Chapter 13
His alarm goes off first, and as he rolls over to reach for it on her night stand, she curls into his back, wrapping her arms around him. It's set for an ungodly hour and she surprises herself at how much she doesn't want him to leave.
"Do you have to go so early?" She questions sleepily.
Rafael rolls back over and her head nestles into his neck, her body wrapping around his. She's soft and warm and his restraint is waning because she's everything he wants to get lost in at the moment. "...unfortunately, yes. I need to beat the morning traffic."
Unfurling from him reluctantly, she slides into his empty space in her bed as he gets up, gathering his things. His suit hangs in her closet and he grabs it heading into her bathroom. As the door closes behind him, she sinks into his pillow letting the smell of his cologne lull her back to sleep.
...
He changes out of the t-shirt and sweats she had bought him, tossing them into her hamper. As he dresses in his suit from the day before, he takes a few steadying breaths in an attempt to calm his already semi-hard cock.
Yes, he wants to beat the traffic, but he needs beat himself off more.
Just the thought causes him to twitch and he turns on the faucet, splashing cold water over his face.
Get it together, Barba.
He quickly brushes his teeth with the new toothbrush she purchased him before heading back into her bedroom. She's already sound asleep again and he's grateful: he's not sure if he'd be able to pry himself away from her if she looked at him with those sleepy brown eyes.
He closes her bedroom door quietly behind him, padding just as quietly through her apartment, gathering more of his things as he goes. Leaving a note for her where only she'll find it, he maneuvers her apartment key from the rest of the keys to lock the door behind him. Sliding the key back under the door, he heads for the elevator.
...
"How was your night?" Fin questions, closing the door to her office behind them.
Dropping her purse on her desk, Liv attempts to not give too much away, because despite how it had started, it ended pretty good. "Noah is good...the officers arrived promptly and left as we did this morning."
She leaves out the parts with Rafael, their plan and him staying the night helping to ease her worry. She also doesn't mention the note he had left in her coffee mug in her cupboard.
Thinking of you.
How it was enough to soothe her ahead of the uncertainty of sending Noah to school.
It was such a juxtaposition to how he had left her apartment, again, without saying goodbye.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Always," Fin replies.
"And it doesn't leave this room," she clarifies.
"You know that."
She leans against her desk and Fin folds his arms, listening intently. "...have you ever left a woman the next morning without saying goodbye?"
"Loads of times," he answers truthfully. "Why you asking?"
There's just a hint of a smirk playing at the corner of his mouth and Liv knows he's going to make her spell it out for him. "I just want to know why someone would do that."
Fin shrugs. "You tellin' me you've never dipped after a one nighter?"
"...this hasn't been a one night and not like that, anyway."
Fin smiles. "Liv, you seein' someone? Who's the guy? Do I know him?"
She gives him a look and he holds his hands up in apology.
"My bad," he apologizes. "Hypothetically, is he dippin' on you?"
"Hypothetically, yes."
Fin rubs his hands together, bobbing his head back and forth. "Well, that could mean a few things: 1. He's got things to do in the morning and genuinely has to go 2. My man doesn't like goodbyes, or 3. He's just not that into you."
His last reasoning hits her squarely in the chest, and she circles her desk to hide her reaction.
"But my bet is on option 4."
"What's that?"
"He spends the night with you, Liv. You're all wrapped up, tangled up with each other. He's human; why else would he be ducking first thing in the morning?"
The heat fills her face and Fin chuckles.
"Hypothetically, cut him some slack; you don't need to make things harder than they already are, if you get my drift."
...
"Patrick Griffin stopped by my office this morning with another eye witness."
Amanda shoots up from her chair. "That's impossible. We conducted a thorough canvass."
Rafael unbuttons his jacket, sitting on the couch in Liv's office. "Diego Perez. His name mean anything to you?"
"Not anyone we talked to," Fin answers.
"I wanna know where this witness magically came from," Rafael requests. "I'd prefer not to take this to trial if there is someone out there that discredits our victim."
Both Fin and Amanda look to her. "Run the name, find out anything and everything about this Perez."
"Copy that," Carisi answers.
Her detectives file out of her office and Fin closes the door behind them.
It's a minute before he speaks, his gaze softening. "How was drop off this morning?"
She leans against her desk. "Officer Martin was waiting when we arrived. He assured me that he would be diligent."
He nods. "How are you feeling about it?"
"Noah didn't seem to notice, not today, anyway...Carisi gave me an update on Shelia's movements and she hasn't left her neighbourhood."
"You didn't answer my question," he points out.
Exhaling, she lets his patient gaze coax the words out of her. "I'm anxious, Rafa. You and I both know how these things can go."
"I know."
He doesn't offer her platitudes and she appreciates that he's acknowledged and accepting how she's feeling.
She holds his gaze, allowing herself a brief minute to take in his three piece suit. It's one of her favourites, the navy blue, and the way that he's made himself comfortable on her couch like this, causes her stomach to flip just a little.
"You left again this morning without saying goodbye." "I didn't want to wake you."
"I asked Fin what his theory was on why a man would do such a thing, and he had some pretty interesting answers."
His gaze narrows. "Enlighten me."
"He had four reasons: 1. That you really did have to beat the morning traffic-" "- I wasn't lying about that-"
"-I never said you were."
He holds her gaze silently, and she continues. "2. That you don't like saying goodbyes, which I don't think is true because you have no problem saying goodbye on the phone or any other time we're together... And 3. You're just not that into me."
"You know me better than that, Liv." His voice has softened, yet the anger at the insinuation flickers quickly in his eyes.
"I do," she agrees. "So that only leaves option 4."
There's a quick rap on her door, and Carisi sticks his head in. "We got a hit on Perez."
Rising from her seat, she follows him back out to the squad room, Rafael on her heals.
Carisi gestures to the smart board. "Diego Perez, 42, career criminal. Became a snitch at the 55, which just so happens to be Patrick Griffin's old precinct."
"He's witness tampering," Amanda adds.
"Not to mention obstructing justice," Rafael comments. "Bring him in."
She turns to him. "Wait."
He gives her a look. "No-"
"-let me talk to him-"
"-No. If anything you should have taken yourself off of the case the minute you found out who Ellis was."
It's her turn to give him a look. "So now you don't trust me?" He shakes his head. "You know better than to ask me that."
Amanda, Carisi and Fin, who have remained quiet during their exchange, give them curious looks.
"You two maybe want to have this conversation in your office?" Amanda questions.
They tear their gaze from each other. "We're fine...Look, Barba, let me talk to him before we bring him in. He's a cop; I might be able to get him to admit to his involvement if it's not here in interrogation."
"You're going to drive all the way up to Plainview?" Fin questions. "I am. And Barba's coming with me."
...
"What was number 4?" He questions from her passenger seat.
"That you are human, and that your body would naturally respond to us spending the night together, and that rather than potentially pressuring me into anything intimate, you chose to leave instead."
"Fin said all that?" He jokes.
"I may have added my own interpretation." When he doesn't respond, she glances over at him quickly. "He was right?"
"A broken clock is right right twice a day, isn't it?" he admits.
The heat burns low in her belly at just the idea of him aroused next her in her bed. "...you're not the only one," she confesses. She can feel his gaze on her, and she licks her lips quickly in an attempt to get the words out of her mouth. "...The scent of you on my pillow...on my sheets...helped me finish."
"Mierda (Fuck)," he curses in Spanish. "...Estas tratando de hacerme duro? (Are you trying to make me hard?)"
"No," she answers, surprising him that she's understood what he's asked her. "...I'm just trying to be honest with you."
"...I leave early because, of course I'm attracted to you, Liv, and I wake up more than half hard and I..."
Silence settles between them in her car, and she tries not to notice the many times he shifts in his seat, just as she attempts not to squirm in her own.
"...I don't want to rush into this with you," he finishes. "I am capable of waiting for however long we need...I want us both to be sure of what we want."
It's not lost on her that he didn't put it on her, waiting until she was ready. Sex had become complicated for her since Lewis and she's not naive enough to think that he hadn't guessed as much. And while she appreciates his patience with her, she appreciates that he's being honest that he needs it too.
Why, Liv's not sure.
"...her name was Yelina," he begins, as if reading her mind. "We dated all through high school. The minute we graduated I was ready to marry her...I got accepted to Harvard, I went, she stayed in the Bronx and we agreed to make it work...and we did, for 2 years...then I came
home Thanksgiving of my junior year to find out she had been sleeping with my best friend, Alex."
The pain is evident in his voice, even now, and she steals a glance over at him. His expression has hardened, his gaze trained out the window.
"I'm so sorry, Rafa," she says gently.
He shakes his head, waving it off. "It happened practically a lifetime ago; I shouldn't let it affect me the way that it does."
"Grief is funny that way," she replies. "No rhyme or reason...no timeline."
"...relationships have always been...tricky for me and I respect you, Liv, too much to rush into sex without first making sure I'm ready."
As vulnerable as he's made himself, his voice is steady, sure and his own self awareness is something she never thought she'd find so incredibly attractive. "I don't want to rush into anything either," she reassures. "...I've got my own scars, figuratively and physically." She can practically hear the wheels turning in his head at her last statement and she glances over at him, catching his gaze briefly.
"You're beautiful, Liv-"
She smiles sadly. "-You don't have to do that...I'm ok."
"Would you tell me, if you weren't?"
He's slowly pealing back her layers with such patience and care, layers that she's never allowed anyone, not even Elliot, to see. "...probably not," she admits.
Silence settles between them again for a few minutes before he speaks. "Right now, or ever?"
His question unexpectedly brings tears to her eyes and she wipes them away quickly. "I don't know the answer to that, Rafa," she answers softly.
"Pull over."
Checking her mirrors, she pulls the car over, putting on her four ways.
He's removing his seatbelt so that he can turn more fully in his seat and his eyes dance with hers. "This isn't exactly where I wanted to have this conversation, but here we are...I would never forgive myself if I ever said, or did anything-"
"-Rafa, you don't have to do this-"
"-don't belittle your worth, Liv," he cuts her off sternly.
She looks over at him then. Everything he's not saying is hanging in the air between them and something inside of her softens, triggering her body to let her guard down even just a little. "...it's just easier, Rafa...to pretend that they're not there than to..." She shakes her head, the words getting caught her throat.
Reaching across the console, he catches a tear with his thumb before it has the chance to trickle down her face. "Than live with them everyday," he finishes softly.
She nods. "Yeah."
His lets his finger sift through her hair, settling at the back of her head as he leans across the console to press a kiss to her forehead. Before he can pull back, she tips her face up to catch his lips with hers, needing more.
"When the time is right," he breathes against her lips. "I'm going to worship at the alter that is your body, Liv."
She shivers, pulling him a little closer by his tie.
"All of it," he whispers between kisses.
...
He waits in the car as she heads up to the front door, ringing the bell. His phone buzzes from his pocket, and he fishes it out to find his mothers face and number across his screen.
He sends it to his voice mail.
It's a minute before the door opens and Patrick Griffin appears and even from this distance Rafael can tell that the man is trying exceptionally hard to keep up his angry facade. He can't hear what they're saying and he rolls down the drivers side window a bit.
"You showed up at our ADA's office with an eye witness claiming that they saw what happened between Ellis and Janie."
Patrick nods. "Yeah, I did."
Liv holds his gaze. "He's a career drug dealer, Patrick. Who because a snitch at the 55, your old precinct-"
"-I don't know what you're talking about."
"Do you really want to do this?"
He crosses his arms against his chest.
"It's witness tampering. Obstruction-"
"-again, I have no idea what you're talking about-"
"-you're putting your job at risk," she implores. "Your pensions. Not to mention you could face criminal charges-"
"-like when I lied to IAB for you?" He throws at her.
Liv shakes her head. "It was a rookie mistake-"
"-exactly. Just like you, Ellis made a rookie mistake-"
She scoffs in disbelief. "-I can't believe you just said that-"
"-she was drunk, he should've known better-"
"-yes, he should have," she cuts him off. "This is not the same, Patrick. Your son raped an unconscious girl and no matter how hard you try to cover it up, this isn't going away."
They stand in silence and Rafael wonders if he should get out, offer anything to the derailing conversation.
"Look...the ADA is in the car," she gestures to him and he rolls the window down further. "He's willing to offer Ellis a deal."
Patrick shakes his head. "No."
Her gaze connects with his, and he exits the car heading up the path to join them. "We're willing to offer Rape Three-"
"-An E felony. He'd go on the registry," Patrick clarifies. Liv nods. "For a sexual offence. That's non-negotiable."
"Jail time?" Patrick questions.
"None," Rafael answers. "Ten years probation." He looks over at Liv, knowing that she'll want to speak on the victims behalf.
"And Ellis will have to make a statement of apology to the victim after he allocute's," she adds. "Apologize? For something he didn't do?"
"Patrick, please," she interjects gently.
Rafael intervenes. "If this goes to trial, we have a credible witness, an eye witness-"
"-and I brought you another one that casts reasonable doubt on what that girl is claiming!"
"If your son is convicted he could be facing seven years in prison," Rafael reasons. "Whether you choose to believe it or not, your son committed a heinous crime that he needs to answer for." He can tell that the man is waining, and Rafael goes in for the finish. "I'm willing to overlook the witness tampering if Ellis agrees to the deal."
Patrick exhales, rubbing his face, and he shares a look with Liv. "I'll wait in the car." She nods.
Tbc