Chapter 11

Caring for Alexis the past few days had been an interesting experience for Castle to say the least. Having Meredith around the house for more than a day was a rare experience, not that he wasn't appreciative. She was an immense help around the house to both him and Alexis, who loved having both of her parents around snuggled up on the couch and reading her bedtime stories.

However, Meredith's presence had tugged at some old wounds. Having her staying in his home with their daughter, making dinner and watching TV together had made him wonder what life would have been like had things worked out between them. The fact that there was still a great deal of sexual tension after all this time didn't help the situation. In fact, in the short time they were reunited there had been too many close calls to count. But they had managed to keep their hands to themselves. For the most part.

It had taken him longer than expected but thankfully he had moved on from her and was content with his life with Alexis. No matter what happened between them there was always going to be an intense attraction. That wasn't something you could just write off. But that is all it was and all it would ever be again. Attraction.

A week had passed which meant the time had come for Castle to get back to work. He hated leaving Alexis but he knew she was in the good hands of the redheads. Besides, he needed to get back to the one woman who might actually need his help. As excited as he was to see Kate again, he was just as nervous.

The last time he saw her they had just woken up naked in bed together. He had freaked out when he realised just how badly this could end, then had to leave before they could gage whether they could go back to normal or not. But he didn't want normal, he wanted them to do it all over again without the potential consequences. Without developing feelings.

Every time he got a moment alone, he would replay the night over and over again. He wanted to relive the way they moved together in harmony, how her hands felt in his hair and on his back. The way she responded when he touched her where she wanted him most was an image he remembered as clear as day and swore he would never forget. The more he thought about it, the less meaningless it became.

Castle rode the elevator of Kate's building to her floor. He stood outside for a moment going over what he was going to say when he saw her. Should he just make small talk or would the encounter be too awkward for that? Thankfully when he knocked on the door, it wasn't Kate who answered.

"Coops, what's up!" Castle greeted as he strolled into the apartment. "How's it going?"

"Ricky!" Nick cheered shaking his hand and pulling him into a hug. "Can't complain. How's the little one?"

"She's doing great." He glanced around the room expecting to see Kate, but she wasn't there. "And how's she been?"

"She's been pretty quiet, mostly kept to herself. But overall, a cooperative client."

"You're kidding, right? Are we talking about the same person?"

Nick laughed. "I guess you trained her pretty well before I got here. Anyways, I'm gonna bounce. Call me if you need anything."

"You got it! And Coops? Thanks again for this, I really appreciate it."

"She's a breath of fresh air compared to the usual clients," he admitted. "Not to mention a total smoke show! See you soon, Ricky."

Once Nick had left, Castle unpacked his things before knocking on Kate's bedroom door. The cocktail of nervousness and excitement had spiked inside him. When he heard her voice call out to come in, he felt his heart skip a beat. That's when he opened the door to see the picturesque image of her laying on her bed reading.

"Hey," was all he managed to say before noticing a displeasing expression on her face.

"Oh," she sighed. "So you decided to come back?"

"Yeah? I told you I would."

"Technically you didn't say anything to me." She tossed her book onto the bed and stood up. "You told Nick and Nick told me. So, why did you disappear for a week?"

"Oh, it was a personal matter. But it's all good now."

"Really?" she scoffed now standing in front of him. "Just like that it's fixed?"

"What are you talking about?" he asked completely oblivious to what was happening.

"You tell me. You're the one who fled after we slept together."

"What?" he laughed.

"Oh, don't act so naïve. That conversation we had in the kitchen before you left, it scared you. So you packed up everything and left." Kate pushed past him out into the living area, leaving him standing clueless behind her.

"Okay, hold the phone." He followed her out and held his hands up defensively. "Me leaving had nothing to do with you, so pipe down. And we've already talked about this. There's nothing complicated about what happened. Why do you care anyway?"

"Why do I care?" Now standing in the kitchen, she spun around to face him. "Because I feel used!" she admitted. "We sleep together and then you vanish. Do you have any idea how objectified that makes a person feel?"

That hadn't even occurred to him. He had left with nothing but Alexis occupying his mind. Over the course of the week he had realised that he was being distant, but he hadn't realised how bad it looked from her perspective. She tried to reach out to him and he purposely didn't make conversation. The reason as to why… he had yet to admit to himself.

"Kate, I'm sorry," he apologised. "That hadn't even crossed my mind."

"Then why did you leave in such a hurry."

Castle sighed. "I had to go because there was an emergency involving my daughter."

Her eyes widened. "Your daughter?" she repeated. "You have a daughter?"

"Yeah, I do. She broke her ankle and I rushed to the hospital to make sure everything was okay. I spent the last week with her at home."

Kate felt a little embarrassed at her outbreak but deemed it still somewhat justified. "So why didn't you just explain that to me in person or over the phone?"

"I don't know! I guess I was a little all over the place between what happened with us and then this." He watched as she went from angry to fragile in a matter of seconds. "But I promise it wasn't because I used you. In fact, if I could use you again I would." Realising how bad that sounded, he tried to fix it. "That came out wrong. I don't mean I'd use you! I mean if we were to… you know… again, I wouldn't leave. I mean, I'd leave! I'm not going to attach myself to you." He paused. "I'm digging a hole here, aren't I?"

Kate couldn't help but smile at his attempt to explain himself. "Yeah, that wasn't your finest moment. But it's okay, Castle. I know what you meant. And I'm sorry for snapping at you."

"It was justified, but apology accepted."

Castle being a father was not something Kate would have expected, yet somehow it made total sense. It explained the private phone calls he would make around the same time every night, as well as the few random stickers spread across his belongings.

"You never told me you had a daughter," Kate pointed out.

"Is it that hard to believe?"

"I just never got the 'dad' vibe off of you," she chucked. "What's her name?"

"Alexis. She's five going on thirty."

"Sounds like a handful," Kate chuckled. "Where's her mom, if you don't mind me asking?"

"As we speak, she's at my apartment with Alexis. Meredith and I split up soon after she was born. We were unhappy even before she was conceived. Alexis was the only reason we stayed together as long as we did. But we decided it would be best if we ended things before Lex would be old enough to remember." He smiled at the thought of his daughter. "Meredith is an actress so she's always traveling and working weird hours. Not to be ungrateful or anything, but being a mother was never really her thing. That's why I have sole custody."

"Sounds to me like you were the one cut out to be a mom," Kate pointed out, looking up at him with a sweet smile.

For the first time that day, their eyes met in a sincere manner. Kate knew she had let her guard down and shown Castle that she too had a vulnerable side, but for some reason unknown to her she didn't care. Castle had openly spoken about his family life and a former flame, something he never would have done when they first met almost a month ago.

"Look, Rick… if you need to be with Alexis, go be with her. I don't mind if Nick has to hang around a little longer."

"Wow," he scoffed dragging out the vowel. "I'm just in the door and you're already trying to get rid of me."

"You know what I mean."

"She's fine. Knowing she's at home safe is all I need. You, on the other hand, are the person I should be worrying about. Montgomery says there's a hit out on you?" His eyes darkened with concern. "As if I wasn't worried enough already."

If she wasn't suspicious before, he had just confirmed what she thought all along. He cares about her more than he's supposed to. "That's just paranoia," she said brushing it off.

"Is it?" He took a short step closer to her. Trapped between him and the kitchen island, Kate's heart quickened.

"Yeah, I'm fine. See?"

Castle subtly eyed her body from tip to toe. "I'll say."

Lifting his hand up to her shoulder, he delicately brushed back a curl. The silence was deafening, ringing in their ears as if begging to be broken. This tension, this burning desire is what fuelled their relationship. Kate's eyes closed, his closeness reigniting the flame that had started all this. Castle couldn't take his eyes off of her, reminiscing back to the identical expression she had when he last touched her.

"I missed you," Kate said breathily, so hushed Castle barely heard her.

He pulled back in disbelief of what he had just heard. "What was that?"

Kate's eyes shot open immediately as she struggled to figure out whether that was just a thought or if she had said it out loud. "What?"

"You said you missed me," Castle repeated smirking at her.

"No, I…" She was at a loss for words. She had caught herself off guard. "I mean, I did but not in a platonic kind of way."

"Oh yeah?" he queried, stepping into her personal space again. "In what kind of a way did you miss me?"

"The way I meant it initially…." She inhaled deeply highly aware of his cologne. "You… naked… standing where you are now."

Castle chuckled, looking down at the floor. "We're bringing that up again, are we?"

"You asked, I answered."

"We said we wouldn't do it again…"

"No one's gonna know." Kate tugged him to her by the fabric of his shirt.

"I can't, Kate," he sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Why not?"

"I'm not that guy. I can't just have meaningless sex."

"You did pretty good last time," she praised as her fingers reached to unbutton his shirt.

"No," he said sternly, pulling her hands away. "That's not what I mean. I can't because I'm afraid if we keep doing this it won't be meaningless to me anymore." Kate stared at him expressionless, so he carried on. "I've never been the kind of guy that sleeps with women then never calls. I've never been the kind of guy that sees a girl and wonders what she'd look like in my bed. That's not who I am." He sighed. "I'm the guy who brings a girl a cup of coffee just to see a smile on her face. I'm the guy who meets the most amazing woman and can't stop thinking about her even though I know it's wrong."

Kate's mind was travelling a million miles an hour. She couldn't believe this was happening. Was he about to change the course of their relationship entirely by confessing some unresolved feelings for her? Was he going to ask her for more than she was willing to offer?

"This is exactly the reason why I don't get close with my clients. I'm one 'meaningless' hook-up away from ruining this," he said gesturing to them. "Some people are built for situationships like this. I guess I'm not one of them."

"I'm sorry," was all that came out of her mouth. For some reason she felt the need to apologise for burdening him with this dilemma. "I shouldn't have started this."

"No, no! I'm not blaming you for anything," Castle said reassuringly. "I'm just saying once was enough. Twice would blow up in my face." He watched as she nodded, the colour had washed out of her face. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "I think I just need some air."

Kate hurried past Castle, aiming straight for the front door. Within seconds, she had disappeared down the hallway and into the stairwell. Castle rushed down the five flights of stairs to find her standing out in the open of the streets of New York. The one place she shouldn't be. Kate was pacing a hole in the sidewalk, taking deep breaths when he got to her.

"I'm sorry," Castle apologised a little out of breath. "I didn't mean to make it weird."

"You didn't make it weird, Castle. I did! I'm the one that messed up this little partnership because I couldn't keep it in my pants."

"That's not how I see it!" He quickly scanned the area to make sure they weren't being watched from nearby. "Can we please finish talking about this inside?" He grabbed her upper arms and tried pulling her towards the lobby, but she wasn't moving.

"I did! I practically guilt-tripped you into sleeping with me. What kind of a person does that?"

"You didn't! I willingly participated. Now can we please get back inside?"

He tugged her with a little more force this time. But before she could disregard his concerns for her safety once again, the crackle of gunfire rang out across the block.