good?" "Yeah I'm alright, the chief bought my story of just being in the right place at the right time but hey I'm not the one who fell in a sewer with a bullet in my leg, how are you kid?" Spiderman still laying down in sewage "yeah I'm fantastic don't you worry about me." "Look as much as I'd rather you not be anywhere near my house we gotta take care of that leg and that's the safest place I can think of for you, my daughter's gonna go nuts she's not exactly your biggest fan, Besides my wife's a nurse." 'If Gwen sees me she could figure out it's me, I can't risk it.' "Not too many people are fans of me Captain but really I'm fine I've already got someone who can help." Before the captain could say any further the wall crawler hung up before pulling himself back to the surface. "Ok now who's left I can go to…? I guess doctor Connors is probably my best bet."

5:34 pm a few streets away from doctor Connors house Spidey is hit by a massive shockwave. "Oh great it's you shocker…." "Gee bug you look worse then an old 3 legged mule, kinda takes the fun outta squashing ya. Well maybe not." He's hit Spidey with another shockwave now just lying there waiting for shocker to end it when "freeze shocker! On the ground now!" 'Chief watanabe…. Yay…' as shocker fires straight at the chief an already badly beaten Spidey dives in front of it taking it's full force before walking through it towards shocker and webbing up the circuits. The result sent Spidey and the now unconscious shocker flying in opposite directions.

5:40 pm spiderman wakes up on the street to yuri pointing her gun at him but then holstering it. "Just so we're clear nothing has changed, you were already in bad shape and you still took that blast for me so I'm letting you go. A one time deal got it.?" After a painful nod he hazardously swung the rest of the way to the Connors home.

5:51 pm spiderman falls into the bathroom window of the connors home right as their son and his classmate billy walks in he can hear a faint "mom! Dad!" Before blacking out.

6:33 pm spiderman awakes with his leg all stitched up and everything and sees a relieved Dr. Curt Connors sitting by his side. "Good you're up, you had us worried spiderman, despite what the police think I know you're doing what's right." A bit panicked now that he's thinking a bit clearer asks "you didn't….?" "No of course not, I respect and understand your secrets spiderman. I want you to know you can trust me ok." "Ok thanks doc, I should really get going but you and your family have a good night." With that spiderman left.

6:46 pm on his way home to queens Peters phone rang "Hey Harry what's up?" checks the time on his phone "ah man harr I'm so sorry but look I can just swing by right now and…" "don't bother Parker! I'll figure it out myself, I'm not quite as dumb as everyone thinks!" "Oh come on Harry I" beep beep beep 'wow he actually hung up, I can't exactly blame him what with everything that happened today alone. Captain Stacy, chief watanabe, shocker, Dr. Connors, Harry, Gwen. Ahh man gwen! I totally blew her off all day! She's gonna be so pissed, I have to call her before she never talks to me again.' "Hey Gwen listen i…." "Hi sorry I missed ya but I'll get back to ya later" "Hi Gwen it's me, Peter look I know something's been up with me lately and I'm sorry. Maybe we could meet up tomorrow and I could explain. Let me know ok love you bye." 'Alright now all I have to do is think of a convincing enough lie to tell her, oh what has my life become….'

7:49 pm after Peter and aunt may had dinner he went upstairs to try to catch up on some sleep when his computer dinged with a new email. "Congratulations mister Parker after much consideration we are happy to tell you that you're the newest videographer for all right yes!" Before he passed out asleep on his floor.

A/N the new spiderman ringtone this time is the 90s animated into while the text tone is supposed to sound like spectacular spectacular spiderman. Captain Stacy had a bunch of those themes set up for the phone. Now considering how drunk I am I think it's time I make like the web head and pass out. See you next time true believers.