Thank you everyone for reading!...would love to hear from you :)
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Chapter 5
"Did you catch the license plate, the taxi number?" Rafael asks.
She shakes her head. "It happened so fast...the crossing light was green and the taxi came completely out of nowhere."
What could have happened to both her and Noah, the possibility of them being injured or worse, settles heavily in his chest. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I had a lot going on," she explains.
They're sitting shoulder to shoulder on her couch and she rests her head against his shoulder. He can sense how weary she is and he opens his hand, inviting hers to twine with his. She doesn't hesitate and he lets his thumb sweep across the back of her hand. "At least this explains the bruising on Noah's arm."
"Social services wants to meet with me tomorrow morning. 1PP in the afternoon."
"Tell me you've asked Langan to be present?"
"Ive got nothing to hide, Rafa."
He shifts on the couch to look at her, and she lifts her head from his shoulder. "Humour me.Please."
"I'll call him in the morning." Her head rests on the back of the couch, and she closes her eyes. "Rafa?"
"Yeah?"
"...it wasn't just about Noah," she confesses.
Reaching out, he brushes the hair from her face, tucking it gently behind her ear. "I know." "I want to see where this thing goes between us."
"But?" He prompts.
"Am I that predictable?" She jokes.
"Yes, you are," Rafael answers. "Liv, look at me."
She opens her eyes to settle on his.
"You don't think that I'm just as terrified of messing this up? Of hurting you? Hurting Noah?"
"But?" She echos.
He smiles softly. "Not to sound like a hopeless romantic, but I'm crazy about you, Liv."
She smiles too. "You do sound a little hopeless and romantic."
"Dios," he groans, laughing.
He's still dressed in his suit from court, and given that the judge had called a mistrial, she had expected him to be nursing the loss with a scotch at Forlini's. When he had showed up outside of her apartment to surprise Noah the tension that had settled between them suddenly didn't seem as important.
And he had gotten on the floor to play legos and read the Wonky Donkey with the voices and her son's smile was from ear to ear when his head finally hit the pillow an hour ago.
He was here.
"Tell me what are you worried about," Rafael encourages. "Cards on the table."
She loves that about him. His honesty. The way they talk and disagree and argue without having to worry if they had overstepped because he respects her. Values her opinions and her experience on the job. "...the longest relationship I've ever had with a man, ended with him leaving me without so much as an explanation, let alone a goodbye."
"Stabler?"
She nods. "And I guess I've been waiting for everyone to leave ever since." "What do you need from me, Liv?"
Her heart swells. Looking into his green eyes, she believes with ever fibre of her being that his question is genuine, that he'd move heaven and earth if she asked him to. "I need you to be present, Rafa," she begins seriously. "...I know the job is demanding and I'm not asking you to change and I'm not looking for any grand gestures or for you to compromise who you are and the job that you love."
His green eyes dance with hers.
"I just need you to be present."
"Duly noted."
She's never wanted to believe in something, trust in something, more than she wants to in this. In them. "What do you need from me?" She questions back.
Rafael holds her gaze. "I don't pretend to know everything you've been through and I know you are strong, and resilient and more than capable of taking care of yourself. I want to be present of you and for Noah; I need you to let me, Liv."
Looking into his green eyes, there's no hesitancy there; he's ready to jump all in, and God, she wants to. To get swept up in him and this thing that they've found. "I hear you...it's going to take time for me to..." She searches for the words. "Tear those walls down."
Rafael nods. "Me too."
Closing the space between them, she allows herself to settle into his chest, sliding her arm tentatively around his waist. It's a second before his arm wraps around her shoulders, drawing her closer. His lips press to her forehead and she savours the safety she feels in his arms.
...
"This is all pro forma. Just think of it as-"
"-a conversation?" Olivia interrupts. "If I had a quarter for every time I've used that line." "Hey, it's not like I'm enjoying this-"
"-Oh I feel bad for you, Michelle," she responds sarcastically. "My son almost go hit by a cab. I grabbed his arm like any mother would. And the next think I know Mary Poppins is reporting me to Albany and now I got a DA's investigator picking through my files looking for some hidden treasure like it's out of a Cracker Jack box! Okay so excuse me if I'm a little testy."
"And if this was another Mom, would you object to this inquiry as vociferously?"
"Look, just as the big question, Michelle, okay? So I can answer it and we can both go home, okay?"
"Have you been physically abusing your son?" Michelle questions, deadpan. "No."
She flips through her notes. "Noah told me you work too much."
"Show me another five year old on the planet who would say differently," she reasons.
She doesn't seem to take her answer into consideration, launching into the next immediately. "Tell me about Dr. Lindstrom."
Olivia is out of her seat, pacing. This isn't how she had thought this was going to go. "Mmm- mm," she disagrees, shaking her head.
"You saw a shrink. I gotta ask."
She needs a minute to steady her voice, to steady her words. To not loose her cool and blow this entire interview. "I was kidnapped by a psychopath. I was held hostage, I was tortured, and he threatened to do God knows what else."
"Everybody deals with severe trauma differently. Did you feel Dr. Lindstrom helped you?"
Michelle doesn't bat an eye and her lack of emotion irritates her. "I'm here about a black and blue mark on my son's arm."
She finally relents a little. "You're right, and it's probably nothing. But-"
"-please, save it, Michelle. I know the drill. Okay? Try to make the interviewee feel comfortable, make her think that your interest are aligned."
"Cards on the table?"
"Please."
"Fine."
She moves across the room to take her seat again.
"When they found William Lewis, you'd beaten him to a bloody plup with a bed rod."
The memories come back all too quickly. Her skin crawls under her suit jacket and the panic claws it's way up her throat. "But what I realized, when I finally got to the other side, when I knew I was going to live, when I knew I was going to be okay, was that I wanted more. More than the job, more than a relationship," she answers. "The reason that I fought so hard to stay alive, was for Noah." Her throat tightens and she fights past the emotions that have settled there. "And I hadn't even met him yet. So if you want to know what I'm guilty of, I'm guilty of being distracted. I'm guilty! I was on the phone, and I took my eyes off that boy for one second! That's
what I did wrong!" Her phone buzzes in her hand and she answers it, raising it to her ear. "Yeah, Fin."
"We need you back at the precinct."
"Are we almost done?" She questions Michelle.
"For now."
"I'll be right there," she gives Fin.
...
Rafael strolls into his office, finding Rita Calhoun waiting for him. "Rita, to what do I owe the pleasure?"
"You might want to close the door."
His steps falter for a second before closing the door. "I take it this isn't a social call, then."
"Far from it," Rita comments. "We go way back, Rafael, and I would like to think that if the roles were reversed, you'd give me the same curtesy."
Rafael circles his desk. "What's going on, Rita?"
"Shelia Porter has retained me."
He curses under his breath. "And you said yes?"
"Don't lecture me on my morals. In hindsight, Olivia's lucky that it's me and not some hack."
"Fine," he responds, acknowledging he agrees. "So why are you here hypothetically breaking client attorney privilege?"
"Hypothetically, she heard about Olivia being investigated. Hypothetically, she wants me to file for immediate guardianship."
He paces his office. "Hypothetically, how much time can you give me?" "24 hours-"
"-I need more time than that," he barters.
Rita shakes her head. "I can't give you more time than that. The woman is persistent; I wouldn't put it past her to find another counsel if I continue ignoring her calls."
His mind is racing and he stops long enough to strategize. "Hypothetically, if she files for immediate guardianship then my office will indict her with involuntary manslaughter."
"For what?" Rita questions angrily.
"For the death of Ellie Porter."
Rita scoffs. "That's a stretch, even for you, counsellor."
"Stretch or not, tell your client to back off, " Raphael warns.
Rita holds his gaze before rising from her seat. "I'll relay the message."
...
"Barba's got his mission walk on," Amanda whispers, nodding from her desk as Rafael makes his way into the precinct.
Fin swivels in his seat as he turns the corner without so much as a hello. He heads straight for Liv's office, and the door shuts audibly behind him, the blinds closing seconds later.
Carisi comes to lean against Amanda's desk. "That can't be good."
"It's probably nothing," Fin dismisses. "You know how Barba gets."
"...so you haven't heard?" Carisi questions.
Amanda looks between them both. "Heard what?"
Carisi folds his arms against his chest. "I've got a buddy over at 1PP...he said Liv's under investigation."
Amanda scoffs. "This the same buddy who swore Tucker was sleeping with his secretary?"
Carisi blushes.
Fin shakes his head. "Man, don't listen to everything you hear, alright?"
...
She heard his steps well before she sees him and when he closes the door behind him, reaching for the blinds, Olivia rises from her seat. "What's wrong?"
"Rita Calhoun paid me a visit at my office; she's representing Sheila Porter...she wants to file for immediate guardianship of Noah."
As if her morning hadn't already emotionally drained her, any strength she had managed to hang on to leaves her as she reaches for her chair.
"She somehow found out about the investigation," he continues.
"Rita told you all of this?" She questions in disbelief. "She's breaking client attorney privilege."
"It would seem you have friends in all kinds of places."
Leaning on her desk, she puts her face in her hands. She can sense his presence as he circles the desk to lean against it next to her.
"How did the hearing go?" He asks softly.
She shakes her head and the tears that come without warning cause her throat to tighten. "...they asked me about Lewis...wanted to know about Dr. Lindstrom."
"You ok?" She doesn't respond, and Rafael watches as her shoulders begin to shake silently. Kneeling, he turns her chair towards him and she eases into his arms without hesitation. He'd read the police report and knew on paper what Lewis had done to her. He had no idea what his terror had done to her mentally, spiritually and he'd never asked because he wasn't sure how much more he could know without it tearing him apart.
And it isn't even about him.
"Let me take you home," he offers gently. "We can pick up Noah on the way." She relaxes just a tiny bit in his arms at the idea. "You can be strong, and resilient and take care of yourself tomorrow."
She pulls back and her tear stained face undoes him. Reaching into the breast pocket of his jacket he retrieves his handkerchief, offering it to her.
Olivia takes it, wiping her eyes. "Ok."
She takes a minute to gather herself before shutting her computer closed. He waits patiently as she gathers her things, shrugging into her jacket. When she finally opens the door to her office, she's slipped the facade back on.
...
When her office door finally opens, they're all surprised to see both her and Barba step out together, dressed as if they're leaving.
"I'm heading home now," she announces to the squad room. "Fin, can you handle things?"
Fin nods. "Everything ok?"
She pretends to look at her phone, avoiding his gaze. "Yeah...Noah's not feeling well. I've got to go pick him up."
"Hope he feels better soon," Amanda offers.
"Thanks."
They all watch as she heads for the elevator, Barba close behind her. Amanda and Carisi share curious looks from their desks.
"Did she look upset to you?" Amanda mouths.
Carisi points to his eyes. "Crying?" He mouths back.
They all turn their attention back to the elevators and catch Barba's hand on the small of Olivia's back as they step into the elevator. The minute the doors close behind them, both Amanda and Carisi look to Fin.
"What was that?!" Amanda questions.
Fin feigns ignorance. "What was what?"
"C'mon," Carisi says. "You saw that!"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
Amanda shakes her head, ignoring him, turning to Carisi. "You think Liv and Barba are a thing?"
Carisi shrugs. "I mean, they're close, right? Would it be that far of a stretch?"
"Not really," Amanda reasons. "Did you ever notice how Barba always looks at Liv when she's in the courtroom?"
"He does!" Carisi agrees.
"I think you're both reading too much into it," Fin throws in.
Amanda's eyebrows shoot up. "So you're admitting you saw that then?"
Fin doesn't answer her questions, but continues. "Look, I've known Liv a long time. She's not the type to mix business with pleasure."
tbc
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