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– Bella's POV –

For a time, I believed, meeting the Cullens and figuring out their secret was a sign from up above. Maybe this was my path in life. To be a vampire.

It made sense to me.

For the first time in my life, I felt like I belonged somewhere.

My relationship with the Cullen family went beyond Edward. Beyond anything I imagined it would be. It wasn't familial. I don't think of Esme and Carlisle and my parents or the others as siblings.

This was something so much different.

It was carnal.

It was a need to mark and claim.

They were mine.

And I was willing to end my human life and join them in immortality if it meant I could keep them.

Of course, Edward crapped all over that when he refused to allow me to be turned.

He refused to ALLOW me to be turned.

Uh-huh.

He refused to ALLOW me to be turned. Like it was his decision and had no bearing on my life at all.

And then he made sure the rest of his family knew they were not to betray him and go against his wishes.

The worst part is, I seemed to just accept it.

He patted my head like a fuckin' dog, told me that I didn't know what I was saying and that maybe it would be best if I don't think on the subject any longer. He's the man and he'll take care of me.

Then all of a sudden, I'm doubting myself.

Maybe I don't know what I'm saying.

Maybe he's right.

Edward usually is.

I should just listen to what Edward says and let Edward make my decisions from now on. Edward's a man. Edward knows what's best for me after all.

. . .

. . .

. . .

WHAT. THE. FUCK!

. . .

. . .

. . .

Talk about taking feminism back to the Victoria era.

I don't know what happened. Or what he did to me, but it isn't the first time he's done it.

All the sexiness aside, this is no longer a relationship I want to be part of. No boy is worth this mental abuse. No matter how gorgeous he is or how turned on I get thinking about him submitting to me.

He has no respect for me. I've tried to talk to him, to be honest with him, But . . . I'm not sure what happens. My mouth says one thing and my body and actions do the opposite. It's frustrating and . . . terrifying.

I've always been good at speaking my mind. I have a very colorful vocabulary. I'm not shy. I love my body. I don't mind showing off a little, in the right circumstances, but I'm not going to waltz into school wearing a push-up bra, miniskirt, and hooker heels. I'm adventurous. I like having fun. I love food. And I'm not nearly as clumsy as I've become in Edward's presence.

But with Edward, it's like everything about my personality vanishes and I become this completely different person. The Bella I am with Edward . . . she's my worst nightmare! Shy. Quiet. A freakin' mouse. Who lets her boyfriend—how the hell did he become my boyfriend?—make all her decisions for her! I'm dizzy all the time, which seems to screw with my balance and turn me into a klutz. My brain is in a constant fog. And all I want to do is run as far and fast as I can, but my body won't listen and I end up following wherever Edward drags me.

In the rare moments of clarity, I've tried breaking up with him. That's usually about the time I have another near-death experience and Edward shows up like a knight in a silver Volvo to rescue me.

I've never had so many near-death experiences. Who knew Forks, Washington was so freakin dangerous!

First the van incident. Then a group of thugs in Port Angeles wanted to rape me and Edward miraculously showed up to save my life. I was almost mugged and stabbed by a homeless person while shopping with Alice in Seattle. Then I tripped down the stairs at school and would have broken my neck if it weren't for Edward catching me. Alice and I went to the movies a few weeks back and I almost went ass over tip when some neanderthal tried to push me over the railing and steal my purse as I went up the stairs! I was hanging on for dear life, thinking my timecard had been punched, when Edward suddenly appeared out of nowhere!

I mean seriously. What. The. Fuck?

Then came the worst of it. Edward and his family invited me to watch them play baseball. And, of course, it just happened to be the day three nomads decided to attack because my blood is apparently catnip to vampires!

Seriously?

Do I smell so good that these nomads would risk going up against a Coven of seven vampires just to get a taste of my blood?

Granted, at least four of the seven aren't fighters. But that's still an evenly-matched fight. And, from what I saw on the baseball field that day and then in the ballet studio when he saved my life, Jasper is not someone to underestimate.

Once the nomads attacked, my vampire family was spurred into action. Alice said there were two paths we could take; stay and fight, or run.

Guess which path Edward demanded we take?

Yep.

It was decided, by Edward, that I needed to run. Jasper, and all his tactical, military training said we needed to stay and fight. That way, the nomads would be taken care of at once without running the risk of one or more escaping when they separated to hunt us.

Edward insisted the three nomads had no ties to each other and if they didn't kill them all, the others wouldn't be a problem.

Alice, of course, agreed with Edward.

So, it was put to a vote.

Uh-huh. The safety of my life was put to a vote!

Emmett, Rosalie, and Esme agreed with Jasper. We needed to stay and fight.

Edward and Alice insisted we needed to run.

Now, I'm not that great at maths, it's pretty much my worst subject, but I can count. It was four against two in Jasper's favour.

Can you guess what happened next?

Uh-huh. That's right. Carlisle stepped in and caved to the idiot boy's wishes.

What the fuck was the point in voting if Carlisle was just going to go with what Edward wanted in the first place?

I'll say it again; What. The. Fuck?

Why ignore Jasper's training? The man is an experienced, battle-hardened warrior. I've seen his scars. And, though Edward refuses to tell me anything that might upset my delicate sensibilities, I'm pretty sure you don't get scars like Jasper's by running and hiding!

. . .

. . .

. . .

Deep breaths Bella. Deep breaths.

. . .

. . .

. . .

So, anyway. It was decided by Edward that Alice and Jasper would take me away while the others tracked the Tracker and kept Charlie safe.

It didn't make any sense to me. Why on earth did Edward think it was better to flee the state rather than stay and fight? It was seven against three. It's not like they aren't all supernaturally strong beings, capable of fighting and defending one lone human.

Even if they separated so that a few of them were guarding me and Charlie, while the others fought, it was still an uneven fight. They had the upper hand. They were on their territory. And yet, we still ran across the freakin' country!

And, just in case you weren't paying attention, James is a Tracker. According to a member of his own Coven, a highly formidable one. The dude is fuckin' powerful! He hunts humans and vampires and other supernatural beings for sport! And Edward decided to run away? From a skilled, gifted, TRACKER.

Edward insisted. And when Edward speaks, it's gospel in that house. You do what he says because he is gifted, he can see and hear all, and for some reason, nobody can question The Almighty Edward and his dumb ass decisions.

And Carlisle—as gorgeous and lovely as he is, and as much as I respect the man—is a pansy-ass pacifist. He claims to be the leader of his Coven, and yet he kowtows to Edward and Alice's every whim!

Yes, I'm throwing Alice in there, too. I don't know what it is, but there's something off about that girl. I don't trust her at all! Now, I could be wrong. Hopefully, I am. But there's something deep in my gut that keeps telling me not to trust her. All she has to do is bat her lashes at Carlisle and tell him she's seen it in a vision and he crumples like a paper napkin!

Can you guess what happened next? I bet, if you think really hard, you'll figure it out.

James—the TRACKER—found us.

Yup.

Real shocker.

The words, 'well duh' sort of spring to mind.

Running did absolutely no good whatsoever. Once he found me, the Tracker forced my hand.

He said he had my mum.

I heard her screaming for me.

Pleading for her life.

Turns out, he lied.

I know, I'm as shocked as you.

In hindsight, I should have called home to check on her. That's my bad. But, in my defense, I heard my mum scream and my mind went blank. I just reacted!

So, I snuck away from Alice and Jasper.

To be honest, it wasn't that hard, either. I was surprised Alice didn't see it.

Of course, I found out quickly that my mum was safe in Florida with Phil. Then I felt like a tool for falling for his crap.

Lessoned learned.

Vampires make excellent liars.

The fight that followed was . . . not gonna lie, it was brutal.

Apparently, humans are no match for vampires. Who knew?

The bastard tossed me around like a paper doll.

He broke my leg. I had bruised ribs. He cracked my skull against a concrete wall and threw me into a wall of mirrors. The falling shards sliced my skin open.

Somehow, along the way, he found out Edward wasn't planning to turn me. No idea how he came across that information! So, James thought he'd help the boy out rather than just kill me. He said it would torture poor Eddie more than if he just drained me.

The fight was short-lived, of course.

There isn't much I can do against a vampire. It's like an ant trying to fight a T-Rex. The ant is always going to get squished.

But, when your choices are to fight, die, or risk being turned . . . what's a girl to do?

Until the nomads attacked, I was set on my path. I knew I wanted to be turned and live the rest of my life with my new vampire family. Despite their downfalls, I love them. I had no interest in being Edward's mate, but I figured, as a vampire, I could kick his ass myself and, admittedly, I was looking forward to that.

But, if I'm being honest, after seeing how they all reacted to the nomad's attack, I wasn't so sure this family was the best fit for me. Seeing how Edward handled an enemy was eye-opening. And more than a little frightening.

But seeing how his family bent to his wishes without question, now that was disturbing.

I was starting to wonder if there was something I don't know about Edward. Is his gift more than simply telepathy?

I was told he could only read the surface thoughts, maybe it's more than that. Maybe he's like Charles Xavier.

Whatever he could do, or whatever was going on with him, he was obviously capable of more than I realized. This incident was my first real indication—that I'm aware of—that, although he's sexy, that's pretty much where the buck stops with Edward. He isn't a man. I don't believe he's capable of making a grown-up decision or acting like a man. He's too young. Juvenile. And, he's certainly no Alpha male.

But, at the time, none of that mattered. I was alone with The Tracker. Edward and the majority of his family were miles away.

Well, all except one. One of them was there . . .

Thankfully, just as James bit me, the loudest, darkest, most horrific roar filled the air and Jasper appeared from nowhere.

I've never seen anyone so . . . glorious.

He was spectacular.

I don't remember much of that night, except for the excruciating pain. The venom was like molten lava, like acid flowing rapidly through my veins.

I do, however, vividly remember the moment Jasper came crashing through the arched window. I remember the sound of his vicious snarl. The way his tall, lean body was coiled and ready to spring. And his eyes. He had the darkest look I had ever seen. I suddenly felt overwhelmed with lethargy and saw James waiver on his feet.

"The great and powerful, Major! You can't beat me!" James had snarled.

The fight was quick and, as I said, merciless. I could barely see what was happening, they were moving so fast, but I had a sense that James was no match for Jasper.

I remember wondering who this man was. He certainly wasn't a pansy-ass pacifist.

And then it was over, James was defeated, and Jasper knelt beside me, gently lifting me into his arms. The moment he touched me a gentle warmth spread through my body. Jasper, unlike the others, wasn't cold. His skin felt warm and soft beneath my fingertips. I felt at peace. Safe. And as a current of electricity shot through me, I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

"Jas . . . sper . . ."

"No, little Darlin', I ain't Jasper." He whispered, confusing me. "Shh. I'll explain everythin' later." He promised. "When we get you through this, we're gonna have a long talk bout you runnin' from me . . ." He chuckled. "If you were mine, I'd spank yer ass red for disobeyin' my command."

I stared up at him. Despite the chuckle, there was no humor in his tone or his eyes. He was completely serious.

"In that case, next time I disobey you," I coughed and sputtered, "I promise not to wear panties."

"Ah. She's a feisty little kitten." His smile was beautiful. "My kinda woman."

The pain was horrendous. My vision was fuzzy and I could barely hear the words he was speaking to me.

I must have blacked out. I remember someone arguing and shouting. I remember Jasper's snarl and then his whispered promise that it would all be okay soon.

"Jas . . ."

"Shh. It's okay, little kitten. I'm here."

I remember more pain as Jasper dropped his head and sank his teeth into my wrist. I remember my body bowing against his as if I were being pulled toward him by some invisible, powerful force. I remember feeling the light, gentle pressure of his hand against the back of my head as he drank from me.

And I remember, with almost perfect clarity, the pain being swept away, replaced by the most sensual, powerful pleasure.

I'm not ashamed to admit, as Jasper held me against his hard, muscular body, his teeth embedded into my wrist, my body arched into his and I came. Hard.

The pleasure wracked through me, sending torrents of bliss from the roots of my hair to the tips of my toes. It washed over me like a warm, powerful wave, crashing against the shore. At that moment, my whole body came alive.

It was like waking from a long, long nap. I felt rejuvenated. Energized. Safe. Protected. Whole.

From his deep, guttural groan, Jasper came right alongside me. I could feel his muscular body pressed intimately against mine. Feel his hardness. Feel his arousal. Feel his length throb and pulse as he climaxed with me.

It was the single most erotic, sensual experience of my life.

The next time I opened my eyes, I was waking up in a hospital bed with Edward staring down at me.

"Jasper . . ." I whispered, my eyes seeking his in the sterile, white hospital room.

But he wasn't there.

Edward explained that, after Jasper had found me and sucked out the venom—I later found out he did it on Edward's orders—he was asked to leave the Coven. Edward insisted Jasper was going to drain me now that he had a taste of my blood.

The Cullens—mainly Carlisle, and Edward—believed he needed time to refocus his commitment to animal blood after tasting human blood for the first time in decades.

Apparently, the taste of my blood had awoken something in him and his bloodlust was now out of control. This meant I, and everyone in Forks, was in danger if he were to come back. And as Edward and Rosalie liked to continuously remind me, his absence from the Coven was all my fault.

They were only half right. If I hadn't run off to face James without them, Jasper wouldn't have had to save my life.

However, I'm not the one who pissed off an unknown nomad. I'm not the one who demanded we run across the country instead of fighting on our turf. And I'm certainly not the one who insisted Jasper suck out James' venom. Those idiotic decisions were all on Edward.

After the attack, and my little stint in the hospital, I was assured by Carlisle and Edward that there was no venom left inside of me. All traces of James's scent had been removed and my blood was clean.

When I asked about Jasper's venom, from when he bit me, Edward assured me Jasper never bit down on my wrist, therefore he never injected any venom into my system. Something I know to be a lie. I felt him bite. I felt his teeth slice through my flesh. It's what sent me reeling over the edge and into bliss. The moment his mouth was on my skin, his teeth biting down on my wrist, everything inside of me came alive.

I couldn't tell Edward this, though. He'd throw a fit!

Anytime I mentioned anything remotely sexual he looked like he was sucking on a sour lemon.

About a month later, I did ask Alice. Though I felt perfectly fine, I couldn't understand why Jasper's venom wasn't affecting me. Edward told me even a minuscule drop into a human's bloodstream would trigger the change.

She took both of my hands in hers as we sat together on the couch in Charlie's living room. "Do you trust me, Bella?" She asked, all serious.

To be honest, when she asked me this question, I wasn't sure. Even now, six months later, I'm still not sure. It's hard to read Alice. Sometimes you think she's on your side, and then she does something that completely dissuades that. Then, the next thing you know, she's sweet, kind and helpful, or encouraging.

I decided it was best, to be honest.

"I don't know," I answered her. "Sometimes. And then sometimes you leave me questioning your motives."

"Fair enough." She nodded but didn't elaborate or alleviate my concerns. "I can't tell you much. What I can say is that Jasper's venom is . . . special."

"Special?" I frowned. "How so?"

She shook her head. "Right now, that's all I can say. When it's time for you to know, you will."

I have no idea what she meant. Special venom? What the hell is that about? I figured—like she said—when I'm meant to know, I will.

After the ballet studio incident, life went on. But things were different. Altered.

I continued dating Edward. He took me to his meadow. Dragged me to school dances and other functions. But as I interacted with my friends and became closer to Jessica, Angela, and Mike, Edward began pulling me away. He insisted I didn't need to be associating with their sort. When I was invited to a party or out with my girlfriends, Edward would insist I decline, and, though I didn't want to, I would.

Over the summer, Edward kept me occupied. We stayed away from his family home for a long time, which I didn't understand but when he began getting angry each time I brought up the subject, I stopped asking.

As more time passed, I began to notice the changes in him. He was paranoid I was going to get hurt or that I was in danger. I couldn't move without him hovering like an overprotective, fussing mother.

He was distracted, though he'd never tell me what was bothering him. He was also becoming more and more aggressive. Sometimes his control slips and he's too rough with me. He holds me too hard and leaves bruises. At one point, I even had teeth marks embedded in my neck where he'd bitten down too hard.

Carlisle and Esme have talked to him, insisting he needed to be gentler, but he snaps at them to mind their own business and they don't try again.

A few weeks ago, he almost took Emmett's head off. I don't know what Em was thinking, but I felt his dick twitch against my belly as he held me and then, all of a sudden, Edward attacked. Emmett had me behind him but, dizzy and disorientated, I stumbled, fell against the wall, and hit my head.

When I woke up, I was in the hospital with Alice hovering over me. Carlisle tended to my bruises and the headwound. Thankfully, I hadn't bled. But I did have a concussion.

Edward tried to insist he would take care of me but I'd had enough of him for one lifetime. I asked Alice if she'd like to stay over instead.

We were doing the girly things you do at a sleepover—nails, movies, popcorn, gossip—when Alice told me Edward was outside my bedroom window and she better go. I told her to stay put, locked my window, shut the curtains, and told Edward if he interrupted my time with Alice, I'd spend every night with her until Jasper returned home. As it was Edward's ridiculous idea to have Jasper ostracized from his family—for something Edward himself ordered—it was only right that I should keep Alice company until his return.

He growled and demanded I let him in, but with Alice standing beside me, I felt a little bit more powerful.

I refused to bow to his demands and went back to enjoying our sleepover.

It didn't last though.

When I woke up the next morning, Edward was sitting in my rocking chair and Alice was nowhere in sight.

I found out later that Edward had threatened Alice's life if she didn't leave. She still refused so he threatened to burn the whole house down and kill Charlie.

So not only was he becoming more aggressive, but he was more possessive than ever. And I had no idea why.

Ever since the incident at the ballet studio, he's flipped his lid.

And I'm not sure how much more I can take.