Chapter 9

The week had slipped by far more quickly than she had anticipated, and yet the worry that had settled in the pit of her stomach regarding Sheila Porter had yet to relent even a fraction.

The restraining order had been issued and the paperwork delivered to her office and it had been radio silence from her and Rita Calhoun for days now.

It was almost too good to be true.

And despite of all the reasons to trust in everything that was building and growing between them, Liv still felt similarly about Rafael.

While both their schedules had kept them busy, despite having not been able to be physically present, he was in every other way. They had texted frequently throughout the day, sometimes a simple, thinking of you, to one of his sassy comments fresh from court that caused her to laugh out loud on more than one occasion. He had FaceTimed Noah every night that week and waited until he was in bed to call her back to talk, just the two of them.

And she wonders, if what was unfolding between them, had always been there, just waiting for one of them to be brave enough to acknowledge it?

"So Peter Rabbit was so tired that he flopped down on the nice, soft, sand on the floor of the rabbit whole and shut his eyes." Liv brushed her sons eyes soothingly and Noah rested his head on her shoulder sleepily. "His mother was busy cooking-"

"-what was she cooking?" Noah questions sleepily.

"Probably sushi."

Noah laughs. "Rabbits don't eat sushi!"

She laughs too, kissing the top of his head. "She had wondered what he had done with his clothes. It was the second little jacket and shoes that Peter had lost in a fortnight."

His iPad sounds from the nightstand and her sons face lights up, reaching across her for it. "Hi Uncle Rafa!"

Rafael's face fills the screen, and judging by the background he's still at his office. "Hi Noah," he greets warmly. "You look sleepy, amiguito."

Noah rubs his eyes settling back into his mothers embrace, resting the iPad on his lap. "Maybe just a little."

"Then I won't keep you too long...I wanted to let you know that I've got a surprise for you." Noah perks up at this.

"What?"

"Tickets to Broadway."

"Really!" The little boys squeals. "Is it to the Lion King?!"

Rafael nods, and Noah jumps in his bed excitedly. "When?"

"How's this weekend sound?"

Noah hugs his iPad and Rafael laughs on the other end. "I'm going to go to sleep right now so that the weekend comes faster!"

"Sleep well, amiguito."

Noah hangs up, placing the iPad back on his night stand. True to his word, he quickly climbs under the covers sinking into his pillow.

"You don't want to see what Peter rabbits mother was cooking?"

He shakes his head, closing his eyes. "We can finish reading the story tomorrow, Mom."

Olivia crawls off of his bed, making sure to tuck him in further before turning out the light. She flicks on his star light leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead. "Goodnight, honey."

"Night Mom."

As she closes the door to his room behind her, she pulls her phone from her back pocket, FaceTiming him herself. He connects and she heads to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine.

"Is it too much?" He questions immediately.

"No, Rafa...it's incredibly thoughtful," she reassures. "Those tickets are not cheap or easy to come by."

"It was a right place, right time kind of moment and I couldn't pass them up."

Wine in hand, she makes her way back to the living room, curling up on her couch. "Noah's going to absolutely love it. Thank you."

"Please, don't thank me, cariño...being a part of Noah's life is not a burden." Olivia softens, a mix of emotions settling in her chest.

"...I can hear you thinking over the phone, Liv. Talk to me."

She shakes her head, wiping the few tears that have unexpectedly filled her eyes. "...it's overwhelming, Rafa...the care you show Noah...for the longest time I thought it was just going to be the two of us, and now..." She gives him a soft smile. "...I don't think Noah's ever been happier."

"And you?" He prompts. "Are you happy?"

God, she wants to be. Truth is, she wouldn't know what happy was if it walked up to her and introduced itself. Every time Olivia thought she had gotten close - planning that trip to Paris with Ed that never came to fruition; reconnecting with Brian; the consistency that Elliot had given her- it vanished. So she deflects. "...I'd be happier if you were here with me instead of in your office."

Ever since his conversation with Jack earlier that week, Rafael had felt like the DA had been intentionally keeping him busy and if he hadn't been using his own position to further help Liv with Shelia Porter, he might have confronted him on it. "...curled up on your coach watching trashy TV? Sounds like heaven right about now."

There's a weariness in his eyes she doesn't think she's ever seen before, and he rubs his face tiredly. "You ok?" She questions.

He exhales, bobbing his head back and forth as if still trying to decide. "It's been a long day with too many terrible human beings."

"Well, one really great human being is already in bed...but there's another that would love to see you before you head home."

He smiles, looking across his desk at all the paper work. "...I've got at least 2-3 more hours here before I can even consider leaving," he sighs.

"I can wait up."

A little bit of light fills his eyes. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," she assures.

...

It's shortly after 11pm when he sends her a text letting her know that he's outside of her apartment. There isn't much that will rouse Noah once he's asleep, but she appreciates him not knocking or ringing the bell not wanting to wake him.

She lets him in and he kicks off his shoes and sheds his jacket, heading right for her couch. Olivia turns the lock, moving to sit beside him. His tie is loosened and the top buttons of his shirt are undone and he's wearing the pink stripped suspenders she loves. There's a light stubble ghosting his face and she immediate thinks of how it would feel against the more sensitive skin on her body.

The heat slides up her neck into her face, and she's grateful that he's more preoccupied with her wine at them moment.

"Is this cabernet?" He questions, helping himself to her glass. He downs the remainder, pouring himself more.

"Want to talk about it?"

His head falls onto the back of her couch as he stairs at the ceiling. "The ADA over at Homicide is on leave and they're short staffed so Jack asked me to take on a few of their cases..." He shakes his head, taking a rather large sip of cabernet. "...Mother of 3 watched her husband get shot, bleed out on the sidewalk right in front of their kids on the way home from the zoo...the detectives grilled her and their kids for 8 hours with no regard to their well-being... there's not compassion, no empathy for the victims."

She reaches for his hand and he twines his fingers with hers. "Homicide could use someone like you, Rafa."

"You trying to get rid of me?" He jokes.

His humour is a little out of place given his mood, and she searches his profile in an attempt to decipher what it is he's not saying. She lets her thumb sweep across the back of his hand. "Get rid of the best ADA we've ever had? I don't think so."

His head lolls to look over at her, a lopsided smirk on his face. "The best, huh?" Liv laughs, shaking her head. "I'll deny it to anyone outside of this room." Rafael laughs too. "How was your day?"

She shrugs noncommittally. "Dodds is breathing down my neck to pick my number 2."

"Still can't convince Fin?"

Liv shakes her head. "I don't know how else to tell him that there isn't anyone I trust more to have my back than him."

"Did you tell him that?"

Pulling her legs up underneath her, she nestles into his side and he wraps his arm around her. "Fin's not much for the touchy, feely stuff." His lips brush her forehead and she tips her head up, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. She loves the smell of his cologne, something earthy and polished all at the same time.

"For everyone else but you, maybe," he points out, sifting his fingers through her hair gently. "If he knew how much this meant to you, he wouldn't be dragging his feet."

She gives his words some thought, sliding her arm around his torso. His hand coasts along her bare arm tenderly, and she shivers a little at the arousal it causes in her. "So you think I should lay my cards on the table then?"

"I think you should do whatever is going to give you peace of mind, Liv." Whatever's going to keep you safe, he wants to add. While he knows Carisi and Rollins are loyal to her to a fault, there isn't anyone in her squad he trusts more to have her back than Fin.

The thought of her getting hurt, or worse, are nightmares he seems to be fighting more frequently.

Rafael yawns, and it's so uncharacteristic of him that Liv smiles a little. "You're tired."

"I'm tired," he admits, rubbing his eyes.

She wants to ask him to stay. To crawl into his arms in her bed and let the rise and fall of his chest lull her to sleep.

"I should probably go."

"...or you could stay," she throws out. At his silence, she pulls back to meet his gaze, fearing the rejection she'll find there. "Never mind-"

"-Liv-"

"-I shouldn't have-"

"-Liv."

Her name is a sigh on his lips and it melts over her body.

His fingers coast over her arm that's still wrapped around him in an attempt to sooth some of the sting in her eyes. "...Thinking practically? I've got an early morning court slot, and as much as love this suit, I'd rather not sleep in it."

She nods. "Yeah, of course."

She attempts to look away and he gently takes hold of her chin, guiding her gaze back to his. "...Practicality aside?...I want to. Of course I want to." The back of his hand brushes down her cheek, holding her gaze.

She leans into his hand, closing her eyes. "...can you not think practically? Just this once?"

He hasn't thought practically the moment he met her.

"Just this once," he concedes. Her smile is brilliant and it's that very moment he realizes that he'll deny her nothing.

...

The pieces to his suit are hanging in her closet, and he lays next to her in his boxers and t-shirt. She had changed into an oversized t-shirt of her own and a pair shorts and she loves the feel of the corse hairs on his legs against her own. There's a chain peaking out the top of his shirt, and she tugs it out gently. She's never taken Rafael as a religious man, so she's surprised to find a small cross dangling from the gold chain.

"It was my Abuelo's," he answers softly. "...he passed when I was young."

She can hear the sadness in his voice, and she curls into him. "Were you two close?"

"He was like a father to me." He can sense her next question and he rolls over on his side, causing her to settle next to him. "...he was the only one that just let me be myself."

"What does that mean, Rafa?" She questions softly.

"...it means that my childhood was shit." He can already see the new questions formulating in her eyes and he can feel the anxiety settling in his chest. "Please don't ask me anymore questions."

Liv searches his green eyes. For as high as she knows her own walls are, Rafael's might just be higher. "Tonight, or ever?"

He smiles sadly, closing his eyes. "Tonight."

"Ok."

"...Let me be the big spoon," he murmurs sleepily.

Liv smiles, rolling onto her side, and they both scoot towards each other. His arm wraps around her and he nuzzles the back of her head. "Night, Liv."

"Night Rafa."

Tbc