A/N: I know the beginning is a little slow. But we will get there. By chapter 5 Jasper will come into the story and then the fun will begin! :)

There is a flashback in this chapter. It's italicized and centered. I've never done a flashback so let me know if it's confusing.

Enjoy xoxo

– Bella's POV –

Uh-huh.

Vampires.

The Cullens are vampires.

Don't bother getting your hopes up, girls. They're not the normal, traditional, sexy kind of vampires. Not the Damon Salvatore of vampires. Or Niklaus Mikaelson. Or delicious Elijah. Nothing like Angel or Spike, either. Or even a cool Dracula.

They don't combust in the sunlight.

They don't eat or drink.

They don't breathe.

Or have blood in their veins.

Or heartbeats.

They don't cry tears of blood. Or shapeshift into anything mildly interesting.

These vampires . . .

Oh God, help me.

They sparkle.

Yep.

Take one of these fuckers into the sunshine and they light up like Tinkerbelle on crack!

I mean, really? Who came up with that cockamamy bullshit?

Let's be clear here, real vampires do not sparkle.

Well . . .

Hell . . .

I guess they do.

Damn.

Sparkling vampires.

Whoever saw that one coming?

To be honest, I'm not entirely sure I can consider The Cullen's real vampires.

Faerie's maybe.

But surely, they're not real vampires.

They're not what I expected at all! Their leader is a freaking doctor! Yes. A medical doctor. Who treats human patients? In a hospital! Sexy Mama Cullen is a housewife who does, who knows what with her days. And the rest—Edward, Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper—are all considered children who attend high school.

Uh-huh.

You heard that right.

Deadly. Dangerous. Bloodthirsty vampires are roaming the halls of Forks High.

Let that sit for a minute.

. . .

. . .

. . .

VAMPIRES who SPARKLE in the sun are attending HIGH SCHOOL.

. . .

. . .

. . .

Let's forget the danger they're putting everyone in and talk about the mind-numbing boredom!

I can't even begin to imagine spending eternity going through high school on a constant loop. Once has been enough for me!

At least, that's how Edward made it seem when he was explaining their lifestyle to me. They move from small town to small town. The younger they pretend to be, the longer they can remain in that town. Once they've been through school and graduated, they move on to the next town and repeat the blasted cycle over again.

I just don't get it.

Small towns have their appeal, sure. But, wouldn't it be better to live in a bigger city? Say, like, New York, for example.

There are eight million people in New York City. Easy to get lost. Easy to blend. Easy to play human if that's what you're into.

Verse three thousand in Forks. A small town, full of nosey, chatty humans who're bound to notice when a family of inhumanly beautiful people moves into the neighborhood and their impeccably behaved adopted kids—all of whom, apparently have massive traumas in their pasts—begin attending the local high school.

To me, it's a no-brainer.

Small towns are dangerous.

They're full of gossiping humans who're going to notice when a fuckin' ice sculpture is stitching up their booboos.

Plus, as Edward has already made clear, they don't stay in one place longer than six years. They're constantly on the move. If they were somewhere bigger, with more people, they might be able to blend in easier and remain under the radar. Instead of living in a town with only three thousand and sticking out the a fuckin' sore thumb!

And let's face it, they do stick out among the locals. For crying out loud, they're wearing Versace and Prada and Valentino—and God knows what other labels—in the middle of the fuckin' forest!

My jeans came from target and I've had them for the last three years. Alice won't let the Cullens wear an outfit more than once!

Let's not even get into how wasteful that is, we could be here all day.

When the family was explaining all of this to me, Carlisle insisted they live in small towns so they can blend in and play human.

Seriously?

How much time do you think was put into that decision?

Do you think any of them thought about the implications of their choices?

Maybe they think humans are deaf, dumb, and blind?

I can't possibly be the first human to figure out their secret. We aren't all so wrapped up in our lives that we don't notice when a family of beyond-gorgeous people waltzes into our town!

And their whole 'we want to be human' shtick, I just don't get that at all.

I realize Carlisle took something from them when he turned them into vampires. Edward, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett were on their deathbeds when he intervened and savedtheir lives. From the stories I've been told, it's not like Carlisle could've given them the choice. It was either vampirism or death. He chose to share his immortality with them and allow them to live a second life.

Now, if it were me, I'd be grateful. And I think Esme and Emmett are. They seem to have embraced their new life, at least as much as they're able while living with so many restrictions and rules placed upon them. On the other hand, Edward and Rosalie hate their immortality with a fiery passion. Rosalie especially.

But, at the end of the day, it's not like they can change what's happened. They can't go back. This isn't the Vampire Diaries, there is no cure for vampirism! So, what's the point of living in the past and wasting your life away, pretending to be something you aren't when the whole world is open to you?

If they're so unhappy with their existence, do something about it! Instead of whining like the child you're pretending to be!

They could be doing so much to better themselves and the world. They have the time, the money, and the education to make real changes to the world. And yet, all they do is sit in a classroom day in and day out playing make-believe.

So much for Carlisle's stance on 'all human lives matter', just not enough to get off your asses and make the world a better place.

Why is it only Carlisle gets to have a career? They could all be doing so much more!

Of course, when I brought this point up, Rosalie insisted they couldn't do anything because they needed to remain under the radar.

Sure. I get that.

Keeping their secret is vital. I totally agree with that.

But, honestly, if that's their main concern, they're doing a shoddy job so far.

I'd say driving a convertible BMW in the rain capital of the United States is suspicious.

Or wasting food in the cafeteria. Do they think nobody has noticed they don't eat? Both Angela and Jessica have mentioned it to me. Several times!

And don't even get me started on what the humans think of the Cullen siblings living in the same house and dating each other. Doesn't matter that they're not related. Fact is, to a human, that's weird. And a major source of gossip in a small town. Which then brings more attention to their strange family. More questions are posed that the Cullens can't and won't answer, which makes them even more intriguing.

Would it have been so difficult to keep their relationships private?

This is not The Fosters, people. Callie and Brandon's relationship was weird enough but at least they weren't openly dating and their parents reacted appropriately when they found out.

The Cullen kids all live in the same house! It's implied that they're all having sex—at least that's what everyone thinks—and Carlisle and Esme allow this to happen! To a human, who doesn't know the truth, that's weird. It's gossip-worthy.

Then there's my biggest concern. The one difference that immediately caught my attention. Their temperature.

Having Dr. Cullen as a doctor must suck. I know, if I had testicles, there'd be no way in hell Dr. Cullen would be allowed anywhere near them with those ice fingers.

Has nobody noticed how cold the doctor is?

Has nobody questioned why their doctor is a literal ice sculpture?

Maybe I'm being too judgmental. But, to me, it seems like there are some massive, glaring problems in their choices. Especially considering, it's so important for them to remain under the radar and keep their secret.

It's their biggest, most important law!

Keep the secret.

And yet, here they are, flaunting it in front of a town full of humans, just asking to be outed.

Emmett once told me, how others of their kind look down on them for their way of life, and, you know what, I'm not surprised. If I was a vampire, as much as I love them all, there is no way in hell I'd follow twinkle toes and his merry band of idiots.

Vampires in high school!

What the hell are they thinking?

. . .

. . . .

. . . . .

. . . . . .

Breathe Bella.

. . .

. . . .

. . . . .

. . . . . .

It's their choice.

It takes all kinds of people to make the world go around. Even idiots.

. . .

. . . .

. . . . .

. . . . . .

I apologize. I get a little passionate about these things.

Edward did mention they occasionally attend college.

I can see the advantage of higher education. It has its appeal. And it seems a lot better than high school.

I just . . . I don't get it.

I can't seem to wrap my head around it.

High school.

Who the hell wants to spend eternity being bored to death in a classroom full of delicious-smelling blood bags?

I'm shocked one of them hasn't snapped and massacred the whole fuckin' school out of sheer boredom!

Once I found out his secret, it became glaringly obvious to me that Edward and I were never going to be anything more than friends. Yes, I wanted in his pants, but after the first time he kissed me with those ice lips, I was having some serious reservations about putting a popsicle penis inside my vagina.

That thought—a popsicle penis—bought up a whole slew of questions. Like, will the heat of my vagina melt his dick?

Edward's told me vampires can't have sex with humans, is that because of the risk to the vampire's genitals?

Is melted penis the vampire equivalent of human erectile dysfunction?

Worse yet, could his freezing temperature cause me harm? If we were to have sex, should I worry about frostbite?

Being next to him or feeling his arms wrap around me, isn't a pleasant experience.

He's fuckin' freezing.

And solid as a rock! His skin is like granite.

It'll be like humping a fuckin' boulder!

I don't find solace in his arms. I just find it to be extremely uncomfortable. And fuckin' cold!

By this point, I was having some serious concerns about our relationship. No matter how beautiful he is, no boy is worth risking my health. Or getting frostbite of the vagina.

How the hell do you explain that to a doctor?

And, beyond my concerns for our romantic, and sexual compatibility, I also learned, Edward Cullen is a prude.

Although now I think about it, that might work out in my favour. But no way in hell was I about to settle down and marry him! I'm not even eighteen. And that's the only way he'd considered a sexual relationship.

I'm certainly no prude. It may not be a lot, but I have some experience. I read erotica. I've read Fifty Shades and seen the movies. I watch porn. I masturbate. I've got a treasure chest full of toys stashed in my closet. I've been on a couple of dates. Made out with a couple of guys and a few girls. I've been felt up. Dry humped. Fingered. Orgasmed. Stroked and sucked a few cocks.

I've just never felt the pleasure of a man entering me. I've never made love to a man I adore.

I also have a very open, highly sexual mother.

She didn't go to PTA meetings. She didn't make cookies for the bake sales. Or attend . . . well, anything. It was a rare occasion I could get her to go to a parent-teacher conference. And the one time she did attend . . . well, let's just say, I got an A in math that year and didn't even earn it myself.

She wasn't what I'd call a good mother . . .

She tried. When I was little. But, by the time I was four, she'd lost interest in raising me.

What she did teach me, from a very early age, was self-respect. To love myself. To have confidence in myself and my desires. To embrace life and listen to my body's needs.

Over the years, I've seen my mother with men and women. She was a nudist for a year. We lived in a commune where physically sharing your body was seen as a religious experience. I've seen her submit to her partner. Seen her dominate a sexy sub. She's had a pet . . . not the animal variety. She used to make him bark like a dog, which I found highly entertaining.

Renee doesn't discriminate. She loves sex and pleasure. I've seen her be monogamous. I've seen her share. I've seen her date two men at once. Or one man and a woman. Or two women.

When I was thirteen, she put me on the pill and taught me about safe sex and consent. She taught me how to say no if that's what I choose. She put me through self-defense classes to ensure I was always safe. She bought me pepper spray and a taser, just in case. She said it was better to be safe and prepared than find myself in a dangerous situation.

She taught me to love my body and never feel ashamed.

Sex was never something taboo in our house. It was discussed openly and honestly. Hell, sometimes it was even performed in the living room when Renee couldn't stumble her way up to her bedroom.

I've found her sprawled on the floor with her partner many times. Or in the kitchen. The bathroom. On the couch. Against the wall.

My mother encouraged me to masturbate. To find pleasure within myself and learn what my body likes or dislikes. She said, "How can you expect your partner to bring you pleasure if you aren't able to find it in yourself first."

When I turned fifteen, she gave me my first vibrator. At sixteen, she gave me a dildo and taught me how to suck a man's cock. At seventeen she took me to her favourite sex shop and let me pick out a few toys.

She wanted me to be safe and well-informed. She never encouraged me to go out and have sex, though she didn't discourage it, either.

Despite my unorthodox education and her teachings, I'm nothing like my mother. I'm seventeen and still a virgin. Until I find someone whom I feel a connection with, someone whom I love, who loves me, I plan to stay that way. But I'm not about to wait until I get married! If I ever get married!

But at a whopping one-hundred and twenty-one years old, Edward Cullen is still a virgin.

We had this conversation a while back. He's never had sex. Never pleasured himself. Never had an erection. Never wanted or felt an attraction to another person!

To me, that seemed . . . inconceivable.

He's a vampire!

From what Alice has told me when they're turned into vampires, their libidos are cranked up to 'horny every damn day'. Even when they're not mated, they masturbate constantly or take companions or lovers. Some even take humans as their pets!

She also told me, change is rare in vampires. They're frozen at whatever state they were turned. In Edward's case, he was turned into a vampire when he was a seventeen-year-old boy!

A seventeen-year-old boy who's chockful of hormones and emotions. Shouldn't that have transferred over to his vampire life? According to Alice, yes!

Now, I don't know about boys during Edward's time, but I know teenage boys from this era and most of them are unable to control themselves, their hormones, or their trouser winkie when a pretty girl walks past.

So, my question is, how the hell is it possible that Edward Cullen has never had an erection or felt a physical attraction to someone?

Is it a lie?

What would be the point of lying to me?

Is he just telling me this because he thinks that's what I want to hear?

It's certainly not. I'd much rather he was experienced. I'd rather share my first time with someone who knows what they're doing. Someone who can make me feel safe and secure but also loved and cherished.

At this point, I was questioning whether he was asexual. When I brought it up, he didn't understand what that meant, so I explained that people who identify as asexual experience little or no sexual attraction to others.

His response to my question was . . . disturbing. Hateful. Disgusting. And full of prejudice and loathing.

I won't repeat what he said here.

I don't need that negativity in my life. This is a place of love and acceptance. No matter who you are or how you identify.

Admittedly, I don't know a lot about what it means to be asexual. But from what I've read and seen, their relationships can be emotional, spiritual, and romantic. Take away all the sexual aspects of a relationship and what you have is, I believe, something incredibly passionate and beautiful.

When Edward was done spewing his hate, I told him where he could shove his awful opinions and stormed out of the Cullen house without a word to anyone.

From the look on their faces, I'm pretty sure the members of his family were as disgusted by him as I was.

Not even an hour later, Emmett, Alice, and Jasper were knocking on my door. They apologized for Edward's appalling behavior and promised none of them are closeminded or judgmental when it comes to others' life choices.

Apparently, to most vampires, sex is limitless and unrestricted. They live so long that they have endless time to enjoy all the pleasures life has to offer. Most of their kind consider themselves to be bisexual. Not all of them, of course. But many supernatural beings swing both ways.

But Edward is an unusual case.

"You hafta understand, Darlin', when we go through the change, our inhibitions are stripped away," Jasper explained. "Don't matter the period you were born into, or what you were taught, as vampires we're chockfull of emotions and passion and desire. All those needs culminate in what I call the three f's. Fightin'. Feedin'. And fuckin'. And durin' our first few years, we'll often do all three at the same time."

Wow.

I mean . . . just wow.

It was the most I'd ever heard Jasper speak. And, fuck me, if it wasn't the sexiest sound I'd ever heard. That accent. The way he called me 'Darlin''. The way his mouth moved. It was . . . oh, wow.

Apparently, Edward is the exception to most things. Carlisle puts it down to his age. He thinks he turned Edward when he was too young. Too naive.

"But you don't believe that," I said, watching Jasper as Emmett and Alice made excuses for Edward's behavior.

"No, Darlin'. I don't." He answered me honestly. "Edward was coddled by his human mother. When Carlisle turned him, he was once again an only child and spoiled. Anythin' he wanted, Carlisle gave it to him. There was never any discipline for his behavior. He didn't teach the boy or guide him the way you'd expect a Sire to do fer their progeny. Then Esme came along and took the place of his mother. She was able to give him somethin' Carlisle couldn't."

"So, he's a momma's boy."

He nodded. "But fer Eddie it goes deeper than that," Jasper smirked. Damn. That was sexy, too. "See, Darlin', it ain't that Eddie's never felt attraction or lust or desire, it ain't that he's never had an erection, it's just that what arouses him, what he's drawn to, and his desires, ain't somethin' his Victorian era mindset can comprehend or accept."

"Which is why he acts like a prude," Emmett interjected. "It's the way his momma taught him and his mind is stuck in that era."

"But his body and his vampire mind ain't," Jasper finished. "His human morals are constantly at war with his vampiric nature."

I blinked. And frowned. "I'm sorry. I'm not following . . ."

Jasper's eyes shifted to Alice and she nodded. "She needs to know. It's important."

He looked back at me. "Okay, Darlin'. Tell me, do you know what it means to be submissive?"

Ah. Now, that I understood. "I do." I nodded.

Alice smiled brightly as Emmett let out a low, angry growl. "You're seventeen!" He hissed. "How the fu—fudge do you know what that is, Bells?"

I smiled and shrugged. "You'd be surprised by the things I know, Emmett."

Jasper smiled widely at the look of shock on Emmett's face.

"Edward is a submissive male. What we would call an Omega," Jasper went on. "He likes to think he's dominant and plays that role in all his relationships. But, that ain't the case. His gift has made him cocky. He thinks, by readin' our minds, he has some deeper insight into all of us and that makes him the ultimate Alpha male. But his attempts to take on the role and dominate leave him soundin' like an arrogant, misogynistic, spoiled jackass."

I smiled. It was nice he didn't sensor himself for me. The others would have spoken far less colorfully and that was always annoying. If you're going to cuss, just cuss.

"But that boy ain't an Alpha," Jasper growled. "He might be able to hide and fool all others, but he can't hide from my gift." He smirked. "I know exactly what he is and what he wants."

"And that's to submit?"

Jasper nodded. "He wants a strong, dominant Alpha female who'll dominate him, take control of him, and lead the relationship. Now, I can't tell ya the kinds of things he's into, but I can tell ya, with my gift, I know just how desperate he is to drop to his knees every time yer around. Everythin' about ya, calls to the submissive in him, Darlin'. The scent of yer blood. Yer body. Yer silent mind. Yer voice. But his mind and his human morals get in his way and he ends up sayin' somethin' stupid and pissin' ya off."

I wasn't entirely sure what to do with this information. Though I trusted what they were saying, I'd never seen anything that would indicate Edward is a submissive male. Is he so good at hiding his desires that the only way to tell is through an empathic gift like Jaspers?

"Oh, and Bell, trust us," Emmett pipped up, "Eddie ain't as much of a prude as he's so desperate to make ya believe. As far as we know, he's never had sex, but that boy spends more time shakin' hands with the milkman than the whole house. Combined."

So, according to Emmett—who, as far as I know, has never lied to me—Edward has masturbated. This means he was lying to me when he said he'd never masturbated or had an erection. In a house full of vampires, with extraordinary hearing, that wouldn't be something he could hide from them.

Did he think I wouldn't find out?

Why is it such a big secret in the first place?

After my conversation with Jasper, Emmett, and Alice, it took Edward four days to come groveling back with his tail between his legs, a bunch of flowers, and a lame-ass apology.

Well, not this time buster! I told him where he could shove his flowers and slammed the door in his face.

Knowing he lied made me less inclined to forgive him this time. I know it's something small and trivial, it shouldn't matter, but it did. It got under my skin. And made me wonder. If he could lie to me about masturbating—something I see as insignificant—what else could he lie to me about?

I was honest with him. Vulnerable with him. I trusted him! He knows my sexual history. He knows I masturbate. He knows I fantasize. I've never held back with him. All I've ever asked is that he gives me the same respect.

I know he grew up in a vastly different era. I get that his morals are entirely different from my own. I'm a modern woman. Edward is a Victorian-era, traditional boy. But this is twenty-twenty-two. We are no longer in nineteen seventeen. It's time he joined us in this era and realized, lying is not okay. Even about the small things. Because if he can lie so easily about his sexual preferences and hold back who he is, what else isn't he telling me?

A/N: Shaking hands with the milkman is a euphemism for masturbating.