Chapter 4

"Mr. Guthrie I understand your client has a plea?"

"Yes your Honour. To the charges of murder in the second degree, and kidnapping in the first degree, he pleads guilty."

"Okay then. Mr. Hodda, I need to hear it from you."

"No, I'm not doing time for this. I'm not doing time for this!"

Rafael looks up from his legal paid, Olivia looking to him questioningly.

"Do we have a plea or don't we?" The judge questions again.

"We've all agreed to one, your Honour," Raphael answers.

"Everyone was yelling at me!"

"Who was yelling at you Mr. Hodda?" The judge presses.

"He was," Honda accuses Rafael. "My own lawyer was and before that, she was." He turns to gesture to Olivia sitting in the audience.

Rafael looks back at her, silently looking for confirmation and she gives him that look that says she's as blindsided as he is.

"I didn't harm those boys." Hodda shakes his head insistently. "None of them. I swear to God, your Honour. I'm innocent."

...

"So now you can put him on trail for what he did to Hector?" Delores Rodriguez asks tearfully.

Rafael looks to Liv for help only she doesn't give him any. "We'll have to."

"And you can tell the jury what he did to her son, and those other murders? So they'll know who that man is?"

"It's up to the judge," he reasons softly. "I'll do my best."

Mrs. Rodriguez nods, before gathering her bag from the chair in Rafael's office.

"We'll be in touch tomorrow, ok?" Olivia offers.

The woman nods tearfully, leaving the office closing the door behind her.

They stand in silence.

"What just happened?" She questions.

"You tell me." It's far more accusatory than he planned and he turns his back to her, loosening his tie.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Heading for his desk, he occupies himself with the files he had planned to get to today rather than the fire he knows he'll find in her eyes. "Nothing. Forget I said anything."

"You think I coerced that confession out of him-"

"-Don't put words in my mouth-"

"-then don't make passive aggressive comments."

The air between them is charged and even in those first few cases where the exchanges got heated it never escalated to the tension in the room now.

There's too much left unsaid between them now.

"It's late. You should go home," he comments. "We'll figure this out tomorrow."

They haven't really spoken since the Karr case and they both had let paperwork and their busy schedules be excuse enough to let an entire week slip by without mentioning it.

"I want to figure this out now."

Rafael shakes his head, rubbing his forehead. "There's nothing more we can do, Olivia." Her full name cuts just like he had intended it to.

"Fine."

Her tone is clipped and Rafael doesn't dare meet her gaze.

She moves to grab her things from his office, stopping short of the door. "Who's pushing who away now?"

Before he can respond, she lets the door close firmly behind her.

...

"I don't want spaghetti," Noah complains, hitting the pile of untouched pasta with his fork.

"You love spaghetti," she responds patiently.

He slides the plate away from him, it teetering close to falling off the table. "No I don't."

"You can be excused from the table then, if you'd like."

Noah pushes away from the table promptly heading to his room, closing the door behind him.

Exhaling, she rubs her forehead.

He misses Rafael.

He hasn't seen him since his soccer game over a week ago and after his request for Rafael to take him to school being denied, her son has determined that she must be the reason why.

This is exactly what she didn't want to happen.

Her appetite gone, she clears the table opting for a glass of wine instead.

...

"Alright honey...here we are."

Noah releases her hand, and she hands him his backpack that she'd been carrying on the silent walk from their apartment. He slides his arms into the straps and Olivia kneels in front of him, taking his hands into her own. "I love you, Noah."

It's a long, silent minute before Noah falls into her, wrapping his arms around her neck tightly. "I love you too, Mommy."

Olivia melts, cradling his curly head to her shoulder. "Oh sweet boy...you've been feeling pretty sad lately, huh?"

Noah nods into her shoulder. "I'm sorry for being bad."

"You weren't being bad, honey." Olivia pulls him back to meet his gaze. His blue eyes have filled with tears and she wipes them away before they trickle down his cheeks. "It's hard sometimes to feel big feelings. It's ok."

"Are you mad at me?"

"No honey," she soothes. "I'm not mad, ok?"

Noah nods, wiping his eyes again.

Other kids run around them to get inside the building and she's aware of some of the parents that have stopped to watch them out of curiosity.

"We can talk more about this after school?"

"Promise?"

"I promise, my love." She holds his gaze. "I am strong," she prompts.

"And am capable of anything I set my mind to," Noah adds.

"I'm worthy of happiness," She continues.

"And of love," Noah finishes.

"I am enough."

"I am enough," Noah repeats.

"Better?"

Noah nods.

"Ms. Benson?"

Standing, Olivia greets the principal who's crossing the courtyard to meet her. "Principal Smiley, good morning."

The woman gives her a strained smile, looking to Noah. "Good morning Noah. We're so glad you're here today."

Noah wipes his eyes again, smiling a little. "Good morning."

"Why don't you head inside? I want to talk to your mom for a minute."

Noah gives her one last hug to which she returns before heading inside of the building. "Is everything alright?" Olivia questions.

"Do you have a few minutes?"
...

Olivia sits opposite the principals desk, dropping her bag at her feet on the floor.

"There's no easy way to start this conversation, Ms. Benson, and I want you to know that our staff is only following procedure."

Her mouth immediately goes dry. "What's going on?"

"Noah's teachers have noticed a marked difference in his mood and behaviour the last week." She nods. "I've noticed that at home as well."

Principal Smiley folds her hands across her desk. "...they also found bruising on his upper arm." "Bruising?" She repeats. "I would have noticed if my son had bruising."

Did she notice?

Noah had been so withdrawn the past few days. Had she missed it?

"Did he say what happened?"

The principal shifts uncomfortably in her seat. "He said you gave them to him."

Olivia reals in her seat. "Excuse me?"

"I wanted to give you the heads up that there's been a call made to CPS-"

"-of course," she grabs her bag off the floor, getting to her feet. "That's proper procedure."

Principal Smiley rises from her seat. "It's not our job to investigate, just to report; I'm sure you can understand the strain this has put on our staff."

She nods. "I have to go."

...

"Hold on, Hassler did what? She made me look too conscientious?"

"She implied you were so desperate to get closer for Delores, you manufactured a suspect."

Olivia shakes her head. "That's ridiculous. And you let her get away with it?"

"I couldn't shoot her," Rafael replies dryly.

Olivia rolls her eyes.

"She's just doing her job; she's good at it."

The conversation with Principal Smiley plays on a loop in her mind. They're just doing their job. "So you let her hang me out to dry."

Something in her tone has shifted. He hadn't noticed the watery sheen to her eyes when she first stepped into the court room and as much as he wants to challenge her on her comment, he lets it go. "Table that. You're up after lunch. Let's prep."

She avoids his gaze. "You know what? I've actually testified a few hundred times, so I think I'll be fine. I need to get back to the squad room." Grabbing her bag, she heads for the courtroom door.

It's not lost on him that she's deflecting and if the case wasn't potentially on the line, Rafael would let her walk out.

Something's off.

"No you don't. Lewis Hodda might walk if Hassler can make the jury think your emotions got in the way of your police work, which is what they're doing right now."

She stills.

"I need you to sit your ass down and work with me."

Turning on her heals, she drops her bag back into the stands, brushing past him to the witness box. "Fine. Start working."

He takes a minute to gather his thoughts before turning to face her. She won't look at him and she's worrying her lip between her teeth absentmindedly. He's never seen her like this. Approaching the stand, he catches the way she's wringing her hands together in her lap.

Shit.

"You ok?" He finally questions.

His voice has softened and she exhales audibly.

Her knuckles are white and he reaches out to take her hands in his. He's relieved that she doesn't fight him, twining her fingers through his tightly. "Talk to me, Liv."

"...I met with Principal Smiley this morning when I dropped Noah off at school where she told me..." she shakes her head, looking down at their joined hands. She tightens her grip needing to ground herself and Rafael squeezes back, letting his thumbs sweep over the back of her hands gently. "...that they made a call to CPS to report abuse."

"What?"

The words come spilling out of her mouth. "They said that his mood and his behaviour had changed-"

"-he's five," Rafael argues. "That goes without question."

"They found bruises, Rafa," she whispers. "...he said that I gave him."

His stomach drops. "Have you spoken with Noah?"

She shakes her head. "He's been so withdrawn the last couple of days...angry...I didn't even notice, I didn't know, Rafa-"

"-Don't do this," he interjects. "You are an exceptional mother to Noah. This is obviously a misunderstanding."

"They're going to have to investigate. The optics of this...the lieutenant of SVU being investigated for child abuse."

"Dios," he sighs. "I'm so sorry, Liv."

Letting go of his hands, she wipes her eyes taking a deep breath. "...I need to focus on something else or I'm going to unravel completely."

"The trail can wait," he reasons. "I'll ask for a postponement until tomorrow."

She shakes her head, running her fingers through her hair. "Delores has waited long enough, Rafa."

...

Olivia inspects her sons arm as he sits on her lap. "Does this hurt you, sweetheart?"

Noah shakes his head. "No."

"Good...I met with Principal Smiley today...she said that you told the nurse that I gave you that bruise."

"She asked," Noah shrugs.

"Noah, we talked about telling the truth, remember?"

The little boy frowns. "I did tell the truth."

"I gave you that?" She questions skeptically. "When?"

"When the taxi cab almost hit me, remember?"

It all comes flooding back and the sense of relief that fills her is visceral. "Oh my gosh. Honey I forgot." She pulls him into her arms tightly. "I forgot all about that...I'm so sorry."

"It's ok," Noah reassures.

Kissing the side of his curly head, she pulls him back. "You did the right thing, Noah. But if anybody asks you about that bruise, you tell them what happened, but you gotta tell them the whole story, ok?"

Noah nods, moving back into her arms. She holds him for a long time there on her couch. "... Can we talk about what's made you so sad lately?"

Noah pulls back, playing with the buttons on her shirt.

"Is it about Uncle Rafa?" She questions tentatively.

"I miss him," he confesses softly. "...is he mad at me?"

"No, of course not, honey," she answers vehemently. "Why would you think that?" "...he never came for spaghetti night."

"You know that Uncle Rafa has a very busy job-"

"-you have a very busy job and you still see me," he points out.

"I'm your mom, Noah," she reasons gently. She knows where this conversation is going and she holds her breath waiting for him to ask the question.

"Can I FaceTime him?"

Exhaling, she reaches for her phone on the coffee table. "Sure you can." Noah smiles, and she dials Rafael's number handing him the phone. He waits patiently as it rings and she releases a sigh of relief when he accepts the call and his face fills her screen.

"Hi Uncle Rafa!" Noah greets.

Rafael smiles. "Amiguito! It's so good to see you!"

"Guess what?"

Rafael pretends to ponder it. "You lost that tooth."

Noah's eyes get big. "How'd you know!"

Rafael chuckles. "Call it a hunch... I've missed you so much, Noah."

"When will I see you?"

"Sooner than you think."

There's a knock on the door and Noah's eyes light up. Looking for permission from her, Olivia nods and he crawls out of her lap running to answer the door. "Uncle Rafa, you're here!"

Rafael scoops him into his arms just as Noah wraps his arms around him.

Tbc