Disclaimer: sometimes I asked myself is my writing just the booze or the man inside. I don't own Spider-man.

Webhead volume 24

As Spideys swung through the cold mid January streets of New York on his way to the home of his former teacher he was desperately trying to maintain the mental focus to keep the black sludge induced furry under control when his phone rang with a very distinguished ringtone. 'gwen what does she want with us now? Calling to bitch at us for being a masked criminal and not saving her mother?' "what." He answered with the recently normal attitude he has adapted.

"What is with your attitude Peter?! I'm the one who's whole world fell apart here! Look what I think about your job aside I know you I know you're blaming yourself but it's not your fault. I don't blame you but would you just talk to me! Tell what's going on." "You don't blame me?! Ha! You've spent months blaming Spider-man for every little thing in your life! Why should this be any different, no I think we're good on our own we don't need to talk to you about anything." He angrily shouted into his rundown cellular device while clinging to a nearby wall before hanging up on his distraught girlfriend. 'ha oh my doctor connors please put the drink down and help me with this evil costume oh…. Ha! What were we so worried about?! We're great!'

Meanwhile in the garage of the currently vacant stacy house the members of the mary janes band: base player glory grant, lead guitarist and singer mary jane (MJ) watson, lazy roadie jessica drew, and newbie keyboard player Cindy moon were all eagerly waiting for their resident drummer gwen stacy herself to get off the phone with her rather flakey and recently hostile boyfriend Peter when they saw that he had evidently hung up on her. 'we?' the blonde thought with confusion as she was then forced to redirect her attention to her band mates.

"I know I'm new here but why are we practicing in some dumpy abandoned building AND WHY CAN'T WE AT LEAST CLOSE THE GARAGE?" Cindy spoke up with more than a little snide without catching on to the uncomfortable looks everyone else had. Glory was the one to take her aside and explain things, although gwen and glory still aren't exactly friends she couldn't just ignore the painful taunts made to the poor girl no matter how unintentional they were.

"As much as I want to avoid being the stacy/parker relationship counselor, what's going on girl?" Her redheaded friend and roommate asked with such melancholy as she approached the blonde still seated in front of her drums.

When the wall crawler was done "agro swinging" around the city, on film of course, he arrived at the office of everyone's favorite mustache to try and get some bucks. "THIS FOOTAGE IS GARBAGE PARKER! WHERE'S THE DRAMA!? THE ACTION!? THE EXCITEMENT!? NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THIS MENACE JUST AIMLESSLY SWINGING AROUND PISSED!" Jameson screamed at his employee while the other workers around watched in both mundane horror and annoyance at the typical tirades of their terrible boss but were more than a little cut off guard when the young freelance videographer shouted back "MY FOOTAGE IS AMAZING AND YOU KNOW IT JAMESON! WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO SEE EVERY AMAZING SECOND OF THIS HEROES SKILLS!? NOBODY ELSE HAS THE TALENT TO GET THE FOOTAGE I GET YOU SO YOU'LL EITHER PAY ME WHAT I DESERVE OR I START SELLING TO YOUR COMPETITION. WHAT'S IT GONNA BE LOUDMOUTH?" That was robbie's cue to break up this argument before any firings were made, telling Peter to go off to school.

On his way out he bumped into eddie looking even more disheveled since learning of ben parkers' death. "Whoa squirt are you ok? You almost just got yourself fired…." But the rundown man was just pushed aside by the hero with a degrading mental state.

"Mister stacy while this evidence is compelling and everything the fact that it came from a masked vigilante and not a recognized agent of the law I'm afraid it doesn't warrant me to overturn your conviction" spoke the creepy whisper of one judge lonnie thompson lincoln much to the disappointment of George and the frustration of one blind lawyer Matt Murdock.

On peter's way into midtown high he once again heard miles, ganke and flash discussing his super powered alter ego. "The new suits cool but it needed to keep a little more color" "Spideys not the same anymore" "the stress of his solo act I'd getting to him, I told you he needs a guy in the chair." The conversation was going in circles over and over again until flash raised his voice for his opinion "the look doesn't matter to me! Ever since he got that suit Spidey doesn't seem like a hero to me anymore!" Before stomping away to mope about the drastic change in the behavior of his hero. 'why are we even at school…?' our hero asked himself before starting to ditch. "Wait! Peter!" Gwen yelled before jogging up to him "you can't just ditch school. Whatever your secret has caused between us I still really care about you and I want to help you through whatever is going on…." Instead of the usual uncontrollable anger he's recently experienced he was overwhelmed by uncontrollable horniness, I guess that's a nice change of pace…. Who could blame him really I mean here his girlfriend was standing in front of him and dressed up very nicely for the assembly today for student council related announcements and the mary janes were going to perform at the end.

The young spidery teen practically forced himself upon her and up against a nearby wall, much to the notice of several students. "Whoa! Take it easy pete! Everyone is watching and I'm still not sure if I can move forward after everything" gwen shoved him off shouting but whispering that last part. This seemed to switch him back to uncontrollable anger "well what was I supposed to think when my very sexy girlfriend comes up to me saying she's here for me?! If you didn't want this then don't tease it!" Before stalking off out of school property.

While swinging around the city his spider phone rang "what." He answered with such hostility that was quickly becoming par for the course. "Whoa. What is going on with you kid? Never mind, the judge threw out the evidence you got. Me and stacys' lawyer think he's been bought, see if you can find anything judge L. Thompson lincoln." Dewolff assigned the web swinging with the mission taking priority over her growing concerns.

On his way over to judge Lincolns' office his normal phone rang. "Dude you've gotta try this gear it's amazing! No wonder my dad uses this thing, I've really gotten the hang of it. Whaddya think man: Spider-man and…. And… oh the hobgoblin!" He nearly crushed his phone in his most recent wave of rage "HARRY FOR THE LAST TIME YOU ARE NOT A HERO! YOU ARE NOT MY SIDEKICK! YOU'RE JUST A FRIEND WHO FOUND OUT SOMETHING HE SHOULDN'T HAVE SO JUST STOP BEFORE I HAVE TO SAVE YOUR ASS YET AGAIN!" even harry could see something more was going on "pete what's going on with you? This isn't just about wanting to keep me out of the way of your job, if it's about gwen and her parents I'm here for you bro" but Spider-man could only hang up, seconds later his phone rang again "Peter Benjamin Parker! What's the meaning of your principal calling and telling me you ditched school today!?" His hard working aunt yelled through the phone at her torn nephew but he just hung up on her as well.

When he made it to the office he found a man in a red and black armored suit wearing a red devil horned mask, well more like a helmet, already rifling through all the documents. "Spider-man. Before you do anything know that I'm on your side, I'm trying to help free stacy. Judge Lincoln is in the kingpins pocket." "Ha figures a creepy pale judge like this works for fisk." If you could see his eyes through that horn headed mask they would be bulging out "fisk? Wilson fisk? So I was right." "Wow ha ha lucifer, you didn't even know his real name?! Some hero you are horn head." The slimy black web headed hero mocked the new masked man "if I'm such a bad hero then how did I find exactly the evidence we need to take down lincoln and exonerate stacy…. (He said while holding up a file) whatever has gotten into you lately doesn't suit you, by the way the names daredevil. The red and black horn headed vigilante daredevil then bolted out the window with the file but before Spideys could pursue he saw a very familiar figure breaking into the very same courthouse he was standing in.

"Prowler!" Hey yelled out through gritted teeth quickly followed by kicking him off the wall and continually wailing on the masked their and uncle to his young friend miles. By the time he had actually shattered the prowler helmet right off the unconscious face of Arron Davis he was surrounded by cops including captain dewolff and officer Davis, miles father and Arron's brother. "Spider-man! He's beaten! If you hit my brother one more time you're done! I don't care what else you've done for me! You got it!?" Yelled jefferson gun drawn while standing up from behind his squad car. "Spidey you're supposed to be a hero! I stuck my neck out for you, I trusted you! If this is how you're gonna act maybe the chief was right about you all along!" Yelled out jean in disappointing horror finally snapping him back to the reality of what he's been doing. 'no NO! WHAT AM I DOING!? WHAT HAVE I DONE!? WHAT HAS THIS SUIT MADE ME DO!?' finally coming to his senses he arrives late that night in the home of doctor curt connors.

Just as curt connors had walked down into his kitchen to pull out a bottle of whiskey before bed he sees the white eyed, black clad figure of Spider-man sticking to the upper wall of the room looking down right at the disgraced scientist. "Doctor connors. I need your help."

A/N about time Spideys decided to get some help dealing with his slimey symbiote suit. I seem to consistently put two things in this story of mine: impractical jokers cameos and things that mock MCU Spider-man like the stupid things bargain basement ganke says in those ridiculous movies. I just threw up a lot of alcohol soaked carrots for some reason (apparently I'm really a rabbit) so until next time true believers!