Izzy had never before cared less about school, which was saying something since she hadn't been a very good student to begin with. These days, all Izzy could think about was when she'd next see Simon again. It was making studying for her exams all the more challenging. The feelings Simon invoked in her felt strange, and Izzy was quite overwhelmed by them at times. The best way she could describe it was riding a high. That feeling you get when you are about to bungee jump for the first time, or galloping down a race track on the back of your favourite horse, the other riders eating your dust.
Even attending his physio appointments didn't bother her. When Izzy looked at Simon, she couldn't see him as weak or less just because he needed help getting his elbow to work right again. All she saw when she looked at Simon was the kind and caring man she called her own. Her Simon. Sometimes it still surprised her how much she liked the possessive nature of the word.
Today's appointment in particular Izzy was very excited about, because it had now been six weeks since Simon's accident; the doctors had said it would be 6-8 weeks before Simon could be cleared for more physical activity, and Izzy had been dying to have some physical activity with that man. Izzy had more than once offered to let him lie there and have her do all the work, but Simon had always said it was best to do what the doctors said. The problem was that Izzy had been itching to rip Simon's clothes off since their heart to heart at the hospital. Well, actually to be perfectly honest, she'd been wanting to do that since he'd called off their friends with benefits deal last March, though that could have been a 'want what you can't have' kinda situation.
Izzy arrived home a little early after class expecting to find her roommate studying like a good little student, and was surprised when she walked in and saw Maia on the couch, the tv on.
"Hey," Izzy said with a wave. There was a startled noise and a frantic scuffling before Maia called 'hey' back. Curious, Izzy walked over. Maia's eyes were red, her face blotchy. If the women had worn mascara, Izzy was sure it would be running down her face. Izzy noticed a bit of white poking out from under the couch, and concluded that Maia had tried to hide her tissues.
"If you need to cry, cry," Izzy said, kindly. "Don't be ashamed."
"I'm not," Maia mumbled.
"Then why hide the evidence?" Izzy asked. Maia said something under her breath that was clearly not meant to be heard.
"Sometimes life sucks, and you just gotta let it out," Izzy said brightly.
"Don't sound so happy," Maia whined.
"Can't do that," Izzy replied. "Might get to have sex with my boyfriend tonight."
"Woohoo," Maia said in monotone with so little enthusiasm it was borderline friendship abuse.
"Okay what's wrong?" Izzy said. "This isn't just period hormones is it? Because I remember before I got my IUD, I had been known to cry over things such as being out of toilet paper."
"I'm not on my period," Maia sighed. "I'm just a stupid woman who wants what she can't have after she could have had it."
"You lost me," Izzy said.
"Do you know the phrase, you don't know what you've got till it's gone?"
"Yeah," Izzy said slowly. "Who doesn't know that phrase?"
"Well that phrase is my life right now," Maia explained.
Unsure of how to help, and knowing that if she waited any longer she'd be late, Izzy made a quick decision. Leaning forward, Izzy wrapped both her arms around Maia and squeezed.
"Hugs fix everything," Izzy explained.
"Who are you, and what have you done with my roommate?" Maia asked a little more seriously than Izzy thought the situation called for.
"I'm someone's girlfriend," Izzy answered. "And I'm gonna be late."
"Don't worry about me raining on your getting laid parade," Maia sighed. "I've gotta go to the library tonight to at least pretend like I care if I pass even one of my exams."
"I know the feeling," Izzy giggled. "Though I suspect for a very different reason." Maia just glared at her as if she was guilty of being happy, and sentenced to death.
"Hey, if you want to talk I'm all ears," Izzy said, her hands up in surrender. "Tomorrow. Promise."
"Thanks," Maia sighed. "But this one's on me. My fault, my problem."
"Doesn't mean chocolate can't fix it," Izzy called as she made her way out the door.
The physio therapist office was quite a ways away from the school, so Izzy usually took a cab. Simon kept saying they could bus, but Izzy was having none of that, insisting a bus would just make them late, and it was only a few times a week.
Izzy arrived at her boyfriend's apartment at about the same time as their cab. She saw Simon exit through the front door just as she walked up to the driveway. It really was convenient, them both living so close to the university. Simon's arm was still in a sling, but apart from that, he looked so much better. His bruises and cuts were all healed.
Izzy leaned up to kiss him hello before getting into the cab with him. They talked easily of school and roommates as the taxi took them to where they needed to be. This was the part of having an exclusive relationship that Izzy still wasn't used to, but she found herself quite enjoying. It was nice having someone to tell about her day, and she found she enjoyed hearing about his as well.
Simon grumbled like he always did when Izzy paid the cab. "There have to be some perks to dating a Lightwood, apart from the high-maintenance drama," Izzy giggled at him. "Just ask my future brother-in-law."
They arrived, and were seated in a lobby where Izzy picked up the same magazine she'd read last week, and once again commented on how they needed new magazines. After about fifteen minutes, they were called up for Simon's appointment.
The doctor took Simon's arm out of the sling, and manually stretched it out to see how the muscles were moving. Then he was given a small resistance band to provide resistance as he moved the joint as he felt comfortable. Izzy had attended quite a few of these with her boyfriend already, and was quite used to the pace of them. With every passing day, and every therapy session, his arm got stronger. The doctors were saying that it should heal up to about 85% of where it had been, leaving very minimal lasting damage.
The session ended, and Simon put his sling back on so he didn't overuse the arm between appointments. Though they were at 6 weeks, no one had mentioned clearing Simon for more activities, so Izzy brought it up.
"I don't see why not," the doctor said. "So long as you're careful, and stop if something hurts. Just don't put too much weight on that arm of yours, Simon."
Izzy could barely contain her excitement as the two of them went back out to the lobby. Simon was still covered under his mothers third party medical benefits, and the rest was covered by Canadian healthcare, but Izzy did like to pay for the taxi ride. Considering everything else in her life was so close to the university, it was her only transport expense and didn't warrant buying an actual car. Maybe after graduation, if she had a commute to work or went on a road trip, she'd think about getting one. Otherwise what was the point of keeping a parked car insured and gassed up for no reason?
Izzy didn't say much on the ride home. She was enjoying the anticipation of feeling close to Simon again. She suggested they go back to her place, and Simon easily agreed. He didn't look quite as excited as she did, though Izzy did know that the physio tired him out quite a lot.
True to her word, Maia was out when Izzy and Simon arrived home. Izzy almost wished she had some candles or something. She'd never been one to set the mood before, but right now she wanted rose petals. But what she wanted more than ambiance was Simon.
With the door closing behind them, Izzy held her boyfriend's hand and gently guided him into the apartment. Knowing they had the place to themselves tonight, Izzy stopped in the living room and turned to kiss him. Simon's uninjured arm wrapped around her, and she opened her mouth slightly to deepen the kiss. Izzy's hands moved from Simon's lower back to around his front, working the fastenings of his pants. To her great surprise, Simon broke their kiss.
"What's wrong?" Izzy asked.
"I don't think we should," Simon said.
"But the doctor cleared you," Izzy protested.
"I know," Simon said gently.
"Are you too tired?" Izzy asked. "Maybe tomorrow…" But Simon shook his head. "I don't understand."
She wanted him. She felt sure in this moment she'd never wanted anyone so badly before. He didn't have exquisitely defined ab muscles or a perfectly symmetrical jawline. Simon didn't wear fancy suits or designer ties, but he was hers in a way she'd never known before, and she wanted no one else.
"Isabelle," Simon spoke her name softly, and with so much affection it all but melted her. "Up until now we've done everything backwards. I want a fresh start. I'm so grateful for you coming to my physio sessions, but I want to take you on dates, met your friends. You know, normal getting to know you stuff."
"My friends are your friends," Izzy reminded him.
"Okay good point," Simon conceded. "But the rest stands."
"Simon," Izzy began her voice steady, but her heart pounding. "I think I understand what your saying, but I don't agree. What's new and wonderful about us is all the other stuff. Not the dates or the usual way people get to know one another, but the unique way that we did. Why start at the beginning when you are already in the middle? I've done the beginning so many times, and I'm over it. It's the rest that excites me. I've loved this last month of snuggling up with you on the couch, seeing you everyday, or just looking at you from across the room knowing that you're mine."
Simon's left hand was at her face now, gently stroking along her check, and tucking a strange of her hair behind her ear. It was a wonderful feeling made even better by the way he was looking at her. Simon leaned over and kissed her with such deep feeling that for a moment, Izzy thought she'd won, but then he pulled back. Izzy opened her eyes to see her boyfriend gazing at her with a smile.
"No dates then," Simon compromised. "But let's finish the 'getting to know you stage', before we jump back to the part we know we're good at."
"If we're so good at it, let's enjoy it," Izzy tried, but she knew there was no point. Simon Lewis didn't change his mind. It was one of the things she admired about him, though at the moment it was rather annoying.
With one last deep kiss, the two lovers settled on the couch wrapped in each other's arms.
"You've never told me about the person you loved before," Simon said after a moment. "The one you mentioned at the hospital."
"Oh, him," Izzy mumbled. She was suddenly looking down at her hands. She didn't much like talking about him, but she knew she had to.
"The 'getting to know you stage', usually involves communication," Simon gently prompted her.
"Says the guy getting a Communications degree," Izzy grumbled. Simon merely raised his eyebrows at her, offering her no way out of this conversation.
"Hearts are breakable," Izzy began her story. "Even when they heal, they are never what they were before." She paused, willing herself to speak the words. "Kris went to my high school. I know it might be hard to imagine, but there was a time when I was awkward and shy. He never was though. Kris knew how to turn every eye in his direction. He felt things deeply, you know, and was more affected by others than I think most people realized." Izzy wasn't sure how she was still talking. It felt strange to say all this aloud after spending so many years avoiding the topic or even the thought altogether.
"Every girl in the school wanted a moment with him, and every guy wanted to be him," Izzy continued.
"But he wanted you?" Simon asked.
"No," Izzy shook her head. "He barely knew I existed, but that didn't stop me…" Izzy took a deep breath before forcing the words out. "Loving him."
"That must have been hard," Simon sympathized.
"The first party I ever went to was his," Izzy continued. "A birthday I think, but either way, that that night everyone had had quite a lot to drink. I didn't realize that when Kris finally saw me, it was only because he was drunk. I was dumb and naive, and it was the worst sex of my life, not that I even knew what good sex was back then, but still I was happy. Happy to be noticed, even if for just for one night."
She paused, taking a deep breath. Simon's arm gripped her a little tighter. The pressure of it felt good, like it was holding her together.
"I never told mom, dad, or even Alec about him," Izzy continued. "I couldn't have Kris to myself, but I could at least keep him a secret. It was the closest I could get to calling him mine. I remember crying more than once when I saw him with other girls. I don't know, to this day, why I loved him so. It was a feeling set in me, like a piece of me belonged to him."
"A week later, that piece of me died when he did," Izzy finished her story. It was then that she realized she was shaking. "I've never told anyone that before. Never even said it all out loud."
Simon held her tightly. It was so wonderful to have him there, the pressure his muscles were exterting against her body made it feel like her insides were going to remain where they were, rather than spilling out across the floor.
"How old were you when…" Simon began, but he didn't need to finish the question.
"Fourteen," Izzy said.
"And how old was he?" Simon asked next.
"A few years older," Izzy explained, then concluded her story while she still had the will. "After that, I promised myself never again would I be so vulnerable. I promised I'd get what I wanted, and leave the strings behind."
She hadn't realized she'd been looking away until Simon's hand came up to hold her chin. Izzy gazed into her boyfriend's eyes, still amazed there was a person on this planet willing to take on that title.
"Thank you for telling me, Iz," Simon whispered. She gazed up into his face, so totally familiar, and yet the expression there was alien to her. She'd seen this expression on many faces before, yet never directed at her. Directed at her this look was something else entirely. Izzy could feel her stomach doing backflips as she looked up into the eyes of the man who adored her. Izzy's breathing was shallow as the realization hit her. There was no other explanation. This was the way her brother looked at Magnus, the way Magnus gazed back at Alec. This was beyond her. She'd accepted that a long time ago, and yet here he was looking at her like this. Izzy couldn't bring herself to speak her thoughts just then, but she did know with perfect certainty that she'd wait for Simon for as long as it took.
As you might have guessed I have been watching a lot less tv lately. Hence the sudden influx of chapters. Actually for the first time ever in this fanfic I'm going to actually be uploading a xmas chapter on xmas! *insert shocked emoji here* (Usually I update this story too fast to match chapters with yearly events to those same real life yearly events. For example, we are on year 3 for these characters and I've only been writing this story for about a year and a half.) But thanks to my slacking off earlier and then my faster writing for a while or maybe just by some fluke everything has lined up perfect!
To sum up you can expect a xmas themed chapter on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day so long as I get them written in time. ;)
Also 347 follows! YAY! Finally got past that 345 marker. Thanks. Now can we get to 350? ^_^
Sneak Peek Chapter 111
And now was definitely not the time to be overthinking anything other than what was right in front of him. Simon was sitting at a desk towards the left side of the gymnasium staring blankly at this exam paper with a pencil in his right hand. There was a clock ticking on the wall, marking the seconds of time he no longer had to complete this test.
With a slight shake of his head Simon got his mind to focus once again. There were questions that needed answers and he knew the answers if his stupid brain would just stop thinking about sex and start thinking about making a round pencil mark on the right dote. Read questions, think of answer, mark down dote, repeat. Over and over again and then he'd be on a plane to meet Izzy's parents for the first time. And now he was freaking out about that and not at all thinking about question forty-two. Or maybe that was because 42 was the answer to the universe and everything.
Simon had to resist the urge to bang his head down on the desk. What was his issue today? Geez, it was like his mind wouldn't sit still.