Chapter 8

A cot was set up for Tamar in Nikolai's rooms, and she'd moved in with just the contents of a knapsack, not needing much. Tolya had also decided to stay, no doubt to keep an eye on them both. The mood was…gloomy to say the least. Nikolai had at least come out from hiding in the back bedroom with the two of them, but there was no conversation, no friendly banter. There wasn't even companionable silence of them each doing their own thing while sharing space together. Just three, brooding individuals trapped in a sort of standstill.

Genya let herself into the room, pushing a cart loaded with food. "You haven't eaten much since returning," she told Nikolai as she brought the food directly to him.

"I'm not hungry," he murmured.

"You need to eat," she insisted. "Especially with your strength being taxed on two fronts."

What a diplomatic way of saying both the demon and Tamar's new power were going to take a physical toll on Nikolai. Tamar still felt strange about the whole thing. Yes, it was frightening to think this was her new life, but also it seemed manageable. She did wonder whether she'd never be able to enjoy food again. If she kept herself…"well nourished" on the alternative source, could she partake of things without them tasting like ash? Or was that something that would always be denied her from now on? She wasn't going to experiment right now, though. Better she get a handle on her new condition before testing things.

Nikolai nibbled on some bread but otherwise didn't get much down. He was despondent and withdrawn in a way he'd never been when he wrestled with the demon previously. But back then, he'd had an entire country's problems to distract himself with, a reason to keep going. And now he had none of that to redirect his mind and idle hands.

"Do you want to go to your workshop?" Tamar asked. "Get a change of scenery?"

He shook his head.

Silence hung heavily in the room for several long moments.

"How about a walk, then?" Genya suggested. "For some fresh air."

Nikolai grimaced. Tamar wondered if he was that self-conscious about the new scars, though if he were, he would never say so in front of Genya.

"That's not really safe," he said instead.

Tamar got to her feet. "That's why I'm here," she said. "Come on. Genya's right, we should get some fresh air."

Nikolai looked reluctant but nevertheless got up, and the four of them headed out. Tamar was there in case the demon tried to make an appearance, but Tolya was obviously carrying himself as a bodyguard. And the frightened looks and murmurs Nikolai received from the people they passed were hard to bear. He did so stoically, though.

They made their way outside and around the grounds behind the palace where there were fewer people to run into. Nikolai came to a sudden stop, and Tamar stepped closer.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

He nodded, looking thoughtful. "Zoya's had a lot on her plate. I want to check her garden."

Tamar smiled, and they headed for the queen's private greenhouse that everyone knew not to enter. Tamar, Tolya, and Genya followed Nikolai inside this time, of course. But he merely stopped and roved his gaze around slowly. Tamar wasn't sure what he was looking for. The garden wasn't in dire shape, but there was always something to tend to. But all Nikolai did was go over to some pipes, check them over, and then leave. No one asked him about it, and they returned to his rooms.

That night, Tamar was woken from sleep by distressed sounds coming from the bedroom. Tolya had been sitting against the wall in meditation, but they both jumped up simultaneously and ran into the room. Nikolai was thrashing in bed, his limbs getting tangled in the sheets. The demon's talons burst out and ripped through the linen. With another strangled cry, Nikolai's eyes snapped open. They were solid black, and he scrambled into a crouched position, fangs extending as well.

Tamar held her hands up but waited to attack. "Nikolai, fight it," she urged. "Regain control like you had before."

But the demon snarled, and black shadows exploded from its back. As it fully emerged, it lunged at the twins. Tamar jerked her hands, latching onto the demon's energy and drawing it into herself. It fell to the floor with a shriek, writhing as Tamar siphoned off more and more waves of life off it, until the demon receded and Nikolai was left breathless and half naked on the floor.

Tolya quickly pulled him up and helped him back to the bed, then used his own heartrending to calm Nikolai's racing heart and labored breathing. Tamar stayed where she was, also breathing heavily, but from exhilaration instead of exertion.

Tolya briefly glanced at her before leaning over Nikolai. "See? It was handled. No one was hurt."

Nikolai just shuddered and turned his face into the pillow. The twins waited for his body to calm down before moving.

"Are you all right?" Tamar asked quietly.

It was an extra beat before Nikolai nodded mutely.

"Do you want us to stay?" Tolya asked next.

He shook his head. "Thank you," he said hoarsely, then rolled over to put his back to them.

They retreated to the outer room.

"And how are you feeling?" Tolya asked.

"Good," Tamar replied. "Great. Which feels terribly wrong to say given what I did to feel this way."

"You being able to keep the demon in check is a blessing," he told her.

She nodded. The Saints had taken something horrible and given her a way to use it for good.

The next day passed without incident. So the one after that, Nikolai decided he wanted to go back to the garden. This time he actually got to work tending to it. Tamar didn't know why he preferred here over his workshop, though she guessed it was because the greenhouse was more isolated and safe from prying eyes, whereas his workshop was in the middle of the palace.

Tamar and Tolya helped with the gardening too, though Nikolai had to tell them which plants were weeds and which to most definitely not pull, lest they invite the ire of their Dragon Queen. It was nice, though, seeing him more active and engaged than he had been in days. He was moving noticeably slower, though, like he was stiff or in pain.

"Are you hurting?" Tamar asked him.

He shook his head. "I'm just tired."

That was understandable. There were dark circles around his eyes, and he looked more drawn than usual. But despite these brief moments of recovery, Nikolai was still prone to bouts of melancholy. Again, understandable, after everything he'd been through.

"I'm sorry you're chained to me like prison wardens," he said that evening over dinner.

"We don't see it like that," Tolya replied.

Nikolai looked over at Tamar, who couldn't partake of the meal with them. "What happens if the demon doesn't come out again soon enough for you to need to feed?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I don't even know how long I can go between…sustenance. It'd be good to find out, though." She canted a wry smile at him. "So you don't need to worry about either of us."

Conversation fell into a lull after that. They often had long periods of non-engagement. Neither Tamar nor Tolya knew what to do to help their friend. He was clearly suffering mentally, but until he talked to them about it, all they could do was just be there and wait.

Unfortunately, the very next day while they were working in the garden, Nikolai suddenly dropped onto his hands and knees with a cry. The wings burst from his back and the talons spurted from blackening fingers to gouge at the soil, tearing up plants and flinging them through the air.

"Nikolai, fight it!" Tamar urged again. She wanted to give him a chance to regain his control before she was forced to subdue the demon herself.

But there was no flicker in the monster's eyes, no hint of Nikolai somewhere in there, battling to take control. The demon lunged at them without hesitation, and Tamar used her changed power to beat it back down into submission, sucking it dry and filling herself. By the time she was done, Nikolai was lying limply on the ground.

Tolya rushed over, hands out to heal him, only to freeze, his eyes going wide.

"What is it?" Tamar asked in alarm, hurrying over. She pulled up short when she got a closer look at Nikolai. His hair was pale like straw, almost gray…and there were aged wrinkles on his face and hands. And in that moment, when she looked down at her smooth, almost glowing skin, she realized fully that "feeding" off the demon—off of Nikolai—meant taking literal years off his life.

She felt the oxygen leave her lungs in a whoosh, and she staggered back in horror.

Tolya hefted Nikolai into his arms and began to carry him out. Tamar followed, heart and mind reeling. They hurried back to the Grand Palace, calling for a Healer on the way to Nikolai's rooms. Nikolai was conscious, after all, but severely weak.

"I wrecked Zoya's garden," he murmured in distress.

"She will forgive you," Tolya said gently.

But maybe not Tamar. She felt sick and retreated to the corner of the room.

Stana arrived, and to her credit, didn't balk at treating the demon man. She was still working on him when Genya, Nadia, and Zoya came hurrying in.

"What happened?" Zoya asked. "Was Tamar not able to subdue the demon this time?"

Tolya flicked a look toward her in the corner before answering. "No, she did. It's just…" He gestured to Nikolai.

Stana drew back, giving them all a view of him.

"Saints," Nadia uttered.

"What did this?" Genya asked the Healer.

Stana glanced at Tamar.

"I think this is a side effect of my…power," Tamar said, voice wavering.

"Can you heal it?" Zoya asked urgently.

Stana shook her head. "I'm sorry, I can't. I don't even know what this is. His cells are…well, aged. By decades, if I had to guess."

Tamar felt as though she'd been punched in the gut, and she staggered back against the wall to hold herself up. "I'm so sorry," she said, distraught.

"You didn't know," Nikolai's tired voice spoke up from the bed. "It's not…your fault." He inhaled shakily. "It's only fair," he went on raggedly. "Since I'm the reason you're…changed now."

"You are not," Zoya snapped. "Makhi Kir-Taban is."

Tamar braced an arm over her stomach. She couldn't stand this. She had always been strong of faith, had believed this change in her power could be used for good. Which had made it easier to accept. But she was wrong.

"I'm sorry," she said again. "But the next time the demon comes…I can't feed off it again. I won't."

They all shared grim looks

"We'll bring out the chains," Zoya said soberly.

Tamar's heart constricted further. It wasn't right. She turned and hurried from the room, unable to bear being there a moment longer. It was cowardly, to run from the consequences of her actions, but she went to the chapel to pray. For forgiveness, solace, a way to fix it.

Not much later, Tolya slipped into the pew beside her, though he didn't speak for a long while and just sat there with her. Only once she was done pouring out her prayers and pleas and she sat back in the pew did he break the somber silence.

"What are you going to do? You have to use your power to stay healthy."

She honestly didn't know. But she couldn't justify hurting people in order to save herself.

Which meant she and her loved ones might have to accept her impending death after all.

Nikolai lay in bed, utterly drained from his last transformation and unable to even sit up. But his heart started racing and he broke into a cold sweat as the iron manacles were fastened around his wrists. Zoya used her Durast abilities to bolt the chains to the floor next to the bed, so he would at least be able to rest comfortably while being restrained.

But he wasn't comfortable. Being in a supine position with chains around his wrists was just like being in Makhi's laboratory. Never mind the soft mattress beneath him; he was too weak to even move on his own, which felt like the drugged state he'd woken up to there.

Zoya sat on the bed beside him. "I'm sorry," she said contritely.

He blinked several times, trying to focus on the present while the memories and sensations of the past were screaming inside his head. "You have no choice," he managed to respond. "We can't predict when the demon will emerge."

There was a flash of a scalpel above him, the fresh slicing of it down his chest. He flinched and gasped, unable to escape.

Zoya tensed. "Is the demon trying to get out again?"

Nikolai shook his head, fighting with every fiber of his being to maintain control of himself this time. "It's usually quiet for a while after Tamar weakens it," he said. He squeezed his eyes shut against an irrational surge of emotion. "I'm sorry, I messed up part of your garden. I shouldn't have been out there."

Zoya took his hand. "I care about you more than the garden. And I hate that this is happening to you."

He tried to focus on the feel of her hand in his, tried to convince himself he was here and safe and these things he kept feeling weren't real, he wasn't still in that lab with Makhi.

But of course Zoya couldn't stay with him forever. She had a country to run, while Nikolai was essentially a prisoner. A songbird in a gilded cage with gilded chains. He didn't even get the company of Tamar and Tolya anymore, though Tolya took shifts on guard duty over him. Nikolai wanted to ask him about Tamar and what they were going to do about keeping her fed and healthy, but if they had a solution, Tolya would have told him. So Nikolai didn't ask, and Tamar didn't come to see him. The two of them were doomed to their circumstances, it seemed.

On one of Genya's shifts playing babysitter, she brought Nikolai some of his drawings from his workshop.

"I thought you should at least have something to do," she said sympathetically.

Nikolai just lolled his gaze over the sketches, feeling numb and apathetic to them.

"Genya, if you don't mind," he said quietly, "can you stand watch from the outer room? You don't need to see the demon the next time it comes out."

She looked reluctant but nevertheless conceded to his request. "Call if you need anything."

He wouldn't. The chains gave him room to reach the toilet, so he didn't have to suffer that indignity.

But the longer he lay there, the weight of the manacles around his wrists and the touch of cold steel against his skin, the worse the memories became. It was like his body was back in that place, drugged to the gills, Makhi leering over him. He saw a flash of her face, felt the snap of his ribs as his chest was prized open like a candy jar. He screamed, and the demon burst out in a flash, flinging itself off the bed and thrashing against the chains.

Genya appeared in the doorway, her one eye wide, and then she rushed off, probably to call for help.

The demon raged, not with the feral hunger that used to drive it, but with a primal, visceral rage born of fear and pain. It intentionally dislocated the thumbs of both hands, shrieking as it did so. But it was able to yank itself free of the shackles, and then it plowed through the repaired window and took to the sky, flying as fast and as far away as it could. It remembered the humans that had stopped it before, beaten it down into weak submission…made it writhe and squirm. So it flew across the countryside to escape them, haphazardly at first, but then it spotted a small village and veered toward it. He would tear every human apart for violating it.

Screams rent the air from below as he was spotted. He dove for his prey, only to bank sharply when someone came out with a rifle and started shooting. He swerved to dodge the bullets and came around again. But then a familiar roar echoed in the distance, and he looked up to see the dragon flying toward him. He snarled and wrenched away to flee, but the dragon was gaining on him. Then something speared him like hooks, yanking him abruptly to a stop mid-air. They weren't tangible barbs, though; no, it was that wretched witch with short cropped black hair. Riding astride the dragon's back, she held her hands out toward the demon, tearing into his essence and siphoning it off.

He screamed as he lost control of his body and went crashing into a field below. He let out an anguished keen as he writhed and twisted in agony, waves of aura pouring off of him and into the witch. The demon fell back into the abyss, and Nikolai surfaced, feeling as though he had just been dissected and put back together again poorly. He rolled over in the grass and vomited.

He was still dry heaving when Zoya and Tamar reached him, Zoya human again, her black dragon scale armor gleaming in the setting sun. She knelt behind him and pulled him back against her.

Tamar stayed back, expression devastated. "I'm so sorry. Saints, I am so sorry."

Nikolai dropped his gaze to his hands, which were weathered and wrinkled. Even the black scars looked faded. He could just imagine what the rest of him looked like, and he dreaded catching a glimpse of his reflection and seeing the decrepit visage of his stepfather mirrored back at him. He lay ungallantly in Zoya's lap, feeling so…worn. Which was problematic, because they were going to have to make their way back to the Grand Palace somehow.

Tamar finally ducked in to help support Nikolai's weight since he could barely stand.

"You had no choice," he told her. Even his voice sounded thin.

The two women flanked him as they began to hobble toward the road on foot.

"Should have made you that dragon saddle after all," Nikolai tried to quip.

Zoya rolled her eyes, which was the response he wanted. He couldn't bear to focus yet on the fact that his life was literally crumbling around him.

Just as they were approaching the road outside the village, though, a mob of people came clamoring toward them. A cacophony of voices were shouting, "Demon!" "Kill it!" "Monster!"

"Stop!" Zoya ordered. "The demon is contained and no one was hurt."

"This time!" someone shouted back.

"We've heard what happened in the capital!"

"It's evil!"

Zoya drew herself up, and Nikolai could feel the aura of her dragon as she attempted to exude her authority. But mob mentality always instilled a false sense of brashness, and the mob abruptly swarmed them. Hands grabbed at Nikolai and wrenched him away from Zoya and Tamar. He fell to his knees, unable to keep himself on his feet, and then he was being dragged across the ground. He was too weak to even struggle, and he had forgotten both thumbs were dislocated, so he couldn't even grasp at the hands pulling on him.

Zoya and Tamar kept yelling for the villagers to stop, but their voices were further back, and Nikolai felt a real thrill of fear that he was going to be lynched right there in front of them.

But then the throng of people began to stumble, their movements turning sluggish as wispy auras rolled off them in waves…straight into Tamar, her hands extended. Nikolai could only watch as she drained the villagers, and he wanted to tell her to stop but he couldn't find his voice in his own exhaustion. The many pairs of hands dragging him let go, and then Tamar broke off her hold on them all, having taken just enough to disorient them.

She and Zoya ran to Nikolai and pulled him up off the ground. Then they were the ones frantically dragging him away from harm. The villagers gaped at them, frightened. But before their mob mentality could reset, reinforcements of the Second Army arrived on horses, led by Tolya and Nadia.

Nikolai was ushered up onto Tolya's horse, and he slumped heavily against his friend as they rode back to the safety of the palace.

Back to his cage.